nat geo

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I think you're correct on this one. It's a HUGE issue for many women if they're accustomed to living a nice life and/or being "spoiled" in Russia. They come here and live a "plain and normal" life and it just doesn't suit them. My wife is in this category. She can't stand the fact that we're "poor" here in America and I don't constantly shower her with gifts, take her to the ballet, etc.

A "normal" life in America is actually pretty hard for some to get used to. "What do you mean we not gonna be go on two week vacation?"

Part of the misunderstanding is here in America if you have $2000/month you end up with about $100 spending money after the bills are paid. In Russia, if you have $2000/month... you have $2000/month. Without two people working decent jobs, it is rather difficult for the lady to assimilate without winning a jackpot.

These statements are true. Alla was a bit astounded by the amount I told her that I made every month. And when she arrived and the first payday came she wanted to "see the money" So I go online and show her the bank account..."see, right here, direct deposit."

Then she wants to know "How do we get this money?" Well I have mailed the checks for the house, the electric bill, gas bill, the insurance, the internet yada yada and we have $300 left we cango to Bed, Bath & Beyond and buy some stuff for the bedroom... "$300?" "So we really do not make $5000 per month?" And of course this was after paying for her plane tickets, etc. It took a while for her to understand it. In Ukraine she was paid by Western Union, CASH, in Euros. $2000 per month meant somone counted $2000 CASH into her hand and she "spent it" It took a long time and doing the bills together each week to understand and yes, now she says "we are poor"

[visaveteran1 33]

"Jackpot" is when the petitioner pays for 100% of the visa process including allowance, travel expenses, etc., and then after arrival buys her a car, puts her through school, continues (typically adjusts for location and inflation) her allowance, etc. Well, based on your criterion, my wife got 1/3 of a jackpot.

It seems the guys who can buy her everything she wants tend to fare pretty well, provided they keep the charade going. Well Slim, as you know, there is this secret deal we fat, bald, older or ugly guys (and younger too) make with the Russian women. We pony up the money to get them here and they bring over their lovely rear ends That's the deal...it's about sex for immigration. It may be more than that. It may involve true feelings, building a family...but at the end of the day, that's the deal. Some guys can own that straight up, and some prefer to spray paint it with nice-ee-nice decorations. I see many of us need some magic love thing going on...whether real or otherwise. It's a "human thing." But deep inside our DNA, we fully understand what we need...sex and a sense of mission. That's why we have "a pair."

I think you're correct on this one. It's a HUGE issue for many women if they're accustomed to living a nice life and/or being "spoiled" in Russia. They come here and live a "plain and normal" life and it just doesn't suit them. My wife is in this category. She can't stand the fact that we're "poor" here in America and I don't constantly shower her with gifts, take her to the ballet, etc. My wife once asked me somewhat angrily, "Why can't I spend a $1000 a month?" Man, she was really in the wrong relationship! They just have too high an expectation.

Part of the misunderstanding is here in America if you have $2000/month you end up with about $100 spending money after the bills are paid. In Russia, if you have $2000/month... you have $2000/month. Without two people working decent jobs, it is rather difficult for the lady to assimilate without winning a jackpot. Russian women are pretty darn materialistic and the concept of "savings" does not compute in their consumer lusting minds. There are exceptions as always but...they can really go nuts at the Mall. If you give them a credit card, you need a psych exam. Like me...yes, I needed my head examined

You're right that it's a mix of all the above. My post was in an attempt to point out that those who "take care of" their beneficiary throughout the process don't seem to fare as well as those who allow their beneficiary the opportunity to take care of themselves. I look at it like this...you can end up with a wife or a daughter depending on how you play the game.

[AmyWrites 593]

Saw that episode like a year or two back, boy it was just sad. The guy who was engaged to his Russian woman... he didn't seem to trust her, was all worried and freaking out when she took a long time to meet him at the airport; I kept thinking, "Why did this guy file for her if he obviously thinks she still might be scamming him?". They seemed to care about each other though, so that's good.

The second guy, having no game whatsoever, was a humiliation to American men, and the woman he met... were they serious? There's so many more beautiful and hot Russian women around (yes, I am shallow, shoot me, but it takes more than blue eyes to be hot.) And he seemed to go there because there was just no way he could've scored in the US. Not to mention the general awkwardness of that entire date; it was painful to watch.

I also found it weird they only presented couples in which the woman spoke little to no English. How is it possible to have a relationship with someone you can barely speak to? If they wanted to portray this "mail order bride" thing as about love, and not about an easy way of getting a woman, that made it fail... because people who want relationships want to be able to communicate with their partners, at the very basic level, for practicality's sake.

