Inappropriate Interview

[Dana-Mića 51]

I understand that they are offensive questions but if that lies between you and your fiance/husband being together I would answer them without even blinking.

[Leatherneck 693]

I disagree. There is a limit to how far one must go, and such questions are pushing it. They are demeaning and they should not be asked.

You are free to disagree all you wish, do yourself a favor and research "Stokes Interviews" and you will discover how invasive they can be. All couples are not asked questions of a sexual nature, yet some are. Couples have been denied visas, AOS and ROC, not because they lied about sex or intimacy... but due to discrepancies and inconsistencies in the statements that a couple in a valid relationship would both know.

You may not like the line of questioning, take that up with congress and get the "Stokes Interview" made illegal. Then couples won't get 'Stoked.'

[Dan & Jenni 457]

you should of read the embassy reviews first and then you would of been prepared for all this. yes i agree its not nice to be treated that way but it could of been far worse... they could of asked all those questions and then denied you.

[Peter_Pan 661]

So, I've learned not to bring my other half to the interview.

[Leatherneck 693]

I wasn't aware sex was mandatory for engaged people.

Sex is not mandatory, however, you're missing the point. The CO was no more interested in that couples sex life as he is your sex life.

The CO was looking for discrepancies, "we looked at each other searching for an approximate date." might have been enough to the first CO to trigger the "Stokes Interview."

Again, Ecuador is well known for the hurdles and road blocks they throw up and for being a real pain.

TBone, where are you, si man!

[Leatherneck 693]

have been wanting to put this out there for some time so I might as well do it now.

In general our experience was like anyone else's. A lot of waiting for the NOA2 and then the scheduling of the interview. Everything is nerve wracking and you are always afraid someone is going to tell you sorry and hand back months of hard work. Looking back it's one of those things that you just have to wait on and plug through it and it should all work out, but don't expect it to be a cake walk.

As we were called up to the first window for the interview, they asked my fiance like 2 questions in Spanish and then the woman started to ask me things in English like he wasn't even there. I didn't appreciate that since my fiance didn't speak English. As for the questions, we are just simply not super sentimental people and it really seems that's what they like. When they asked us when we started dating we said the general "oh in January of 2010" and we looked at each other searching for an approximate date. We do not celebrate our "one month of dating" anniversary or even the "one year" anniversary. We starting dating that month but we didn't mark it on our calendar. That was the first thing. Then I got the questions about our wedding plans. As others have stated it seems as though you should just make up a date even if you don't have one just to appease them. We had talked about a date but couldn't finalize it because of WAITING FOR A VISA. So I gave them the date I hoped for and she started asking about the wedding dress. I had already bought it and I loved it, but since I am a simple person, it was a simple dress - your basic strapless without beading, without embroidery and it's only distinguishing feature was one large pleat/fold in the front and light grey in color. So I gave her exactly what it looked like which I realize sounds like pretty much any generic wedding dress description, but that was my dress. After about 15 minutes of that I was waiting for the "your approved" statement and instead we got the question "could you come back at 4 p.m. today for a more extensive interview." Of course we said yes and were sent away with an appointment slip to go sweat out 2 hours. My poor fiance tried to calm me down as we got some food and prepared for the "Stokes interview" as it's called.

We returned and had to wait more, then they called us and he went first. They interviewed him for about 40 minutes while I waited and then he had to wait out of sight while they called me down then he went up to wait. The interviewer was different from the other two people we had talked with and it was a young male. I answered basic questions about my fiance and his family and things like music he likes. Then things got a little more personal. I was asked when was the last time we had sex? where was it? did he use a condom? I was asked who initiates use of the condom and do I ever let him not use one. I could not believe I was being asked things like that but of course I answered all of the questions not wanting any problems and possibly being denied a visa. At the end of everything my fiance was called back down and the guy said that we had passed but we'd have to wait for a decision because he was not authorized to make the final decision.

Following that, we had no further problems with getting the visa, everything arrived fine and we are now in the US, but I sort of want to bring this up with someone here in the US. My family has told me to just let it go and not cause waves, but it really makes me mad that things like that are allowed and no-one is going to say anything for fear of getting denied. Is that really a legal line of questioning? Or am I just being a prude American? Did that happen to anyone else? Before the interview we had talked about things in our relationship, but I didn't want to try hashing out exact answers that we didn't have because I didn't want us to sound like we had scripted what we said. Now I think we should have done something like that just to give them what they wanted to hear.

The bottom line OP, you and your fiance answered the questions satisfactorily as evidenced by "we are now in the US." So obviously you did " give them what they wanted to hear." That is the most important thing.

You have no recourse, there is nothing you can do, you are not the first couple to endure a "Stokes Interview," you were 'Stoked' and you will not be the last.

Congratulations on getting the K-1!

[vs2011 3]

Those are some rough questions, for anyone, definitely too personal for me. Big picture - you got the K1 Visa, Congrats! You two can have all the sex yall want now hahaha : )

Just trying to lighten the mood on this particular topic. No disrespect intended.

[Peter_Pan 661]

Sex is not mandatory, however, you're missing the point. The CO was no more interested in that couples sex life as he is your sex life.

The CO was looking for discrepancies, "we looked at each other searching for an approximate date." might have been enough to the first CO to trigger the "Stokes Interview."

Again, Ecuador is well known for the hurdles and road blocks they throw up and for being a real pain.

TBone, where are you, si man!

Yes, but there are so many aspects of their lives that could have been investigated. Does he snore? What is his shoe size? How often does he shave? and so on.

[Enigma11561 336]

A Stokes Interview in a marriage based green card application process is referring to an interview when the husband and wife are questioned separately, and their answers are compared by an immigration officer to determine whether the marriage was entered into in good faith. A stokes interview (also known as "marriage fraud interview") is usually a second interview, after the first one when the husband and wife were interviewed together raised some questions about the bona fide of their marriage.

What is a stokes interview?

When an individual sponsors his or her spouse for U.S. permanent residence, they must collectively demonstrate to an USCIS official that their marriage was entered in good faith, and not for the purpose of evading immigration law. They must provide sufficient documents, and go through an interview at a USCIS office where they will answer questions in front of an immigration officer (IO) about their marriage and life together. This first interview usually lasts about 1 -2 hours, and the questions are generally not intrusive.

However, if the IO conducting the first interview is not entirely satisfied and still has questions about the marriage, he/she will schedule a secondary interview known as the "Stokes Interview." During a stokes interview the husband and wife are separated from each other and must answer a series of questions that are rather personal and invasive. The interview will be taped and their statements will be compared against each other. If their answers match very well it is a good indication that the marital relationship is genuine. If not, the couple will be given a chance to explain the discrepancies.

At the conclusion of the stokes interview if the IO is still not convinced, and still has reasons to believe the marriage was created for the purpose of obtaining immigration benefit, he or she will deny the adjustment of status (AOS) petition.

How long does a stokes interview last?

A stokes interview can easily last several hours, depending on the IO, the complexity of the situation and the schedule. Because a stokes interview happens only after the IO already has some doubt about the bona fide of the marriage, expect a long, exhausting and definitely unpleasant experience.

However, don't be scared. Answer the questions truthfully and to your best knowledge. You simply can not guess every question that will be asked, so the best approach is to stay calm and answer the questions honestly.

What types of questions are asked during a stokes interview?

Put yourself in the shoes of an immigration officer, and imagine how you can figure out whether the couple is really married or just pretends to be married for the purpose of getting a greed card. Those are the questions you should expect during a stokes interview.

Although interview questions vary from case to case, they are generally in the following categories:

About your relationship:

where you met, how you met, who pays utility bills, by check or online banking, which bank, what TV shows do you watch together, name a few restaurants you both like, do you have or plan to have kids, what is your first kid's birthday, where was she/he born, when was the last time you had a vacation.

About your spouse:

what job does your spouse have, what was the last job, name the kids from a previous relationship, what time does your spouse usually go to sleep, what side of bed does your spouse sleep on, have you met his/her family, who did you last meet and when, what is the color of your spouse's pajama.

Around your home:

how many bedrooms, showers, toilets are in the house, what is the garbage pickup day, what colors are the window/shower curtains, how many drawers does the nightstand have, where did you get the couch, how was it transported here, how many TVs do you have, what is the brand of your DVD player, where are the telephones located, how much do you pay for internet, what is the mortgage or rent, how do you pay it.

