Child support for a Ukrainian baby?????

[Fandango 1,439]

Anita,

I'm a man who got custody of his two very young daughters in my first divorce, raised them as a single parent (oldest coined the term Mom-Dad for me) for 10 years and have now started over (my daughters are 16 & 19) with my wife's sons (ages 4 & 7) who will be raised as my own and legally adopted by me later this year (waiting on residency requirements).

We live in a social climate where it's almost illegal to be a man. In one breath we hear men derided for not being there for the kids but then I've been told flat-out that I must have evil motives to raise my daughters by myself. As a man in the real world we live in we almost have to live life in a defensive posture and that sucks.

In this case the guy has already been taken for a ride (if we take him at his word which we have no reason not to) so he's right to be worried what her motives are.

The OP has not indicated that he will abandon the child if DNA proves him the father. Let's not vilify him, he has received some great advice and has a course of action to confirm paternity. the rest is up to him and frankly none of our business.

I commend you for doing right by your kids, it shows that you are an honorable man. If your motives for raising them alone are for the benefit of your children, then those that say otherwise should be told to STFU.

We can all sit here and speculate based on a few posts here and there...maybe he was taken for a ride...but even if he was, that doesn't mean anything as to the paternity of the child. Speculation about the woman is superfluous, and calculating due dates, telling him to walk because it may be a scam, and whatnot to validate the OP is crazy. I'm not speculating. I'm saying any father who doesn't take responsibility for his child is a deadbeat. FACT. Especially when that father has the means to do so, which the OP admitted he has. FACT.

So I'm not vilifying anyone...deadbeats vilify themselves. The title of this thread is NOT 'where can I get a DNA test?' it's 'child support'. 'Can the GET me?' I mean really. Nut up and shut up, he had the fun knowing what she wanted, so he should be a MAN and do the honorable thing by confirming before walking away and letting someone else pick up his slack. Hey, everyone can shoot the messenger and vilify me - I don't care - even though I'm neither the first nor the last here to say a similar thing. Nor has what I said been anything but common sense.

As I said, even for this forum, some of the responses are shocking.

[mox 298]

We live in a social climate where it's almost illegal to be a man. In one breath we hear men derided for not being there for the kids but then I've been told flat-out that I must have evil motives to raise my daughters by myself. As a man in the real world we live in we almost have to live life in a defensive posture and that sucks.

I agree that men often get short shrift when it comes to divorce with children, but "illegal to be a man"? Seriously?

We apparently also live in a social climate where a woman who wants the father of his child to take responsibility is "manipulative" and of questionable morals.

In this case the guy has already been taken for a ride (if we take him at his word which we have no reason not to) so he's right to be worried what her motives are.

Why then didn't he question her motives before having unprotected sex with her? Everything he's mentioned about her is something he had to have known already. "Questioning her motivations" afterwards is a ####### move.

The OP has not indicated that he will abandon the child if DNA proves him the father. Let's not vilify him, he has received some great advice and has a course of action to confirm paternity. the rest is up to him and frankly none of our business.

The OP has all but said he's looking for a way out. He wants validation. Some here are giving it to him. Others, I'm happy to say, see through it.

There is no shame in verifying things, as Ronald Reagan used to say "Trust but Verify"...

"Trust but verify" needs to come before making children.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I'm surprised so many electrons have been wasted on this topic. OP, what you're really asking is for somebody to assuage your guilt. You want the good ol' boy RUB network to pat you on your back and tell you it's ok, not to worry, she's a million miles away in some hick country, she's probably a ####### (which makes her less than human of course), and hey, don't mess up your life just because she had the bad judgment to sleep with you. "Manipulitive" is a nice touch.

Here's the only advice that matters: Either do the right thing or live with being filth for the rest of your life. Those are your choices. You don't need a DNA test to know what you should do, and you certainly don't need to study international law. She was good enough for you to have unprotected sex with, it's a bit late to be second-guessing her motivations now. Man the #### up.

If you really need an out, here it is: send the mom a couple hundred bucks a month for the next 18 years so that YOUR child can have some kind of life. Set up a trust fund so the child can get an education. Is that inconvenient for you? Tough. Be a man and deal with it.

Which "good ol boy" RUB network have you ever seen advise men to abandon their children?

[skiptex 225]

Edited January 18, 2012 by skiptex

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

The OP has all but said he's looking for a way out. He wants validation. Some here are giving it to him. Others, I'm happy to say, see through it.

Which were RUB members?

[mox 298]

Which "good ol boy" RUB network have you ever seen advise men to abandon their children?

Release. I said he's looking for validation, not that it was provided.

[Fandango 1,439]

You were doing fine until this.

"This forum" has no predisposition to telling people to walk away from their children but it would be a driveby that said so. I have never seen anything in the RUB forum to indicate people here have anything but a lot of love for their children and this is out of line and false. The ones telling him to walk away are not usual RUB members, they are drive-bys also.

