nat geo

[visaveteran1 33]

I think when all was said and done it cost you a lot more than that Baron. I stopped counting a long time ago...

We're talking 5 figures. For me, the cost/benefits analysis says high cost--low benefits. I live with that by considering it a combat loss. Oh well...

Edited January 31, 2012 by visaveteran1

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

We're talking 5 figures. For me, the cost/benefits analysis says high cost--low benefits. I live with that by considering it a combat loss. Oh well...

You know what they say; "If you fall out of the saddle you get up jump right back on."

Methinks you might be due another RUB trip sometime in the near future.

Edited February 1, 2012 by Why_Me

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

We're talking 5 figures. For me, the cost/benefits analysis says high cost--low benefits. I live with that by considering it a combat loss. Oh well...

Anyone that asks me how much money it costs, I give the simple and direct answer...ALL of it.

[slim 1,525]

We're talking 5 figures. For me, the cost/benefits analysis says high cost--low benefits. I live with that by considering it a combat loss. Oh well...

It seems the more someone pays the less likely they are to get a good return on their investment.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

It seems the more someone pays the less likely they are to get a good return on their investment.

I would say your sample size is too small to determine that.

[eekee 182]

I think there's different kinds of investment. I.e., creating your wife's dream home for you both to live happily ever after in versus sending thousands each month over there before the ring is even on her finger.

[Tanya and Barry 59]

I would say your sample size is too small to determine that.

How do you know SLIM has a small sample size...?

I think there's different kinds of investment. I.e., creating your wife's dream home for you both to live happily ever after in versus sending thousands each month over there before the ring is even on her finger.

+536

[slim 1,525]

I would say your sample size is too small to determine that.

Over the six+ years that I've been on VJ it seems the "it didn't work out" folks always tend to have one thing in common - The beneficiary won a jackpot.

I think there's different kinds of investment. I.e., creating your wife's dream home for you both to live happily ever after in versus sending thousands each month over there before the ring is even on her finger.

Agreed.

And typically any money spent AFTER the marriage tends to be a good investment. But those who spend a lot prior to it - going back and forth, giving her an allowance, paying all her travel expenses, etc. - tend to yield a negative return.

How do you know SLIM has a small sample size...?

Most people assume my sample size is small. Until they see my street cred.

[Tanya and Barry 59]

Over the six+ years that I've been on VJ it seems the "it didn't work out" folks always tend to have one thing in common - The beneficiary won a jackpot.

Agreed.

And typically any money spent AFTER the marriage tends to be a good investment. But those who spend a lot prior to it - going back and forth, giving her an allowance, paying all her travel expenses, etc. - tend to yield a negative return.

Most people assume my sample size is small. Until they see my street cred.

I always thought you were a Cincy pimp...

[visaveteran1 33]

I think there's different kinds of investment. I.e., creating your wife's dream home for you both to live happily ever after in versus sending thousands each month over there before the ring is even on her finger.

I never sent money until we were married and it was not a big amount. She had a successful business so there was not a big need. During her first trip back to Russia after immigrating, she paid for her own ticket, and she ultimately got a job and contributed, albeit, a small amount.

The defining problematic issues for me were poor English and a big age difference. And, frankly, our erotic personalities were not a good mix despite the hype that Russian women are all sex crazed.

Towards the end, money was a factor as my bank account kept going down. (Getting her son over here had something to do with that too).

This milieu is was what I call "puppy fever." You get an urge for a cute little puppy and go get one. At first you enjoy the new cute little puppy... but soon the messes they make and the furniture they eat gets old. And then there's the sticker shock from the vet bills. Well, for me, I got "Russian woman fever." Same kind of phenomena as puppy fever. This is, of course, an over simple analysis but a good way to summarize.

[visaveteran1 33]

Over the six+ years that I've been on VJ it seems the "it didn't work out" folks always tend to have one thing in common - The beneficiary won a jackpot.

Slim, you need to define "jackpot" for me to judge your anecdotal views. But, anyway, I don't think there is a clear correlation between money and marital success...excluding scams and ridiculously short courtships for guys with more money than good sense.

Sometimes the issue is the woman is too successful or happy with her life back in Russia...so when they come here and have to work at the Sears Vacuum Department, and/or live in some boring town, they want out. My wife was used to calling the shots and being independent of men. She had a big business with quite a few employees. She comes here and works at the PX for $8.00 an hour or helps some old lady for $12.00 an hour.

I have a friend who lives in Portland Oregon. He brings his successful Russian accountant wife over. She can't get a job and hates Portland. She went back to Russia for 6 months. Their future is not clear. I think disappointment and homesickness are big problems...more than money.

My truth is this whole deal with Russians is complicated. No one answer...but a matrix of issues. The younger the husband the better...to have a good job (versus a fixed income) and the physical and emotional energy to deal with the equivalent of a 14 year-old girl. I ran out of energy from all that she required of me. The money thing was a factor but not key.

[ONA 133]

Slim, you need to define "jackpot" for me to judge your anecdotal views. But, anyway, I don't think there is a clear correlation between money and marital success...excluding scams and ridiculously short courtships for guys with more money than good sense.

Sometimes the issue is the woman is too successful or happy with her life back in Russia...so when they come here and have to work at the Sears Vacuum Department, and/or live in some boring town, they want out. My wife was used to calling the shots and being independent of men. She had a big business with quite a few employees. She comes here and works at the PX for $8.00 an hour or helps some old lady for $12.00 an hour.

I have a friend who lives in Portland Oregon. He brings his successful Russian accountant wife over. She can't get a job and hates Portland. She went back to Russia for 6 months. Their future is not clear. I think disappointment and homesickness are big problems...more than money.

