Physical Separation

[GoingCrazy2012 16]

I have been married for less than 2 months but I honestly feel that the physical separation from my wife is really putting me to the test. Last night on Skype she said something that struck my mind. She said she understands my frustration and that she feels the same, because basically the "same as before we got married" and get this, that in someway is like if we were a boyfriend and girlfriend on a long distance relationship.

That husband and wife get marry to lice together but in our case things are just the same as always because we are away from each other. I didn't want to misinterpret her words but I'm feeling hurt because I'm taking what she says as I'm a fake husband, or that our marriage is not real because we are physically apart. Dont know what to do and this is killing me.

Any thoughts or advise are greatly appreciated

[VanessaTony 3,567]

She feels like nothing has changed and she's right, it hasn't. While you ARE husband and wife you're living the same as you did when you were just bf/gf. You're living apart. It doesn't feel like a "true marriage" because you're not together and you're unable to do the normal husband and wife things.

I understand why that idea hurts you, it's perfectly understandable. She's not saying you're a bad husband or anything like that, there's nothing YOU can do to change it (aside from move to live with her while the CR-1 is processing but that's not always possible or a good idea for the I-864 etc).

The way she feels is one of the reasons we went the K1 route. Your brain KNOWS you're married but what's changed except possibly her name and that she's wearing a wedding ring? Nothing. She's expressing how upset it makes her that she has to be apart from her husband and feel like less of a married couple than she thinks she should.

It's not going to be easy. You're going to spend the first months, possibly a year, of your married life apart. Stay strong and supportive. You're both going to need it.

[Rac2012 0]

I have been married for less than 2 months but I honestly feel that the physical separation from my wife is really putting me to the test. Last night on Skype she said something that struck my mind. She said she understands my frustration and that she feels the same, because basically the "same as before we got married" and get this, that in someway is like if we were a boyfriend and girlfriend on a long distance relationship.

That husband and wife get marry to lice together but in our case things are just the same as always because we are away from each other. I didn't want to misinterpret her words but I'm feeling hurt because I'm taking what she says as I'm a fake husband, or that our marriage is not real because we are physically apart. Dont know what to do and this is killing me.

Any thoughts or advise are greatly appreciated

Hi, sounds like you're having a difficult moment with your wife. This process is FULL of difficult moments, and the distance does add an unconventional aspect to a marriage. I, too, sometime feel like my relationship has reverted back to boyfriend/girlfriend because we were doing long distance for 2/3 of our relationship together. However, I know that sometimes you have to understand that people will express the stress and sadness in different ways, but it doesn't change the love that is there. Stay strong and focus on each other and it will make all the difference, because really it's all you have. Good luck on this crazy journey of ours.

[evelyn1140 18]

I have been married for less than 2 months but I honestly feel that the physical separation from my wife is really putting me to the test. Last night on Skype she said something that struck my mind. She said she understands my frustration and that she feels the same, because basically the "same as before we got married" and get this, that in someway is like if we were a boyfriend and girlfriend on a long distance relationship.

That husband and wife get marry to lice together but in our case things are just the same as always because we are away from each other. I didn't want to misinterpret her words but I'm feeling hurt because I'm taking what she says as I'm a fake husband, or that our marriage is not real because we are physically apart. Dont know what to do and this is killing me.

Any thoughts or advise are greatly appreciated

I feel her frustatıon.It has happened to me but ıt ıs just momentary. She ıs bendıng her fustratıon

[GoingCrazy2012 16]

Thank you so much for your kind words and advice. I should be supportive since everything she has stated is absolutely but it makes me very sad that there's nothing I can do to change this situation. We thought about K1 at some point but knowing that she wouldn't have to go through to AOS made me go the route of CR1 and she agreed.

Tough times ahead and I can only hope and pray for all the love I feel for my wife that we are able to make it through all this long journey while being apart feom each other.

[amyandjorge 76]

My husband and I spent the first year and 5 months of marriage separated. I know how you feel!

When visiting my husband on our first anniversary (for just one week), I asked him if he felt like we were married, dating, or just lovers. He said he really felt like we were still dating. Make the most of it! We would make jokes about it, if I bought our beer it was like we were married, if he opened the doors for me it was like we were dating, if he hurried me back to the hotel room...well...

Honestly, I had a hard time telling people I was married for the first couple months, they would be like, oh yeah, where is he? I am USC, and 'too young' to be married anyway, apparently, especially to someone who's not around.

Also, it is a different kind of difficulty for a wife. A man can send money and he is doing is husband "duty". A wife "duty" would be more domestic, which is almost impossible from a distance. Not that I am particularly domestic, but I really missed not being able to prepare meals and eat with my husband, etc.

