reporting marriage?

[rkk1 34]

I previously said I was happily married in prior threads. But I have readily admitted that right now my marriage is in trouble, as my husband has gone through a family crisis this last one month which has torn the mask right off our marriage and allowed me to see him on a whole new level. He has also gotten to see me in a different way as well. And we realize that we truly do have different values that are not so easy to brush off.

Right now I'm going through a rollercoaster, as a lot of things are happening between us.

Although I never mentioned the 'divorce' word to my husband (i.e the possibility of us divorcing), I did indirectly ask him about what he thinks of divorce last night, and came to know that he is very firmly against it. I don't think he wants to even consider a divorce from me, but he is deeply disappointment in the fact that I have different values than he does. I have tried to explain to him that our differing values are neither good nor bad, just different... I think understanding our differences (without judgment) is important for cross-cultural marriages to thrive. But sadly, he sees my values as being inferior, selfish etc. He is still adamant about his parents living with us for 6 months, when he moves here, as he feels it would only be fair to him since he's moving away from his old life.

Yes, my marriage is in trouble. I am not yet asking for a divorce, but I want to know my OPTIONS. As for Rok's advice about how I should become 'mature' and 'responsible'... well, I agree. I should. I have a lot to learn about marriages, as this is my first one and I've only been married for just over 2 months now. While I agree with you that I need to grow up, at the same time I would say that it is nice when people are a bit compassionate. Marriage truly is hard work, and we haven't even lived together yet. The communication issues itself have presented a huge challenge, as well as trying to negotiate different values. It breaks my heart when he looks down on me for having different values,... which are NOT inferior to his, but merely different. I am genuinely struggling right now. I'm on another forum asking relationship and communication advice, as it is more suited there. I'm on Visa Journey asking questions about legal implications of divorcing because VJ is a more procedural oriented site. Maybe the fact that it is harder to get a divorce will ultimately be a good thing for us, as it makes it harder to simply walk away when the journey gets tough. We can't just walk away like we could in other relationships. Conversely, I simply wanted to know my options before I tangled myself up in ways that would be harder to undo... but I am realizing now that I ultimately already did that when I decided to get married.

Edited February 5, 2012 by rkk1

[RickJovi 81]

You really need to talk with a tax professional. You are married and you may need to claim his earned income on your taxes. I would contact a tax person and ask them for help.

She doesn't need to claim him at all. If she filed single and only her income, she could still do it. The IRS isn't going to check to see if she was married or not. Even if she claims married, she can file married filing separately and still only claim herself and not his income. If her intentions are to get it annuled in his country so there is no paper trail in the U.S., then she should file as she is single. Just my two cents and those who are from another country don't know anything about filing U.S. taxes. Also since she has not filied an immigration petition, there is no paper trail yet in immigrations. Good luck to her.

Edited February 5, 2012 by RickJovi

[aaron2020 11,651]

She doesn't need to claim him at all. If she filed single and only her income, she could still do it. The IRS isn't going to check to see if she was married or not. Even if she claims married, she can file married filing separately and still only claim herself and not his income. If her intentions are to get it annuled in his country so there is no paper trail in the U.S., then she should file as she is single. Just my two cents and those who are from another country don't know anything about filing U.S. taxes. Also since she has not filied an immigration petition, there is no paper trail yet in immigrations. Good luck to her.

Your advice is dangerously wrong.

So, it's okay to commit tax fraud?????

She is married. She cannot file as single.

She signs her tax return under penalty of perjury.

What is she and her husband can reconcile their differences and proceed with the immigration petition? One document says she is married, and she claims to be single on her tax return? Not a good result.

Edited February 5, 2012 by aaron2020

[sachinky 465]

Can I ask how you guys got together? Did you spend any time together in person? It seems like the honeymoon stage is wearing off and you guys are beginning to see each other for the people you really are instead of the people you thought you were.

I'm sorry to hear about your marriage troubles. It truly sucks. If you are having doubts this early, I would pull the plug. No point in delaying the inevitable.