I expected them to show a normal, happy relationship, in which both people had chemistry and so on. But those couples, it all seemed force and somewhat paranoid in some ways. I thought it would make this seem less as "ugly fat guy buys hot(er), younger female in exchange for the 'American Dream'", and more "Yeah, you can meet love online, and it's okay, and no one's buying anything, and so on and so forth", especially coming from National Geographic, but I was mostly disappointed.

I saw another show on one of the women channels... think it was called The Secret Lives of Women, and they had this episode on mail order brides, and I found that one much more accurate, honest in the hardships and benefits of marrying a foreigner, and it showed both women who had just met their future husbands or had just arrived in the US, and Russian women who'd been in the US for years. If they still air that I think you'd all enjoy it too.

[visaveteran1 33]

I saw another show on one of the women channels... think it was called The Secret Lives of Women, and they had this episode on mail order brides, and I found that one much more accurate, honest in the hardships and benefits of marrying a foreigner, and it showed both women who had just met their future husbands or had just arrived in the US, and Russian women who'd been in the US for years. If they still air that I think you'd all enjoy it too.

My wife's favorite Russian TV show is called "Let's Go Marriage!" I guess it's a take on our silly "reality TV" like "The Bachelor" etc. The show usually has some awful looking fat old Russian man and a selection of Russian women...some pretty, some not. At the end the guy picks his future wife...but often there is no actual marriage. Looks like everybody's trying to buy or win a wife.

I remember when I was young...the only thing you had was a phone...and you had to man up and cold call some chick. I remember how awkward that could be...but there were no shortcuts back then. We did it old school fashion.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

VV you make it hard for me to cut and paste your comments. We are not all like Slim, you know

I can agree with your statements to a point, perhaps with some spray paint. My father always said "it is just as easy to fall in love with a rich one as a poor one" As usual I did not listen to my father. After being in Ukraine for some time (5 minutes) I could tell you that I was not going to settle for less than a hot wife, because I COULD and no doubt I COULD because of the abundance of targets. The only trouble was choosing the real prize out of the considerable herd of available options. I think I done good, so to speak. I truly have deep feelings for my wife and sons, though I will admit my initial search was based on superificial criteria. And it was nothing less than her drop dead good looks that initially made me make contact with Alla. There was no way I was letting that one walk by me (literally) and not giving it a shot! I did, after all, grow up in the old days like you making "cold calls". So "hear goes nothing" as they say. I had no hesitation to make contact as I had done it for so long and realized the worst that can happen is a polite conversation and a wish to have a nice day. And I also admit that there is no way I could have scored such a woman here, or at least small chance of it. Alla, being eternally practical and direct, knows this but takes some comfort in it that her truly good husband is not likely to stray because...to where would he stray? She has an acceptably good life for her and the boys and a loyal husband and companion in life. Who is the loser? I have good sex and so does she. She likes sex also, as it happens.

Alla is materialistic to a point. She puts her children first. That is important. She is not crazy with credit cards and does not carry a balance month-to-month. She has grown to be accustomed to using them but pays them off and uses them to get extra bargains on her purchases. Many department stores give an extra 10% off if you use one of their store cards. She will buy something with the card, then walk directly to customer service and pay the bill with the cash she has in her wallet and save an extra 10%, or come home and send off a check. She is not one to save money, except in the form of cash in her drawer for specific items and that she WILL do. She will save money for a sofa, a new pistol for her, etc.

She has been through economic collapse TWICE in her life and has little trust for "money in the bank" When you live through extended periods of hyper-inflation it develops a sense of "buy it now it will cost more tomorrow" At any rate I am not the least bit worried when she goes shopping, she will not spend more than we can afford. Even though Ukraine no longer has hyper-inflation, (for the moment) lets face it, the UAH is worth half what is was worth just 3 years ago. Americans have no concept of that, even under Jimmy Carter inflation was what, 12%, and that was crazy wild inflation, unheard of in America! Remember? Alla could spend $1000 per month if we had it to spend, and she would be happy doing that, do not mistake that, but she will not if she cannot afford it and she does not feel she has a bad life because she cannot. But she can easily assess her life and see there are a lot of things she has here she would never imagine in Ukraine. Some she would not need there, like a car, but every aspect of her life is up by a few clicks at least, better house, better furniture more(if not better) clothes, good conditions for children, better food, better health care, a much more convenient life in general, reliable hot water and electricity, reliable internet, where does she go wrong in the deal?

