reporting marriage?

[rkk1 34]

Hi guys. I was saying only a few weeks ago on this forum that I have no plans to divorce my husband, as we are happily married. Although I still don't have any direct plans to divorce him, the issue is that we have started having marital trouble. We got married in India in November, and I was planning to send out his I-130, but it has been on hold as he didn't want me to send it (until his mom's health improves). Well, his mom is thankfully getting better, but we've had so many issues the last few weeks, that I truly don't know whether this marriage will work out or not. So I'm thinking to hold off on sending out the I-130 until we can resolve our differences or not. A cross cultural marriage is hard, and I think he idealizes a different kind of woman (a more submissive subservient type), and has deep-rooted paternalistic ideals (despite the fact that he considers himself as 'liberal'-minded). We have different values and ideology and our communication has been strained, which has been frustrating. This family crisis really brought our differences out in view. Furthermore, with his family needing him in India right now, we don't know when he'll be able to come here or not.

I'm just wondering... if our marriage does break apart before I submit the I-130, am I still required somehow to notify the US government that I was married in India? I don't have any record of being married anywhere except the courthouse in his city where we filed the marriage registration. Could he simply go there and attempt to get the marriage annulled (assuming they grant it to him, as by Hindu law we aren't allowed to divorce for a year, unless there are special circumstances)? I feel like I will dig myself into a hole by having to file my taxes as a married couple if things aren't working out between us, and then I'd have to pay lots of money to a divorce lawyer (I assume?) to have to get a divorce. Rather than going through all the hassle, if things don't work out, it almost just seems easier to tear up the marriage certificate and be done with it.

Edited February 5, 2012 by rkk1

[VanessaTony 3,567]

You are married. Whether you want to be or not you ARE.

You cannot just "tear up your marriage certificate and be done with it". Down the line, at ANY stage of your life, this marriage need only come to light and without a divorce certificate, any subsequent marriages would be void. You would be guilty of polygamy. It would/could create you a WORLD of hurt.

Do things the correct and legal way. It's the only way you will ever REALLY "be done with it".

[rkk1 34]

And by the way, if our marriage does end by April, we wouldn't be classified as married then at the time of filing taxes, right? Just wondering how this would work. I'm not asking to do anything wrong at all, I just wanted to know what would happen if the relationship ended. Thanks!

You are married. Whether you want to be or not you ARE.

You cannot just "tear up your marriage certificate and be done with it". Down the line, at ANY stage of your life, this marriage need only come to light and without a divorce certificate, any subsequent marriages would be void. You would be guilty of polygamy. It would/could create you a WORLD of hurt.

Do things the correct and legal way. It's the only way you will ever REALLY "be done with it".

Yikes! I hadn't really thought about polygamy. I was being 'tongue-in-cheek' (i.e. joking) about tearing up the divorce certificate. I was actually thinking more along the lines of him getting it annulled in his local court without me having to report it to the US government, only to then have to pay someone here in the US for a divorce. That was my gist. Not to do anything illegal.

EDIT: I meant 'marriage' certificate, not divorce certificate above.

Edited February 5, 2012 by rkk1

[VanessaTony 3,567]

And by the way, if our marriage does end by April, we wouldn't be classified as married then at the time of filing taxes, right? Just wondering how this would work. I'm not asking to do anything wrong at all, I just wanted to know what would happen if the relationship ended. Thanks!

You married last year therefore for last years taxes you are married. Double check it with your tax agent but you were married last tax year so I believe you need to file married.

[maiortum 6]

There are some distinct and separate issues here. Let me see if I can help you sort it out. I am not a licensed lawyer but have studied law in USA.

First lets take the issue of taxes and filing your US Income Tax return. In USA, you have the choice to file as "Married filing separately". Conversely USA returns require social security numbers and your Indian hubby probably does not have one. You can file your return as stated above.

Second issue is whether he can annull the marriage in India. Well sad to say in India with enough money on the line you can darn near accomplish anything whether legal or illegal. You are a US citizen and you should stay within the law if you can. Once you are married anywhere in the world - USA will treat that as a lawful marriage if it was conducted as per local law. You can get a divorce in your jurisdiction and many places offer help for "No Fault" divorce. It is your choice. I would suggest that you do all things above board. Regardless, if one day you have to file another I-130 - you must truthfully answer if you were married before and cannot sweep it under the rug. Clean up your act legally and go live a bountiful life. Mixing cultures can be rewarding and punishing depends on who the players are.

I wish you God speed in all you do. Many blessings.

[alizon 77]

You married last year therefore for last years taxes you are married. Double check it with your tax agent but you were married last tax year so I believe you need to file married.

Yup, I think that's right. If you look at the IRS's "how should I file" pages, it talks about whether you were married on the last day of the tax year (Dec. 31, 2011), not by the time you file your taxes.

