Phone calls

[pinaypo 4]

I am just curious, and I thought posting this topic I am able to get people's point of view. My husband and I are happily married I love him so much and he loves me too. We don't argue a lot,99.9 percent we are happy with our marriage, But I am curious to ask about answering phone calls, one afternoon his friend called up,I was lyin in bed with him,he was asleep and I wasn't. First I thought it's his mom,soI got up and tok the call. Little did I know it was his college friend calling, I met him we watch concert one time with my husband. I spoke to him for about 1 minute,hubby was pissed why did I took the call, so I apologize and I said I thought it was his mom I don't have bad intention, Also I met his friend before,so I don't think it's bad. My husband called back after two days he spoke to his friends wife (hubby and her also friends in college)they have a great conversation hubby laughed and kid around.Hearing all this I felt a little incurities,but I know they are great friends. I've been here for two years but I haven't meet his friends wife and kids. So questions are: is it bad take call from your husband friend that you also met already? Do you guys shares everything?I do 101 percent,when it comes to every details school happenings,work,daily life. I considered him my best friend. He dont share everything,especially when it comes to money issue,bills problem,mortgage,because he said he doesn't want me to worry. Weird questions but I'm curious if everyone married to the western guys been through the same.

[edwardteresa4ever 18]

Not normal not to share most all things, some guys don't talk much about work or golf but everything else is like an open book. So no its not normal .

[M&MPa 0]

I am just curious, and I thought posting this topic I am able to get people's point of view. My husband and I are happily married I love him so much and he loves me too. We don't argue a lot,99.9 percent we are happy with our marriage, But I am curious to ask about answering phone calls, one afternoon his friend called up,I was lyin in bed with him,he was asleep and I wasn't. First I thought it's his mom,soI got up and tok the call. Little did I know it was his college friend calling, I met him we watch concert one time with my husband. I spoke to him for about 1 minute,hubby was pissed why did I took the call, so I apologize and I said I thought it was his mom I don't have bad intention, Also I met his friend before,so I don't think it's bad. My husband called back after two days he spoke to his friends wife (hubby and her also friends in college)they have a great conversation hubby laughed and kid around.Hearing all this I felt a little incurities,but I know they are great friends. I've been here for two years but I haven't meet his friends wife and kids. So questions are: is it bad take call from your husband friend that you also met already? Do you guys shares everything?I do 101 percent,when it comes to every details school happenings,work,daily life. I considered him my best friend. He dont share everything,especially when it comes to money issue,bills problem,mortgage,because he said he doesn't want me to worry. Weird questions but I'm curious if everyone married to the western guys been through the same.

Of course what you did was normal, it is natural to answer the phone when he was asleep, he is overreacting to what you did. And for him not sharing everything then what's a marriage? it's about sharing everything in my opinion, what i hear is mostly how it is in eastern cultures, in western cultures usually man and wife share everything.

[X Factor 1,112]

What is his background? Some are heavily influenced by their upbringing. He seems like a good husband but he has put up a wall and won't share his intimate thoughts. Maybe he is protecting himself due to being hurt in the past.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

That's a really weird thing to be mad about. If someone calls the house, you answer the phone. It's even polite to answer the phone while someone is sleeping so the phone doesn't ring and ring and disturb their sleep.

[ceadsearc 516]

Maybe she answered his cell phone? Even so, not worth freaking out about. OP, I'd just discuss it with him. I'm not sure why he would care but maybe he can explain?

[pinaypo 4]

Yes,It seems funny though how Weird little things are. He's very nice guy, and I never felt love like this before. It's just I guess when someone is from somewhere new to this country like me felt something weird and needs more adjustment I guess. He's someone that is 101 faithful and loyal too.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

So questions are:

1. is it bad take call from your husband friend that you also met already?

2. Do you guys shares everything? I do 101 percent,when it comes to every details school happenings,work,daily life. I considered him my best friend. He dont share everything,especially when it comes to money issue,bills problem,mortgage,because he said he doesn't want me to worry.

First it matters whether it was his cell phone or the house phone. It is also curious that you've been together 2 years and this has never come up before.

1. It's not "bad" but some people find it rude for you to answer THEIR phone.

My husband and I have had this discussion and I don't care if he answers mine but he doesn't want me answering his. Not because he doesn't trust me but because if I answer then he has to talk to them, or have me tell them he doesn't want to talk to them or whatever. It's about control. HE wants to answer HIS phone if HE wants to. So I no longer answer his phone. I was bought up that it's rude to ignore calls or msgs so I always answer the phone (unless I'm somewhere where I can't) and tend to reply immediately to msgs. This is also because my calls are usually important. No-one calls me for stupid reasons and people who have my number are people I want to talk to.

2. Yes of course he does because I was working and helping to pay the bills, prior to working, no I wasn't involved.

Before I was working when I first arrived it wasn't my business. He took care of it all and so there was no need for me to be involved. Involving myself made him feel like I didn't trust him to do it right. 2 years later I'm not presently working but I look after the accounts and pay the bills but he's the one earning the money. It just worked out well for him not to stress about when to pay bills and for me to make sure everything is paid on time.

Edited February 11, 2012 by Vanessa&Tony

[rlogan 2,036]

There was no reason given for why he was angry. The only time people hide their reason is when the reason is bad. Like jealousy, which is what I suspect in this case. Never let someone get away with hiding their reason. Do not accept "I don't know" as an answer. If he uses anger to make you stop asking - then you can be certain his reason is ... unreasonable.

