HELP! COMPLETE change of personality.... :(

[Wally G! 58]

Everybody puts there best face on in the beginning. As time goes the true person is revealed. Now when you marry someone you have to say do I love the true person now that I know who and what he or she is. Can I deal with all the good bad and ugly of the person. The decision is yours at the end of the day.

There is no such thing as a perfect person. A perfect relationship. A perfect marriage. Its about how you understand the person and can you love them for for what they are worth.

The money you spend was all because you wanted and loved this girl. Don't complain now about the money part because all of us know in advance how much money we will spend on the petition, medical and visa applications alone. Not to mention the money you send to take care of him or her.

Me personally. I have learned, the more you chase, the more she will run. You need to stop. Take a break and go to Bohol, Lapu Lapu and see the sights. Go to Cebu city and take in a night of fun at a club or bar. Relax your mind for a seconds and think it over. Is it worth the efforts and time running a never ending race?

You seem like your a good hard working and dedicated person. You deserve better than this. Like the other people said. There are millions of others out there that would cut off their foot to treat you well and love you genuinely. There are women that don't care for the games, jealous rages and money. You are there in Philippines look once look twice and walaaaa!! You have a new potential friend.

At the end of the day everybody in world can tell you all the advise on what to do. You will be the one to make ultimate choose. Stay or Leave...

Good Luck and God Bless!!

[Leatherneck 693]

Well said.. :star:

:thumbs:

Wally, been there and done that, with the exception of the DV.

If only 25 years ago, someone would have pulled me to the side or invited me to have a beer, talked some sense into me and rattled my cranium, it would've saved me many nights/days of agony and lots of money.

All the RED FLAGS were there, but didn't wanna acknowledge them.

[Leatherneck 693]

Everybody puts there best face on in the beginning. As time goes the true person is revealed. Now when you marry someone you have to say do I love the true person now that I know who and what he or she is. Can I deal with all the good bad and ugly of the person. The decision is yours at the end of the day.

There is no such thing as a perfect person. A perfect relationship. A perfect marriage. Its about how you understand the person and can you love them for for what they are worth.

The money you spend was all because you wanted and loved this girl. Don't complain now about the money part because all of us know in advance how much money we will spend on the petition, medical and visa applications alone. Not to mention the money you send to take care of him or her.

Me personally. I have learned, the more you chase, the more she will run. You need to stop. Take a break and go to Bohol, Lapu Lapu and see the sights. Go to Cebu city and take in a night of fun at a club or bar. Relax your mind for a seconds and think it over. Is it worth the efforts and time running a never ending race?

You seem like your a good hard working and dedicated person. You deserve better than this. Like the other people said. There are millions of others out there that would cut off their foot to treat you well and love you genuinely. There are women that don't care for the games, jealous rages and money. You are there in Philippines look once look twice and walaaaa!! You have a new potential friend.

At the end of the day everybody in world can tell you all the advise on what to do. You will be the one to make ultimate choose. Stay or Leave...

Good Luck and God Bless!!

Yet, more good advice!

[P and her J 0]

im so sorry for you. but why would you want to marry this woman? go home and take all papers with you.take sometime to think about this story again. i think you are old enough to know what you should do. and you wont regret when you look back.

[mounir412 101]

sorry to hear that..really very sad

[GVMack 9]

Why are you wasting your time and money on this girl?

Obviously you see its not working out. You see how she is now, bringing her to the States would just cause YOU more problems in the future. Its NOT a difference of culture as to why she is acting the way she is.

She is probably dealing with someone else and too self centered to admit it.

I wouldn't go any further with Immigration. Let it go now and find someone else who'll respect you, love you with all their heart and soul, and who'll treat you the way you should be treated. Just my opinion.

[maim3 5]

You sound pathetic.. im sorry but i think she is not the right girl for you based in your story. You will find the right girl for sure in the right time. Do not rush things because it will lead you to more miseries in the future.

[R&RM 11]

So... I came here to the Philippines ONLY for my fiance, i've sent the initial I-129 packet off end of Dec, got notification of NOA1 around jan 4 but sad to say i just wasted all my time, money, and effort for her.... almost EVERY DAY we're arguing and she's too damn stubborn to listen or work out or anything..... all she does is run away and she thinsk that's the solution to our probs when it just makes it 10x worse!!! She is even avoiding her own family and doesn't even sleep at home anymore.... and dont even mention to text/call her as she doesn't ever reply to anything even V-day i just stayed by myself.... i even made up a story that i got snatched and you guessed it! she didn't even care and just hungup the phone on me bec she's too damn SELFISH and SELF-CENTERED & only remembers the negative parts of our relationship... really never met a more HEARTLESS girl then her it's quite sad bec before this trip she wasn't like this AT ALL otherwise i wouldn't have invested so much into her.

