WHY BITE THE FINGER THAT FEEDS YOU???

[Kehinde 45]

This scares me to death and its so sad. If this ever happens to me I think I will need Psychiatric treatment cos I have took a lot of risks traveling to see him with my little boy and not knowing what I will find once I get there, sending him gifts at christmas time, buying food for both him and his family. Oh I am just weak right now. Pray for me and i will pray for others.

[Good Life 7]

Olami:

I pray that God guide you through. Please ask a lot of questions, about his family, friends, if ever married. One thing for you to note, most Nigerian men marrying for the first time usually do not marry someone with a child. I do not mean to scare you but it is something to have at the back of your mind. Ask how he feels about your child and also watch oput for the age difference and how his family acts towards you. He might really love you because there are decent ones out there, but very few. So pLease do you due diligence, and I will continue to have you in my prayers. Good Luck and remain in the care of God.

Edited February 21, 2012 by Good Life

[Kehinde 45]

Olami:

I pray that God guide you through. Please ask a lot of questions, about his family, friends, if ever married. One thing for you to note, most Nigerian men marrying for the first time usually do not marry someone with a child. I do not mean to scare you but it is something to have at the back of your mind. Ask how he feels about your child and also watch oput for the age difference and how his family acts towards you. He might really love you because there are decent ones out there, but very few. So pLease do you due diligence, and I will continue to have you in my prayers. Good Luck and remain in the care of God.

I think his love is genuine. He always asks about my son when he calls and sometime he talks to him on the phone about his studies. His family seems to love us both very much they are always happy when they no we are coming. Once I traveled without my son and everybody seemed very down. And his friends treat me nice to they just want to buy me and my son everything and take us everywhere showing us to all the area people. So I think I am safe.

[olumides_wife 17]

Hi my loving VJ brothers and sisters and our dearest foreign spouses...good afternoon..

It pains me to my marrow as a Nigerian and a conditional US citizen spouse knowing fully well that am likely to read something bad about us Africans and Nigerians in particular in any topic..from social life,politics down to even matrimony that is suppose to be sacred as ordained by God...

I read a post here on VJ about what most of our foreign spouses go through after discovering that their marriages to us was a sham!!!

no i wont keep my mouth shut..it hurts me so bad..it pains me to my marrow..and adversely affecting us all..i just still cant find the post again to re post it..posted in 2006 on Nigerian portal here...am still looking for it.

we are so busy crying foul that Lagos embassy is so harsh and so many negativity associated with the embassy..yeah i agree..but why cant some of us face the real fact..why don't we sometimes talk about pressing issues like families on here, so that we can accept some faults.

I cant imagine my spouse abandoning all the better men in the US,Canada flying thousands of miles above sea level,minus the constant financial support,the risk of being kidnapped or plane crashed,coming to a strange land to find her King,her lost rib and supposed soul mate as regards what i have been telling her since, her giving to me what my supposed Nigerian girls wouldn't do..because we all know that MOST..if not ALL,our Nigerian women wont do what most of our foreign wives did or does or are doing now..no they cant!!!..they don't have that patience...even her families will ask her...abi na juju(witch charm) he/she dey use for you.... lol

which Nigeria girl will marry you knowing fully well you don't have a job and your future at present is so BLEAK to her!!!most of our Nigerian women marry us for our monies..most of our foreign wives picked us from the gutter..anybody who is an exception should please object...and tell me what happened to the millions of our single aging men and women looking for miracle in churches to find a financially stable mate..and please don't say am being one sided here...am so f##king angry reading that post.

when these women cry it touches my soul cos i still have conscience...how much is your integrity worth????a Greencard? lol why Telling that woman u love her knowing fully well that you don't..and immediately you get to the US u'll abandon her and bring your local Nigerian girlfriend who wouldn't have done nuffin for you if it was her...(SHARP GUY/GIRL)lol

you make her go through pains,she loses financial and emotionally, and you don't give a damn..cos you have arrived your plans have come to fruition and in other words, spoiling things for others going through the process legally...am so angry and don't wanna write much..i just wanted to vent my anger here and get a fresh air..and if we don't talk about this matter or take it with levity..let Lagos embassy become even so harder.

my dear brothers and sisters..the economy globally is not smiling on anybody, America and Americans arents an exception...if you cant make it here(Nigeria)..you sure cant make it anywhere...even if they put your lazy #### in the white house..lol

lets respect the word MARRIAGE,lets respect God,lets respect the people who help or are sent by God to brighten our future...if you are deceiving someone today...just back down..yeah i said back down..tell her the damn truth...yeah please do....cos if u don't..nemesis will surely catch up with you someday..He hears the cries of the oppressed,duped,deceived.. and He fights for them..except God lies..and i know HE doesn't.

