Filipina Fiancee Freaking Out

[maim3 5]

I met my fiancee last year between May and July in the Philippines. I did not go to Pinas to just meet her.

At first she thought I was a playboy because I told her that I wanted to date other filipinas to see which one I liked, you know filter them out.

I was married to a filipina before so I was very careful about seeing the signs of a good or bad filipina.

Well me and my fiance got together and it was great until my ex-wife's sister found her on Facebook and started to harass her.

Because of the doubts and harassment, she broke up with me and didn't talk to me for 4 months, but then she finally came to her senses that I wasn't "that guy!"

Because she just recently wanted to get back together, I had filed the K-1 when we were still together but then we broke up. I thought she didn't want to come be with me anymore

so I didn't save up all the crazy fees that the embassy needs for her to get a K-1.

Now she is freaking out because I can't give her money on demand to get her the medical or pay for other small feels like police clearance right at this moment.

I told her that I just had a big bill for my school, I had big bill for insurance and then I just sent almost $400 dollars to pay for the visa application.

then now I have to save up for a plane ticket, for medical and to send documents to you. She doesn't understand that money doesn't appear magically

Told her that if you didn't believe the other girl and we were still together then those months we lost, then I would have had all the money needed.

$950 for one way ticket, $350 for Visa App, $250 for Medical, $160 for DHL shipment. Stuff adds up, money doesn't grow on trees.

I had to make her understand that because of your decision, you have to suffer the consequences.

Now she is coming after me because I don't have a job and I am still going to school full time even though I have VA disability.

I am trying to explain to her that my mom is helping and it takes a few months or her to start working so YES!

family does have to help a little, that is what they are there for.

Ironically explaining this to a filipina. They are the ones with the big family. You know 8 generations of family living in a 2 bedroom house.

Just that American families are a little different than the Filipino ones.

But she is trying to tell me that we must live on our own, we are both adults, yada yada. I told her! I know about being an adult, I have bee one for almost 10 years now.

I think she is doing this becuase she is afraid of leaving her "known" life in the Philippines and coming to a whole new country which is getting her all worked up.

Any way to calm her down?

I will enlighten you a bit. I am a Filipina and i think i understand what your fiancee is going through right now. Our family is well off though and im not freaking out of financial matters, actually i can pay for my visa fee and medical and everything else w/o the help of my fiance but still im telling him to save for those expenses that will come in our way once NOA 2 is approved because he tends to spend for anything he wants not for everything he needs. Im just teaching him how to be responsible in preparation of his married life. I guess that's how all independent women think because we want everything in order to avoid cramming that will cause any delay in the process. Of course every girl wants to be with their love ones as soon as possible. Distance and time difference really really suck!

But the reality comes in as we get nearer and nearer in getting the NOA2. This makes me think twice if i'm really ready to leave my family and my beloved country just to be with the person i love for good. Will this worth all the sacrifices? I'm better off in my own country.. I have maid, i don't do any household chores, i can travel all regions in the Philippines and other countries for business and pleasure every month, i'm a VIP everywhere i go, i can watch movie and see my friends after work, i can chitchat with my neighbors and relax on weekends. I can go to work and leave anytime i want. I'll be promoted to Senior Science Research Specialist very soon if i decided to stay.

But when i leave and start my life in the US, i wont have maid anymore, i need to do the household chores by myself, i need to get a job but im not sure if i can get the same job i have here. it's stressful right? One day, everything will change in one click! And because independent women thinks way far ahead, these changes freak us out!

my thoughts to you, make your fiancee feel secured just showing her you are in the same page. Listen to her and never argue with her. Be more understanding and be patient with her. It's not easy what we are going through with this process because it will change our lives for good. Maybe she is very worried for the future of her family in the financial aspect when she leaves the country. Because Filipinos work for their family not only for themselves, thats how our culture works. If u cant accept it this early, you'll have a big problem in the future.

[A and T 82]

It sounds to me like she is just after a trip to the USA, if you dont have the money and you tell her that she should understand.

[easyriders2011 14]

I will enlighten you a bit. I am a Filipina and i think i understand what your fiancee is going through right now. Our family is well off though and im not freaking out of financial matters, actually i can pay for my visa fee and medical and everything else w/o the help of my fiance but still im telling him to save for those expenses that will come in our way once NOA 2 is approved because he tends to spend for anything he wants not for everything he needs. Im just teaching him how to be responsible in preparation of his married life. I guess that's how all independent women think because we want everything in order to avoid cramming that will cause any delay in the process. Of course every girl wants to be with their love ones as soon as possible. Distance and time difference really really suck!

But the reality comes in as we get nearer and nearer in getting the NOA2. This makes me think twice if i'm really ready to leave my family and my beloved country just to be with the person i love for good. Will this worth all the sacrifices? I'm better off in my own country.. I have maid, i don't do any household chores, i can travel all regions in the Philippines and other countries for business and pleasure every month, i'm a VIP everywhere i go, i can watch movie and see my friends after work, i can chitchat with my neighbors and relax on weekends. I can go to work and leave anytime i want. I'll be promoted to Senior Science Research Specialist very soon if i decided to stay.

But when i leave and start my life in the US, i wont have maid anymore, i need to do the household chores by myself, i need to get a job but im not sure if i can get the same job i have here. it's stressful right? One day, everything will change in one click! And because independent women thinks way far ahead, these changes freak us out!

my thoughts to you, make your fiancee feel secured just showing her you are in the same page. Listen to her and never argue with her. Be more understanding and be patient with her. It's not easy what we are going through with this process because it will change our lives for good. Maybe she is very worried for the future of her family in the financial aspect when she leaves the country. Because Filipinos work for their family not only for themselves, thats how our culture works. If u cant accept it this early, you'll have a big problem in the future.

Sounds to me like your husband should think about finding work or studying so he can find work that will allow him to be employed with a transnational company there in the Philippines since you've gotten the basics+ down pretty good.

Being together doesn't necessarily mean you have to come to the US.

[rlogan 2,036]

and YES! I absolutely will not pay a waitress if she doesn't do her job. If she does it average then the 15%, but if she does an outstanding job, i'll even boost it to 20-30 percent.

That was evasion and diversion. You said you wouldn't pay for the FOOD if the waitress "bothered" you, right here:

I just tell them to go away and leave me alone or they don't get tip, but even worse I won't pay for the food for the interruptions.

The reason I thought this important is that besides all the drama that is everyone else's fault, this is a pretty drastic threat to be making to a waitress. One of the things we are taught to do in evaluating people for long-run relationships is how they treat waitresses, doormen, the grease-monkey at K-mart, etc. - because abusive people are very careful about kissing butt with the people they think have power over them, but are nasty to people that they view as beneath them.

So you have this Filipina that you met in Philippines, had a correspondence, then broke it off when the sister of the ex-wife sent some "helpful" tips to her, (the imprisonment for spousal abuse?) along with the German Psycho-Girl and then out of the blue she is in love with you, but she doesn't know you are living with your mom and dad or the full extent of your dependency upon them so that news is freaking her out...

There are some red flags on story consistency here. You were married before. Then had a "Fiance", except either one or the other was being processed on a K-3 which is a spousal visa, so this is all pretty confusing.

But one thing seems pretty clear to me: if you tell people the truth from the beginning, not even little white lies as you said, then bombshells like imprisonment for spousal abuse or living with your mom and dad; making her a dependent on your Dad's tax return - those aren't going to be bombshells at all.

Someone said it sounds like rushing in without knowing each other. Yeah.

[ALABANGGIRL 0]

I met my fiancee last year between May and July in the Philippines. I did not go to Pinas to just meet her.

At first she thought I was a playboy because I told her that I wanted to date other filipinas to see which one I liked, you know filter them out.

I was married to a filipina before so I was very careful about seeing the signs of a good or bad filipina.

Well me and my fiance got together and it was great until my ex-wife's sister found her on Facebook and started to harass her.

Be+

*ause of the doubts and harassment, she broke up with me and didn't talk to me for 4 months, but then she finally came to her senses that I wasn't "that guy!"

Because she just recently wanted to get back together, I had filed the K-1 when we were still together but then we broke up. I thought she didn't want to come be with me anymore

so I didn't save up all the crazy fees that the embassy needs for her to get a K-1.

Now she is freaking out because I can't give her money on demand to get her the medical or pay for other small feels like police clearance right at this moment.

I told her that I just had a big bill for my school, I had big bill for insurance and then I just sent almost $400 dollars to pay for the visa application.

then now I have to save up for a plane ticket, for medical and to send documents to you. She doesn't understand that money doesn't a+ppear magically

Told her that if you didn't believe the other girl and we were still together then those months we lost, then I would have had all the money needed.

$950 for one way ticket, $350 for Visa App, $250 for Medical, $160 for DHL shipment. Stuff adds up, money doesn't grow on trees.

I had to make her understand that because of your decision, you have to suffer the consequences.

Now she is coming after me because I don't have a job and I am still going to school full time even though I have VA disability.

I am trying to explain to her that my mom is helping and it takes a few months or her to start working so YES!

family does have to help a little, that is what they are there for.

Ironically explaining this to a filipina. They are the ones with the big family. You know 8 generations of family living in a 2 bedroom house.

Just that American families are a little different than the Filipino ones.

But she is trying to tell me that we must live on our own, we are both adults, yada yada. I told her! I know about being an adult, I have bee one for almost 10 years now.

I think she is doing this becuase she is afraid of leaving her "known" life in the Philippines and coming to a whole new country which is getting her all worked up.

Any way to calm her down?

ANd you have to add, when she arrives another 1,070 for AOS...explain to her when she is in good mood, am sure she will understand that life here in US is not easy. good luck!

[maim3 5]

Sounds to me like your husband should think about finding work or studying so he can find work that will allow him to be employed with a transnational company there in the Philippines since you've gotten the basics+ down pretty good.

Being together doesn't necessarily mean you have to come to the US.

Actually, i already told my fiance to just stay here in the Philippines and be my sex slave! hahaha "JOKE!" He is in the military and he is very committed in his job. I will just convince him to live in the Philippines when he retires. Anyway, he is half Pinoy, he likes it here too. For now, ill do the sacrifice and will try to get the same job i have here in Hawaii (where we will live) so i can afford a nanny for our kids.

[Hank_ 9,174]

Actually, i already told my fiance to just stay here in the Philippines and be my sex slave! hahaha "JOKE!" He is in the military and he is very committed in his job. I will just convince him to live in the Philippines when he retires. Anyway, he is half Pinoy, he likes it here too. For now, ill do the sacrifice and will try to get the same job i have here in Hawaii (where we will live) so i can afford a nanny for our kids.

I think you have a very good relationship as you and your Fiance sound like you are both commited to each other, nice to read that he is willing to move to the Phils one day.

[maim3 5]

I think you have a very good relationship as you and your Fiance sound like you are both commited to each other, nice to read that he is willing to move to the Phils one day.

any update in your NOA 2 i saw some sept. 21 filer got approved.

[acuratlsd 11]

That was evasion and diversion. You said you wouldn't pay for the FOOD if the waitress "bothered" you, right here:

The reason I thought this important is that besides all the drama that is everyone else's fault, this is a pretty drastic threat to be making to a waitress. One of the things we are taught to do in evaluating people for long-run relationships is how they treat waitresses, doormen, the grease-monkey at K-mart, etc. - because abusive people are very careful about kissing butt with the people they think have power over them, but are nasty to people that they view as beneath them.

So you have this Filipina that you met in Philippines, had a correspondence, then broke it off when the sister of the ex-wife sent some "helpful" tips to her, (the imprisonment for spousal abuse?) along with the German Psycho-Girl and then out of the blue she is in love with you, but she doesn't know you are living with your mom and dad or the full extent of your dependency upon them so that news is freaking her out...

There are some red flags on story consistency here. You were married before. Then had a "Fiance", except either one or the other was being processed on a K-3 which is a spousal visa, so this is all pretty confusing.

But one thing seems pretty clear to me: if you tell people the truth from the beginning, not even little white lies as you said, then bombshells like imprisonment for spousal abuse or living with your mom and dad; making her a dependent on your Dad's tax return - those aren't going to be bombshells at all.

Someone said it sounds like rushing in without knowing each other. Yeah.

The food has nothing to do with the waitress. Sorry, I am typing so fast that I don't realize what I am typing half the time. Then, I am going to have to explain myself.

If the food is bad, I'll complain about it. It is what the resteraunt wants to do. I will just accept the best peace offering. The waitress I won't give tip if she does a bad job but if she does a very good job, I don't mind giving extra to show my appreciation.

I was married before. I filed a K-3, but then I had it cancelled by sending a letter to the embassy while I was in Kuwait. They just asked for a scanned passport and letter authorizing them to kill the visa process. They also asked that it was motorized. That is it. 4 years later is when I applied for K-1. Before I even tried to apply for the K-1, I took my butt to the U.S. Embassy in Manila and asked them if they had a trace of it and gave them my explanation of what happen and they said I would not have a problem.

It wasn't out of the blue she was in love with me, she was still in love with me but worried. So, she was scared.

I find a lot of articles on here about how everything is going smooth. No one on here has ever had issues with their fiancee or fiance about when it comes to different things. A perfect relationship is a fake one. There has to be fights, there has to be arguments and disagreements. It is inevitable.

My main concerned about this forum that I created is if anyone has every had an of the same issues that I have had with their fiance. They never had doubts, they never asked what am I going to do when I get to the United States, my fiancee was even scared because she didn't know how to do the laundry. I told her to separate the colors and throw it in a big hole and press a button. 60 min later is it done, not the typical whole day that it takes in the Philippines if you are doing it with 3 large buckets.

I am just wondering if someone can shine some light with me an say that they have had issues with their fiancee.. am I the only one? Moving to another country is a big thing. I remember the first time I went to Philippines. I had no idea on how to do anything. I had to be retaught. It was scary at first. So, I understand the situation.

[acuratlsd 11]

I will enlighten you a bit. I am a Filipina and i think i understand what your fiancee is going through right now. Our family is well off though and im not freaking out of financial matters, actually i can pay for my visa fee and medical and everything else w/o the help of my fiance but still im telling him to save for those expenses that will come in our way once NOA 2 is approved because he tends to spend for anything he wants not for everything he needs. Im just teaching him how to be responsible in preparation of his married life. I guess that's how all independent women think because we want everything in order to avoid cramming that will cause any delay in the process. Of course every girl wants to be with their love ones as soon as possible. Distance and time difference really really suck!

But the reality comes in as we get nearer and nearer in getting the NOA2. This makes me think twice if i'm really ready to leave my family and my beloved country just to be with the person i love for good. Will this worth all the sacrifices? I'm better off in my own country.. I have maid, i don't do any household chores, i can travel all regions in the Philippines and other countries for business and pleasure every month, i'm a VIP everywhere i go, i can watch movie and see my friends after work, i can chitchat with my neighbors and relax on weekends. I can go to work and leave anytime i want. I'll be promoted to Senior Science Research Specialist very soon if i decided to stay.

But when i leave and start my life in the US, i wont have maid anymore, i need to do the household chores by myself, i need to get a job but im not sure if i can get the same job i have here. it's stressful right? One day, everything will change in one click! And because independent women thinks way far ahead, these changes freak us out!

my thoughts to you, make your fiancee feel secured just showing her you are in the same page. Listen to her and never argue with her. Be more understanding and be patient with her. It's not easy what we are going through with this process because it will change our lives for good. Maybe she is very worried for the future of her family in the financial aspect when she leaves the country. Because Filipinos work for their family not only for themselves, thats how our culture works. If u cant accept it this early, you'll have a big problem in the future.

Exactly, that is what i was looking for. You are going through the same thing my fiancee is going through. She is very independent. Her family is very well off. Her mom has her own business, but even with all that money my fiancee will always try to do things on her own.

She works so much and she is a nurse so people will take advantage of her being single. Since she is single, she can work every shift in the book because she has no obligations. She is always working, and when she comes home she goes to bed, back up in 5 in the morning she has to go to work again. She is just very stressed. She has never done a K-1 and this is my first one. So,l she is so worried when it comes to the paper work and money. I wasn't trying to say that it was her faught that i didn't have the money. I just told her that this is what happen and this is the situation and you just have to deal with the moment. I just told her to give me a couple of days. Being from the Philippines, she knows that money just doesn't appear, well not 15,000php here and there, just doesn't show up on the door step so I think she is very worried about how I will come up with the money.

My fiancee is doing the same thing that you are doing to your fiance. She is trying to prepare me for the future married life. I told her that I am pushing my school, going to 6-7 classes for the semester so that I can get a better or or a job that I enjoy. My fiancee is worried too about the work. She is a private duty nurse in the Philippines and respected and once she leaves then she will loose everything. She will loose her status and for an independent women, that is a big thing for her.

When she gets here on the K-1, she will be out of work for at least 3 months, but we have so many hospitals and doctors here that I don't think she will ever have a problem.

You also mentioned the cooking and cleaning. She has cooked before but never used electric stove so the 5 min water boil she has with her gas will take 3 times as long. When she does her laundry, she is outiside for hours doing the laundry and then waiting 2 days for it to dry, she can't get the fact that here in america, 60 min to wash and 60 min to dry and its done. LOL

When she comes here I am giving her .. her own room to sleep in so that she can transition. She is telling me that this is going to be hard for her. Being that we are not married yet, she still feels that its important not to sleep with your fiance.

Do you mind if I give you her cell number and/or email there in the Philippines so maybe you two can help one another out? I think she has to hear it from another filipina going through the same situation as hers to help her through it.