It seems to me that you guys rushed into this marriage without really knowing each other.

[sachinky 465]

I don't think he wants to even consider a divorce from me, but he is deeply disappointment in the fact that I have different values than he does. I have tried to explain to him that our differing values are neither good nor bad, just different... I think understanding our differences (without judgment) is important for cross-cultural marriages to thrive. But sadly, he sees my values as being inferior, selfish etc. He is still adamant about his parents living with us for 6 months, when he moves here, as he feels it would only be fair to him since he's moving away from his old life. . It breaks my heart when he looks down on me for having different values,... which are NOT inferior to his, but merely different.

I can only imagine because often when I talk to friends back home they'll often make similar disparaging remarks about how Americans are selfish and individualistic. Even if most of them have never stepped foot in America. It's hard to see differing opinions as "different." Often people compare it to their own worldviews and when it comes up short then it gets termed as inferior and shallow. Like I said before, I am surprised that these sort of conversations never took place before your marriage. While you are of Indian heritage you were born and raised here and therefore espouse American values and while there is nothing wrong in that, it probably is coming as a shock to your husband who probably thought looking Indian would be enough to turn you into the ideal subservient, docile Indian bahu.

I feel for you, I really do. I am Indian (born and raised in Calcutta) and often I thank my lucky stars I didn't get hitched to an Indian man. No offence to those who ARE but frankly, Indian society, by and large, is very patriarchal, men are fairly conservative (especially, when it comes to their wives, girlfriends are a different issue) and there are a lot of double standards that exist.

All that said, I still think this is a case of rushing to get married to someone you barely knew as opposed to cross cultural misunderstanding.

[catknit 144]

I can only imagine because often when I talk to friends back home they'll often make similar disparaging remarks about how Americans are selfish and individualistic. Even if most of them have never stepped foot in America. It's hard to see differing opinions as "different." Often people compare it to their own worldviews and when it comes up short then it gets termed as inferior and shallow. Like I said before, I am surprised that these sort of conversations never took place before your marriage. While you are of Indian heritage you were born and raised here and therefore espouse American values and while there is nothing wrong in that, it probably is coming as a shock to your husband who probably thought looking Indian would be enough to turn you into the ideal subservient, docile Indian bahu.

I feel for you, I really do. I am Indian (born and raised in Calcutta) and often I thank my lucky stars I didn't get hitched to an Indian man. No offence to those who ARE but frankly, Indian society, by and large, is very patriarchal, men are fairly conservative (especially, when it comes to their wives, girlfriends are a different issue) and there are a lot of double standards that exist.

All that said, I still think this is a case of rushing to get married to someone you barely knew as opposed to cross cultural misunderstanding.

THIS^ I can not agree more with Sachinky's break down.

He and his family may be progressive - compared to other family members or the family next door or his orthodox friend from uni. That progressive may not at all be your progressive.

Also, there is a HUGE difference between girlfriend and wife. And, for that matter, wife versus wife/mother of their children. I'm 99% sure my extraordinarily progressive Indian husband will have a personality shift when kids enter the mix - just something I've noticed.

[himher 634]

"Hindu law" whatever that is does not apply to you.

You are subject to the law of your state no matter where you married.

A non-contested divorce is relatively inexpensive. Have a family law attorney file for divorce in your state, serve your husband by courier, and then you will have a waiting period (probably 6 months but depends on your state). After that the state court will grant you divorce and you are done.

NOTE: This really WILL be a non-contested divorce - he ain't gonna be coming over to contest it and that's the penalty for choosing momma over your wife.

You will have a divorce decree and you will be free, clear, and good to go/move on.

Idle NOTE: Amazing how "mama's boys" seem to prefer submissive subservient types.