IF the child is his, he should do all he can to support that child and especially make sure that the child gets US citizenship. If it is not his he should run as fast as he can from this woman. But I would still go looking in Ukraine for another.

The woman in this case is promoting her case with false information, information that is common knowledge in Ukraine. There is a reason for that and it is not an honest one. That does not make the child his or not his, but it certainly makes one think the woman could be not on the up and up.

A lot of the usual RUB members have been here a long time and have been through the journey and now are having children of their own. There is always a lot of discussion here about children. There are many other members that married women with children, more than I see in other forums, and some that have gone to extraordinary lengths for the children in their family.

To suggest this fourm promotes irresponbility regarding children is false.

Well I see your point, and let me clarify.

There is a definite adversarial process in this forum involving 'the regular' female posters in other forums. Baiting, bickering, etc. I believe there is a lot of what is said here that is intended just to aggravate others.

But even putting all of the adversarial BS aside, anyone who would disagree with me simply to play that game is surprising.

I don't mean to offend anyone who doesn't believe in doing the right thing, and I will apologize to those who feel maligned by my comment.

[mox 298]

Anita, there's no reason you shouldn't be welcome here. There's nothing in the TOS that either defines a regional forum member, or dictates any membership requirements. You are welcome here, as well as any other forum. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[mr and mrs 187]

As a man in the real world we live in we almost have to live life in a defensive posture and that sucks.

yeah, i guess. but women have been inconenienced by this burden for centuries. its just growing pains while (some parts of) the world move towards less gender inequality.

the discussion is interesting. the topic was bound to bring up some emotions.

dna is factual.

/drive by. not a neighborhood i belong in.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Anita, there's no reason you shouldn't be welcome here. There's nothing in the TOS that either defines a regional forum member, or dictates any membership requirements. You are welcome here, as well as any other forum. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

No one said she is not welcome. In fact I find her blunt opinion on a subject where we should speak bluntly inspiring. On the other hand when people maried to foreign women from other countries come by and post in this forum (which they are welcome to do) it should not be construed as some reflection on "this forum" It was I who reported the first page assaut on RUB women which post was subsequently removed. There is no inclination on the part of RUB women to accept deadbeat dads that I have ever seen.

And despite my fantasies to the contrary if you press Alla for a reason she is attracted to me it would ultimately be "because he cares for the children so much" As much as I would prefer she said it was for my athletic physique.

It is wrong for several people to suggest that there may be some connection to "this forum" or a "good ol boy RUB network" to validate someone abandoning their children. It simply does not exist and those comments are not necessary to support a position of responsibility

The list of RUB members here (that is men married to RUB women) that have and love and care for their children is very long.

[DavidandIrina 1]

Wow, some intense people here.

I thank everyone who has been putting in a good word for me. No I'm not some disgusting man running for the hills. I wouldn't be going back to see them in a week and a half if that was the case. I've paid for the birth ($1000.00), and paid for a lot of other things as well as sent plenty of things for the baby including toys, clothes, diaper creams and lotions, and other things she would need. I just don't want to walk into another legal nightmare having had a divorce 3 years ago and lost half of my net worth despite still being a half time parent of 3 kids under the age of 7. I think I have reasons to be worried and I'd like to know what my options are, hence why I started this thread. I thank everyone who has been suggesting things along the way.

God bless

David

[AmyWrites 593]

I think first and foremost you need to know if this kid is yours. Sounds like she was pregnant... and not by you, or she's using you.

If this kid is yours, please try to be in said child's life, as it's not the kid's fault Mom is a manipulative witch.

[DavidandIrina 1]

Actually, can we end this topic or lock it? I think I have the information I came for. The arguing is kind of depressing.

[mox 298]

Actually, can we end this topic or lock it? I think I have the information I came for. The arguing is kind of depressing.

Ask a mod to lock it, they will.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Well I see your point, and let me clarify.

There is a definite adversarial process in this forum involving 'the regular' female posters in other forums. Baiting, bickering, etc. I believe there is a lot of what is said here that is intended just to aggravate others.

But even putting all of the adversarial BS aside, anyone who would disagree with me simply to play that game is surprising.

I don't mean to offend anyone who doesn't believe in doing the right thing, and I will apologize to those who feel maligned by my comment.

I do not disagree with people just because they are who they are, something I have seen a lot of from other areas of this site. Anita, if I agree with you, as I do with children, I will say so. If I disagree with you on something else, I will say so. It will not chnage my agreement on the other topic.

It is exceedingly stupid for unmarried people to be making babies without a stable family to raise them in. It is unfair to both the parents and the children. I will not be swayed from that opinion. Children belong in a stable family and it is something the adults need to be willing to sacrifice for and put first in their lives.

People having sex, all fun and good, need to be responsible with their bodily fluids, it is potent stuff and makes things that don't go away and you can't just take an injection for.

It is also not fair game to claim a child is someones and use that child for blackmail or as a source of income