This is just one of those days...

[gyselle 4]

Hi all,

Would love advice from people who are feeling as frustrated as I do.

How do you cope?

Before I start, I need to say that 99% of the time, I am really happy that I am physically here with my love.

But somedays, I get upset...and frustrated with all the waiting.

Does anyone esle also feel like you are an alien in the country?

Simple things like not being able to work till the papers come through...and not being able to get a (unsecured) credit card and having no credit score.

Back home, I had great credit score...suddenly, when I'm in the USA..it doesnt matter at all.

Plus..the whole credit score system is confusing coz its not transparent....

from what i read, if you spend close to your limit, even if you pay it off, your score will be affected..

if you have a credit card, and do not use it, your score will be affected.

if you dont have a credit card, you are likely to have no credit score.

And the interview. we need to convince them that we are a legit couple?

I almost hate the fact there are people out there who abuse the system/process to try and get a green card..

and it affects the rest of us who are truly in love/in a legit relationship

dont even get me started about my FEAR about going to the DMV.

Oh the horror stories I have heard!

sigh

[Travis and Meghan 24]

Ohhh, the DMV, i've heard some great horror stories about them too! However, i went there a few days ago to get my state ID and actually had a rather pleasant experience. Went early in the morning so there wasn't as many people there, didn't have to wait very long to be seen. The first person wasn't sure what to do with me so she gave me to someone else who was very wonderful, gave me my card no problems and answered all of the driving questions i had and gave me a book to learn the road rules for the written test

I feel a lot better now, there are still a lot of things here that i don't understand and really scare me (even just simple things) but the first few months i was here were awful. I was so homesick and only seeing the bad side to everything. I don't have any constructive advice, i'm sorry, I pretty much just had to wait it out. It will be hard for a while, but it will get better, things will always get better

Something that has actually helped come to think of it, I used to stay home all day while my husband was at work, didn't want to go anywhere without him. In the last month though i've started going for walks around our area by myself during the day and catching the bus and doing small errands like going to the post office or the bank. Just little things have slowly helped me to feel more confident around other people here and helped me feel more at home.

[Messybrownhair 251]

I have been through it all and dealt with everything you are feeling.. just want you to know that it will pass and it will get better! Tackle things one at a time. For me it was ssn, then gc, then license and credit card and now school. Its overwhelming but you'll get through it! Now i am getting cc offers in the mail almost weekly. It took a while but i just set little goals and deadlines for myself.. goodluck!

[Leatherneck 693]

Sorry to know you're feeling so blue about all of this. Try to get involved in something to keep yourself busy, find an organization and volunteer some of your time or learn a new hobby, etc.

The credit scoring (FICO) system is not logical, yeah I will agree with you about that.

The waiting until you are legally able to work and the need to prove you have a bona fide marriage, does that come as a surprise to you? Were you not aware of what would be involved in getting through the entire process?

It is what it is, do not stress and get down about it, nothing will change. Just try to keep yourself busy and not focus on the wait.

Welcome to America and best wishes!

[minkthecat 6]

Leatherneck is right. Find an activity that is solely for you and your development (without your partner). You will feel involved, worthwhile and most importantly focused on something other than the wait.

I joined a couple of running groups to get me out of my funk. I have met some great people and I obviously feel much better through being healthy and active. That's what I like but it could be anything.

Nothing can take the annoying facts away but it is possible to alter the perspective and feel valuable and part of things. IT WILL IMPROVE. Shake things up...

Good luck

[wee carrington 33]

Ohhh, the DMV, i've heard some great horror stories about them too! However, i went there a few days ago to get my state ID and actually had a rather pleasant experience. Went early in the morning so there wasn't as many people there, didn't have to wait very long to be seen. The first person wasn't sure what to do with me so she gave me to someone else who was very wonderful, gave me my card no problems and answered all of the driving questions i had and gave me a book to learn the road rules for the written test

I feel a lot better now, there are still a lot of things here that i don't understand and really scare me (even just simple things) but the first few months i was here were awful. I was so homesick and only seeing the bad side to everything. I don't have any constructive advice, i'm sorry, I pretty much just had to wait it out. It will be hard for a while, but it will get better, things will always get better

Something that has actually helped come to think of it, I used to stay home all day while my husband was at work, didn't want to go anywhere without him. In the last month though i've started going for walks around our area by myself during the day and catching the bus and doing small errands like going to the post office or the bank. Just little things have slowly helped me to feel more confident around other people here and helped me feel more at home.

\

Ha! I almost just had a battle with the lady at the DMV but she eventually backed down and scurried off to get her supervisor and it was all a-okay in the end. At first she tried telling me that I needed to, and I quote, "go to the American embassy and get a certificate for my UK marriage certificate" to change my name on my license! Total 'computer says no' type woman.

[rlogan 2,036]

Just be thankful you are not one of the millions of illegal aliens that are working here just fine without ever having filled out any forms, never paid any fees, never waited in line to get official copies of numerous documents, never undertook interviews, never had to prove anything, who don't have to tell the government where they live or what they are doing, who wait for nothing, and for whom the worst thing that happens is they get a ride back to the border.

