She's Gone? Really? Already?

[Peter_Pan 661]

Bullshit. Who loves anyone after meeting once and chatting extensively?

[bigdog 376]

Thank her for the friendship and call it good. This process is to lengthy and expensive to continue with any solid commitment. Sorry brother.

[Operator 1,927]

Yes. The statistics are very low for success (particularly with the Russian/Ukrainian marriage brokerage) oriented websites. I can't comment for any other countries. It was something in the realm of less than 3% will actually yield a successful relationship that will result in marriage. I didn't meet my fiance that way, and I'm glad I didn't because it would certainly have caused reservations for me in this whole process. I'm not saying it doesn't happen. But it's just very rare. But again I can only speak for these brokerage websites because I personally knew someone (he's a guy in his late 30s) that struck out 3 x with this (using the various Russian/Ukrainian marriage brokerage websites). He would never do that route again. He was glad to hear that I did not meet my fiance in this way. I think there's a lot of data complied on websites like ruadventures.com (Many of the guys on the forums there are doing this kind of analysis all the time). Also Elena's models cites some statistics.

Your original post implied that 9 out of 10 relationships that result from marriage broker websites end in disaster. From what I've read there are quite a few successful relationships here on VJ that started through a dating or marriage site so I'm surprised by the failure rate that you are stating. I was introduced to my wife by a mutual acquaintance so I have no experience with internet relationships either.

I looked at both of the websites you suggested and see mostly success stories. I'm not trying to disagree with you I'm just curious if the failure rate is as high as you say it is.

[Karl and Olga 3]

I'm sorry for you, but I have only one question - Whether you gave her money or paid for something????? I am from Ukraine and I met my beloved husband on the site on October 2010, and he came for New Year and Christmas, and we talked on Skype and wrote to each other every day a lot. But I never, ever took money from him, ooops, sorry, sweetheart, took when he left Ukraine)))))))))))))))))))))))) and for the visas to pay at the Embassy. But I never wrote to him and asked for anything. Though before me he had some relations with a girl from Ukraine and the girl from Russia. There he spent, he paid for English courses and so on, and he came, but unfortunately - they wanted money, they didn't have any desire to come here, and about that he knew very late. But I appreciate those girls because now I have the best husband!!!!!!!!!!!!! I won't tell that it is the reason for your situation, but it can be. But at the same time - don't give up, try to find out what has happened, maybe she was frightened about something. Wish you the best.

[AmyWrites 593]

Bullshit. Who loves anyone after meeting once and chatting extensively?

I'm not a romantic type, but my SO and I knew we'd get married before even meeting; Skype sufficed. Of course I live in Russia now so we live together, and I was always going to come here, and I don't know if it can work out with only a week of seeing each other... but hey, people can fall in love even before meeting at times.

[Operator 1,927]

I wanted to run this scenerio by everyone and get your feedback, ideas, and possible solutions! I met my fiance, Natalia, online in October 2011. Since then we chat on skype everyday. Sometimes for more than 12 hours at a time. I flew to Ukraine during Christmas and spent a week with her. We got along great so I proposed on the spot. She said yes. She had no inhibitions about leaving her country and coming to the U.S. She was, in fact, very excited to come! Since then we have been gathering documents for her visa. Finally, on February 17, I sent in our I-129F packet. We got our NOA1 on February 23. Everything was great! Then this past week Natalia informs me that she is having second thoughts and wants to end our relationship! She said to give her time to think. But every conversation we have she apologizes and says I will be fine... like it is already over. She has not spoken to me in 3 days now. Has anyone had this happen before? Does anyone have an idea what she is doing? Or how I can handle this to make her come back to me? I know I have 5 months at least to try! Comments are appreciated!

OP I have no experience with Ukrainian women but I do with long distance relationships. They aren't easy. You cant make her come back to you, I would just leave a line of communication open (if you are interested in that) and see what happens. If she has decided it's over then so be it. Cancel or don't cancel your petition that's up to you. When it is approved if you haven't reconciled she won't be able to secure a visa without additional documents from you.

[mari&Ryan 93]

OP.

You met this lady just 5 months ago within which you just stayed 1 week together over the Christmas. Look, I assume you're a grown up man, so you know there is not love here from anyone of you both. I have known my banker for longer. You should feel happy this lady is not an scammer because she could played you easily. Consider it another experience in your life and move on.

Edited March 2, 2012 by mari&Ryan

[donnie7263 0]

Thanks for all the interesting replies and points of view. I will try and clarify some things, answer a few questions, and add some more comments of my own. When I said I had 5 months to work on this, I didn't mean literally that I would waste 5 months. I meant that 5 months was the average time of approval of the petition. And if she decides not to continue, it can die there. I thought briefly about moving to Ukraine. But quickly came to my senses because I have 6 kids of my own here! I couldn't leave them. I know this was real. She was constanly asking to see me on skype. Always asking me to visit. Everything was great! Our age difference is minimal. I am 40. She is 32 and has a son. She never asked me for money, although I left her some when I left simply because I didn't want to exchange it for U.S. dollars again. And I probably shouldn't say this on here, but we were "intimate" within hours of my arrival and many times during the week! I know her intentions were true. So I have narrowed it down to cold feet or finding that "bigger fish." Actually I was planning another trip in April. She seemed very excited. It's just weird that things changed so suddenly.

So, I will never beg! But I will fight a little. I always give her space and time to think. And I will talk to her when she is ready....if ever! She has always been truthful, so maybe at least I can get some closure.