We have an arrangement with the phone since I have a small business and because I have unfortunately spent time with manipulative people who sabotaged all the phone calls that came in. A nine year old can take a proper message, but a 42 year old saboteur makes sure to get it wrong every time.

She answers the phone professionally, giving her name clearly enunciated. If it is a business call she takes the message and repeats it back to the client to make sure it is correct. If it is a friend or family she can talk to them all she wants.

We have 100% openness, which means she reads my emails, cell phone messages and looks through my internet history and I don't look at hers.

[Holliday 4]

I am just curious, and I thought posting this topic I am able to get people's point of view. My husband and I are happily married I love him so much and he loves me too. We don't argue a lot,99.9 percent we are happy with our marriage, But I am curious to ask about answering phone calls, one afternoon his friend called up,I was lyin in bed with him,he was asleep and I wasn't. First I thought it's his mom,soI got up and tok the call. Little did I know it was his college friend calling, I met him we watch concert one time with my husband. I spoke to him for about 1 minute,hubby was pissed why did I took the call, so I apologize and I said I thought it was his mom I don't have bad intention, Also I met his friend before,so I don't think it's bad. My husband called back after two days he spoke to his friends wife (hubby and her also friends in college)they have a great conversation hubby laughed and kid around.Hearing all this I felt a little incurities,but I know they are great friends. I've been here for two years but I haven't meet his friends wife and kids. So questions are: is it bad take call from your husband friend that you also met already? Do you guys shares everything?I do 101 percent,when it comes to every details school happenings,work,daily life. I considered him my best friend. He dont share everything,especially when it comes to money issue,bills problem,mortgage,because he said he doesn't want me to worry. Weird questions but I'm curious if everyone married to the western guys been through the same.

I agree with what Vanessa&Tony said.

For my husband and I, we each have cell phones and we don't have a land line. So neither of us answer the other's phone, unless one of our hands are full or something and the other is asked to answer. That said, I don't think he'd be upset if I answered his phone without expressed permission, and I certainly wouldn't be upset if he answered mine. I just don't bother answering his because whoever is calling wants to talk to him, not me. If they wanted to talk to me, they'd be calling my phone. And even if we HAD a land line, I'd probably never answer it unless I knew the call was for me and I wanted to talk to the caller. Maybe I'm just antisocial.

As for you not meeting your husband's friend's wife and kids after two years, I don't know if that's weird. On the surface, I guess it seems weird. But I'm in the same boat, so I don't think it's necessarily weird. I haven't met many of my husband's old friends (he's kinda antisocial too, I guess), but that doesn't bother me. To be honest, I get the feeling he's kinda outgrown most of them, and that's why they aren't a big part of his life anymore. I try to encourage him to socialize with the people he hung out with before we met, but he doesn't seem to want to very often. But it seems like my situation is different from yours.

I'm not at all saying you're in the wrong here. If this stuff bothers you, then your best bet is probably to discuss it with your husband. He may not know that it bothers you, so he can't fix the situation if he doesn't know something is wrong. If you feel he's keeping things from you, or if you'd like to meet his friend's family, you should tell him. Also, if you feel he's not sharing everything with you (and from what you've said, it seems like this bothers you, which is totally understandable), you should discuss that with him as well. He may be completely unaware of your feelings here.

Maybe I'm naive, but I don't think these sorts of things have anything to do with whether those involved are western or non-western. I think what matters more is that the dynamic of your marriage works for both of you, regardless of where you're from.

[Ippsy Pippsy 31]

..., but I know they are great friends. I've been here for two years but I haven't meet his friends wife and kids. So questions are: is it bad take call from your husband friend that you also met already?

If he is actively meeting this guy, you should meet him too at some point. Him being unhappy that you answered the phone seems a bit odd. Is there something he is trying to hide?

Different people handle cell phones differently, but this situation just sounds a bit odd. If he doesn't have a work-only phone...? There are some couples where I'll get the other person answering their mate's cell phone if one of them is driving. Who is this guy and what is their exact relationship?

He dont share everything,especially when it comes to money issue,bills problem,mortgage,because he said he doesn't want me to worry. Weird questions but I'm curious if everyone married to the western guys been through the same.

That's flat out dangerous to you and is not normal. What if he were in a car wreck and ended up in a coma in the hospital? Then who would pay the bills? Or what if he died? Would you know where any of the paperwork you'd need is? If he truly cares about you, you need to understand the household finances and how to take over in an emergency. Is your name on any of the accounts? Is it on the mortgage?

He's either deliberately keeping you from having money access, thinks you're too stupid for it, or wants sole control over it. All of those are bad. I suppose it is possible it just hasn't occurred to him, but...

It's also possible that he's in serious debt, and really does have something to hide from you. Is the mortgage underwater? I guess you get to try and convince him that you can handle whatever shape the finances are in, and that as his wife, it is your duty to know what is going on.

What about the future? Is he saving for retirement for the two of you? Or just himself? Who is listed as the beneficiary on any policies? You or his "best friend"?

[rlogan 2,036]

OMG I missed the part about hiding the finances from her.

Classic manipulative tactic: you ask about them and he refuses to say because he "doesn't want you to worry". Another form of that is when you ask something about their background and they say "you wouldn't want to know".

Control freak.