i love u all...my interview is in a couple weeks from now....ill post when am granted..and if not ill still post..lol..but i know by God's grace ill reunite with my lovely wife and in-laws soonest..lol

am not in a hurry to go to America or meet my wife...surely at the appointed time..ill go..my wife isn't running away and America has been were it is for hundreds of years.lol

my wife is now a Nigerian too by marriage and happy and she so much love her second home Nigeria..and thinking investments here in the near future..how sweet....the beautiful country you hate so much..and wanna run away fraudulently from.. ...lol

AM STRONGLY AGAINST SHAM MARRIAGES/MARRIAGE VISA FRAUD...i hate the content whenever i read it..it doesn't tell well for u and i...

love is so sweet internationally,inter-racially..u name it..don't spoil it..enjoy it... help propagate this gospel...one love

Wow! I haven't posted on VJ in some time because there wasn't a post I felt I needed to reply to until I ready this one...I am so thankful for your boldness, truth and honesty for stepping up and speaking out for the "good" men that still exist in your country. I am so tired of hearing people label every single Nigerian bad because of the one's that were wrong...I live in America and God knows we have enough scammers here to be a high-fraud country too. We have those in our government, schools, work places and just common folks...the truth is...real love judges people as individuals...not as a a whooole race of people. Are we not all humans? Can we not find true love from a man/woman from Nigeria? online? why not...there are single sites all over America and people meet on them all day long...it's not about how you met...it's about getting to know one another... I married a man right here in America that was the biggest scammer of them all...I was with him for 10 years and he was full of lies and deceit...I wish someone would have scrutinized our relationship the way they want to do our Nigerian relationships...no body can predict love...nobody knows the whole outcome of any situation...if so then why is the divorce rate in same culture marriages so high, or why are their couples staying together even though they really don't love each other, or so much infidelity...who can truly point the finger at who?...and is their really a race better than another...all I know is that the issue of my man being REAL is settled in MY heart...no body can change my mind...not here on VJ or anywhere else...my case concerning him and his intentions has been put to rest...my sadness and frustration now comes from all the "warnings" about Nigeria...good grief some of them really do marry for love...I would hope that in any relationship a person would want to find out the "truth" about who they are with...is it only Nigerians alone that need to be but through the test?....anybody choosing to be in a relationship needs to test it realness...how many countless relationships have come up in the news over the years where the man was previously a murderer, or rapist, a child molester, or had another family...and the wife didn't know until years later...the sterotypes of Nigerians need to stop...judge a person for who they are not for who their culture may be in the majority....it's not fair...we all need a little grace and mercy and I am so grateful that aside from all opinions and what not God is the rightful judge! Great post my friend....great POST!

[olumides_wife 17]

Olami:

I pray that God guide you through. Please ask a lot of questions, about his family, friends, if ever married. One thing for you to note, most Nigerian men marrying for the first time usually do not marry someone with a child. I do not mean to scare you but it is something to have at the back of your mind. Ask how he feels about your child and also watch oput for the age difference and how his family acts towards you. He might really love you because there are decent ones out there, but very few. So pLease do you due diligence, and I will continue to have you in my prayers. Good Luck and remain in the care of God.

Not true...my fiance loves my kids...I have 2...he asked about this all the time...and speaks to them..and remembers when their doctor's appointments are and so much more...I asked him...about that because I hear this stereotype before that African men don't marry a woman with children...and he said "why not, where are the rules that say this can't happen?"...now for the most part...the majority of them may not but some do...he did say a man that has no children of his own....and wishes to marry wants to marry someone that can give him his own children (I can and will give him his own)...but don't you think that just as our culture changes...and each generation changes here in America (flower children, baby boomers, etc...) they can change there as well? Their views are not all the same...generations change..their parents may be set on traditional values (not marrying an older woman, or not marrying someone with kids) but some of the new generation doesn't hold this same view... just like my grandparents are "set" in their ways and old school ways...but I have more leverage on my views...not all of them but some of them will marry for real love someone with kids.