[catknit 144]

#1 - The divorce part - if it happens - you can file stateside, it would be uncontested if he's filing overseas. You need to follow your state's rule. Some states do have a variety of rules pertaining to how, when, why. You'll need to do research on this end. But, if you haven't mixed assets, etc it may be as simple as getting the paperwork from the court clerk, filing in the info, signing, and calling it a day.

#2 - Taxes - double check if you file with an agency or cpa. They will know the ins and outs. An option is to file married, separately also. Do you have a ITIN number for your husband in order to file jointly? I believe you would need that...I'm more than sure someone will chime in with that info...

I do not envy the position you are currently in and given your past topics and posts I think it underscores the fact that even having similar ethnicity/race/religion does not in any way, shape, or form make marriage any easier.

Liberal or progressive or however your husband may be portraying himself to you in this case may not be the same as your idea of liberal or progressive. Heck, for him and his family, just marrying an American born/raised woman may be as far of a concession as he or his family is willing to go - they would expect you to be the perfect bhahu anyway and over look any pop culture references/likes you have as the only concession.

Plus, at the beginning of a relationship for some people there is this feeling of invincibility - not agreeing on certain aspects of life is fine "because we love each other and we'll make it work!". The truth of the matter is that compromise is darn hard. And, it can get old fast.

If you feel like all you are doing is giving in, giving in some more, and then, just for kicks, giving in once again, you will end up completely burnt out and resenting the relationship.

Not to sound all gloom and doom, but these are hard questions you should ask yourself before filing the I130.

Also, if you think you [and your family???] want to go down this path again with another guy from India, it may be better to have a clean record with USCIS and/or NVC and/or Consulate and just have to cough up a divorce decree rather than getting potential guy #2 to the interview and have him grilled about the "failed first marriage that you tried to get a green card for!!!" [especially if you're going through Delhi!].

There is a LOT to think about on your end. I think you are truly looking at the full picture and that is a great thing. Only you and your gut know how this is going and whether or not you need to bail.

Hang in there!

[rok 3]

I have been following your posts for a month. Let me tell you that you are not that one in million case of inter racial marriage. You will see majority of the members here on same boat.

The real problem is you are taking marriage as joke or like child's play. Stand up as matured and responsible lady with guts and take firm decision. You want be in or you don't in marriage????

Everything will be easy thereafter.

[TBoneTX 45,299]

The real problem is you are taking marriage as joke or like child's play.

I fail to see evidence that proves this conclusion.

[catknit 144]

I have been following your posts for a month. Let me tell you that you are not that one in million case of inter racial marriage. You will see majority of the members here on same boat.

The real problem is you are taking marriage as joke or like child's play. Stand up as matured and responsible lady with guts and take firm decision. You want be in or you don't in marriage????

Everything will be easy thereafter.

I think it's a little more involved than that as she has stated in past topics that she herself is Indian-American. She's more than familiar with the culture/family dynamic in general - I think [and could be completely wrong I admit!] that it is more of a potential "mismatch" than a typical intercultural/interracial marriage issue.

[RICARDO4EVA2 194]

The real problem is you are taking marriage as joke or like child's play. Stand up as matured and responsible lady with guts and take firm decision.

To me she's taking a good route .. thinking BEFORE she submit her paper work for this person in INDIA. She's trying to make a decision.. seems at this point she's seeking a divorce - just wants it from another side.

[God fearing 13]

1328449296[/url]' post='5140433']

I think it's a little more involved than that as she has stated in past topics that she herself is Indian-American. She's more than familiar with the culture/family dynamic in general - I think [and could be completely wrong I admit!] that it is more of a potential "mismatch" than a typical intercultural/interracial marriage issue.

I agree! The only ingredient for not seeing eye to eye, is differences of opinion. Sometimes the more we get to know some one, we discover more about them and ourself.

[bigdog 376]

You mentioned an annulment, good idea if you can do it. Good Luck no matter what you decide.

[rok 3]

I fail to see evidence that proves this conclusion.

I give a little try and hope that will open your mental ear. She confess she is happily married on the other hand she is looking for means to get divorce. A happily married woman surfing on net for divorce!!! She says her in laws are best in the world and she still not adjusting a bit for their happiness and even her husband happiness or for your understanding for happy marriage. She is not even ready to file her taxes as married woman which technically she is even if you forget her claim that she is happily married. There are many more similar posts by her in last few weeks.

You are american or canadian or xyzian or Indian no marriage is perfect. We do face problems, differences of opinion and other issues.

That is why I said that let it be clear that you want to be happily married or you want divorce. This is really funny that you want to married and looking for trip to get divorce or vice-verse. WHAT YOU LOOK IS WHAT YOU GET.

[bobnleth 2]

You married last year therefore for last years taxes you are married. Double check it with your tax agent but you were married last tax year so I believe you need to file married.

You really need to talk with a tax professional. You are married and you may need to claim his earned income on your taxes. I would contact a tax person and ask them for help.