Wedding within 90 days?

[Ippsy Pippsy 31]

Please keep in mind that this is a major event in life. If you treat it like a fast-food dinner, then you are making a strong statement to its value in you life as well as the value of your beloved. I realize that civil ceremonies are popularly discussed here on VJ because of their ease, the tradition in the US is that if you have a quickie civil ceremony it is because there is something shameful about it--one of them is divorced, an unplanned pregnancy, an affair, or something that traditionally was not acceptable in society OR that you are military and there is a war.

"tradition" ... as in the past. I'm not sure why people are going so crazy over this line? Historically civil ceremonies weren't very popular: everyone belonged to a church and got married in one. That's just how it was. You can't really just deny history. That doesn't mean you have to feel bad about getting a civil ceremony today, but as this poster points out, if you feel that you'd be compromising your values for it, then don't do it.

It is possible to do a meaningful ceremony on short notice. And you get your entire "visa journey" to plan details. A nice wedding does NOT mean you have to spend lots of money. There are tons of books out there on how to save money and how to ignore the wedding industry.

Edited February 8, 2012 by Ippsy Pippsy

[awkwardsoul 20]

reminds me of a Babylon 5 scene:

Londo Mollari: So Doctor…who died?

Stephen Franklin: (confused) What are you talking about?

Londo Mollari: Among my people this is how we celebrate state funerals. Our marriage ceremonies are solemn, sober. Moments of reflection…also regret, disagreement, argument and mutual recrimination. Once you know it can't get any worse you can sit back and enjoy the marriage. But to start with something like this? No, it is a very bad sign for the future.

(Franklin and Garabaldi walk off.)

Londo Mollari: Perhaps it is something I said?

G'Kar: Perhaps it is everything you say.

bleh, I just wanted elope, but only my father (who is terrified of meeting my fiance's parents) and me were only ones on board for it. I got my fiance talked down to civil ceremony then a party months later. Then maybe I'm going to try and duck out of a bigger party. IMO, I rather spend "wedding" money on things that matter, like mortgage payments.

I just wanna be with my fiance, not blow all my cash on a party for everyone to get drunk to.

[gland 5]

Question to all you smart VJ members. If I bring my fiance it says I must have a wedding within 90 days, do I really have to do a wedding and a ceremony and spend all that money, or can I just get married in court without a ceremony, and If I do that will that be enough?

Thanks all.

All you have to do is git hitched

[Kelly C 16]

You know good and well what is traditionally considered shameful in this society. A marriage ceremony that is based on how cheap you can be would qualify.

OP, again, consider your life-partner. What does that person want? Work together to make this occasion as memorable and joyous and celebratory as you can within your budget's constraints.

Are you serious Dude? "shameful", "skanky", what decides those factors?

OP good luck to you and yours in your Journey.

[Helen Louise Pile 80]

Good for you that you are happy with the bare minimum but bragging that your marriage ceremony cost less than a steak dinner for the two of you is kind of sad.

Actually, it's kind of awesome.

[Gosia & Tito 199]

... The Only Requirements are 2 witnesses of your Vows to eachother and a preacher/or authority to marry you.

Unless you happen to be or decide to marry in Colorado. No witnesses nor authority needed. You do it yourself!

And you get to choose any place you want to.

[KayDeeCee 4,893]

The OP seemed to be asking about a wedding ceremony versus the absolute bare minimum legal requirement. There is a lot of leeway between those two. I was reminding him that if you do the cheapest, skankiest, ####### that you can find, then you are declaring your value of the marriage and your life-partner. Really, there is more to getting married than just satisfying the requirements for the K-1.

Good for you that you are happy with the bare minimum but bragging that your marriage ceremony cost less than a steak dinner for the two of you is kind of sad.

The amount you spend doesn't make your wedding "cheap, skanky #######". Getting married at the courthouse has nothing to do with being "skanky or crappy". If you spend more money than I did on a wedding, that does not make your wedding, marriage or relationship better or more meaningful than mine. It ONLY means you spent more money. People choose to get married in tons of various types of ceremonies. None are better than the other, simply different. There isn't actually more to getting married than just what is required legally. That is all you need to get married, period. You are confusing a ceremony with the actual relationship/marriage. The two are not the same, at all.

I think their wedding ceremony was what they wanted. It made them happy and they had no silly notion that they had to break their bank accounts to have a meaningful, happy wedding. People should get married in the fashion that makes them happy and content. The ceremony means whatever it means to the couple, no matter how it was performed, or how much was spent on it.

I would never let society dictate to me how much I should spend, or what would make me happy. I can know those things on my own. I know for sure it was not spending thousands on some 'traditional' wedding ceremony because that is the norm now. You can see how that all works out so well for 'celebrities' too.

Actually, it's kind of awesome.

