URGENT: UK to US Immigration

[ScottnIzabela 25]

this is SO like a teenager. my kids do the same sort of stuff.

and as for the idea of "running away" from the problem the us is full of descendants who

grew tired of their situation and left to start over and be away from either oppressive

governments or family or their own past.

and as for mom playing the suicide card to inflict emotional abuse is just wrong as can be.nothing

wrong with physically separating yourself from the ####### at all. removing your body from the abuse is fine.

life is about to teach her some hard lessons about conforming to expectations, pig headedness

and living on the streets.it is sad she is pig headed about accepting help to make sure her

break from her mom's drama is complete and final. as i am sure that is going to be her first step

on her road to grow and heal.

[Vicky and Larry 27]

In theory they have to help. In practice it is usually different. They will try to put her in a hostel or some nasty place. If she refuses she is on her own. If she has stayed with a friend for some time before going to social services for help they may say she is self sufficient and she will be on her own. Social services is over worked and under funded. They go with the priority cases first. That would be kids under 16.

I referred them to Citizens Advice Bureau and her local housing office, not Social Services. Social Services may or may not get involved depending on what's available to her and how dire the situation becomes. I think it's unfair to give your personal experience as testimony as what to expect, especially to people who are in need of resources. Far better to let them have their own experience than have expectations that may not be true for them personally.

Not everyone has the same experience as you outlined.

[Vicky and Larry 27]

This person asked for resources not a running commentary on what other people's experiences are of teenagers! Those who have offered a running commentary have done so from their own experiences and perspective. It's unfair to ASSUME that this individuals issues are similar to those other people may have experienced with their own children or other people's children.

This young person may or may not be at risk? They may be a reactionary teen? There may be many reasons that we are all unaware of. Just give them resources and they will walk their own path and have their own journey!

[scotinmass 588]

I referred them to Citizens Advice Bureau and her local housing office, not Social Services. Social Services may or may not get involved depending on what's available to her and how dire the situation becomes. I think it's unfair to give your personal experience as testimony as what to expect, especially to people who are in need of resources. Far better to let them have their own experience than have expectations that may not be true for them personally.

Not everyone has the same experience as you outlined.

I live in the real world where teenagers are sleeping on the streets cos there is no real help for them.

The local housing office will put her on a list. In the meantime she will be homeless. The CAB give advice not homes.

The only real chance she has is with social services who have a legal obligation to help her if she meets certain criteria.

And it is not my personal experience. I lived in a happy loving home then got a job and bought my own house.

[scotinmass 588]

This person asked for resources not a running commentary on what other people's experiences are of teenagers! Those who have offered a running commentary have done so from their own experiences and perspective. It's unfair to ASSUME that this individuals issues are similar to those other people may have experienced with their own children or other people's children.

This young person may or may not be at risk? They may be a reactionary teen? There may be many reasons that we are all unaware of. Just give them resources and they will walk their own path and have their own journey!

Well as the OP keeps stating this girl seems reluctant to take any help that has been offered or suggested. Let her live on the street for a while and maybe she'll change her mind. But by then it will probably be too late and they'll have washed their hands of her.

[Vicky and Larry 27]

I live in the real world where teenagers are sleeping on the streets cos there is no real help for them.

The local housing office will put her on a list. In the meantime she will be homeless. The CAB give advice not homes.

The only real chance she has is with social services who have a legal obligation to help her if she meets certain criteria.

And it is not my personal experience. I lived in a happy loving home then got a job and bought my own house.

Well if you don't have any experience on this then you are not qualified to comment. I have worked with the young homeless and not every situation has the same outcome as you have outlined above. Let's not fill their heads with fear. And, I will not squabble over this with yourself any longer as this about an individual who asked for resources and not my opinion.

[nicolev 3]

This person asked for resources not a running commentary on what other people's experiences are of teenagers! Those who have offered a running commentary have done so from their own experiences and perspective. It's unfair to ASSUME that this individuals issues are similar to those other people may have experienced with their own children or other people's children.

This young person may or may not be at risk? They may be a reactionary teen? There may be many reasons that we are all unaware of. Just give them resources and they will walk their own path and have their own journey!

You've no idea how much I appreciate your kindness! I'm currently in such a mess and the last thing I need is people ranting and raving continuously. Thank you so much for the support and help!

[Vicky and Larry 27]

You've no idea how much I appreciate your kindness! I'm currently in such a mess and the last thing I need is people ranting and raving continuously. Thank you so much for the support and help!

You are welcome, Nicolev.

I am sure you will find some closure on this situation. You have a list of resources that you or your girlfriend can research and then make your own decisions on. I hope everything works out well for the both of you. Take care!

Vicky

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

If the mother is suicidal, or threatening suicide, then I would not hesitate to report that to Social Services (or whatever the appropriate body may be). This a serious mental health issue and needs dealt with. It shouldn't matter is this gets Mom in "trouble". Mom needs help.

