HELP! COMPLETE change of personality.... :(

[BughouseMaster 3]

Hello ! I think she is not worth keeping. A relationship should be two-way. She may change for a while, but might go back to her old self. You have to be very careful -- what is really her intention of you ? Is it true love? Please get to know her better first before you finally decide to marry her. Thank God that you discovered her true self now than later. You will be fine -- MOVE ON ! Upon reading your concerns, she doesn't deserve your best love and efforts. I know it is painful-- it hurts, but -- in time you will find a good woman who truly deserves your loving and sincere heart. God loves you and I'm sure he has someone better for you. Have a safe flight back to the US and may God bless you!

That's the thing!! Before this January, i never saw this side of her... our 1st year was the best though.... so sweet, caring, thought she's the perfect girl.... then last year when I visited her she acted less close to me and acted extremely jealous.... then this year is the worst. So.... what is her "true" self? The one that i saw who was COMPLETELY SWEET? Or the new one, who has did a COMPLETE 180 degree change? We can work, IF, she accepts her faults, and completely changes her ways..... yes, it hurts a lot.... but i dont feel like quitting just yet.

[bigdog 377]

Wake up move on, take your papers and stuff go home or look for another. Do not go from the frying pan to the fire. Good Luck.

[C-ma'am 684]

That's the thing!! Before this January, i never saw this side of her... our 1st year was the best though.... so sweet, caring, thought she's the perfect girl.... then last year when I visited her she acted less close to me and acted extremely jealous.... then this year is the worst. So.... what is her "true" self? The one that i saw who was COMPLETELY SWEET? Or the new one, who has did a COMPLETE 180 degree change? We can work, IF, she accepts her faults, and completely changes her ways..... yes, it hurts a lot.... but i dont feel like quitting just yet.

Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry but I'm going to give you the reality check! You had already noticed a change of personality/behavior towards you when you visited last time and now it's worse??? YOU are answering your own questions! This girl is DONE with you and you should be DONE with her.

I'm sorry if I'm coming across too harsh.. I just think you need to snap out of whatever story you are making up in your head, to try and find an excuse for the way she has treated you before, and the way she's treating you now.

[BughouseMaster 3]

Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry but I'm going to give you the reality check! You had already noticed a change of personality/behavior towards you when you visited last time and now it's worse??? YOU are answering your own questions! This girl is DONE with you and you should be DONE with her.

I'm sorry if I'm coming across too harsh.. I just think you need to snap out of whatever story you are making up in your head, to try and find an excuse for the way she has treated you before, and the way she's treating you now.

I'm not making up any story... what im telling you is all the truth.... yes of course, ppl change, she has obviously changed for the worse, but why give up hope that she could change BACK FOR THE BETTER? Why are the majority of responses here wanting me to QUIT, after so much we've both been thru? She has about 100 "1sts" with me... do you REALLY think she can easily forget me that easily? Or do you instead think she needs to WAKE UP and be more MATURE and REALIZE the wrong she's been doing to me?

Again, I completely concur with Orando's post. Anyway, I'm gonna go grab some lunch and get some fresh air. Reply to you all later... pls feel free to call/text me on either of my #'s! Lets meet!

[Moomin 292]

Well, the 340 you paid for the petition was not a complete waste though. It's a small amount compared to what a divorce will cost years later, to put things in perspective.

There are more to it than your side of the story but if you can't live with her attitude, you're the one to say it to her, not people on a forum saying it to you.

[JJ and Patty 9]

kinda sounds like she's got someone she is more interested in than you

[Leatherneck 693]

That's the thing!! Before this January, i never saw this side of her... our 1st year was the best though.... so sweet, caring, thought she's the perfect girl.... then last year when I visited her she acted less close to me and acted extremely jealous.... then this year is the worst. So.... what is her "true" self? The one that i saw who was COMPLETELY SWEET? Or the new one, who has did a COMPLETE 180 degree change? We can work, IF, she accepts her faults, and completely changes her ways..... yes, it hurts a lot.... but i dont feel like quitting just yet.

Why on earth are you trying to PUSH water UPHILL?

You can't make her accept her faults or change her ways, she'll do that when she grows up and matures, if ever. It is what it is.

You keep mentioning the amount of money you've spent on her, well, let me tell ya...have you seen the cost of a divorce?

