Married, but both go to different universities- problem?

[kalvy 0]

Hey everyone, i was wondering if being married and not living together will be a problem at the interview. You see, my soon to be husband who is a U.S. citizen goes to school in San Diego, while i go to school in Davis, Norcal. I have a f-1 visa, would this be a problem? of course we'd have joint bank accounts, many pictures, plane tickets, and a mass amount of instant messages history. Anyone have any idea what to do in my situation? should i be worried? Thank you guys btw for taking your time out to help me with this, its much appreciated.

[Pitaya 2,577]

Hey everyone, i was wondering if being married and not living together will be a problem at the interview. You see, my soon to be husband who is a U.S. citizen goes to school in San Diego, while i go to school in Davis, Norcal. I have a f-1 visa, would this be a problem? of course we'd have joint bank accounts, many pictures, plane tickets, and a mass amount of instant messages history. Anyone have any idea what to do in my situation? should i be worried? Thank you guys btw for taking your time out to help me with this, its much appreciated.

Welcome to the forum!

If you want to live in America as husband and wife, you will most likely have apply for either a K-1 or a CR-1/IR-1 visa, fiancee or spousal visa, depending on your circumstances. Take a look at the Guides for great information on the various visas available.

There may be some "away from USA time" for the non-US citizen. The Guides will become your friends.

Good luck.

Edited February 3, 2012 by A&B

[Moomin 292]

Try typing in "aos not living together" in search bar on VJ (upper right side of page). I found some in the same situation as you who had been given advise on how to deal with the situation, or who went through AOS without living together on weekdays due to job/school etc.

Congrats on upcoming marriage.

[kalvy 0]

Hey everybody, so the marriage is coming up in June, but me and my soon to be husband has been very worried about what is going to be the outcome of the AOS. Worst of all, he just got denied into University of Davis (the school that I attend), and he got accepted into UC San Diego.

It's a very hard and difficult time right now, we are both bummed out that we will not be able to live with each other for at least 2 more years, and don't know what AOS will think because we have not lived together, and wont be able to, until we both graduate. This probably is a major red flag in their eyes, and both of me and him been stressing out about it, although he claims it 'should' be okay as long as we tell AOS the truth.

Me and him known each other for over a year and a half already, and met when I was living in San Diego for community college, Davis was the only school that accepted me, so i had to move away. We visited each other about once a month, so we have plane fare histories that can always be pulled up.

A couple months ago he decided that he would move up here with me too, and go to UC Davis with me, and we would live together, but in order for that to work, we would have to get married first (family/cultural reasons), so fast forward, we planned our wedding for this summer, everything is moving, but he just found out a couple days ago he got denied admission, he will try to appeal, but the results wont be known until july so we're still trying... =( i dont know guys, do you guys have any tips/advice?

I want him to come up here for and skip UC for another year, and go to community college so that we can live together, but thats kind of selfish of me, i need a miracle.

[jdh 103]

You will be much better off, not only for the AOS but for your marriage, if he takes some time off from school if he can't go to yours.

People in love do what it takes to stay together, and one year or two years of him waiting to finish school, in the grand scheme of things, is no big deal...do it.

There is no point in being married and not living together for two years.

[ceadsearc 516]

Not living together is a red flag but it can be overcome with evidence as to why. You have a valid reason, so I wouldn't let that keep me from AOSing.

[Little_My 464]

You will be much better off, not only for the AOS but for your marriage, if he takes some time off from school if he can't go to yours.

People in love do what it takes to stay together, and one year or two years of him waiting to finish school, in the grand scheme of things, is no big deal...do it.

There is no point in being married and not living together for two years.

I always take a bit of an issue with people making statements like this - me and my husband did long distance for the first 2 years we were together. If we hadn't, we wouldn't be married now. Most people on these forums wouldn't be married if they weren't ready to make a long distance relationship work for a while. No one wants to live apart from the person they love - but life isn't perfect, and things don't always work out the way we want them to. I respectfully disagree with "there is no point in being married and not living together" - we do what we have to. I am 200% in love with my husband, as he is with me, but there is more to both of our lives than the marriage and the love we share, and sometimes we have to make hard decisions and sacrifices. Personally, it is important for me that the person I love is also an independent individual with his own academic and professional career and personal life, that he also loves and cares about - and I know he thinks the same of me. Sometimes that career of academic aspirations might force us to make tough decisions, but we make it work, because we know we support each other fully, and we want to see each other do things we find important and love, also outside our marriage. My husband currently spends almost half of the year in India, because that's where his company is - it's hard, but I support him. Because that is what you do in marriage.

Kalvy - as stated by previous posters, living together is a red flag, but not a deal breaker. You should prepare to have strong proof of a bonafide marriage and relationship, and prepare to show why it is that you are living apart. You can also show the application materials to Davis as proof of you two doing your best to be together in the same place.