Hi guys. I was saying only a few weeks ago on this forum that I have no plans to divorce my husband, as we are happily married. Although I still don't have any direct plans to divorce him, the issue is that we have started having marital trouble. We got married in India in November, and I was planning to send out his I-130, but it has been on hold as he didn't want me to send it (until his mom's health improves). Well, his mom is thankfully getting better, but we've had so many issues the last few weeks, that I truly don't know whether this marriage will work out or not. So I'm thinking to hold off on sending out the I-130 until we can resolve our differences or not. A cross cultural marriage is hard, and I think he idealizes a different kind of woman (a more submissive subservient type), and has deep-rooted paternalistic ideals (despite the fact that he considers himself as 'liberal'-minded). We have different values and ideology and our communication has been strained, which has been frustrating. This family crisis really brought our differences out in view. Furthermore, with his family needing him in India right now, we don't know when he'll be able to come here or not.

I'm just wondering... if our marriage does break apart before I submit the I-130, am I still required somehow to notify the US government that I was married in India? I don't have any record of being married anywhere except the courthouse in his city where we filed the marriage registration. Could he simply go there and attempt to get the marriage annulled (assuming they grant it to him, as by Hindu law we aren't allowed to divorce for a year, unless there are special circumstances)? I feel like I will dig myself into a hole by having to file my taxes as a married couple if things aren't working out between us, and then I'd have to pay lots of money to a divorce lawyer (I assume?) to have to get a divorce. Rather than going through all the hassle, if things don't work out, it almost just seems easier to tear up the marriage certificate and be done with it.

Edited February 5, 2012 by himher

[fazmo 24]

Tax code is a complex subject, and for sure, this board is not for tax discussion. But the scenario of whether to file as single or married when the US citizen/resident is married to a non-resident alien was debated in several posts. Your husband is non-resident alien, therefore you certainly cannot file as married filing jointly. You can either file as married filing separately or single. Many tax software tools will ask you several questions like if you are married, if your spouse is a legal US resident, if the spouse has a valid SSN. If either of those questions are no, it will select single for you (even though you have selected "married" in preceding steps). There are also other IRS forms that instructs you to choose "single" if your spouse if non-resident alien (e.g. the W-4 form). Therefore, talk with a tax professional who really knows the tax code and seek his/her advice. You may not need to file as married at all.

As for the marriage, ff you were legally married in India, you are considered married in the US too. Tearing up the certificate and forgetting about it will not make you off the hook and single again. You are married and you have to go through a process to become free to marry again.

[aaron2020 11,651]

Tax code is a complex subject, and for sure, this board is not for tax discussion. But the scenario of whether to file as single or married when the US citizen/resident is married to a non-resident alien was debated in several posts. Your husband is non-resident alien, therefore you certainly cannot file as married filing jointly. You can either file as married filing separately or single. Many tax software tools will ask you several questions like if you are married, if your spouse is a legal US resident, if the spouse has a valid SSN. If either of those questions are no, it will select single for you (even though you have selected "married" in preceding steps). There are also other IRS forms that instructs you to choose "single" if your spouse if non-resident alien (e.g. the W-4 form). Therefore, talk with a tax professional who really knows the tax code and seek his/her advice. You may not need to file as married at all.

As for the marriage, ff you were legally married in India, you are considered married in the US too. Tearing up the certificate and forgetting about it will not make you off the hook and single again. You are married and you have to go through a process to become free to marry again.

This is incorrect. She cannot file her tax return as single. She is neither unmarried, divorce, or legally separated according to state law.

From the IRS; http://www.irs.gov/newsroom/article/0,,id=105098,00.html'>http://www.irs.gov/newsroom/article/0,,id=105098,00.html

Eight Facts About Filing Status

IRS Tax Tip 2011-09, January 13, 2011

The first step to filing your federal income tax return is to determine which filing status to use. Your filing status is used to determine your filing requirements, standard deduction, eligibility for certain credits and deductions, and your correct tax. There are five filing statuses: Single, Married Filing Jointly, Married Filing Separately, Head of Household and Qualifying Widow(er) with Dependent Child.

Here are eight facts about the five filing status options the IRS wants you to know so that you can choose the best option for your situation.

1. Your marital status on the last day of the year determines your marital status for the entire year.
   
2. If more than one filing status applies to you, choose the one that gives you the lowest tax obligation.
   
3. Single filing status generally applies to anyone who is unmarried, divorced or legally separated according to state law.
   
4. A married couple may file a joint return together. The couple’s filing status would be Married Filing Jointly.
   
5. If your spouse died during the year and you did not remarry during 2010, usually you may still file a joint return with that spouse for the year of death.
   
6. A married couple may elect to file their returns separately. Each person’s filing status would generally be Married Filing Separately.
   
7. Head of Household generally applies to taxpayers who are unmarried. You must also have paid more than half the cost of maintaining a home for you and a qualifying person to qualify for this filing status.
   
8. You may be able to choose Qualifying Widow(er) with Dependent Child as your filing status if your spouse died during 2008 or 2009, you have a dependent child and you meet certain other conditions.
   

There’s much more information about determining your filing status in IRS Publication 501, Exemptions, Standard Deduction, and Filing Information. Publication 501 is available at http://www.irs.gov or by calling 800-TAX-FORM (800-829-3676). You can also use the Interactive Tax Assistant on the IRS website to determine your filing status. The ITA tool is a tax law resource on the IRS website that takes you through a series of questions and provides you with responses to tax law questions.

Edited February 6, 2012 by aaron2020

[fazmo 24]

This is incorrect. She cannot file her tax return as single. She is neither unmarried, divorce, or legally separated according to state law.

From the IRS; http://www.irs.gov/newsroom/article/0,,id=105098,00.html'>http://www.irs.gov/newsroom/article/0,,id=105098,00.html

Eight Facts About Filing Status

IRS Tax Tip 2011-09, January 13, 2011

The first step to filing your federal income tax return is to determine which filing status to use. Your filing status is used to determine your filing requirements, standard deduction, eligibility for certain credits and deductions, and your correct tax. There are five filing statuses: Single, Married Filing Jointly, Married Filing Separately, Head of Household and Qualifying Widow(er) with Dependent Child.

Here are eight facts about the five filing status options the IRS wants you to know so that you can choose the best option for your situation.

1. Your marital status on the last day of the year determines your marital status for the entire year.
   
2. If more than one filing status applies to you, choose the one that gives you the lowest tax obligation.
   
3. Single filing status generally applies to anyone who is unmarried, divorced or legally separated according to state law.
   
4. A married couple may file a joint return together. The couple’s filing status would be Married Filing Jointly.
   
5. If your spouse died during the year and you did not remarry during 2010, usually you may still file a joint return with that spouse for the year of death.
   
6. A married couple may elect to file their returns separately. Each person’s filing status would generally be Married Filing Separately.
   
7. Head of Household generally applies to taxpayers who are unmarried. You must also have paid more than half the cost of maintaining a home for you and a qualifying person to qualify for this filing status.
   
8. You may be able to choose Qualifying Widow(er) with Dependent Child as your filing status if your spouse died during 2008 or 2009, you have a dependent child and you meet certain other conditions.
   

There’s much more information about determining your filing status in IRS Publication 501, Exemptions, Standard Deduction, and Filing Information. Publication 501 is available at http://www.irs.gov or by calling 800-TAX-FORM (800-829-3676). You can also use the Interactive Tax Assistant on the IRS website to determine your filing status. The ITA tool is a tax law resource on the IRS website that takes you through a series of questions and provides you with responses to tax law questions.

I really get surprised when people take one statement (that is not even conclusive) from a publication and assume that they know all about taxes. The tax code can fill up an entire household's rooms and you will be fooled if you think all tax rules are clear from that statement - especially when it says: Single filing status generally applies to anyone who is unmarried, divorced or legally separated according to state law.

Yes it is correct that a tax payer is either single, married or legally separated for tax purposes. But who is single or married? Is the word "resident" in IRS books the same as the word resident in USCIS books? If you have a child with an SSN, you may claim the child as a dependent child even if he does not live with you. But what if the child is non-resident alien (i.e an alien child of an LPR)? That is why I said talk to a tax professional. This subject was debated not only in this forum but in several other places. It is always advisable to consult with a professional in the subject matter.