Have any idea what a DV (domestic violence) charge would cost to get your ####### out of that pickle? Not to mention your chances of petitioning another Pinay with that jewel on your record would be next to impossible.

You want to try to put a price on a broken family?

Ever heard of child support, and the clown-show of having to deal with judges, lawyers and DA's?

Stop trying to make this relationship be what it is not - Wonderful.

Stop trying to make her be something she is not - kind, caring and committed.

I'm not saying any of this would happen to you, but you increase the odds when you marry someone that exhibits such behavior.

Step back and out of the forest so you can see the trees, there are numerous RED FLAGS here.

Edited February 17, 2012 by Leatherneck

[C-ma'am 684]

I'm not making up any story... what im telling you is all the truth.... yes of course, ppl change, she has obviously changed for the worse, but why give up hope that she could change BACK FOR THE BETTER? Why are the majority of responses here wanting me to QUIT, after so much we've both been thru? She has about 100 "1sts" with me... do you REALLY think she can easily forget me that easily? Or do you instead think she needs to WAKE UP and be more MATURE and REALIZE the wrong she's been doing to me?

Again, I completely concur with Orando's post. Anyway, I'm gonna go grab some lunch and get some fresh air. Reply to you all later... pls feel free to call/text me on either of my #'s! Lets meet!

I don't want to get into an argument with you. Just to clarify, I never even implied that you were making up your story. You came to this forum asking for HELP... everyone is giving out our opinions based on the perspective we can have, because we are reading this post as third parties.

It takes two to tango. If you want to continue with your relationship or not, it's your own decision (and yours only). If you don't see the red flags most of us are seeing (hence the reason why most of us say QUIT AND MOVE ON) it could be because we are mistaken...but don't take it on us just because you see it differently.

I, Celeste, with my own personal experiences and life lessons learned, would put an end to this relationship; because I wouldn't even consider doing such thing to someone else. The minute I would think of my fiance as a selfish and self centered person, is the minute I would call it quits.

To each their own Do what you think is best

Yes, definitely! Go, have lunch, get some air, get perspective yourself and think.

[EminTX 131]

Let me see if I understand your rational. You have invested lots of time, love, and money in this relationship and you don't want that wasted. If this was a sports car and you drove it joyfully for a year then the next year the transmission went out, you cracked the block, and then your car was stolen by a drug smuggler and when the police had returned it to you, it was ripped apart because of getting the bad things out, and it was in horrible condition and not drivable, would you say, "I enjoyed the car and now its time is past and it won't benefit me to spend another minute, dollar, or emotion on it and move on" or "Oh noooooo....I LOVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEDDDD this car and MUST HAVE IT!!!!" ?

What would it take for you to treat someone the way she has treated you? If you did that to anyone, would that relationship be salvageable?

How mature are you? You want her to change but it seems to me that you are the one that needs to change. Holding on tight to something dead doesn't bring it back to life.

What exactly do you want from her? Really. Make a list of what she needs to do, say, and give to make this work. (You don't have to actually give it to her. Is she capable of that? If she doesn't respond to you now, what do you really expect to happen later on, if you do manage to work this occasion out?

Edited February 17, 2012 by EminTX

[Hank_ 9,174]

Thank you everyone for your prompt replies...

Out of all the replies yours I feel the most partial to. I've spent TOO MUCH on this girl, this is the 4th time in 2 yrs I've came to spend time with her, and obviously is HANDS DOWN the worst. From the entire time I've spent here, (since jan 6) you can almost count on 2 hands the # of days she's stayed with me. Not to mention that on my 2-year anniversary trip to Cebu, she left me there, along with all of her baggages and things in the hotel room, and absolutely FOOLISHLY paid P3300 (using her original return flight mind you for the next day should be) to rebook the flight. And NO she/her family dont have money either, so how stupid could she be to do that? Even a BAR GIRL wont do what she did.... i never physically hurt her, but this just goes to show you how PROUD and how ULTRA-STUBBORN a girl she is.... only reason why I didn't drop her right then and there is bec I'm a FIGHTER and have spent the most on her out of any girl i've been with and before this trip to Pinas everything was SO GOOD & we were even talking about marriage.... otherwise if she gave me ANY signs at all that this how she really is within the 1st few weeks (or even months!) of dating her i would've NEVER wasted any more time on her but.. it's diff. when you've lived together and done absolutely everything together as if husband/wife already but i've tried sooooo many things already and am near my end. Orando, that's why I'm thinking of coming here in early May ONLY IF i haven't already found a new one by then... bec she needs a DRASTIC CHANGE and 1 day she will realize that her actions were so wrong.

