Child support for a Ukrainian baby?????

[skiptex 225]

no need to attack op..

he has a problem and is just trying to figure out his next step..

[Fandango 1,439]

He asked more than once about a DNA test, and no he doesn't want to pay for a child that's not his. She never once mentioned a DNA test but he has. He went to battle for custody for three of his kids already and I doubt he's going to shirk this one. Not much he can do from the US if she's pulling the strings over there other than get a DNA test which he has already inquired about. She's using the kid as a weapon without knowing how the real father is.

Perhaps elsewhere, but his first post here said nothing about a DNA test. In fact, it was asking if they could 'get' him for his $$$ responsibility.

At the end of the day, all of the aspersions on her character...from the OP and others...have nothing to do with anything. If she were that horrible, or if he was 'tricked'...he wouldn't have banged her without BC, knowing full well she wanted to get pregnant. He made a choice, and is now bricking it cos of money, but regardless of whether he's the actual father or not, even though he freely says he thinks of this child as his, he doesn't wanna pay.

Wah.

and Disgusting.

I don't care if he cares for 20 of his home grown kids here, doesn't mitigate one ounce of responsibility for the one over there.

And to the responders who responded with 'walk away' 'I wouldn't go back to the Ukraine' and the like...wow, a few posts and you feel satisfied telling a man to walk out on what might be his biological child? Even for this forum, is shocking.

[Fandango 1,439]

No Offense Anita but...

I do think you've taken some of the OP's posts out of context.

He has stated that he still has feelings for her and the child.

Looking at the totality of the situation, including the timeline of the relationship and how her version of things has evolved, it does look like he has some valid reasons to be concerned.

I agree that she should insist on DNA before anything else. If she balks at the idea then the kid simply isn't his.

Not once has he clearly stated that he'd abandon the child if he is the bio-daddy.

I agree that my reaction is quite visceral, and probably because I am now a mom who sees the miracle and is humbled by having my own child. But when I see a man talking about the possibility that a child may be his, and the very first post is whether or not they can 'get him'....and if subsequent posts mention him being ok with someone else claiming the child without knowing one way or the other whether or not she is biologically his....well, if his motivation is for the child, this thread does him absolutely no favors.

[eekee 182]

I would probably agree with you but I cannot stand it when people are MIRACLE!!!1 about their BABIES!!!1 and "I am a MOM!!!!"

[Fandango 1,439]

I would probably agree with you but I cannot stand it when people are MIRACLE!!!1 about their BABIES!!!1 and "I am a MOM!!!!"

Well, it is a miracle, and I, along with my husband, are humbled by the joy and responsibility in being trusted by God (yes, that is my belief) to give us this most awesome blessing. But I am by no means one of those moms on stfuparents.com Funny site, you should check it out!

[visaveteran1 33]

Anita, go have a cocktail and knock off the moral indignation routine. Who cares? This whole story could be bull anyway. Some things don't add up but you're silly morality rant is boring and unneeded. This guy is who he is and your righteous outrage won't change that. Go admire your kid and your wonderfully perfect husband and give us a break on the ranting.

You've passed judgment now go far far away.

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Has there been confirmation that there is indeed a baby?

[mox 298]

I'm surprised so many electrons have been wasted on this topic. OP, what you're really asking is for somebody to assuage your guilt. You want the good ol' boy RUB network to pat you on your back and tell you it's ok, not to worry, she's a million miles away in some hick country, she's probably a ####### (which makes her less than human of course), and hey, don't mess up your life just because she had the bad judgment to sleep with you. "Manipulitive" is a nice touch.

Here's the only advice that matters: Either do the right thing or live with being filth for the rest of your life. Those are your choices. You don't need a DNA test to know what you should do, and you certainly don't need to study international law. She was good enough for you to have unprotected sex with, it's a bit late to be second-guessing her motivations now. Man the #### up.

