I feel so embarassed and hurt

[GVMack 9]

Hi everyone, first let me tell you how embarrassed I am to be in this situation and post it up like this.

I'm very upset, hurt and confused.

I thought finally we can finally process out paperwork.

My husband and I have been married since April 2011.(I thought until December)

We're ready to process our immigration papers when I asked him for his divorce decree.

So here he is looking for it and could not find it.

I then asked him to just call his ex and maybe she has a copy.

He says they've been divorced since 1996.

He finally gets a hold of her and asks her for a copy.

She tells him she did not get one.

She now tells him that she called and spoke to someone at the court house she worked at.

They said that the judge did sign on the divorce, but it has not yet been processed.

So what the heck, now what? Then she says to him, you know what this means right, you'll have to remarry.

She knew all this time, and I am the FOOL.

She told him that it is now being processed and that he will be getting the divorce certificate in the mail. (How the hell long does that take??)

Umm, so this means that we ARE NOT married and he is still married to her then correct?

I live in Canada, I already changed my legal documents and passport with my married last name in June.

(because I got the marriage certificate from California)

Why would they issue us a marriage certificate if he is already married?

Don't they look into things like this???

My question now is what do we do now, obviously we are not married.

We now have to wait for his divorce, then file K1?

How to explain this to the immigration people???

How can he trust her so much, to not follow up is beyond me.

I feel like my heart has been pulled outta my chest.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd wake up to this!

Any answers would be appreciated.

Thank you in advance!

[at long last 58]

Hi everyone, first let me tell you how embarrassed I am to be in this situation and post it up like this.

I'm very upset, hurt and confused.

I thought finally we can finally process out paperwork.

My husband and I have been married since April 2011.(I thought until December)

We're ready to process our immigration papers when I asked him for his divorce decree.

So here he is looking for it and could not find it.

I then asked him to just call his ex and maybe she has a copy.

He says they've been divorced since 1996.

He finally gets a hold of her and asks her for a copy.

She tells him she did not get one.

She now tells him that she called and spoke to someone at the court house she worked at.

They said that the judge did sign on the divorce, but it has not yet been processed.

So what the heck, now what? Then she says to him, you know what this means right, you'll have to remarry.

She knew all this time, and I am the FOOL.

She told him that it is now being processed and that he will be getting the divorce certificate in the mail. (How the hell long does that take??)

Umm, so this means that we ARE NOT married and he is still married to her then correct?

I live in Canada, I already changed my legal documents and passport with my married last name in June.

(because I got the marriage certificate from California)

Why would they issue us a marriage certificate if he is already married?

Don't they look into things like this???

My question now is what do we do now, obviously we are not married.

We now have to wait for his divorce, then file K1?

How to explain this to the immigration people???

How can he trust her so much, to not follow up is beyond me.

I feel like my heart has been pulled outta my chest.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd wake up to this!

Any answers would be appreciated.

Thank you in advance!

I am confused. How were you able to go through the process without showing proof that you were both free to marry? Did you marry outside of US? We were told also that we have to bring our divorce papers when we go for our marriage license.

Can you clarify this please. Maybe I missed something.

Terri

[GVMack 9]

I am confused. How were you able to go through the process without showing proof that you were both free to marry? Did you marry outside of US? We were told also that we have to bring our divorce papers when we go for our marriage license.

Can you clarify this please. Maybe I missed something.

Terri

Hi Terri,

Thank you for your reply,

No we married in US. I had to show but he did not. Not sure why. Maybe because I was from another Country.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Where did you get married? Weren't you required to show the divorce decree to get married?

Either event, yes if it turns out he wasn't actually divorced then your marriage is voided. You should look into the rules of the state you married in to find out how to make sure they know you're not actually married.

You can either get together once the marriage is final, marry (it's not "re-marry" 'cause you never were married) and then file the Cr-1, or wait till the divorce is final and file a K1.

I'm sorry you're doing this. I would suggest that HE looks into it to see if the marriage is actually done before you go doing anything. She could just be being spiteful.

**Edit - she said the judge signed it but it hasn't been processed? After 17 years? Something weird is going on. If the judge signed it it's finished, done. Like I said, have HIM call the courthouse and ask for a copy of it.

Edited January 28, 2012 by Vanessa&Tony

[GVMack 9]

Where did you get married? Weren't you required to show the divorce decree to get married?

Either event, yes if it turns out he wasn't actually divorced then your marriage is voided. You should look into the rules of the state you married in to find out how to make sure they know you're not actually married.

You can either get together once the marriage is final, marry (it's not "re-marry" 'cause you never were married) and then file the Cr-1, or wait till the divorce is final and file a K1.

