Delayed Culture Shock

[Liz and Miguel 3]

Does anyone have any advice on how to treat extreme culture shock that sets in late? My husband has been in the states for a year, we have been married 2 months and are currently waiting for the AOS, and he has done great all year with the changes. In the past month he is suddenly struck with extreme boredom, no sense of purpose, etc. I think he just needs to change of scenery or a new opportunity, but money is tight and unfortunately he is not working yet. He has been really hard on himself lately, repeatedly saying it's been a year and he has accomplished nothing, but not willing to recognize so much that we have accomplished.

In short, he needs a quick attitude adjustment before it takes a toll on us both. Any suggestions? Support groups or connections?

[Darnell 8,479]

Connections, local ones.

Dig in and find some groups in yer area.

[bigdog 376]

Been there, lucky my wife was patient. We did a short weekend to Las Vegas and the change of scenery did wonders.

[Hank_ 9,174]

Drag out all your saved Skype or Yahoo Messenger logs ... re-read your journey... share some smiles. Like you said - a lot has been accomplished.

[Xanax 349]

Hi, my partner and I just started our journey and this is a concern for me aswell.

What we have been looking at:

1) Volunteering opportunities for me in my future town, your husband can volunteer in his work field or try something new. This will help him make new friends, possible future work connects and make him feel like he is doing something worthwhile.

2) Home improvements, I am not sure in what shape your home is in but your husband might like to do some improvements, gardening, projects like a new desk, table or something similar?

3) Short courses, a lot of the time you can still study, at least a short course while waiting for AOS.

I hope my ideas are helpful.

Britt

[Penguin_ie 5,997]

*** Moving from K1 to Moving here and your New Life.... forum as the best suited to this issue. ****

Make sure he has a hobby or two where he can meet people, preferably Americans to make local friends. Be it sports, or karaoke, or geocaching... anything to make his own friends.

[NoneYa 73]

I am a man and I know exactly where he is coming from. He wants to move his life forward financially. Most men want to kill something (hunt for opportunities). He needs to accomplish something but is spinning his wheels. The problem is he is not working and he is getting no where. If you live in a house, I would rip out a wall or something and put in a window. I'm serious. This guy is a A+ personality and I would be the same way. He does need a new opportunity. Help him get to where he wants to go because he is a keeper and not one to sit on the couch, drink beer and waste time.

[photomile 101]

I too am worried about this. Visiting my Fiancee over christmas, meant that she was working, and I could be facing up to six months maybe more out of work. I have NO idea how i'm going to cope with boredom, and I'm almost certain that some depression will come with it.

VisaJourney is something I'm counting on to be honest

[Nina~ 431]

Does your husband have his d/l? If not, then that should be one of your priorities to get him on the road. Driving will not only be essential when he gets a job, but the fact that he can drive himself to places will give him a sense of freedom. You can also apply for his SSN and get him started on his resume. ESL classes or trade school or anything that will get your husband out on a daily basis could also help him a lot.

[EminTX 131]

The home improvement idea is an especially good one. You can have tangible results with undeniable evidence that time has been expended in a productive manner.

How's his English? One of Benny the Polyglot's suggestions is to take a class in your target language in something you like to do. His example, I believe, was a sailing class. It really helped his speaking skills especially as they related to his hobby and got him lots of social interaction in a good way.

I don't know what city y'all are living in, but this might be a good resource:

MeetUp

When I first moved from my home area, I was lost, too. It is not nearly a big of a shock, but I went from a sweet little town to a racially divided (and angry) crime-infested, end-of-the-road sort of place. I was sick and had no transportation. It was really difficult. Simply getting out of the house to walk or exist away from the walls that were forever closing in helped a lot.

Please update us on the things that y'all find to be helpful. I am sure most of the readers here have to deal with this either for themselves or their loved-ones.

[wee carrington 33]

I too am worried about this. Visiting my Fiancee over christmas, meant that she was working, and I could be facing up to six months maybe more out of work. I have NO idea how i'm going to cope with boredom, and I'm almost certain that some depression will come with it.

VisaJourney is something I'm counting on to be honest

Have you been on britishexpats.com yet? That might help. You should be able to find other expats in your area to get together with and whatnot

[photomile 101]

I had no idea about that site, thanks! I think buying a kindle might be on the cards, or a lump of stone and a chisel

[rlogan 2,036]

In short, he needs a quick attitude adjustment before it takes a toll on us both. Any suggestions? Support groups or connections?

The one thing nobody can do for him comes from within: the determination to overcome. The feeling he has is perfectly normal and there is nothing wrong with him. He would be a bum if he enjoyed doing nothing. A normal person is going to get depressed in his situation. A person who has determination is going to set goals and go to work on them, but a person without determination is going to fall into an ever-deeper depression. Asking others is a sign that you are determined, and hopefully he is too. You can tell just by asking, and it may seem silly but just saying it out loud like you are a sports team that is going to score that clutch goal gets people fired up and moving.

Never underestimate the impact of winter S.A.D. either - Seasonal Affective Disorder. You described his symptoms. In the extreme north like here it is compounded by fifty below zero outside air temperatures. We make ourselves go outside even in these temperatures and you immediately feel the difference on your attitude. You don't want to go outside, but after you do it feels great. Some people use powerful lights, and I have done that in some years. But going outside works easily enough.

I found that my wife runs around like a chirping bird when I administer a steaming helping of nookie too. It's my emergency drug kit for her, and it has never failed me.

[Susita 175]

Does anyone have any advice on how to treat extreme culture shock that sets in late? My husband has been in the states for a year, we have been married 2 months and are currently waiting for the AOS, and he has done great all year with the changes. In the past month he is suddenly struck with extreme boredom, no sense of purpose, etc. I think he just needs to change of scenery or a new opportunity, but money is tight and unfortunately he is not working yet. He has been really hard on himself lately, repeatedly saying it's been a year and he has accomplished nothing, but not willing to recognize so much that we have accomplished.

In short, he needs a quick attitude adjustment before it takes a toll on us both. Any suggestions? Support groups or connections?

How's his English? My husband started ESL classes when he moved here and made a bunch of friends. A lot of places offer these classes for free or low-cost.

Also, I agree with the previous poster about home improvements. Take advantage while you can, because once he starts working it will be very hard to get anything done!

[TBoneTX 46,166]

How's his English? My husband started ESL classes when he moved here and made a bunch of friends. A lot of places offer these classes for free or low-cost.

Si, man! Mrs. T-B. did this and made some amigas (female friends). All the other Latinas were married to their own countrymen, and they were uniformly jealous that Mrs. T-B. was married to a gringo and had the opportunity to practice speaking & reading English.

Mrs. T-B. would read a few paragraphs to me from her ESL class assignments or from a random magazine, and I would read a few to her. We didn't do this as consistently as we should have, or it would have helped even more, si man -- not just the English itself, but the feeling of confidence that it builds.