Honest opinions please

[mawilson 2,133]

Wes was invited to this big birthday bash a buddy of his was having in August last year. It was gonna involve drinking and possibly an overnite stay. I'll admit I wasn't thrilled about it (yes I have issues) and I fessed up to him about that. I told him it was MY PROBLEM not his and I'd be fine with him going. I really didn't want him to miss is since he was going to be moving away. As it got closer to the event I kept encouraging him to try and make it. At the end of it all, he didn't go because "he didn't have transportation." <quote/unquote - MW>

So basically you guilted him into not going. Grand job. You really do have issues.

[ChristinaM 0]

My feeling is that you can't ask someone not to go, but you can tell them your feelings on the matter and let them make their own mind up. You may not like their decision, but that's food for conversation later.

To me, it's less of a trust issue than a respect issue - if my husband didn't have enough respect for my feelings on the matter (when I'd made them clear - I can't expect him to be psychic) to avoid something he blatently knew I was not happy with, provided I'm not being unreasonable (and I don't think Steven's friend is being unreasonable here), that's a kinda big deal.

As far as the "not trusting everyone else at the party", it makes perfect sense to me. I know that there are plenty of people out there who won't stop at the first "no, I'm engaged" - or even the fifteenth. Add that to an overnight stay with alcohol and hell, I'd be worried too.

[rebeccajo 14]

Wes was invited to this big birthday bash a buddy of his was having in August last year. It was gonna involve drinking and possibly an overnite stay. I'll admit I wasn't thrilled about it (yes I have issues) and I fessed up to him about that. I told him it was MY PROBLEM not his and I'd be fine with him going. I really didn't want him to miss is since he was going to be moving away. As it got closer to the event I kept encouraging him to try and make it. At the end of it all, he didn't go because "he didn't have transportation." <quote/unquote - MW>

So basically you guilted him into not going. Grand job. You really do have issues.

No I did not guilt anybody into anything.

Yes I have issues.

Yours are showing too, by the way.

[homesick_american 1]

I would be extremely upset if my husband did not trust me enough to allow me to attend a silly party. Scratch that...I don't need his permission to do anything. 'Allow' isn't the right word here.

We had a long-distance relationship for nearly FOUR YEARS before I moved here and we got married, so obviously we did a lot of things without each other.

[sophyie 0]

I would be extremely upset if my husband did not trust me enough to allow me to attend a silly party. Scratch that...I don't need his permission to do anything. 'Allow' isn't the right word here.

We had a long-distance relationship for nearly FOUR YEARS before I moved here and we got married, so obviously we did a lot of things without each other.

Absolutely agree.

If I had been worried every time my husband went out to party I think I'd have lost years of my life

I can't deny: there have been situations I caught myself thinking harder about than others- but usually I pulled myself together and everything has been fine.

I don't think we would have survived the long- distance- times without completely trusting one another.

We have a little "good night"- tradition, we write a text or call after coming home from the party, no matter what time it is, just so the other one knows that the one who went out got home allright. (and it's by no means always my husband who is the one out partying )

[jasal 0]

I have a friend... (just go with this)

His fiancee recently went to a high school reunion (class of 94). The event went well and now they want to organize a beach party this coming Sunday. At least, that's how it started but now it's become an overnight event from Saturday night thru Sunday.

My friend is uncomfortable about it to say the least - given the fact that they are separated by long distance and haven't seen each other in months. At the reunion things got a little crazy - people were drinking and partying until 2am.

How would you handle this?

If it were you who had been invited to go this party and you knew it would bother your fiancee, would you still go? I have a general rule that I follow in my life and so far it's worked pretty well for me. "If in doubt - don't." So anytime something pops up that I have to think alot about before I do or don't do it.. then I consider that doubt on my part and I just don't do it. If I was invited to a party .. for one night or the weekend.. doesn't matter.. and I thought that my GF or fiancee wouldn't like it... then I wouldn't do it. It has nothing to do with whether or not I have a right to do it ... it's more along the lines of my life not just being my life anymore. When I committed to my sweetie.. it meant that I would always consider her thoughts and feelings about everything too. I know without any doubts that my fiancee would not do it.. she would tell me about the offer to go... but she would already know that I would trust her but I would also feel uncomfortable about it. And she knows that I would never do such a thing either. It's called consideration of each other's thoughts and feelings. Drinking just because you don't want to displease your host or drinking just because everyone else is doing it shows a complete lack of self-confidence and control over your own life. If everyone at a party was eatting dog poop, would you also eat it because you wanted to fit in or didn't want to upset the hostess? Drinking is the same. You have to learn to control your own life and to live it based on your terms and not what everyone else thinks or does.