[vinotinto 3]

AS a man, my advice to the ladies especially my American Sisters, please be careful of men from Nigeria pretending to love you and want to be with you for the rest of your life. I am not saying all of them are bad, but majority of them are. I feel so terrible when I read some of the posts on how ladies were taken advantage of in the name of love and it saddens me. If it is too good to be true, believe me it is! Many Nigerian men found themselves in a hopeless situations in Nigeria and look for ANY way to get out and if that invloves lying, cheating or any other adjective you can think of, they will do it just to get out of Nigeria. Just vet the person very well and take your time and be sure. Finding love online is a very tough situation, if you want somebody from Nigeria, get introduced by someone you know who can vouch for their characters, it is not 100% guranteed, but someone who knows of a potential pitfall will be reluctant to push you into that hell hole. Wishing you all the best in your journey of love and life!

thanks so much brother..now i see the real ad good nigerians coming to support this struggleand even as small as our voices are here..with time is will increase..and people that need to know will now be more careful and the USgovt and US embassy here will begin to see things diffrently and make things easier for us and others yet to toe this stressful and time consuming and financially hectic immigration process cos of high fraud suspicious nigerians immigrating...thanks man..one luv

[S_R 148]

You are back! Your posts are always so dramatic... i still remember this one "GOD backs a Genuine marriage...Am a CR-1 immigrant" . I always wondered how you could be an immigrant when you had not even attended the interview. I guess you meant to say CR-1 applicant. Anyways i hope your medicals went well and you are ready to face the CO... Welcome back

[vinotinto 3]

Wow! I haven't posted on VJ in some time because there wasn't a post I felt I needed to reply to until I ready this one...I am so thankful for your boldness, truth and honesty for stepping up and speaking out for the "good" men that still exist in your country. I am so tired of hearing people label every single Nigerian bad because of the one's that were wrong...I live in America and God knows we have enough scammers here to be a high-fraud country too. We have those in our government, schools, work places and just common folks...the truth is...real love judges people as individuals...not as a a whooole race of people. Are we not all humans? Can we not find true love from a man/woman from Nigeria? online? why not...there are single sites all over America and people meet on them all day long...it's not about how you met...it's about getting to know one another... I married a man right here in America that was the biggest scammer of them all...I was with him for 10 years and he was full of lies and deceit...I wish someone would have scrutinized our relationship the way they want to do our Nigerian relationships...no body can predict love...nobody knows the whole outcome of any situation...if so then why is the divorce rate in same culture marriages so high, or why are their couples staying together even though they really don't love each other, or so much infidelity...who can truly point the finger at who?...and is their really a race better than another...all I know is that the issue of my man being REAL is settled in MY heart...no body can change my mind...not here on VJ or anywhere else...my case concerning him and his intentions has been put to rest...my sadness and frustration now comes from all the "warnings" about Nigeria...good grief some of them really do marry for love...I would hope that in any relationship a person would want to find out the "truth" about who they are with...is it only Nigerians alone that need to be but through the test?....anybody choosing to be in a relationship needs to test it realness...how many countless relationships have come up in the news over the years where the man was previously a murderer, or rapist, a child molester, or had another family...and the wife didn't know until years later...the sterotypes of Nigerians need to stop...judge a person for who they are not for who their culture may be in the majority....it's not fair...we all need a little grace and mercy and I am so grateful that aside from all opinions and what not God is the rightful judge! Great post my friend....great POST!

thanks olamides..thanks i do appreciate and also agree with you very well in ur responses..i was particualr about NIgeria because it was my country and this is still happening everyday..its hard to curb the menace..but i just wanted to vent my anger..and lets all share ideas here..so dat any fraudulent person dat stumbles upon it sumday..might or may hv a change of heart...NIgerian men..alot of them are very good and have genuine intentions...and take this seriously...WE VALUE AND RESPECT MARRIAGEAND FAMILY VALUES.cos as xtians we believe its sacred and ordained by GOD...the rate of divorce increase in africa as as a result of globalisation..we want to abandon our culture and imbibe and copy dat of the western world..a typical african man wants to grow old and grey with his wife..watching their seeds grow...thanks for ur response too..i needed to shake and wake VJers up a lil bit dats why i posted this..and if i see a good one bout Nigerians..i wouldnt hesistate to repost

[vinotinto 3]

You are back! Your posts are always so dramatic... i still remember this one "GOD backs a Genuine marriage...Am a CR-1 immigrant" . I always wondered how you could be an immigrant when you had not even attended the interview. I guess you meant to say CR-1 applicant. Anyways i hope your medicals went well and you are ready to face the CO... Welcome back

lol..u make me laugh..not so fast my brother..but all criticism are welcomed..yeah my medicals are out last week and i passed..so my interview has been rescheduled for march next month..second week to be precised..yeah point of correction my write up arent dramatic..lets say i see things differently here...and if u wana know me personally u welcome to add me on facebook so u know my personality and the company and catigory of my folks..if u might wanan know am an optimist and a proponent of the good and wellbeing of anybody around me...i dnt realy need to go into details bout my timeline..but its been wonderful from USCIS..NVC..and now LAGOS EMBASSY...take it or leave it..im not worried about wether ill be denied or approved..me and my wife are so calm and we have plan B..u will know still if am approved or denied ok...lolthanks for looking out for me..lol