Edited May 1, 2012 by Little_My

[jdh 103]

I always take a bit of an issue with people making statements like this - me and my husband did long distance for the first 2 years we were together. If we hadn't, we wouldn't be married now. Most people on these forums wouldn't be married if they weren't ready to make a long distance relationship work for a while. No one wants to live apart from the person they love - but life isn't perfect, and things don't always work out the way we want them to. I respectfully disagree with "there is no point in being married and not living together" - we do what we have to. I am 200% in love with my husband, as he is with me, but there is more to both of our lives than the marriage and the love we share, and sometimes we have to make hard decisions and sacrifices. Personally, it is important for me that the person I love is also an independent individual with his own academic and professional career and personal life, that he also loves and cares about - and I know he thinks the same of me. Sometimes that career of academic aspirations might force us to make tough decisions, but we make it work, because we know we support each other fully, and we want to see each other do things we find important and love, also outside our marriage. My husband currently spends almost half of the year in India, because that's where his company is - it's hard, but I support him. Because that is what you do in marriage.

Kalvy - as stated by previous posters, living together is a red flag, but not a deal breaker. You should prepare to have strong proof of a bonafide marriage and relationship, and prepare to show why it is that you are living apart. You can also show the application materials to Davis as proof of you two doing your best to be together in the same place.

For this type of situation there is no difference between being married and not being married...nothing changes...so yes, there is no point. IMO. I would either wait to get married or get married and wait on finishing school. When you are young you have lots of time to finish the academic stuff...it's no biggy to take a year or two off school to take the low risk route and be able to stay together.

There is a difference in having to be apart and choosing to be apart...many times it turns out to be a choice.

[SOflaherty 40]

For this type of situation there is no difference between being married and not being married...nothing changes...so yes, there is no point. IMO. I would either wait to get married or get married and wait on finishing school. When you are young you have lots of time to finish the academic stuff...it's no biggy to take a year or two off school to take the low risk route and be able to stay together.

There is a difference in having to be apart and choosing to be apart...many times it turns out to be a choice.

If the OP were asking for your opinion on their life choices I could see why you feel the need to interject, but they didn't, they only asked how this would affect the AOS, and the fact is it shouldn't too much since they both seem to have been in school when they met. Lots of married couples are apart for periods of time due to jobs(especially in this economy) and this is really no different. Your opinion on whether or not they *should* get married is useless in this situation.

Edited May 1, 2012 by SOflaherty

[jdh 103]

Actually my opinion on their situation is relevant. And so is yours..thanks for sharing your opinion.

My opinion was that they would be better off just waiting on the marriage. They are obviously free to make whatever choice they want.

If it were me, I would feel better and safer just holding off on the marriage...

People come on here looking for advise, and sometimes that advise is going to go against your grain. No worries.

Edited May 1, 2012 by jdh

[ceadsearc 516]

There are other things to consider as to why they might want to marry and AOS - for example, maybe marriage is important to them, maybe being work authorized will allow the non-USC spouse to work so they CAN live together, etc. I do understand the point you are making but everyone has different reasons.

[jdh 103]

There are other things to consider as to why they might want to marry and AOS - for example, maybe marriage is important to them, maybe being work authorized will allow the non-USC spouse to work so they CAN live together, etc. I do understand the point you are making but everyone has different reasons.

Exactly...which is why I make clear it is just my opinion based on the info here. I would probably still marry and do what the OP said she would like, the hubby can move and take a year or two off his academic pursuit and stay together while they do the AOS and get to enjoy the beginning of their marriage together - which is such an important time.

I completely agree with everyone making their own choice and that sometimes situations force things, I wouldn't argue that. Freedom is great.

As time goes on you realize more and more how important family is. There isn't much more important than family...and for my wife and I we both agree that neither work or academics will ever come between us spending every moment possible together. We understand that sometimes people dont have a choice....but I would recommend it to anyone - it's a great way to live if you are able. If there is any other way to live that doesn't absolutely require me to be away from her, I will take it. If it means less pay, if it means going without a 'want', that's ok by me. One thing I have learned is that there is almost always "another way".

Absolutely, OP, make the choice best for you guys.

Edited May 1, 2012 by jdh

[kalvy 0]

thanks for your opinion guys, we're thinking about postponing the wedding until january 2013, by this time, it will only be about 6 months away from when i graduate and ill be able to move back down to San Diego and live with him.

The only question is, do people tend to file for AOS immediately after their weddings? Or do they usually wait a couple months. Does it even matter? Would the AOS question me for why am i applying AOS so fast? And yes i would like to be able to work and inquire enough money to be able to live with him.

"Posted Today, 08:39 AM

There are other things to consider as to why they might want to marry and AOS - for example, maybe marriage is important to them, maybe being work authorized will allow the non-USC spouse to work so they CAN live together, etc. I do understand the point you are making but everyone has different reasons. "

Is that a bad reasoning to tell the AOS as well? that being authorized would allow me to work and save up so that we could live together?

Thank you guys so much for your opinions and advice, each and everyones' idea is actually helping me

[Little_My 464]

I got married in February 2011, and filed AOS papers in March 2011. Most people who marry US citizens and know they plan to stay here file the papers fairly soon after the wedding - that is not considered suspicious or weird at all.

[Darnell 8,478]

so, yer here on an F-1 visa, thinking of getting married and thinking of filing an AOS case.

You have issues for staying together due to school admissions requirements, yer soon to be spouse cannot get admitted.

Which is more important - to finish the degree, or to file an AOS casefile after marriage?

You can marry anytime, and NOT file the AOS until you both feel it's time to do it.