I'm sorry you're doing this. I would suggest that HE looks into it to see if the marriage is actually done before you go doing anything. She could just be being spiteful.

**Edit - she said the judge signed it but it hasn't been processed? After 17 years? Something weird is going on. If the judge signed it it's finished, done. Like I said, have HIM call the courthouse and ask for a copy of it.

Thank you, I will make him go there Monday. I found it to be weird too.

I feel like a FOOL.

The time frame for each is the same correct?

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Thank you, I will make him go there Monday. I found it to be weird too.

I feel like a FOOL.

The time frame for each is the same correct?

Yep. BUT with the Cr-1 it's cheaper than the K1 (not counting the cost of flight) and you get a GC on entry. With the K1 you have to file more paperwork once married here and it can take a couple of months to be able to work (or leave the US).

don't feel like a fool. It's not your fault. Mistakes happen. He really should have followed up on something so serious but men! It will be okay in the end. You'll still be together. I'm hoping it's just a mistake on her part or the courts and they still count the judge signing it 17 years ago as it being done then.

Good luck!

Edited January 28, 2012 by Vanessa&Tony

[mr and mrs 187]

if it comes to refiling, yes, there are differences between k1 and cr1 in terms of processing/waiting times.

take a look at this guide that compares various visas.

[belinda63 3,038]

I didn't have to show anything to get my marriage license, just checked the box stating I was divorced...no proof required. I don't understand the story about the paperwork being held all this time though, that sounds really fishy unless she has it and just never filed it. I am sorry for you, bigamy does happen and you are not the first. Some men are just too trusting and what reason would she have had for never filing for divorce and lying about it?

This will all work out just give it time. Good luck.

[ceadsearc 516]

Not all states require proof of divorce. Virginia, at least, takes you at your word.

But something strange is going on. He has supposedly been divorced since 1996 but nothing has been signed. And he NEVER looked into it? Divorce decrees are mailed within weeks of the divorce being finalized. He should have been looking for it 16 years ago.

I suggest he go to the court house where it was filed and look into if he is actually divorced.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

People are strange. My ex and I parted decades ago. I filed for divorce and then placed it on hold. ( The divorce was over fraud he was commiting and I was waiting to see that everything was surfaced) He married another woman while the divorce was still on hold.

I told her , he told her I was crazy. Years later when he needed a security clearance he paid some lawyer to get a judge to backdate the divorce to make his second marriage legal.

[Orando 57]

I do not think you were the foolish one in this situation, now your sweetie, maybe he should feel like a fool, but like people are saying, something does not sound right here. Good deal with him going on Monday to get a direct answer.

Edited January 28, 2012 by Orando

[edwardteresa4ever 18]

I do not think you were the foolish one in this situation, now your sweetie, maybe he should feel like a fool, but like people are saying, something does not sound right here. Good deal with him going on Monday to get a direct answer.

yes very odd indeed since being divorced always entails a final decree and there is no divorce on earth that takes that long, even if one party refuses to sign, and as another pseron stated it is so simple you dont even have to go to the courthouse it is public record all you need to do is call and pay like 6.00 for a copy, hmmmm hope you make out ok.

[newlyweds2010 208]

I don't want to scare you any further, but this is what I remember from my bar exam prep course (you can find the same info online):

The Model Penal Code allows people to use an honest belief that they are only married to one person as a defense against a charge of bigamy. However, many US courts (e.g., Turner v. S., 212 Miss. 590, 55 So.2d 228) treat bigamy as a strict liability crime: in some jurisdictions a person can be convicted of a felony even if reasonably certain there was only one legal spouse. For example, if a person has the mistaken belief that their previous spouse is dead or that their divorce is final, they can still be convicted of bigamy if they marry a new person.

[J&N* 68]

This is very very weird... how could he not have his divorce decree or even look into it before marrying you? You need to get some answers, for all you know maybe that woman is a crazy and lying? Not YOUR fault in any way, when someone tells you they've been divorced for 16 years, you don't ask for proof!

[Chynna/gapamix 11]

Wow real sorry you are going through this. I went 17 years thinking I was divorced until I filed for K1. We were denied because my divorce was not properly registered in the country I filed it in. So I am going through the divorce process again here in the US...and will file for either CR1 or K1 once I have the final decree in my hand.. The divorce, if both parties agree to file joint can take anywhere from 4-14 months with no children or assets ect... If one partner doesn't agree to divorce well it takes a lot longer but no less than 6 months for sure. This is how they answered me at the court house when I asked.

I hope this helps you some. I do agree with the other responses on here. You should go with him to the court house to figure all this out. You will have to wait before you file until the divorce is final and you have the decree. Please be strong and know VJ is here to help you every step of the way.

Chynna