[nicolev 3]

The bus driver was kind enough to let her on board despite the fact that she didn't have enough money. She misinterpreted a few things, but everything should be fine. She is going home from Nottingham Centre and she has spoken to her mother who has apologised for the mishap. The situation apparently was that her mother told her to leave and my girlfriend offered to leave for a bit just to allow her mother to clear her head, as long as she could come back after a few days. I was unaware of this until recently. Her mother is expected to allow her back into the house, and I'm sure that everything will be okay now ... I'm at least hoping so, nothing is final since she's not home yet.

They've both gone through a lot, both together and individually, and I feel as though the just clashed a bit to the point where her mother couldn't take it any longer, and impulsive decisions were made for my girlfriend. I'm just hoping that everything will be okay now, I am hopeful that the situation will be resolved.

Regardless, my plan is still to go to London for school in September so that she can at least stay with me. As much as I want her to stay with her mother just to buy us both time to sort things, her secured safety is certainly very important, and I would like to provide her with as much help as possible when I am in a proper position to do so.

[Dan & Jenni 457]

You've no idea how much I appreciate your kindness! I'm currently in such a mess and the last thing I need is people ranting and raving continuously. Thank you so much for the support and help!

one thing you soon learn with VJ is that you need to let some comments just wash straight over you or you will waste far too much time arguing over stupid things with stupid people. listen to the proper advice and just ignore the rest.

scotinmass does make a good point though... if she isnt going to accept help then there is nothing you can do.

you have got to convince her to go get help from someone whether it be social services, shelter, or some other charity

edit: forget that then if she is going home lol

Edited January 15, 2012 by Dan & Jenni

[nicolev 3]

If the mother is suicidal, or threatening suicide, then I would not hesitate to report that to Social Services (or whatever the appropriate body may be). This a serious mental health issue and needs dealt with. It shouldn't matter is this gets Mom in "trouble". Mom needs help.

I have been considering contacting a family member. I know that her mother's sister is aware of the situation and would like to help, so perhaps I could see if her aunt could somehow convince her mother to seek mental help It's definitely important, for everyone involved.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Nicolev, I am going to talk to you like an adult and hope you will not take this the wrong way.

You have indicated this type of abuse has been going on for a while. I am unsure how long you have known your girlfriend. What I would advise you is this - if there have been ongoing issues of emotional abuse in the household, your girlfriend may be reacting to that situation as she has for years. In other words, this may be a pattern - Mom yells or screams and threatens suicide, the children scream back and the children flee the household.

There may be much more at play here than you realize, and much more than you could handle even if you were there by her side. It can be hard to be helpful and not get sucked into the vacuum of a dysfunctional household.

[nicolev 3]

one thing you soon learn with VJ is that you need to let some comments just wash straight over you or you will waste far too much time arguing over stupid things with stupid people. listen to the proper advice and just ignore the rest.

scotinmass does make a good point though... if she isnt going to accept help then there is nothing you can do.

you have got to convince her to go get help from someone whether it be social services, shelter, or some other charity

Thank you. Yes, I came into this expecting judgment, and I've done my best to ignore the negative comments.

I am still set on getting her out of this environment, because regardless of what is happening right now, this is not safe. I hope that her mother will calm down and not do this again, but her mother does need actual help, you know? Which could mean my girlfriend would need somewhere to stay ... just not certain how to go about this since I know for a fact she won't report her own mother. It's not as though her mother has done anything wrong, she's just very depressed and needs help!

[nicolev 3]

Nicolev, I am going to talk to you like an adult and hope you will not take this the wrong way.

You have indicated this type of abuse has been going on for a while. I am unsure how long you have known your girlfriend. What I would advise you is this - if there have been ongoing issues of emotional abuse in the household, your girlfriend may be reacting to that situation as she has for years. In other words, this may be a pattern - Mom yells or screams and threatens suicide, the children scream back and the children flee the household.

There may be much more at play here than you realize, and much more than you could handle even if you were there by her side. It can be hard to be helpful and not get sucked into the vacuum of a dysfunctional household.

Yes, I understand. I have known my girlfriend all of my life, and I do understand that at times, there have been issues with her mother. Her mother has never done something this drastic though, so I am hopeful that everything will be sorted and okay. I think, if anything, a boiling point was met, and everything just went to a mess. Regardless, I hope that we can figure out how to keep the both of them safe. Despite all of this, I do care for her mother, not only because she's my girlfriend's mother, but because she's not a horrid person ... just upset and needing help. I do realise that I cannot provide everything in the world for my girlfriend. Even adults have their limits, and I am of course a child. Although some may say that it is not my responsibility and I'm too young to be this concerned about my girlfriend and the like ... aside from my girlfriend and my very best friend, she is also a human being. Everyone deserves someone. I love and care for her deeply, and I won't simply give up on her simply because that'd be the "smart thing to do."