[Hank_ 9,174]

She used to tell my friend about marriage,

"It doesn't matter how it starts, it matters what you do with it."

Now there is a pearl of wisdom!

Edited February 9, 2012 by Hank_Amy

[LSnBigBear 61]

There is No Such Thing as a Smart VJ Member. I PROVE IT EVERYDAY!

As long as you get Married in 90 days. The Only Requirements are 2 witnesses of your Vows to eachother and a preacher/or authority to marry you.

Dan, you are such a Romantic. Maybe at least get her an Ice Cream Cone though. I also say. Keep it simple. I'm not into fancy myself. It just depends what you both want and plan.

I do not recommend the Little White Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas either....Wedding costs $500, full attire, Limo and everything included.... 10 months of Marriage, HELL, to get rid of her $30,000...... Priceless. I would have liked to be able to afford an Ice Cream Cone then LOL>>>>>>>> GO to JP or do something small... That's all I am doing per her wishes as well. Later we will do something for her parents and family. Right now just getting this party started is my goal....

[Love's JAA 100]

As long as it is a legal wedding/marriage however you choose to go about it is up to you. I have heard of many people doing just a civil ceremony initially to stay within guidelines then plan the more festive ceremony and reception for a later date wherein you both can plan together. I found it very difficult to try and plan a formal wedding and reception when there were so many uncertainties such as, date of arrival etc. Additionally, this would provide you with time to save money and too, if you'd ever want to do a honeymoon outside of the U.S this would afford you time to get the appropriate documents you would need in order to do so. However, as a word of advice. In that after the wedding you will have other steps in the immigration process to complete, having a few family members or close friends at the initial ceremony to serve as witnesses and to be included in pictures you may find helpful. So, even if you proceed with a simple civil ceremony or the like, I would try and include a few people important in your lives if for nothing more than support. Have fun and best wishes!

Sounds very reasonable and what I might like to do when the time comes. My fiancee is catholic and I'd like to have a nice catholic wedding but like you said, all the uncertainties of if and when your fiancee can come, and having to have it all done in under 90 days, seems daunting and stressful. it would be nice to be able to have the bigger religious ceremony a little bit later when things are more settled.

Even though my fiancee voiced that she would prefer a catholic wedding, she said she is fine with a skanky cheap fast and effective wedding too (please note the sarcasm). Our main concern is to be together. More important to be married and start our life together then how we wed.

[Heart_In_Jamaica 0]

My husband and I did the Justice of the Peace. We had a small party at our home a month later. Yes we took pics and yes we had my best friend stand in as our witness, but all they requested was a certified copy of our marriage certificate when we filed for his AOS. Good luck to you!

[bigdog 376]

Per Jim - "Don't make any plans until you get the visa. By the way, what are your plans?" Besides getting married in the 90 day period.

[mari&Ryan 93]

Let people spend their money how and where they want. Some couple prefer or have to get married at the court house Great!!

Some others want to have a fancy and expensive wedding ceremony Great too!!

What is the problem? It's not my money, I'm not paying for that. I just say Congratulations!

We rather spend our money in an unforgettable Honey moon and that's what we did.

[StormHeraldEDM 5]

My darling husband and I chose to get married on a mountain...just off a scenic overlook...with only my sister and her boyfriend as witnesses, and an officiant that we found on CraigsList. Cost us $350, including a new dress (that I have since worn many, many times) and a crisp pair of slacks for my beloved. We wrote the ceremony ourselves, and were serenaded by cactus wrens in the early morning sun. It was the happiest day of my life.

The wedding to my first husband (oh, the things we do when we're young...) was the $10k ordeal with flowers, cake, reception, choir, church, full liturgy, etc. How long did that marriage last? Less than a year. One of the major issues??? Money.

I just wanted to echo to OP what others have said - whatever you choose to do, it does not HAVE to be the full "traditional" wedding within those 90 days...unless that is what you and your lovely spouse-to-be choose it to be. My best friend's parents wed in the basement of their aunt's home, wearing their Sunday best...and the groom had to go do the evening milking of his cows shortly after, so no honeymoon for them. In their 48 years of marriage, I have never heard either of them once say, "If only we'd have spent more money on our wedding, our marriage would be better".

-Stormy

[Chicagoguy 2 27]

We needed a small place but with dignity, No other guests were going to be able to come.Found A few hundred small chapels in the Hills around Smoky Mountain National Park. Absolutely beautiful settings on hillsides and in the forests, Licence and service can follow. About ! day if you atr in a hurry. Very dignified. Mostly in Gatlinburg and very close buy. Then repair to cute little private cottages. Also many resturants. Very pretty area.

Stores there rent wedding dresses for the day. Selection was over 2000 where we went. People were wonderful. No Las Vegas for us.

Take I-40 or I-75 to Knoxvillethen a few miles down the road.

Google everything. You will be surprised.