Love defined by culture

[doodlebug 3]

How do you make the couscous with the red sauce?

[Henia 11]

Basically the same as the white sauce bu tyou add tomato paste and some harissa... inchallah tomorrow after my stomach is not so full I will post the recipe...

[Karen_L 1]

Esalaam, Salut and Hello all

With all the misunderstanding and annoyances I have had during the last days and talking with some people on the concept of love and marriage... Hmmm love and marriage...go together like a horse and carriage... Married with Children theme song is playing now in my head ( o snaps im a werido)

So I was talking with a fellow VJer and she made me realise LOVE is defined differently in various countries... so today as we broke fast, I asked some of my Algerian female relatives (the young married ones) how do you know your husband loves you? And here is the asnwers I got:

I know my husband loves me cos...

he buys me gold

he buys beautiful clothes

he bought me a new wardrobe

etc..

the theme here seems to be material...Also my husband seems to ask me daily what do you want, what shall I bring, do you want that (when we are out) is this his way of showing love? I would much rather hear some kind lovey dovey words and hold hands while watching TV (or rather him watching TV, me staring at me) and/or we talking...

What are your thoughts ladies?>

The first time I met anyone in my husband's family it was here in NYC like a week after his arrival. We all went out for dinner to this place here in the Bronx and had a nice time and they liked me (WHEW! Afterward, his aunt even called his parents in Albania to tell them how good I am/how lucky he is hee hee). So, at some point during the night, his aunt apparently said to him, "You're very lucky you met a girl like her; she's very sweet. And since she's American, you don't have to worry about having to give her lots of money for clothes, since Americans are simple (i.e. dress simply, have simple tastes)"

My husband isn't from ME/NA, but your post kind of reminded me of what his aunt had said -- being a good husband to someone from his home country (Albania) vs. to an American girl as well as expectations an Albanian wife may have vs. an American wife. I would never expect him to buy me a mountain of clothes even if I WERE a fancy-type.

[StupidJourney 0]

I just wanted to add a little to the discussion about female relatives. I have had nothing but wonderful experiences with my SO's immediate relatives. His mom, his father, his sisters, his brothers, etc. have treated me like one of the family (I guess it was because I lived with them like a family member before we ever became engaged!) Sometimes he'll say things like, "I think my family loves you more than me!" and he'll say things that make me feel like they're looking out for me and keeping tabs on him for me while I'm not there. I'll call his family and speak to them, and chat with them online too. (but the conversation sadly ends with something like "mafahmch. nsit bzaaf!", "I don't understand. I've forgotten a lot!" )

The only relative I've had a problem with his is sister in law, who has been like this since the day I've known her. She'll ask me questions like "am I a woman or a girl?" (and I know the implications), and she'll laugh at me when she sees that I can't figure out how to put kohl on my eyes the right way, things like that. Oh, and I know she's doing it out of jealousy or meaness because she always does it when other people are out of the room. The last thing she said to me was "are you pregnant yet?" (Hamid and I shared a room, even though we weren't married, and I guess that went against her traditional sensibilities, I'm not sure!) I told Hamid and he got his cute mad serious face and said "don't talk to her again." whatever, I don't care. It's kind of funny. This is coming from the person who doesn't think Morocco is in Africa!

Edited September 30, 2006 by sonicliz