Hard Time Adjusting

[Darnell 8,479]

Being stuck in the house sucks, so won't go into that, at all.

however - yer man leaves for the day.

Can he take you with him, drop you off at a big library or university, somewhere between your house and his work? Surely it'd be better to see other humans there, outside of the house. Then, using the computers there, figure out the bus system, get a weeks' pass, and get around town.

Is this feasible for you? or no?

Edited January 22, 2012 by Darnell

[JadedKiwi 8]

Thank you to everyone for your replies, sorry I haven't replied sooner. I've been forcing my husband to take a day off here and there and just for him to relax and unwind. I've told him that 23 is no age to be giving himself ulcers and getting so stressed out.

Things have been happening:

*A few nights out socializing with our friends - who neither of us have seen because of work commitments on his part for a good 6months+

*After making him take me to buy pots and pans, all manner of kitchen gadgets, and a huge amount of grocery shopping I am content with spending my time teaching myself how to cook -he's also very happy with the outcome of that too, we're both losing weight ^.^

*I've also taken a liking to using my elliptical more!

*In our recent excursions with friends I've also made a couple of female friends and we are planning on going out shopping together soon

*My driving permit is on the agenda for next week!

*I'm also studying for my GED (only finished school and left college without certification in the UK)

I came to truly realize that I wasn't alone in my feelings but I also realized that I was the one who had to change a few things too. Complaining about what I couldn't do made me lose focus on what I was good at.

Needless to say that my husband snuggled me into his chest last night and told me that he was so thankful he fought to have me here, and that he's the happiest he has ever been. That was priceless to me ♥

So again, thank you all for your advice and kind words.

Edited January 24, 2012 by EternityFae

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Thank you to everyone for your replies, sorry I haven't replied sooner. I've been forcing my husband to take a day off here and there and just for him to relax and unwind. I've told him that 23 is no age to be giving himself ulcers and getting so stressed out.

Things have been happening:

*A few nights out socializing with our friends - who neither of us have seen because of work commitments on his part for a good 6months+

*After making him take me to buy pots and pans, all manner of kitchen gadgets, and a huge amount of grocery shopping I am content with spending my time teaching myself how to cook -he's also very happy with the outcome of that too, we're both losing weight ^.^

*I've also taken a liking to using my elliptical more!

*In our recent excursions with friends I've also made a couple of female friends and we are planning on going out shopping together soon

*My driving permit is on the agenda for next week!

*I'm also studying for my GED (only finished school and left college without certification in the UK)

I came to truly realize that I wasn't alone in my feelings but I also realized that I was the one who had to change a few things too. Complaining about what I couldn't do made me lose focus on what I was good at.

Needless to say that my husband snuggled me into his chest last night and told me that he was so thankful he fought to have me here, and that he's the happiest he has ever been. That was priceless to me ♥

So again, thank you all for your advice and kind words.

I'm glad you're feeling better! You know that the GED is only high school right? It's not college or anything? I considered it myself but I finished high school so it's not required.

[cdneh 3,112]

Thank you to everyone for your replies, sorry I haven't replied sooner. I've been forcing my husband to take a day off here and there and just for him to relax and unwind. I've told him that 23 is no age to be giving himself ulcers and getting so stressed out.

Things have been happening:

*A few nights out socializing with our friends - who neither of us have seen because of work commitments on his part for a good 6months+

*After making him take me to buy pots and pans, all manner of kitchen gadgets, and a huge amount of grocery shopping I am content with spending my time teaching myself how to cook -he's also very happy with the outcome of that too, we're both losing weight ^.^

*I've also taken a liking to using my elliptical more!

*In our recent excursions with friends I've also made a couple of female friends and we are planning on going out shopping together soon

*My driving permit is on the agenda for next week!

*I'm also studying for my GED (only finished school and left college without certification in the UK)

I came to truly realize that I wasn't alone in my feelings but I also realized that I was the one who had to change a few things too. Complaining about what I couldn't do made me lose focus on what I was good at.

Needless to say that my husband snuggled me into his chest last night and told me that he was so thankful he fought to have me here, and that he's the happiest he has ever been. That was priceless to me ♥

So again, thank you all for your advice and kind words.

That's wonderful things are looking up in so many areas! Congratulations on how far you have come

[cathy2904 97]

I'm so pleased to hear that you are feeling better.

[Kajikit 65]

I'm glad you're doing better... just remember - you have the right to go where you want/need to go! If that means calling a taxi to take you, then do it. Nobody should be stuck in the house 24/7. I don't drive (never have) but we live in an area where I can walk just about anywhere I need to go (church, grocery store, library...) DH always frets about my safety, but I tell him not to be so silly. I'd go BANANAS if I couldn't get out of the house regularly. And your and your hubby need a hobby to do together or some way to spend some time with each other despite his frantic work schedule.

