URGENT: UK to US Immigration

[Dan & Jenni 457]

Thank you. Yes, I came into this expecting judgment, and I've done my best to ignore the negative comments.

I am still set on getting her out of this environment, because regardless of what is happening right now, this is not safe. I hope that her mother will calm down and not do this again, but her mother does need actual help, you know? Which could mean my girlfriend would need somewhere to stay ... just not certain how to go about this since I know for a fact she won't report her own mother. It's not as though her mother has done anything wrong, she's just very depressed and needs help!

i can understand that she doesnt want to report her own mom but she does need to find a way of getting her some help. maybe getting her mom to see a doctor might be a good place to start?? see what he says and see if it can be sorted with medicine... that way social services dont need to get involved.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Yes, I understand. I have known my girlfriend all of my life, and I do understand that at times, there have been issues with her mother. Her mother has never done something this drastic though, so I am hopeful that everything will be sorted and okay. I think, if anything, a boiling point was met, and everything just went to a mess. Regardless, I hope that we can figure out how to keep the both of them safe. Despite all of this, I do care for her mother, not only because she's my girlfriend's mother, but because she's not a horrid person ... just upset and needing help. I do realise that I cannot provide everything in the world for my girlfriend. Even adults have their limits, and I am of course a child. Although some may say that it is not my responsibility and I'm too young to be this concerned about my girlfriend and the like ... aside from my girlfriend and my very best friend, she is also a human being. Everyone deserves someone. I love and care for her deeply, and I won't simply give up on her simply because that'd be the "smart thing to do."

I wouldn't suggest you give up on her.

I would suggest you can't know everything which goes on inside the home. This may indeed be a one-off situation. But it's hard for anyone not living in an environment to fully appreciate the "issues", as you call them. Just because things have not gone this far before does not mean that there is not a daily percolating atmosphere of unease. This is the part you (nor anyone else not living there) can fully understand.

Family and friends are often reluctant to report dangerous situations because they are afraid of causing trouble for the person; afraid of causing issues between themselves and the person; or afraid of stigmatizing them. IMO, when a person threatens suicide, that's very serious. The flip side of doing nothing can be very tragic.

I hope your friend and her family find the strength to get help.

[nicolev 3]

i can understand that she doesnt want to report her own mom but she does need to find a way of getting her some help. maybe getting her mom to see a doctor might be a good place to start?? see what he says and see if it can be sorted with medicine... that way social services dont need to get involved.

I definitely agree that her mother needs to seek mental health. The best situation would be if my girlfriend could stay with her mother, have them both calm down, and have my girlfriend help her mother to get the help she needs. I definitely think she should see a doctor, as it would be best for everyone involved in her mother's life. I need to have a talk with her about this, definitely.

Wow, this is so off topic of from visas and immigration. I'm sorry!

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

i can understand that she doesnt want to report her own mom but she does need to find a way of getting her some help. maybe getting her mom to see a doctor might be a good place to start?? see what he says and see if it can be sorted with medicine... that way social services dont need to get involved.

There needs to be some sort of counseling, not just medication. This might not be depression. There can be any number of personality disorders at work.

I would agree a trip to the doctor for underlying medical issues is in order.

I definitely agree that her mother needs to seek mental health. The best situation would be if my girlfriend could stay with her mother, have them both calm down, and have my girlfriend help her mother to get the help she needs. I definitely think she should see a doctor, as it would be best for everyone involved in her mother's life. I need to have a talk with her about this, definitely.

Wow, this is so off topic of from visas and immigration. I'm sorry!

Not really. People tend to forget that after immigration there is real life.

[Darnell 8,478]

oh wow! Canada definitely seems like the better of the three! Any idea on what I should do next? I'm so shot on what to do about anything ... my mind's a bit mixed up today.

Would it make more sense for her to move into a student dormitory, at a university, matriculate nowish; a school in the UK ?

[mr and mrs 187]

im glad she has solved the immediate problem of a place to sleep tonight.

this problem sounds like the mum and daughter need to work this out (or at least decide on a workable solution) between themselves. they have the history/patterns/etc and they deal with the everyday realities of living with each other. as much as you care, you can only offer advice and opinions and be supportive.

are you going to uni in september? is the housing provided? or do you find accomodation on your own?

is your gf planning on stopping school? or re-enrolling in school in london?

does she see your arrival in the UK as the solution to the problems caused by living with her mum?

living in london can be great, but it can also be overwhelming. transport is pricey and semi-affordable flats are usually not near to central london or the universities. if you live in student housing, im not sure if your gf would be able to stay there long term.

anyways, just want you to keep in mind that there will always be bumps in the road. best to prepare in advance for them.

[Dan & Jenni 457]

There needs to be some sort of counseling, not just medication. This might not be depression. There can be any number of personality disorders at work.

i totally agree... my thinking though is that if the doctor can treat the underlying medical issue then they might have a better chance of persuading her to seek some form of counselling. also if the daughter goes with her then having a doctor on your side can be a big help in getting the help required from social services and the local council etc.

[Boiler 45,501]

1. Her chances of a B2 are so close to zero that it simply would not be worth the application.

2. How would she pay for the application and the travel costs anyway?

3. VWP, well does she have a passport, how would she pay her travel costs, what would happen when she turned up at the US PoE with no money wanting to stay 90 days?

4. Canada, well no basis of being able to immigrate has been mentioned, sounds like a pipe dream.

5. I would have suggested staying with friends until things sorted themselves out.

[david'sgirl 134]

This person asked for resources not a running commentary on what other people's experiences are of teenagers! Those who have offered a running commentary have done so from their own experiences and perspective. It's unfair to ASSUME that this individuals issues are similar to those other people may have experienced with their own children or other people's children.