Btw, if anyone is in Metro-Manila (currently i'm in cubao) and wants to meet up with me in person to help me cope with this problem (or if you have a similar prob i'd love to talk to you). It would be much appreciated. Pls contact me on either of my #'s:

SMART: 0947.583.6992

GLOBE: 0906.260.3393

Call it the price of a good education, not a reason to keep trying to make silk for a sow's ear.

[Grant PDX 183]

I hate to say it bro, but I agree with everyone else here. I am only adding my voice to theirs in hopes it will help to get through to you. There are a lot of women who wouldn't treat you this way. I understand the investment you've made. But you seem determined to continue making investment into something that, based on your own original post, isn't good! RUN! But even getting treated like that ONE TIME is indication of what the future will be. It's like the girl who says "He was so nice before, that one punch that broke my jaw might just be a fluke. I think I can fix it so it NEVER happens again."

Please, do yourself a favor. Move on before you've increased your investment with even less to show for it, when that same investment might find you a more perfect match.

[C-ma'am 684]

Sorry, please disregard

Edited February 17, 2012 by Celeste & C

[Hank_ 9,174]

Well it's really really quite sad bec before this trip, she NEVER acted as bad like this... running away multiple times, EASILY getting upset over the smallest issues & unwilling to communicate/sacrifice at all for our relationship... as i'm older, i try to help her and tell her what's right and wrong in issues but when i do, she doesn't wanna listen and keeps on trying to contradict my advise..... again, if i didn't spend so much time, money and effort on her i wouldn't even think twice but to leave her but that's not the case.... she's completely unwilling to even TALK things out as she's hiding from not only me but her own family!! but maybe, just maybe in May things will be different....

Money spent should not be a part of this... it just isn't relevant.

Move on...

[InHisTime 110]

That's the thing!! Before this January, i never saw this side of her... our 1st year was the best though.... so sweet, caring, thought she's the perfect girl.... then last year when I visited her she acted less close to me and acted extremely jealous.... then this year is the worst. So.... what is her "true" self? The one that i saw who was COMPLETELY SWEET? Or the new one, who has did a COMPLETE 180 degree change? We can work, IF, she accepts her faults, and completely changes her ways..... yes, it hurts a lot.... but i dont feel like quitting just yet.

I understand why you won't quit for now as you truly love this girl. In fact, coming to see her indicates your strong feeling for her. But, God is telling you to slow down for now -- assess the situation you are in. I know it is really hard as this matters your heart, but, be strong and wise. Please love yourself too. Seems you are a good man. You deserve one who is compassionate, consistent and reliable -- one who takes HEART in a relationship. Please give enough time of knowing her true character and personal values. You won't be happy in the end if you marry a selfish and self-centered woman. You cannot change her to become a better person, even you give her all what she wants-- only God can change her, but, she needs to humble herself to the Lord.Hope she would realize and come before God. I pray that you would be able to discern God's will for you. May you guard your heart too.

The scripture says

Jeremiah 29 verse 11 states, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." We have to admit that our own wisdom and understanding of our circumstances is limited to our own human experience of life. But God has a plan, and he is able to see your future, his understanding is greater because he knows your future.

Sorry this happens to you....but you will be fine in the end I know -- just trust God and learn from this experience.

[Wally G! 58]

Why on earth are you trying to PUSH water UPHILL?

You can't make her accept her faults or change her ways, she'll do that when she grows up and matures, if ever. It is what it is.

You keep mentioning the amount of money you've spent on her, well, let me tell ya...have you seen the cost of a divorce?

Have any idea what a DV (domestic violence) charge would cost to get your ####### out of that pickle? Not to mention your chances of petitioning another Pinay with that jewel on your record would be next to impossible.

You want to try to put a price on a broken family?

Ever heard of child support, and the clown-show of having to deal with judges, lawyers and DA's?

Stop trying to make this relationship be what it is not - Wonderful.

Stop trying to make her be something she is not - kind, caring and committed.

I'm not saying any of this would happen to you, but you increase the odds when you marry someone that exhibits such behavior.

Step back and out of the forest so you can see the trees, there are numerous RED FLAGS here.

Well said.. :star:

:thumbs: