Filipina Fiancee Freaking Out

[acuratlsd 11]

I met my fiancee last year between May and July in the Philippines. I did not go to Pinas to just meet her.

At first she thought I was a playboy because I told her that I wanted to date other filipinas to see which one I liked, you know filter them out.

I was married to a filipina before so I was very careful about seeing the signs of a good or bad filipina.

Well me and my fiance got together and it was great until my ex-wife's sister found her on Facebook and started to harass her.

Because of the doubts and harassment, she broke up with me and didn't talk to me for 4 months, but then she finally came to her senses that I wasn't "that guy!"

Because she just recently wanted to get back together, I had filed the K-1 when we were still together but then we broke up. I thought she didn't want to come be with me anymore

so I didn't save up all the crazy fees that the embassy needs for her to get a K-1.

Now she is freaking out because I can't give her money on demand to get her the medical or pay for other small feels like police clearance right at this moment.

I told her that I just had a big bill for my school, I had big bill for insurance and then I just sent almost $400 dollars to pay for the visa application.

then now I have to save up for a plane ticket, for medical and to send documents to you. She doesn't understand that money doesn't appear magically

Told her that if you didn't believe the other girl and we were still together then those months we lost, then I would have had all the money needed.

$950 for one way ticket, $350 for Visa App, $250 for Medical, $160 for DHL shipment. Stuff adds up, money doesn't grow on trees.

I had to make her understand that because of your decision, you have to suffer the consequences.

Now she is coming after me because I don't have a job and I am still going to school full time even though I have VA disability.

I am trying to explain to her that my mom is helping and it takes a few months or her to start working so YES!

family does have to help a little, that is what they are there for.

Ironically explaining this to a filipina. They are the ones with the big family. You know 8 generations of family living in a 2 bedroom house.

Just that American families are a little different than the Filipino ones.

But she is trying to tell me that we must live on our own, we are both adults, yada yada. I told her! I know about being an adult, I have bee one for almost 10 years now.

I think she is doing this becuase she is afraid of leaving her "known" life in the Philippines and coming to a whole new country which is getting her all worked up.

Any way to calm her down?

Edited February 6, 2012 by acuratlsd

[skiptex 225]

the VISA process and uprooting ones life is very stressful.. my better half was here in USA during holidays and we filed the K1.. wow!! it caused a couple of ARGUMENTS about the process.. but once it was done she and i were both very relieved!!

its hard to really hard to know someone when they are 1,000s of miles away.. its a risk we take

good luck

[Laser1 63]

This has all of the signs of rushing into marriage. It sounds like you two need more time to get to know each other better.

[acuratlsd 11]

She was just worried about the medical and everything. Getting everything done so that there won't be any issues with the interview.

She is 28. She has been on her own for the last 7 years in Manila with no family.

I think it is a home sick kind of thing. I kind of got the same feeling when I moved to Germany with my Army Unit. After a while it passed, but it does take a little time.

She is getting away from things that she knows into a new environment. Her life is so fast past in Manila and now that she will be moving to a country town with Military then it will be a little slower.

She was telling me that she was tired of manila and makati. Too many problems over there. She just wants to come here work as a nurse and not be screwed over as the hospital does to her.

She does a very good job taking care of people and even myself was tired of the hospital taking advantage of her.

I really want to take her away from that environment and let her enjoy life a little bit. She is a work a holic and she is just worried about everything becuase she can't work when she gets there, will take about 2-3 months for the AOS

[Dan and Judy 614]

Lesson #1. Stay off of facebook

[Tim/Mav 305]

This has all of the signs of rushing into marriage. It sounds like you two need more time to get to know each other better.

Agreed. Though it's their choice.

Back to the Drawing Board.

[acuratlsd 11]

Lesson #1. Stay off of facebook

Yeah I got away from Facebook. Me and her are totally off of it because it does seem that way. It is just another place for Drama.

I get enough of that watching ABC and those out of control Reality Shows like Jersey Shores.

I like watching other people with drama but

really want to stay away from it myself. I want to live my life peaceful.

I want snow on the grown for weeks and I can come in the house for a bowl of chilli and just smile at the piece and quiet.

[NoneYa 73]

If you filed the K-1 and she hadn't talk to you in four months, I would be more worried about the lack of evidence. You should be getting an interview soon. Maybe I am missing something? You can just let things drag out a little, and maybe find a way to earn some extra money in the mean time. Sounds like she will be a real contributor after 3 months so if you get the relationship solid, maybe you two will do well...

[acuratlsd 11]

If you filed the K-1 and she hadn't talk to you in four months, I would be more worried about the lack of evidence. You should be getting an interview soon. Maybe I am missing something? You can just let things drag out a little, and maybe find a way to earn some extra money in the mean time. Sounds like she will be a real contributor after 3 months so if you get the relationship solid, maybe you two will do well...

When I met her. She was a very independent person. She didn't like people in he bedroom. I think it took about a month and a half before i was able to see her room. She is a very private person as well.

We have been writing back and forth and doing the whole birthday thing and we were conversational but it wasn't soooo personal but we kept in touch. Then one day she just decided that she still loved me, the love never went away.

I guess Filipinas are always hearing about american guys going over there and having our selection of women. You know like a Golden Corral Buffet. I can understand that because I my last relationship was in pain because she was just using me. I can understand where she is coming from..

I was just hoping if there was anyone who had some issues with their fiancee just before they brought her to the states. You know they would feel home sick leaving their family for at least a year.

[spectec 12]

So if I have the time frame in your post figured correctly then you knew her about 6 months at the most before she broke up with you because of the facebook thing. Then 4 months later she suddenly decides she wants to get back together with you. Then she starts to demand money for things that aren't even necessary until after your petition is approved. Makes me wonder a little. I would suggest getting to know her better.

[actob99 156]

Lesson #1. Stay off of facebook

AGREE 100%... Have had a few fights due to facebook, Siempre!! And a filipina not understanding what type of people are out there trying to get/steal your information... Example.. 3 weeks ago someone tried to friend my mother so she took a look at his page. First, my fiance's picture of her at our house was pasted into a picture with this guy.. And then, a bunch of bola bola about loving her and wanting to be with her and he would be there when her bf breaks up with her, blah blah blah. She knew this guy as a friend 3 years ago where she worked for a couple of months as a ya ya.. Now, if I didn't know how strong our relationship was and put a good amount of time into it, I might have jumped the gun on this one... The talents of photo art and redhorse!!!!

[Dan and Judy 614]

I met my fiancee last year between May and July in the Philippines. I did not go to Pinas to just meet her.

At first she thought I was a playboy because I told her that I wanted to date other filipinas to see which one I liked, you know filter them out.

I was married to a filipina before so I was very careful about seeing the signs of a good or bad filipina.

Well me and my fiance got together and it was great until my ex-wife's sister found her on Facebook and started to harass her.

Because of the doubts and harassment, she broke up with me and didn't talk to me for 4 months, but then she finally came to her senses that I wasn't "that guy!"

Now she is freaking out because I can't give her money on demand to get her the medical or pay for other small feels like police clearance right at this moment.

I told her that I just had a big bill for my school, I had big bill for insurance and then I just sent almost $400 dollars to pay for the visa application.

then now I have to save up for a plane ticket, for medical and to send documents to you. She doesn't understand that money doesn't appear magically

Told her that if you didn't believe the other girl and we were still together then those months we lost, then I would have had all the money needed.

Now she is coming after me because I don't have a job and I am still going to school full time even though I have VA disability.

I am trying to explain to her that my mom is helping and it takes a few months or her to start working so YES!

family does have to help a little, that is what they are there for.

But she is trying to tell me that we must live on our own, we are both adults, yada yada. I told her! I know about being an adult, I have bee one for almost 10 years now.

The "good" ones don't break up with you for 4 months because of something someone else says.

The "good" ones don't freak out if you can't give them money

The "good" ones don't b**ch at you about not having a job

The "good" ones don't tell you how you are going to have to live.

Im on my 2cnd go around also. Had lot's of arguments with the first one before we got married and within a week of being here she was literally chasing me down the street so she could continue arguing with me. Judy has been here 3 months now and we have not had a single argument.

The one you got now is going to want to run your life. If you want someone to run your life, you'll be very happy together

[LSnBigBear 61]

Okay "disclaimer" for what I am about to say as I lived in the Philippines and dated quite a few women over the years and even broke off an engagement (K1) in the 11th hour and later like an idiot married a westernized filipina that has lived in USA for 20 years. BTW that marriage lasted 10 months. So disclaimer is I am not great at this yet I now believe after a year (next month) with my fiancee that I have learned from my own mistakes as well as their culture. So take what I say as you will and not desrespectful.

1st: Most of any marriage arguments are due to finances. Both she and you need to understand this..

2nd: Jealousy will be a part of your relationship early on. So forgive her for how she reacted when your ex contacted her on FB and harrassed her. In addition you being honest and dating around telling her you were doing it while you were in Philippines,,,,,, not smart on the relationship part as they never forget... But kudos on being moral and honest. You need to read her signs of if she is a (pardon me for being direct) a gold digging and spoiled filipina or is she genuienely in love with you for you? This is one reasond I waited to make sure after being gone from Philippines six months and dating my fiancee for one year are we in love or is it convenience. It is love from all signs I compare to now and my past. I finally found my lifemate and love of my life. So you and her need to really look at this now due to squabbles as is it love, money and a better life or is it the stresses this damn process causes.

3rd: You need to look and make some sacrifices as well. Yes she pulled back during the process due to the BS she was receiving from your ex. But her hanging in there "may" say more about it being love.

Now onto some examples as I have lived in the Philippines on and off again 5 years and have 14 years now experience in the Phils from my first visit.

> I have one friend from Canada that met his girl via a social. Married her his second visit. Supporting her well for the time it was taking her Visa. I knew something was up as after 17 months she was not with him in Canada. He works alot and earns well so he traveled back three times during the wait. He finally did some checking an dfound she never went for her medical which was holding everything up.. He blew up. She finally confided she did not want to leave her family. I was at their wedding and his wife is not a scammer but just is a 19 year old nieve woman..... So he got angry and reduced her money until she decides with an imposed deadline for her to get her medical... Now she is going for medical and has a change of heart and will come to Canada. Now is it money or love??

>> My other friend here that I met in Japan as we were traveling to Phils married his filipina here last August after she arrived in July on K1. He was earning 6 figures when they met, he lost his job and had to borrow to bring her here from friends and family if that tells his current status. She is having difficulty understanding they are now poor as all she wants to do is earn from massages she does for friends and his family then send her money back to her family. She cares less about them and how they live.

They fight often which was another reason I have waited. I dont want the big D three times now and my fiancee understands this and has been patience.

Like I said, I believe in my heart I have found the one for me FINALLY. I love her unconditionally. She knows my earnings have decreased as I was not a big spender when I lived with her in Cebu prior to being an executive there earning USD prior. She is educated, supportive and understanding. She compliments me and keeps me calm. She has seen my budget so she f my status and the savings needed to get this process moving and her here.

I believe some of us petitioners are at fault as we do not always inform our fiancee of the total finance picture so what are they to think "all Americans are rich".. Living there this is the general concensus of Foreigners...

SOrry for being winding on this. I just want you to know as much as i do about my failures. You seem like a good person so now you must figure all this out. I hope some other threads help you more

Good luck

Shawn

[patient2010 93]

[LSnBigBear 61]

One more Item as I read more great advice from others. Like I mentioned I did the K1 before and called to stop it in the 11th hour just prior to her interview date being scheduled. USCIS said via phone "it is too late to notify Manila just tell her not to go to her interview" Me not caring then I just told her I cancelled and she should not attend interview. She went to interview as I heard from my ex GF via email there about 2 months after I "cancelled" stating that my ex fiancee not only went to interview but but was living in USA. She ended up with another man that was her customer at the restaraunt she worked at. Hmmmmm.... I guess she met him after my contract ended and I came back and started her process... Not a bad gig. I paid for everything and he reeped the benefits (not worth it though) which I could care less as long as it does not hurt my current process. MOral of story as I read about your fiancee. For most Filipinos, Visa in had means they will figure out a way to get here..... So maybe taking time to sort things out at this point will not help... I hope it does.... Just look at my made for tv messed up love life COL (cry out loud ). Good luck