[vinotinto 3]

You are back! Your posts are always so dramatic... i still remember this one "GOD backs a Genuine marriage...Am a CR-1 immigrant" . I always wondered how you could be an immigrant when you had not even attended the interview. I guess you meant to say CR-1 applicant. Anyways i hope your medicals went well and you are ready to face the CO... Welcome back

and dont worry ok..just pray for me my friend...am looking up to God for good news ok..wish me well lol

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Not true...my fiance loves my kids...I have 2...he asked about this all the time...and speaks to them..and remembers when their doctor's appointments are and so much more...I asked him...about that because I hear this stereotype before that African men don't marry a woman with children...and he said "why not, where are the rules that say this can't happen?"...now for the most part...the majority of them may not but some do...he did say a man that has no children of his own....and wishes to marry wants to marry someone that can give him his own children (I can and will give him his own)...but don't you think that just as our culture changes...and each generation changes here in America (flower children, baby boomers, etc...) they can change there as well? Their views are not all the same...generations change..their parents may be set on traditional values (not marrying an older woman, or not marrying someone with kids) but some of the new generation doesn't hold this same view... just like my grandparents are "set" in their ways and old school ways...but I have more leverage on my views...not all of them but some of them will marry for real love someone with kids.

I have rarely seen this expressed here in this forum.....lol....so true, everyone thinks Nigerians are stuck in a time zone

and will never deviate from what is considered the "cultural NORM". CO's are still holding an old norm, a by gone generational norm as a yard stick to measure every couple by. Not everyone is from the village holding to ancient customs, not everyone thinks the same. Make room for the next generation and make room for the individual. Cultural norms aren't written in stone and I get sick and tired of hearing about something won't work because grandpa so and so in the village wouldn't approve, I get just as sick of everyone stereotyping my own culture. Geez, if things were this easy to measure by. Life is a bit more complex and diverse than that. Have common sense and don't be blind and don't be so goo goo eyed that you walk into a trap. So true Olumide's girl, lots of scammers here toting brief cases in suits on wall street as well as pretenders next door. Be diligent before entering into any relationship anywhere.

[olumides_wife 17]

I have rarely seen this expressed here in this forum.....lol....so true, everyone thinks Nigerians are stuck in a time zone

and will never deviate from what is considered the "cultural NORM". CO's are still holding an old norm, a by gone generational norm as a yard stick to measure every couple by. Not everyone is from the village holding to ancient customs, not everyone thinks the same. Make room for the next generation and make room for the individual. Cultural norms aren't written in stone and I get sick and tired of hearing about something won't work because grandpa so and so in the village wouldn't approve, I get just as sick of everyone stereotyping my own culture. Geez, if things were this easy to measure by. Life is a bit more complex and diverse than that. Have common sense and don't be blind and don't be so goo goo eyed that you walk into a trap. So true Olumide's girl, lots of scammers here toting brief cases in suits on wall street as well as pretenders next door. Be diligent before entering into any relationship anywhere.

LOL...exactly Ebunoluwa! We need to have our eyes wide open for any type of relationship we have be it a mere same sex friendship (snakes come in all sized and in men and women)...you said it very well we need to make room for new generations and the individual...grouping everyone together is nonsense...if that were the case based on the majority of my culture's beliefs (depending on who you are talking to lol)...I should still be married to my first husband (for those that don't believe in divorce)...I shouldn't have had an abortion (for those that don't believe in abortion)which I don't believe in but I made the choice at the time going against the grain...I shouldn't be a Christian (for those that don't believe in God)...I shouldn't be working (for those that believe I should be a stay at home mom)...I shouldn't wear pants (for those that think it is wrong for a woman to wear pants)...I shouldn't even be on VJ (for those that think I shouldn't be with a Nigerian lol)....I'm sure you understand where I am going with this...we can't fit everyone's mold...nor should we...and if old time views are changing in my culture than surely they are changing in other cultures as well! Have a good day!

[Good Life 7]

I think his love is genuine. He always asks about my son when he calls and sometime he talks to him on the phone about his studies. His family seems to love us both very much they are always happy when they no we are coming. Once I traveled without my son and everybody seemed very down. And his friends treat me nice to they just want to buy me and my son everything and take us everywhere showing us to all the area people. So I think I am safe.

[/quo

From what you just said, it seems that he cares for you especially him asking of your son and his family caring as well. The fact that he shows you are around means a lot. I pray that all work out for you. Stay blessed.