If you really need an out, here it is: send the mom a couple hundred bucks a month for the next 18 years so that YOUR child can have some kind of life. Set up a trust fund so the child can get an education. Is that inconvenient for you? Tough. Be a man and deal with it.

[skiptex 225]

Has there been confirmation that there is indeed a baby?

he is not sure.. that is a sticking point..

[Ban Hammer 13,109]

one post removed for baiting. enough already with the bickering.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

I agree that my reaction is quite visceral, and probably because I am now a mom who sees the miracle and is humbled by having my own child.....well, if his motivation is for the child, this thread does him absolutely no favors.

Anita,

I'm a man who got custody of his two very young daughters in my first divorce, raised them as a single parent (oldest coined the term Mom-Dad for me) for 10 years and have now started over (my daughters are 16 & 19) with my wife's sons (ages 4 & 7) who will be raised as my own and legally adopted by me later this year (waiting on residency requirements).

We live in a social climate where it's almost illegal to be a man. In one breath we hear men derided for not being there for the kids but then I've been told flat-out that I must have evil motives to raise my daughters by myself. As a man in the real world we live in we almost have to live life in a defensive posture and that sucks.

In this case the guy has already been taken for a ride (if we take him at his word which we have no reason not to) so he's right to be worried what her motives are.

The OP has not indicated that he will abandon the child if DNA proves him the father. Let's not vilify him, he has received some great advice and has a course of action to confirm paternity. the rest is up to him and frankly none of our business.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

You don't need a DNA test to know what you should do

I would agree with the rest of your post if you hadn't said this but instead said "Once DNA has confirmed the child is yours".

There is no shame in verifying things, as Ronald Reagan used to say "Trust but Verify"...

[SMR 368]

I'm surprised so many electrons have been wasted on this topic. OP, what you're really asking is for somebody to assuage your guilt. You want the good ol' boy RUB network to pat you on your back and tell you it's ok, not to worry, she's a million miles away in some hick country, she's probably a ####### (which makes her less than human of course), and hey, don't mess up your life just because she had the bad judgment to sleep with you. "Manipulitive" is a nice touch.

Here's the only advice that matters: Either do the right thing or live with being filth for the rest of your life. Those are your choices. You don't need a DNA test to know what you should do, and you certainly don't need to study international law. She was good enough for you to have unprotected sex with, it's a bit late to be second-guessing her motivations now. Man the #### up.

If you really need an out, here it is: send the mom a couple hundred bucks a month for the next 18 years so that YOUR child can have some kind of life. Set up a trust fund so the child can get an education. Is that inconvenient for you? Tough. Be a man and deal with it.

Mox, how have you been? Haven't seen you around these parts in a while.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

wow, a few posts and you feel satisfied telling a man to walk out on what might be his biological child? Even for this forum, is shocking.

You were doing fine until this.

"This forum" has no predisposition to telling people to walk away from their children but it would be a driveby that said so. I have never seen anything in the RUB forum to indicate people here have anything but a lot of love for their children and this is out of line and false. The ones telling him to walk away are not usual RUB members, they are drive-bys also.

IF the child is his, he should do all he can to support that child and especially make sure that the child gets US citizenship. If it is not his he should run as fast as he can from this woman. But I would still go looking in Ukraine for another.

The woman in this case is promoting her case with false information, information that is common knowledge in Ukraine. There is a reason for that and it is not an honest one. That does not make the child his or not his, but it certainly makes one think the woman could be not on the up and up.

A lot of the usual RUB members have been here a long time and have been through the journey and now are having children of their own. There is always a lot of discussion here about children. There are many other members that married women with children, more than I see in other forums, and some that have gone to extraordinary lengths for the children in their family.

To suggest this fourm promotes irresponbility regarding children is false.

[baron555 934]

I'm surprised so many electrons have been wasted on this topic.

Mox, welcome and happy new year.

There's a group of us guys who would congratulate the OP......but that would just fan the moral fires further!