[Ann25 4]

Reading your post made me realize I'm not alone. There's nothing I can do to help you too. But with everything you are going through, its almost the same with mine. Actually all this is making me more depressed. I'm not a person who is fond of staying home. Back home and back to the country where I worked out, I go from here to there anytime I wanted. But when I got here, things had totally change that sometimes made me cry and upset. But what I'm trying to do now is search online of a place I wanted to go and ask for directions here in google and take a bus. My husband never likes the idea but he just let me do it since he understand that I'm really bored.

But anyways, I do hope you can figure out something for you to enjoy.

[Sandra G. 5,079]

I lived in Brazil,Canada,Russia,Syria,Lebanon, Namibia London and now USA, and every single place that I lived the food, transportation, people, environment,religion were complete different and I learned to adapt to almost any situation.When you find yourself in a situation that isn't working for you, you have three choices "adapt, adjust or avoid". I truly believe there is a bright side in every situation.Hey It is common to experience culture shock when living in a foreign country, but the differences between UK and USA are not "shocking". Make sure you get to know people in your new environment, find a church,a club,volunteer in your community, work out...

You can go with your husband for example every Saturday grocery shopping for 30minutes and get some meat, fish, salad,vegetable,potatoes,pasta etc...I remember I used to ate these things in UK when I lived there, tons of recipes in the internet.I bet your heard the quote "Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away". You have a husband that I am sure loves you and you love him back, you are healthy,today you were blessed with one more day in your life, you still can talk with your family abroad.Don't be too hard on yourself.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I lived in Brazil,Canada,Russia,Syria,Lebanon, Namibia London and now USA, and every single place that I lived the food, transportation, people, environment,religion were complete different and I learned to adapt to almost any situation.When you find yourself in a situation that isn't working for you, you have three choices "adapt, adjust or avoid". I truly believe there is a bright side in every situation.Hey It is common to experience culture shock when living in a foreign country, but the differences between UK and USA are not "shocking".

Just because YOU don't find them "shocking" differences doesn't mean you should minimise the OP's feelings. I don't know your original country but try growing up in a ONE country for 20+ years and then suddenly being thrust into a country that seems like it's the same but instead is different in so many small niggling and irritating ways that you can't really "fully" relax.

In many ways moving from such a similar country makes it HARDER to adjust because you keep expecting things to be the same as home but they're not, hence the "shock" that something is done a different way. People from vastly different countries expect there to be differences so they don't experience the same sort of sudden shock, and instead it's more of a continuous stress of being unable to speak the language or know the ways. When they adjust they adjust to an entire situation all at once. When we adjust just when we think we're getting the hang of things another little difference pops up and throws us for a loop again.

I'm happy for you that YOU found it easy to adjust and in fact moving around as much as you have has made that infinitely easier on you (instead of being "trapped" in one country as many of us immigrants feel) but I, and others, am entitled to feel the way we do about adjusting here. Yes time makes it easier but sometimes it's really really hard.

[X Factor 1,112]

It takes many months to get adjusted to the US. I had a Filipina friend who cried every night to go back home. It took her over a year to get adjusted. Now she is o.k. You are keeping busy and starting to make friends and do activities... that's all part of the process. And welcome to America

[웃 910]

I'm glad you're feeling better! You know that the GED is only high school right? It's not college or anything? I considered it myself but I finished high school so it's not required.

[Psoas10 17]

My wife had a hard time adjusting to being able not do anything until she got her AOS done. I think if she came here on CR-1, than she might have adjusted easier. However she had very little culture shock here.

[Laure&Colin 560]

Reading your story I can't help but wonder why ON EARTH you chose the K1 route! You had no difficulties visiting your then fiancé, you could have gotten married during one of your visits and go the CR1 route, and then you would have been able to work right after going through POE.

Anyway, what is done is done, now in a few months you should get your work authorization and be able to start working.

Now about the "I can't get out of the house cause it's a dangerous neighborhood". Seriously? Aren't there any women living in this neighborhood? How do they go to work? They gotta get outside the house right? It might be unsafe, then be careful. But saying you can't get out of the house at all? I don't think so. What were you doing when you visited your husband before you got married?

I'm sorry but looks to me like you lacked in preparation and you guys put yourself in this situation: unsafe neighborhood, inability to work, no driving license, all these things could have been avoided if you had thought this through before your arrival.

Now you're both gonna have to work hard on it. Your husband might be tired but he's got to help you out on his off days, otherwise nothing's gonna change. You also need to be able to do things without him: go to social security by yourself to have your name change, go to the DMV... take the bus, take a taxi, ride a bike, I don't know, but make it happen! You don't even have the excuse of the language barrier.

You might argue that I'm not in the US yet and I don't understand what you're going through: well, I lived in another country before, I didn't speak the language, and I was on my own, yet I managed to find a job and get things done. Same is true for my husband: he arrived in France on his own, not speaking a word of French, and managed to survive until he found people who could help him.

It's all up to you to make things better. It might not be easy but there's no other way.

[Laure&Colin 560]

I just read your last post and it looks like you got out of the depressed mood and made things happen, congrats! Have fun with your pots and pans