[LoveNigarmostyle 164]

Hi my loving VJ brothers and sisters and our dearest foreign spouses...good afternoon..

It pains me to my marrow as a Nigerian and a conditional US citizen spouse knowing fully well that am likely to read something bad about us Africans and Nigerians in particular in any topic..from social life,politics down to even matrimony that is suppose to be sacred as ordained by God...

I read a post here on VJ about what most of our foreign spouses go through after discovering that their marriages to us was a sham!!!

no i wont keep my mouth shut..it hurts me so bad..it pains me to my marrow..and adversely affecting us all..i just still cant find the post again to re post it..posted in 2006 on Nigerian portal here...am still looking for it.

we are so busy crying foul that Lagos embassy is so harsh and so many negativity associated with the embassy..yeah i agree..but why cant some of us face the real fact..why don't we sometimes talk about pressing issues like families on here, so that we can accept some faults.

I cant imagine my spouse abandoning all the better men in the US,Canada flying thousands of miles above sea level,minus the constant financial support,the risk of being kidnapped or plane crashed,coming to a strange land to find her King,her lost rib and supposed soul mate as regards what i have been telling her since, her giving to me what my supposed Nigerian girls wouldn't do..because we all know that MOST..if not ALL,our Nigerian women wont do what most of our foreign wives did or does or are doing now..no they cant!!!..they don't have that patience...even her families will ask her...abi na juju(witch charm) he/she dey use for you.... lol

which Nigeria girl will marry you knowing fully well you don't have a job and your future at present is so BLEAK to her!!!most of our Nigerian women marry us for our monies..most of our foreign wives picked us from the gutter..anybody who is an exception should please object...and tell me what happened to the millions of our single aging men and women looking for miracle in churches to find a financially stable mate..and please don't say am being one sided here...am so f##king angry reading that post.

when these women cry it touches my soul cos i still have conscience...how much is your integrity worth????a Greencard? lol why Telling that woman u love her knowing fully well that you don't..and immediately you get to the US u'll abandon her and bring your local Nigerian girlfriend who wouldn't have done nuffin for you if it was her...(SHARP GUY/GIRL)lol

you make her go through pains,she loses financial and emotionally, and you don't give a damn..cos you have arrived your plans have come to fruition and in other words, spoiling things for others going through the process legally...am so angry and don't wanna write much..i just wanted to vent my anger here and get a fresh air..and if we don't talk about this matter or take it with levity..let Lagos embassy become even so harder.

my dear brothers and sisters..the economy globally is not smiling on anybody, America and Americans arents an exception...if you cant make it here(Nigeria)..you sure cant make it anywhere...even if they put your lazy #### in the white house..lol

lets respect the word MARRIAGE,lets respect God,lets respect the people who help or are sent by God to brighten our future...if you are deceiving someone today...just back down..yeah i said back down..tell her the damn truth...yeah please do....cos if u don't..nemesis will surely catch up with you someday..He hears the cries of the oppressed,duped,deceived.. and He fights for them..except God lies..and i know HE doesn't.

i love u all...my interview is in a couple weeks from now....ill post when am granted..and if not ill still post..lol..but i know by God's grace ill reunite with my lovely wife and in-laws soonest..lol

am not in a hurry to go to America or meet my wife...surely at the appointed time..ill go..my wife isn't running away and America has been were it is for hundreds of years.lol

my wife is now a Nigerian too by marriage and happy and she so much love her second home Nigeria..and thinking investments here in the near future..how sweet....the beautiful country you hate so much..and wanna run away fraudulently from.. ...lol

AM STRONGLY AGAINST SHAM MARRIAGES/MARRIAGE VISA FRAUD...i hate the content whenever i read it..it doesn't tell well for u and i...

love is so sweet internationally,inter-racially..u name it..don't spoil it..enjoy it... help propagate this gospel...one love

If every human being on this plant was as noble as you are we would not have heart breaks....Wow is all I can say for your candid and powerful post. Who said words can't move mountains? I think you just did.

To those of us who this VJ has been a long one, it has been also a time to understand who we are to each other through the good, the bad and the hellish journey of visa. Weather our relationships end up happy or not it all depends on each of us as individuals and as couples. YES I agree, we American women do a lot for our men abroad out of love and concern, it doesn't mean we are stupid or blinded by love, it means we have compassion and faith. We believe everyone deserves a fair chance in love and life...

Thank you for putting things in prospective and for your wisdom and concern...if all the men in this VJ were like you, we wouldn't have 3/4 of the sad sob stories on here. Thanks again...I look forward to the next title of your post!