Literally, my mother-in-law told me I could expect a man to cheat on me if I didn't personally set food in front of him for every meal (even if I didn't cook it, I had to present it). Not that I am particularly concerned, she was convinced.

[cerene 0]

Hi, my husband and I have been a couple for over 10 years. On our fifth year I migrated to US with my family. The next five years, we only see each other through webcam and talk through chat and phone calls. I only get to see him once or twice a year for 9-30 days. We got married last year, I saw him twice since then. It's been 6 months since I saw him in person but what keeps us going is the thought that this shall end soon. His interview is scheduled in March. We are hoping everything goes smoothly.

I hope somehow with my story you'll feel better. You are not the only one going through this. Thousands, if not millions of families/husbands and wives are going through this. It is never easy, the last thing you need is misunderstanding between you and your wife. My husband had said the same thing to me but I kept reminding him, it won't be long. Everything will be worth the wait - tell her that. God bless!

[danyte 2]

I know what I am about to say may be offensive to some of you, but that is not my intention. My wife and I have been married since August and spent months before that communicating all hours of the day and night. Maybe its because we are both mature, we understand that we can have all we want at the times we want it. We knew that we would be apart, and we knew there would be many jealous people, and situations in life that would prefer we stay that way. The main basis for our relationship from the very beginning was our common faith in Jesus Christ. Before I go on any further, I just want to say...Its amazing how blessed we both are. Just because we are apart does not mean we do not share all the good and bad in our lives every day. So...yes, the separation is absolutely horrible but what I would suggest because you WILL spend the rest of your lives together and should begin your con junto lives with something more powerful then either one of you. Call upon the name of the Lord and ask him to be your guide in everything. If you want, I will will be more than happy to send you both the pre marriage course we did. The documents are identical in english and spanish. I have always been a jealous person when it came to girlfriends in the past when I was young but now...I am so sure of my wife that it is never an issue. Now, on her end...yeah, she may be a bit jealous but she knows I love her as Christ loves the Church. And so, it comforts her knowing this. I know many in this world call Jesus their savior but dont truly exhibit Christ like characteristics. Not to say I am perfect because I am far from it but I know what he has given me in the wife I am married to.

I can Guarantee you from my own experience that if you truly want to have a marriage that is sanctified and blessed by the Lord, you will both submit your weakness to him and him alone and I Guarantee you he will not cover his ears and hold you both like children in his bosom. And stay there with him and NOBODY will be able to take either of you apart.

Let me know and I will hook you and your wife up with the Martial course. I know I said pre marriage but unless you are familiar with the promises he offers us who follow him, this is 100% a good learning course. and its FREE

Dios lo bendiga

[GoingCrazy2012 16]

I know what I am about to say may be offensive to some of you, but that is not my intention. My wife and I have been married since August and spent months before that communicating all hours of the day and night. Maybe its because we are both mature, we understand that we can have all we want at the times we want it. We knew that we would be apart, and we knew there would be many jealous people, and situations in life that would prefer we stay that way. The main basis for our relationship from the very beginning was our common faith in Jesus Christ. Before I go on any further, I just want to say...Its amazing how blessed we both are. Just because we are apart does not mean we do not share all the good and bad in our lives every day. So...yes, the separation is absolutely horrible but what I would suggest because you WILL spend the rest of your lives together and should begin your con junto lives with something more powerful then either one of you. Call upon the name of the Lord and ask him to be your guide in everything. If you want, I will will be more than happy to send you both the pre marriage course we did. The documents are identical in english and spanish. I have always been a jealous person when it came to girlfriends in the past when I was young but now...I am so sure of my wife that it is never an issue. Now, on her end...yeah, she may be a bit jealous but she knows I love her as Christ loves the Church. And so, it comforts her knowing this. I know many in this world call Jesus their savior but dont truly exhibit Christ like characteristics. Not to say I am perfect because I am far from it but I know what he has given me in the wife I am married to.

I can Guarantee you from my own experience that if you truly want to have a marriage that is sanctified and blessed by the Lord, you will both submit your weakness to him and him alone and I Guarantee you he will not cover his ears and hold you both like children in his bosom. And stay there with him and NOBODY will be able to take either of you apart.

Let me know and I will hook you and your wife up with the Martial course. I know I said pre marriage but unless you are familiar with the promises he offers us who follow him, this is 100%

a good learning course. and its FREE

Dios lo bendiga

Why would this be offensive? not at all my friend and thanks for all your kind words. What you say it's absolutely true and we have always share a common faith so that has helped us in the fight. Dios los bendiga a ustedes tambien.