Anyway...... so needless to say, she doesn't have a copy of the I-129F i made for her.... and she also doesn't have the original receipts i brought.... im THINKING of coming back here in May 10 to surprise her in time for her bday later in the month and as a last resort to fix our relationship as by that time maybe i would already receive notification of NOA2...

i need to know what i should do with her complete copy of all the i-129 papers, and also the original receipts that she should bring to interview, if ever... should i leave them with a trusted person here? or should i bring everything back home with me and play the waiting game.... :/

i even took many pics of us in our few times we hungout together as "ongoing proof of relationship" as required by the NOA2, but didn't make any copies of anything.... including the hotel receipts. I just dont wanna waste EVERYTHING which is why im trying to utilize all my options esp. while im still here.

PLEASE HELP! DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ....

Move on. It is hard and painful but I agree with everyone else on here who is saying this will not get better. Relationships go through ups and downs but if someone is not even willing to communicate with you, it is simply not worth it. Inter-cultural relationships are harder than others but that is why they require even greater communication if one half of you isn't willing to communicate, it can never work. Please seriously consider your position even if she does come back to you because something is VERY wrong with this picture...unless you yourself have reason to believe that you have done something to deserve such behavior.

Edited February 17, 2012 by R&RM

[Pinoylover 6]

Sorry to say this but it ain't going to get any better! cut your losses and move on before you are paying a lot more like the rest of the fee's and most of all (supporting her for 10 more years without her even being there) and have the same ending. Good luck on your next pinoy because there are a lot more good women there!

[Helen Louise Pile 80]

If it's at the point where you're pretending you've been kidnapped in order to get her attention....time to collect your pride and move on.

[NoneYa 73]

In some ways, I lived your story. I ended up arrested (when the cops come, somebody is going to jail and guess who that will be). I now have a record (albeit dropped). No crime was committed but it doesn't matter because I still have a record which I have to explain.

If you don't have $ 50,000 to throw away on lawyers... you better move on dude. You have no idea how bad this can end. If I would have known, I would have never gone so far in my relationship with a similar troubled woman. We are now divorced and I thank my three lawyers and God for that freedom.

We just got approved the other day and I cried. The reason is because I have done a much better job of finding a supportive, loving woman that wants to help us get somewhere in life. We talk, she listens, she agrees, we discuss. This was not by chance. This was the kind of woman I was looking for. Life is hard. Its much harder if you have a woman like you have now.

I would drop your girl so fast. You sound like a good guy trying to fix her when in actuality, you are ENABLING her to act this way. People don't want to be fixed. Move on. Go get someone that will appreciate you. They are out there.

[BesosforMexico 13]

I have SO many friends here in the states who go through similar situations with their boyfriends or girlfriends. Sounds to me like she is unstable. Her emotions and her actions are consistent with someone having insecurity issues and control issues.

She is clearly thinking only of herself at this point. If she knows you are hurting, and knows you are trying to work on the relationship and is constantly ignoring your feelings and your attempts.... you have to move on.

One thing I know to be true...... if you work this out. Get married. Move to the states together. Try to put a bandaid over your current problem. It WILL resurface. If she makes promises to you. Says she wants to change, or fix it. If she puts on a good face. Acts like things are different. She WILL resort back to her current personality.

Get out while you can. No one ever listens to this advice even when they ask for it, and then I see them breaking up, getting back together, breaking up again..... forever. My roommate is a great example. He has only been in a relationship for 8 months and they have broken up and gotten back together at least 15 times. They have a similar situation. And the reason they always get back together is because the other promised they were going to change it..... then they break up because the change only lasted a week.

[stefan y karen 23]

This wasn't a waste at all. You learned alot and saved yourself a lot of heart ache and future legal bills once you got back to the US. Seriously, count your blessings, pack up your toys and come back home. You can start again and be wiser next time.

[Darnell 8,478]

Education is never free. Just saying.

[baron555 934]

I just dont wanna waste EVERYTHING which is why im trying to utilize all my options esp. while im still here.

PLEASE HELP! DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ....

There is nothing to waste.....since you seem to not have anything in the first place. It doesn't sound like you have a relationship with this person and you will need to buck it up and move on.