That's why we have such gratitude the government is putting us through this. It's obviously incredibly effective - at punishing the law-abiding without affecting criminal entry.

[Travis and Meghan 24]

Just be thankful you are not one of the millions of illegal aliens that are working here just fine without ever having filled out any forms, never paid any fees, never waited in line to get official copies of numerous documents, never undertook interviews, never had to prove anything, who don't have to tell the government where they live or what they are doing, who wait for nothing, and for whom the worst thing that happens is they get a ride back to the border.

That's why we have such gratitude the government is putting us through this. It's obviously incredibly effective - at punishing the law-abiding without affecting criminal entry.

hahahahaha, this made me laugh so much!

[Leatherneck 693]

Just be thankful you are not one of the millions of illegal aliens that are working here just fine without ever having filled out any forms, never paid any fees, never waited in line to get official copies of numerous documents, never undertook interviews, never had to prove anything, who don't have to tell the government where they live or what they are doing, who wait for nothing, and for whom the worst thing that happens is they get a ride back to the border.

That's why we have such gratitude the government is putting us through this. It's obviously incredibly effective - at punishing the law-abiding without affecting criminal entry.

you do have a point, or two, or three.

[gyselle 4]

HAHA Riogan. That really brighten my day!

Yesh, but thank you everyone for your advice.

It is just one of those days.

I knew going in there was going to be a wait for the EAD, as well as having to prove the bona fide marriage...

It doesnt help that American daytime TV is filled with people who dont take marriage seriously.

it kinda makes me feel like a real alien trying to "prove" our love is real.

I do volunteer at a local museum and a local soup kitchen and that makes me very happy.

A conversation i was having with some locals the other day was how difficult/expensive the medical system is here

Like how much medical fees are, how insurance is very important here; even for the smallest things

Back home, we could go to a clinic and get treated at a much lower rate...with or without insurance.

A simple example is how it cost $30 to get my vaccinations copied and signed; while back home..that would have gotten me a doc consultation, antibiotics and medication.

I am still trying to get my head around somethings...

I wish someone wrote a guidebook that is called "welcome to America"

But as messybrownhair said...one goal at a time.

[Carito_ 5]

I wish someone wrote a guidebook that is called "welcome to America"

But as messybrownhair said...one goal at a time.

HI gyselle, not sure if you meant this but here's a booklet that is called "Welcome to USA" it has a lot of things you already know, but it has a couple of things that I didn't know... Hope this helps!!!!

Best of luck!

http://www.uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis/menuitem.eb1d4c2a3e5b9ac89243c6a7543f6d1a/?vgnextoid=a5479ddf801b3210VgnVCM100000b92ca60aRCRD&vgnextchannel=a5479ddf801b3210VgnVCM100000b92ca60aRCRD

[caly 48]

Hi all,Would love advice from people who are feeling as frustrated as I do.How do you cope?Before I start, I need to say that 99% of the time, I am really happy that I am physically here with my love.But somedays, I get upset...and frustrated with all the waiting.Does anyone esle also feel like you are an alien in the country?

You are definitely not alone in feeling this way, Gyselle! Even though I have the green card, I still sometimes feel like an alien! Like you, I'm not working yet but I've been trying to figure out how to get a credit card and build my credit score. At times, when dealing with banks and other financial entities here, I feel like unless you can prove you are not a horrible human being, you get treated with the utmost suspicion.. like you are this irresponsible or bad person out to defraud the banks or default on credit. (Persecution complex, much? )

My husband and I have decided the best course of action to start building my credit score so we can get a good mortgage on a house in the future is to have me added as a joint owner on on of his older/more regularly used credit cards. (At this point, I'm not even sure if my lack of history is going to be a problem here.) Surprisingly, he doesn't have any problems with this plan but I'm still not 100% comfortable with the idea, as on some level, it makes me feel so completely helpless and dependent upon him.. but it is the way it is. I figure I don't actually have to carry the physical card if I don't want to.

Something that has actually helped come to think of it, I used to stay home all day while my husband was at work, didn't want to go anywhere without him.

I do feel this way a lot! We live in a quiet small town and it's pretty safe for the most part.. I see little kids walking to and from school/the bus stop in the afternoons when we are out. But I still don't feel comfortable taking a walk on my own. I guess I just have to bite the bullet at some point and force myself to get out and about. It does get easier, right?

[Orando 57]

Just be thankful you are not one of the millions of illegal aliens that are working here just fine without ever having filled out any forms, never paid any fees, never waited in line to get official copies of numerous documents, never undertook interviews, never had to prove anything, who don't have to tell the government where they live or what they are doing, who wait for nothing, and for whom the worst thing that happens is they get a ride back to the border.

That's why we have such gratitude the government is putting us through this. It's obviously incredibly effective - at punishing the law-abiding without affecting criminal entry.

Yep...and on top of that, I would wager a $1 that amnesty gets passed eventually and all illegal immigrants will get their green cards....we should have a little extra gratitude for the US Govt for this part and what they take legal immigrants through....geez, if they are going to allow illegal immigration to flourish, they should give the law abiding people a break and get off our backs...