Someone made a comment about what happens to women who marry American men. What happens? What does that mean?

If the petition dies and things change in the future, does this affect a second petition?

What exactly are the alternatives to meeting a Ukrainian woman other than online? And by the way...I met her on Elenas models.

Again, thanks for the replies. I will continue to update and chat. And I will be fine either way!

[Operator 1,927]

Bullshit. Who loves anyone after meeting once and chatting extensively?

The same type of person who refuses to grow up?

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Moved from "K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Case Filing and Progress Reports"...

The OP is really asking for relationship advice from RUB members more than K-1 Process...

[vancedan 5]

I haven't read the whole thread but I'd agree with letting her have some space and some time. My then fiancee, now wife, broke up after about five months of us dating mainly because of my insecurity on marriage. We got back together five months later and our relationship was stronger because I had the time to explore, be sure to explore batchlorhood and really realised how much I loved her. That said, we did the whole thing. I visited her down there when she moved back four different tiems in a year, we chatted and yes I do remember a few Saturdays chatting from 7 A.M to 1 Am the next day. That said, when she came here it was still very hard on her because of the cultural differences and missing family and we were strongly in love. If she had any doubts, it wouldn't have worked out. I know it may seem hard, but it's better to cut it now. And go to New Orleans for a weekend with the saved up money. That always seemed to help me.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Bullshit. Who loves anyone after meeting once and chatting extensively?

You met this lady just 5 months ago within which you just stayed 1 week together over the Christmas. Look, I assume you're a grown up man, so you know there is not love here from anyone of you both. I have known my banker for longer. You should feel happy this lady is not an scammer because she could played you easily. Consider it another experience in your life and move on.

I've been married to Anna for 3 years and 1 month now, here's how our story started:

In October of 2008 I met Anna online and we immediately began conversing. She never asked me for anything. We both felt a strong connection. I was communicating we a few other ladies at that time but shortly I reduced it down to Anna.

Before we even met in person we both knew we would end up married and started treating each other as spouses. In January of 2009 I spent 20 days in the Philippines, we married 5 days after I landed!

Has it been perfect? Of course not, there is no such thing but I don't regret the relationship. She's been in the US with me for 2 years and 4 months, I wouldn't change a single decision that got us to this point.

[P+J 47]

The poor statistics I reported were only in reference to many of the Russian and Ukrainian marriage broker websites. Again. I don't know much about other services. And yes. From what I've heard Elena's Models is notorious for this kind of end to a relationship.

[Brad and Vika 129]

Let's be careful here. I don't think there is enough information to make any informed judgement, although the RUB posters and some others seem to be providing some well grounded advice. If there was no financial support, and the relationship is true, I don't suppose it matters how they met. There are all different sorts of stories about first meeting that work out. There could be a bunch of reasons for cold feet too. Sometimes parents/grandparents weigh in negatively, with "You plan to take my child/grandchild WHERE?" The input from relatives and friends can be really important. Also, the OP having six kids might give any SO pause.

[1HappyGuy 45]

Thanks for all the interesting replies and points of view. I will try and clarify some things, answer a few questions, and add some more comments of my own. When I said I had 5 months to work on this, I didn't mean literally that I would waste 5 months. I meant that 5 months was the average time of approval of the petition. And if she decides not to continue, it can die there. I thought briefly about moving to Ukraine. But quickly came to my senses because I have 6 kids of my own here! I couldn't leave them. I know this was real. She was constanly asking to see me on skype. Always asking me to visit. Everything was great! Our age difference is minimal. I am 40. She is 32 and has a son. She never asked me for money, although I left her some when I left simply because I didn't want to exchange it for U.S. dollars again. And I probably shouldn't say this on here, but we were "intimate" within hours of my arrival and many times during the week! I know her intentions were true. So I have narrowed it down to cold feet or finding that "bigger fish." Actually I was planning another trip in April. She seemed very excited. It's just weird that things changed so suddenly.

So, I will never beg! But I will fight a little. I always give her space and time to think. And I will talk to her when she is ready....if ever! She has always been truthful, so maybe at least I can get some closure.

Someone made a comment about what happens to women who marry American men. What happens? What does that mean?

If the petition dies and things change in the future, does this affect a second petition?

What exactly are the alternatives to meeting a Ukrainian woman other than online? And by the way...I met her on Elenas models.

Again, thanks for the replies. I will continue to update and chat. And I will be fine either way!

It sounds like you have thought this through carefully. Unfortunately, she is either having cold feet or has found someone else. If you allow the petition to go through that is not a problem. If she does not go for the visa it will simply fade away, but if time works for you, then it has value. You can stop it at any time, but waiting really doesn't cost you anything now. If by the time it gets through USCIS processing there is a change, you set to move forward. But if she has really moved on, then all you have learned is a lesson. Go slower next time and make more than one visit before popping the question.

If you have to start over, well you now know how to proceed better. As was said earlier, if a Ukrainian woman is serious she will certainly let you know. But also understand that this is a huge change for them and a very difficult decision. The reason has to be for love and a lasting relationship. There is lots of advice on VJ about going through it again and if necessary there are good examples about applying for a waiver. The waiver is usually needed after the second petition has been filed. As to other methods, there are the socials by a few companies that generally go in the Spring and Summer. They are costly but you meet a large number of women.

Hang in there. Give yourself some time to let is change or let yourself heal. Those of us that have married Ukrainian or Russian speaking women have rarely regretted that decision.