Just before the interview:

who woke up first this morning, what breakfast did each of you have, how you got to the office, what car did you drive or from what station did you get on the subway, how long did it take you to get here.

Although this came from a site where they are talking about an AOS interview, the logic applies to the embassy interview as well. Since the embassy interview will determine whether or not a visa will be issued and the couple is not yet married, I can understand, but not really agree, with the questions the OP was presented with. I feel the questions about condoms are lewd to say the least, but if she said "yes, all the time" and he said" rarely"...no visa. Remember these very personal questions can only be answered correctly if there is a bona fide relationship. And in this case there was.

Sorry you had to go through all that, but in the end, you are now together.

[dwheels76 5,468]

I disagree. There is a limit to how far one must go, and such questions are pushing it. They are demeaning and they should not be asked.

As embarrassing as it seems and inappropriate something made that CO ask that question. Was it religious difference? Cultural difference? A statement in the evidence. Its amazing how the Petitioner and Beneficiary sometimes don't communicate and they get tripped up. Not saying this is the case.

Me and my husband when it gets to interview time expect all kinds of sex and having babies questions because I am much older than he is. Inappropriate ? Maybe but necessary to answer why a younger man is married to a woman passed childbearing age (they think).

I dont know I have heard many couples from different parts of the world asked about sex, frequency, how, all that. Maybe a condom question was asked because they wanted to see if you are trying to get pregnant to get here. There really is a method to their madness. They are not asking questions just to be mean. I would say you guys not knowing dates was a Big red flag and I have known some couples denied for not knowing dates like you two did not. So you should take your uncomfortable experience as a blessing because it sure was for you. Wish you all the blessings in the world and here s to long hapopy ever after marriage.

[pddp 240]

There are a million questions they can ask to accomplish their objective that don't involve intimate sexual details. Based on this, you have to wonder whether their goal is to get to the truth, or to humiliate, embarrass and offend. These questions shouldn't be legal, or deemed legitimate.

[Hank_ 9,174]

I wasn't aware sex was mandatory for engaged people.

wellllllllll..... not mandatory......... but what's wrong with a test drive... hmm !!!

[Laure&Colin 558]

The embassy in Ecuador is famous for having couples go through Stokes interviews. Is that necessary and why does this embassy do it while most others, even in high fraud countries, don't? Good question, which I think would be worth asking the department of states.

Stokes interviews are usually conducted by USCIS when they suspect immigration fraud in the US. Is it appropriate for an embassy to do so during a visa application? Again, this question should be directed to the department of states.

If you feel like you have been treated in an inappropriate way, as a USC, you have the right to complain about it. If I were you, I would complain to DOS and make sure my congressman and senator are aware of what this embassy routinely does to USCs and their spouses.

A lot of members who had to go through the embassy in Ecuador seem to have the same feeling as you.

This is the first I've ever hear of the petitioner being allowed in the interview with the beneficiary. Am I missing something?

Yes you are. In some countries, the petitioner can come. In other, like in Ecuador and a few others, his/her presence is mandatory. Of course they couldn't conduct Stokes interviews if both spouses were not present...

[Leatherneck 693]

Yes, but there are so many aspects of their lives that could have been investigated. Does he snore? What is his shoe size? How often does he shave? and so on.

Of course, the CO very well could have asked what they had for dinner the night before or some night three days prior. The CO has discretion as to how invasive the questions will be.

Unless there is a memorandum I am not aware of from the State Dept., or the Office of Visa Services, CO discretion regarding questions during the Stokes Interview is reality. However, over the line, invasive or insensitive it is to the general public, a petitioner/beneficiary.

[Leatherneck 693]

There are a million questions they can ask to accomplish their objective that don't involve intimate sexual details. Based on this, you have to wonder whether their goal is to get to the truth, or to humiliate, embarrass and offend. These questions shouldn't be legal, or deemed legitimate.

I get that, I get those questions were invasive and very personal, that is not lost on me.

Of course there are a million questions could've been resorted to. Consular officers utilize 'discretion' and it's within their discretion to determine what questions to ask, even if it offends, humiliates and embarrasses.

There are other options to avoid being 'Stoked,' refuse to answer, refuse to attend. Securing a visa to the U.S. or any country is a privilege and not a right.