[james&olya 1,121]

This is incorrect. She cannot file her tax return as single. She is neither unmarried, divorce, or legally separated according to state law.

From the IRS; http://www.irs.gov/newsroom/article/0,,id=105098,00.html

Eight Facts About Filing Status

IRS Tax Tip 2011-09, January 13, 2011

[*] Single filing status generally applies to anyone who is unmarried, divorced or legally separated according to state law.

[*]

The word 'generally' as used here means usually, NOT always! Your quote here does not prove your point!

[alizon 77]

The mere fact that the word "generally" is in there to accomodate exceptions does not mean that this situation qualifies as an exception. Because she is legally married, she needs to prove that she is an legitimately an exception to the rule (in the eyes of the IRS) before being able to file as single.

Quoting from the IRS: (http://www.irs.gov/publications/p501/ar02.html#en_US_2011_publink1000220721)

You are considered married for the whole year if on the last day of your tax year you and your spouse meet any one of the following tests.

• You are married and living together as husband and wife.
  
• You are living together in a common law marriage that is recognized in the state where you now live or in the state where the common law marriage began.
  
• You are married and living apart, but not legally separated under a decree of divorce or separate maintenance.
  
• You are separated under an interlocutory (not final) decree of divorce. For purposes of filing a joint return, you are not considered divorced.
  

If you live apart from your spouse and meet certain tests, you may be considered unmarried. If this applies to you, you can file as head of household even though you are not divorced or legally separated. (My added comment: Being considered "unmarried" is not always the same as being considered "single" for the IRS. Filing as head of household requires additional conditions and is NOT the same as filing single.)

Your filing status is single if, on the last day of the year, you are unmarried or legally separated from your spouse under a divorce or separate maintenance decree, and you do not qualify for another filing status

Edited February 6, 2012 by alizon

[alizon 77]

Your husband is non-resident alien, therefore you certainly cannot file as married filing jointly. You can either file as married filing separately or single.

Lastly, this is not true. You can file as married filing jointly if you elect to have your husband treated as a resident alien for tax purposes and obtain an ITIN.

http://www.irs.gov/businesses/small/international/article/0,,id=96734,00.html

Edited February 6, 2012 by alizon

[fazmo 24]

Lastly, this is not true. You can file as married filing jointly if you elect to have your husband treated as a resident alien for tax purposes and obtain an ITIN.

http://www.irs.gov/businesses/small/international/article/0,,id=96734,00.html

Did it ever occur to you that if someone is treated as resident, then they ARE treated as resident and no longer considered a non-resident alien? See here under married filing jointly http://www.irs.gov/businesses/small/international/article/0,,id=96467,00.html

You are either reading texts without analyzing or maybe, in your eyes, I am as wrong as the IRS link I provided above.

[alizon 77]

Did it ever occur to you that if someone is treated as resident, then they ARE treated as resident and no longer considered a non-resident alien? See here under married filing jointly http://www.irs.gov/businesses/small/international/article/0,,id=96467,00.html

You are either reading texts without analyzing or maybe, in your eyes, I am as wrong as the IRS link I provided above.

It's not really clear what you're disputing about what I said. I was disputing your claim that she is not allowed to file jointly because her husband is a nonresident alien. Your link says the exact same thing as what I claimed above (which is contrary to your initial post): if a citizen is married to a nonresident alien, they can file jointly if they choose to let the nonresident alien be taxed as a resident alien. This doesn't mean that the nonresident suddenly is a resident, they're just taxed like one.

From your own link: "Generally, you cannot file as married filing jointly if either spouse was a nonresident alien at any time during the tax year. However, nonresident aliens married to U.S. citizens or residents can choose to be treated as U.S. residents and file joint returns. For more information on these choices, refer to Nonresident Spouse Treated as a Resident."