As far as having a wife or daughter...I have both. Ask Alla. She states flatly "I need you to be my husband AND my father, don't mix them! "

I mean we meet people and get married, we prioritize qualities in our spouses. So what? So does everyone else. The jokes about impressing a guy by "Show up naked and bring food" are based in fact so it is a bit ridiculous to deny the obvious. There is nothing wrong with providing what your spouse is looking for in return for what you are looking for. How would it be wrong? Seems basically biological to me. How many people are in a marriage with no benefits to themselves? It is preposterous to think they would be.

[slim 1,530]

I think it's time for me to make a reality show about the VJ process.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I think it's time for me to make a reality show about the VJ process.

We will call it "The Petitioner"

[visaveteran1 33]

We will call it "The Petitioner"

Or...the Punisher!

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Or...the Punisher!

[UK_Fan 192]

These statements are true. Alla was a bit astounded by the amount I told her that I made every month. And when she arrived and the first payday came she wanted to "see the money" So I go online and show her the bank account..."see, right here, direct deposit."

Then she wants to know "How do we get this money?" Well I have mailed the checks for the house, the electric bill, gas bill, the insurance, the internet yada yada and we have $300 left we cango to Bed, Bath & Beyond and buy some stuff for the bedroom... "$300?" "So we really do not make $5000 per month?" And of course this was after paying for her plane tickets, etc. It took a while for her to understand it. In Ukraine she was paid by Western Union, CASH, in Euros. $2000 per month meant somone counted $2000 CASH into her hand and she "spent it" It took a long time and doing the bills together each week to understand and yes, now she says "we are poor"

this made me think...

when i was little and watched american movies, i've always thought that each and every American lives in a house just like in "Home Alone".. i thought that everyone is rich and has nice 2 story houses and cars. They never showed the "other" side of American life. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that i was disspaointed when i saw, say, trailer parks, but it was kind of a shock to me. When i first arrived here almost 7 years ago, never did i think that there was a "poverty line" and people lived below it.

Naive of me, no question about it, but a lot of Russians don't realize that not everything is oh, so peachy here, if you want nice houses and cars, you have to work and work hard for it. Of course, I live in a little state that is on the "poor" side, but still, by Russian standards, people make more money on welfare here then my mom working full time as a piano teacher back in Russia. The thing is though, that like you said, Gary, the cost of living is so much higher here, that after paying all the bills and buying groceries, you are barely left with any spending money.. and this is where most americans go in debt by dipping into their credit accounts. Then, of course, the whole deal with debts starts and blah blah.

Anyways, to wrap this up, until you live this life yourself, there is no way you can know for sure what you need to gear yourself up to when moving here (i'm talking about those mail-order brides that are after the "american dream"). And in some cases, they don't get lucky and come here and have everything ready for them.. Then, they either have to get their butt in gear and start making money, or start complaining to their husbands about getting their hopes up for nothing.

[Ban Hammer 13,445]

Or...the Punisher!

or "the punished"

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

or "the punished"

NESSA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Come here, quick!

[slim 1,530]

i thought that everyone is rich and has nice 2 story houses and cars. They never showed the "other" side of American life.

My wife talked about watching Santa Barbara when she was a teenager and longing for a beach house in America with nice cars, fashionable people and a wonderful life.

Reality hit her hard when she got here and was forced to live in a 1bdr apt in a working class town. She's still pretty upset over it.

[Tanya and Barry 59]

this made me think...

when i was little and watched american movies, i've always thought that each and every American lives in a house just like in "Home Alone".. i thought that everyone is rich and has nice 2 story houses and cars. They never showed the "other" side of American life. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that i was disspaointed when i saw, say, trailer parks, but it was kind of a shock to me. When i first arrived here almost 7 years ago, never did i think that there was a "poverty line" and people lived below it.

Naive of me, no question about it, but a lot of Russians don't realize that not everything is oh, so peachy here, if you want nice houses and cars, you have to work and work hard for it. Of course, I live in a little state that is on the "poor" side, but still, by Russian standards, people make more money on welfare here then my mom working full time as a piano teacher back in Russia. The thing is though, that like you said, Gary, the cost of living is so much higher here, that after paying all the bills and buying groceries, you are barely left with any spending money.. and this is where most americans go in debt by dipping into their credit accounts. Then, of course, the whole deal with debts starts and blah blah.

Anyways, to wrap this up, until you live this life yourself, there is no way you can know for sure what you need to gear yourself up to when moving here (i'm talking about those mail-order brides that are after the "american dream"). And in some cases, they don't get lucky and come here and have everything ready for them.. Then, they either have to get their butt in gear and start making money, or start complaining to their husbands about getting their hopes up for nothing.

A very thoughtful post, M. It doesn't take long to find out why your wife married you when some of these realities hit home...

[slim 1,530]

A very thoughtful post, M. It doesn't take long to find out why your wife married you when some of these realities hit home...

M is the wife.