Honest opinions please

[Savanphil 3]

I agree, the distance is there everyday so if one person was going to do something they shouldn't that can happen at any time. I know alcohol can make things happen, but I don't think they happen unless the person wants them to happen, just my opinion though.

You don't think that good people with the best of intentions under certain circumstances are capable of making decisions they will later regret?

I definitely do. It all depends on the person and how they handle their liquor. Those who have not had a bad experience tend to not believe that people could honestly do things that they do not want to do.

I don't blame your friend for being hesitant, but hopefully he knows his fiancee well enough to know whether this is a bad idea.

His fiancee doesn't normally drink, but about a month ago she was at a house warming party drinking vodka shots because she said she felt obliged to the host, then drove home. Luckily she made it home in one piece.

Oh dear, this is a problem...it is one thing to be polite and oblige the host. I am sure their are polite was to turn down a drink.

When obligation to other people corrupt one's own values .....uh oh

Your friend should express his concerns....they are legitimate in my opinion.

I wish you friend luck

[Jenn! 918]

He's really concerned about the other people there drinking and how they might behave.

I don't think it really matters how other people will behave. If his fiancee is sober, it won't be an issue.

[mawilson 2,133]

You are being insecure and paranoid. If she wants to party, let her party.

What's the problem?

[Reba 2]

IMO if you have to worry about your SO drunk, then you also have to worry about them sober.

I used to go out and party all the time when James and I were apart. He knew my friends, and he knew my history with them but he trusts me, and I trust him. Even tho I know his drinking buddies

[Abena 0]

It starts with being secure with yourself and trusting the other person. If someone has it in them to be unfaithful, you can't stop it....where there's a will there's a way!

As for the drinking, I believe that if someone knows they could do something they will regret because they get drunk, making the choice to drink that much shows that they have some maturing to do. I say, let them go to the reunion, maybe it will be a good time to see what they're really made of.

[Savanphil 3]

You are being insecure and paranoid. If she wants to party, let her party.

What's the problem?

I disagree...I beleive his friend has legitimate concerns!!

[Leafgal 3]

I believe it isn't about the overnight reunion, I believe that being apart is what is the problem. And if a visit isn't possible then settle in and let go of it. It is about trust, and it is hard being apart and sometimes having doubts about certain situations, but your friend has to trust else once they are together it will still be that "white elephant" out there.

[desert_fox 32]

I think your "friend" should tell her to have a good time and not drink too much.

[mawilson 2,133]

You are being insecure and paranoid. If she wants to party, let her party.

What's the problem?

I disagree...I beleive his friend has legitimate concerns!!

Well there ain't a goddamn thing he can do about it, being 2000 miles away.

If she wants to sleep with someone else, she will have plenty of opportunities

to do so, party or no party, drunk or sober.

On the other hand, if she loves him, she won't do it no matter what.

[Savanphil 3]

there is nothing he can do about it that's True, but if he knows her weaknesses, why encourage the behavior?

[Abena 0]

Well there ain't a goddamn thing he can do about it, being 2000 miles away.

If she wants to sleep with someone else, she will have plenty of opportunities

to do so, party or no party, drunk or sober.

On the other hand, if she loves him, she won't do it no matter what.

EXACTLY MY FEELINGS!

[mawilson 2,133]

there is nothing he can do about it that's True, but if he knows her weaknesses, why encourage the behavior?

Because he can't realistically expect to keep tabs on her 24/7 for the rest of his life?

[Abena 0]

there is nothing he can do about it that's True, but if he knows her weaknesses, why encourage the behavior?

Savanphil,

Each person has to take responsibility for controlling themselves and addressing "weaknesses" especially when it affects the people we love. Whether we encourage it or not, if it's in them, at some point it will rear itself. We can't control others...it's stressful and burdensome, and frankly not worth it for your peace if mind.

[Savanphil 3]

there is nothing he can do about it that's True, but if he knows her weaknesses, why encourage the behavior?

Because he can't realistically expect to keep tabs on her 24/7 for the rest of his life?

It not about keeping tabs....it's about encouraging behavior that he does not agree with.

When hubby and I started there were quite a few behaviors that I did not agree with....yeah sh!t happens, but there was no way..."I was going to be cheering him on"

[PlatyPius 5]

My "friend" has a fiancee from England who will be attending a party in Wales on Halloween. My friend's fiancee will be dressed in a somewhat sexy manner (depending on your tastes....think "Morticia"), and has been known to drink too much at times. Since it is a bit of distance from London to Wales, and the fiancee doesn't drive, she will be staying at the host's house.

My "friend" has no reservations about it at all, and hopes that his fiancee has a good time at the party. He trusts her completely, and only regrets that he can't be at the party with her.

My friend doesn't worry about "what ifs" in regard to infidelity. Doing so implies a lack of trust, and as mentioned, he has no trust issues with his fiancee.

Edited October 3, 2006 by PlatyPius