[rlogan 2,036]

When she comes here I am giving her .. her own room to sleep in so that she can transition. She is telling me that this is going to be hard for her. Being that we are not married yet, she still feels that its important not to sleep with your fiance.

She's 28? This is a defective unit. Return for unit that can be test driven under rigorous conditions.

There's no greater change then moving from full-time employment in Manila to living on the edge of the wilderness in Alaska in a log cabin. We haven't left the cabin for almost six weeks. Fifty below zero last week - seventy below zero wind chill. Heating with a wood stove. Moose in the yard. Occasionally bears or wolves.

Not one iota of drama about moving. Excitement instead. Both of us could have complained about giving up independence, and with me the international playboy life, and blowing fifteen thousand on a new airplane engine without a thought. Wheeeeee!!!

The point of this is supposed to be the happiness about being together and all the new things to encounter. If she's going to get all dramatic about leaving that perfect life in the Philippines, then fine - stay there and another half-million girls will be glad to take her place.

[acuratlsd 11]

She's 28? This is a defective unit. Return for unit that can be test driven under rigorous conditions.

There's no greater change then moving from full-time employment in Manila to living on the edge of the wilderness in Alaska in a log cabin. We haven't left the cabin for almost six weeks. Fifty below zero last week - seventy below zero wind chill. Heating with a wood stove. Moose in the yard. Occasionally bears or wolves.

Not one iota of drama about moving. Excitement instead. Both of us could have complained about giving up independence, and with me the international playboy life, and blowing fifteen thousand on a new airplane engine without a thought. Wheeeeee!!!

The point of this is supposed to be the happiness about being together and all the new things to encounter. If she's going to get all dramatic about leaving that perfect life in the Philippines, then fine - stay there and another half-million girls will be glad to take her place.

Very true but in my case it will be the half-million girls wanting to get with me for the wrong reason and just for a free trip to america. My ex wife was like that. Once she left the Philippines she did a dr. jekle and mr. hyde 180 on me.

my advice is that if your in the military, stay single because once you give your girl a military dependent card and she turns out to be the wicket witch of the east, then that dependent card is a one way ticket to unemployment. true story!

[Leatherneck 693]

Very true but in my case it will be the half-million girls wanting to get with me for the wrong reason and just for a free trip to america. My ex wife was like that. Once she left the Philippines she did a dr. jekle and mr. hyde 180 on me.

my advice is that if your in the military, stay single because once you give your girl a military dependent card and she turns out to be the wicket witch of the east, then that dependent card is a one way ticket to unemployment. true story!

Or divorce!

As a young buck, I enjoyed many a Tuesday and Saturday nights when the base club would be loaded with ladies armed that dependent ID card. I really felt badly for the guys that were responsible for those cards being issued, then I resumed having fun. They probably never knew how much their wives were having.

[Leatherneck 693]

She's 28? This is a defective unit. Return for unit that can be test driven under rigorous conditions.

There's no greater change then moving from full-time employment in Manila to living on the edge of the wilderness in Alaska in a log cabin. We haven't left the cabin for almost six weeks. Fifty below zero last week - seventy below zero wind chill. Heating with a wood stove. Moose in the yard. Occasionally bears or wolves.

What a no stress life you have there!

Not one iota of drama about moving. Excitement instead. Both of us could have complained about giving up independence, and with me the international playboy life, and blowing fifteen thousand on a new airplane engine without a thought. Wheeeeee!!!

The point of this is supposed to be the happiness about being together and all the new things to encounter. If she's going to get all dramatic about leaving that perfect life in the Philippines, then fine - stay there and another half-million girls will be glad to take her place.

Yeap, In less than a heartbeat!

[Sayha or bust. 71]

My fiance and I are only approaching the BPI phase, I hadn t even thought of the AOS phase 1070,Plus 2 Kids? We both knew up front we would have fees and fees and then a few more fees, were pretty much on the same page with the cash end of the process, but reading this post wonder how many people dont know or dont care to know it takes some income and planning to make this a seemless, somewhwat stressless Journey, The hurry up and wait is hard enough without adding onto it mutual mystification in regards to fees and unknowns of resources once your here together, just my 2 cents.

I did the the K1, and K2, fro 2 kids. Anyone that marries overseas knows that its costly and can be painful due to the distance and the uncertainty. If any of your fiancees children are under 14 at the time of Aos the fee is a flat $635. My total was$2775,note write a separate check for each app. I listen to so many post of people unprepared and lack income and relying on sponsors, some people just shouldn't do it. My 1.5 cents, anyway good luck!