My truth is this whole deal with Russians is complicated. No one answer...but a matrix of issues. The younger the husband the better...to have a good job (versus a fixed income) and the physical and emotional energy to deal with the equivalent of a 14 year-old girl. I ran out of energy from all that she required of me. The money thing was a factor but not key.

A lot of it is very true. That's why in my case I'm glad that I live right next to Baltimore and DC - I mean living in either of them is probably not a very good idea, but we can go there every day just to have fun if we want to, so it's not so bad. I can't imagine living in a small town in the middle of nowhere, when there's absolutely nothing to do there.

Work situation depends on the area too, I guess. I see a lot of Russian people here and they don't work for minimum wage, but make a good living.

Also, age matters. I think it's easier for somebody of my age to get used to something new than it is for somebody in their 40s. Although, some women seem to be pretty good at it regardless of age - Gary's Alla aka Mrs.G-Boneva is a good example. There are still more opportunities when you're younger though - you have nothing but time to make something good out of yourself.

Edited February 1, 2012 by ONA

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Over the six+ years that I've been on VJ it seems the "it didn't work out" folks always tend to have one thing in common - The beneficiary won a jackpot.

Agreed.

And typically any money spent AFTER the marriage tends to be a good investment. But those who spend a lot prior to it - going back and forth, giving her an allowance, paying all her travel expenses, etc. - tend to yield a negative return.

The two statements seem contradictory. A jackpot after marriage is OK?

It may be that any couple that has things too easy and does not struggle a bit or have a goal or any reason to stay together may have a problem

[slim 1,525]

Slim, you need to define "jackpot" for me to judge your anecdotal views.

"Jackpot" is when the petitioner pays for 100% of the visa process including allowance, travel expenses, etc., and then after arrival buys her a car, puts her through school, continues (typically adjusts for location and inflation) her allowance, etc.

But, anyway, I don't think there is a clear correlation between money and marital success...excluding scams and ridiculously short courtships for guys with more money than good sense.

It seems the guys who can buy her everything she wants tend to fare pretty well, provided they keep the charade going.

Sometimes the issue is the woman is too successful or happy with her life back in Russia...so when they come here and have to work at the Sears Vacuum Department, and/or live in some boring town, they want out. My wife was used to calling the shots and being independent of men. She had a big business with quite a few employees. She comes here and works at the PX for $8.00 an hour or helps some old lady for $12.00 an hour.

I think you're correct on this one. It's a HUGE issue for many women if they're accustomed to living a nice life and/or being "spoiled" in Russia. They come here and live a "plain and normal" life and it just doesn't suit them. My wife is in this category. She can't stand the fact that we're "poor" here in America and I don't constantly shower her with gifts, take her to the ballet, etc.

A "normal" life in America is actually pretty hard for some to get used to. "What do you mean we not gonna be go on two week vacation?"

I have a friend who lives in Portland Oregon. He brings his successful Russian accountant wife over. She can't get a job and hates Portland. She went back to Russia for 6 months. Their future is not clear. I think disappointment and homesickness are big problems...more than money.

Part of the misunderstanding is here in America if you have $2000/month you end up with about $100 spending money after the bills are paid. In Russia, if you have $2000/month... you have $2000/month. Without two people working decent jobs, it is rather difficult for the lady to assimilate without winning a jackpot.

My truth is this whole deal with Russians is complicated. No one answer...but a matrix of issues. The younger the husband the better...to have a good job (versus a fixed income) and the physical and emotional energy to deal with the equivalent of a 14 year-old girl. I ran out of energy from all that she required of me. The money thing was a factor but not key.

You're right that it's a mix of all the above. My post was in an attempt to point out that those who "take care of" their beneficiary throughout the process don't seem to fare as well as those who allow their beneficiary the opportunity to take care of themselves.

The two statements seem contradictory. A jackpot after marriage is OK?

I don't think it's OK but it sure is effective!

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

A lot of it is very true. That's why in my case I'm glad that I live right next to Baltimore and DC - I mean living in either of them is probably not a very good idea, but we can go there every day just to have fun if we want to, so it's not so bad. I can't imagine living in a small town in the middle of nowhere, when there's absolutely nothing to do there.

Work situation depends on the area too, I guess. I see a lot of Russian people here and they don't work for minimum wage, but make a good living.

Also, age matters. I think it's easier for somebody of my age to get used to something new than it is for somebody in their 40s. Although, some women seem to be pretty good at it regardless of age - Gary's Alla aka Mrs.G-Boneva is a good example. There are still more opportunities when you're younger though - you have nothing but time to make something good out of yourself.

Alla did NOT do well in our very rural home. I did not think she would and I offered to move before she got here. She wanted to "try it" and seemed intrigued with living on a remote island. Didn't work. Yes it was nice to go skinny dipping in the lake...for 2 months per year but the rest of the time it was a 40 minute ride over not so good roads, across not so reliable bridges and it bad weather downright treacherous. It was a good place for a single guy that liked to fish, had a company vehicle and company gas card and had to travel all over the state anyway. For a family, it sucked. For a woman from the city, it may as well have been Alcatraz! She did, and does, like having a home rather than an apartment and loves her flower gardens, sunbathing in the back yard, privacy, quiet life

Alla has been very disappointed that her education has not been more valuable here and more accepted. As always, when someone slammed a door in her face, she broke a window and came in anyway, but that IS her personality. She just picked up another client today for her interpreting business, a good large client with many nursing homes and adult day programs and several Russian speaking residents/patients and had her first assignment from them and then went on to a full afternoon at the hospital after her citizenship interview. She is a busy lady and markets herself well.

Alla survives here in an "improved village" by taking frequent trips to Montreal (1 hour) Boston (3 hours)and New York (5 hours drive, 40 minutes flying) She actually now prefers it as says, as you do, she no longer desires to live in teh city but rather, close enough for visits, culture, etc.