This young person may or may not be at risk? They may be a reactionary teen? There may be many reasons that we are all unaware of. Just give them resources and they will walk their own path and have their own journey!

In reading all of the posts even the OP now admits the young woman has not been thrown out of her house. The entire thing seems like a couple of teen age girls desperate for attention.

Anyone who has lived in the UK can offer thier opinion. If she did not want opinions don't post on an open forum.

[nicolev 3]

We're taking this one step at a time. Personal family issues definitely need to be sorted out before anything else, and immigration of any sort (either of us to anywhere) is definitely far off base from what needs to be tackled now.

I'm going to see what can happen about her mother getting help, but it's not something I have much control over at all. All I can do is offer her help through support and advice, which is what I have been doing an intend on continuing to do.

My school situation is not entirely final. I have been mostly pre-accepted to a University in London, though other things need to be worked out (which is why I say "mostly" ... it's a complex situation). As far as living in London is concerned, the University provides help with finding an affordable flat for the student if they do not wish to live in a dormitory (which is apparently in some cases what simply must happen if they cannot accommodate every single student in a dorm). I've looked into this and have already spoken to the American representatives of this school who have informed me that my girlfriend would be able to stay with me since the flat is not owned by the school, and therefore it's really not as though I'm living on campus .. so, I wouldn't be breaking any rules.

Things still need to be sorted. I may even be going to a school in Nottingham with a whole entire different idea for everything, but that is irrelevant. In that situation, I would be provided with a flat which I could stay in, and at the very least I would be close to my girlfriend.

I'm sure I've have some questions, comments, and concerns on the whole UK Student Visa process quite soon. (Side note, when would be "too late" to apply for my Student Visa? Just out of curiosity, I realise it's off base from all of this!)

[aaron2020 11,651]

The best solution IMHO is to have the child deal with her domestic situation in the UK.

There are numerous problems with having an almost 17 years old cross international borders without parental consent.

The age of consent and majority in the UK has been discussed on this forum. However, US laws on the age of consent becomes relevant when she cross into the US. In the US, it is generally 18. Since the OP is 17, it's not going to be a problem for her. However, it could be a problem for the adults (her parents?). Her parents as the responsible adults cannot take in a minor without the risk of being charged with encouraging a minor to cross state & international borders; i.e., kidnapping.

I would worry less about the VWP and how she gets into the US and focus more on the potential legal and criminal problems for any adults who encourage or assist a minor in crossing an international border without parental consent. Providing shelter could be seen as encouragement and assistant; especially since the child is still in the UK at this point.

Edited January 15, 2012 by aaron2020

[nicolev 3]

In reading all of the posts even the OP now admits the young woman has not been thrown out of her house. The entire thing seems like a couple of teen age girls desperate for attention.

Anyone who has lived in the UK can offer thier opinion. If she did not want opinions don't post on an open forum.

I expected judgment. There's no issue with it. Although I may appear to be a little girl in your eyes, I do have a brain and therefore I can register common ideas, thank you.

She was thrown out of her house, though it was a rather complex situation. As you can tell if you've taken the time to read through all of this (only God knows why you would bother), it has been a rather stressful situation in which many things have been unclear to even myself as I was not exactly "in the know" every step of the way .. which is thanks to 3,000+ miles, not anyone's fault specifically.

I'm really all set with this. I appreciate all of the kind words and genuine help I have received, but there's no need to carry this on. I realise what needs to be done, and if my girlfriend needs to seek government-funded help, then that will be the case. Nothing anyone can say at this point can be new or original to a response, as everything (the good and the bad) has reached a maximum in the area of redundancy.

Thank you to everyone for taking the time to put some effort into my situation. I am doing all that I can, and I have been given all the information that I possibly can be. Like I said, there's nothing more which can be said, so while everyone is open to say what they will (again, I'm not an idiot, Ol' Wise One), I would just like to state that it will no longer have any sort of effect on myself or the situation itself as I am no longer going to be checking here.

I received the help and guidance which I came for, and that is all that matters. Thank you, and good luck to all of you in your personal struggles in life, whether they be immigration-related or not!

[david'sgirl 134]

I'm sure I've have some questions, comments, and concerns on the whole UK Student Visa process quite soon. (Side note, when would be "too late" to apply for my Student Visa? Just out of curiosity, I realise it's off base from all of this!)

I just noticed you have the same name as my 23 yr old dtr. She is older now so there is a lot less drama. It just comes with age and experience. I am betting you girls will have a lot less issues when you get to college.

There is another forum with lots of info for the student visa. Here is a link. check out the guides. Best of luck.

http://www.visajourn...dent-visa-guide

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

I would suggest that you'll think carefully about what advise or dialogue you'll have with this post, the OP have stated that they are both minors in this situation.

I also, would suggest that the mod's on VJ look at what advise has been given to minors, regarding how to leave their prospeted countries without the permission of their parents. All I am saying, as an adult I would be VERY careful in giving advise to any minors over an internet site.

[Dan & Jenni 457]

I would suggest that you'll think carefully about what advise or dialogue you'll have with this post, the OP have stated that they are both minors in this situation.

I also, would suggest that the mod's on VJ look at what advise has been given to minors, regarding how to leave their prospeted countries without the permission of their parents. All I am saying, as an adult I would be VERY careful in giving advise to any minors over an internet site.

and i would suggest that you read the whole thread before commenting