My family is going to disown me if I bring her over here now

[Paul and Haidee 11]

if i work full time and go to school part time it would add another year, but thats only if i go to school full time in my last year. otherwise it would add 2 more years. I have already been going for one year. I did a co-op pretty much all this year but was not able to save much money due to things that have come up and paying for all the paperwork. I want to go work full time and go to school part time but its hard to find a job thats flexible, and pays enough to reach the 125%. Also I would lose all my financial aid for this year. Maybe I will just have to work full time and not attend school for this year, but thats if we know for sure that she will be able to find a job after at the most one year of being here. I don't want to be stuck so that I cannot finish my degree.

how long before you would be done if you go full time?

oh sorry I don't think I actually answered your question. If I continue to go to school full time, I will graduate in May 2014, so about 2 1/2 years.

if i work full time and go to school part time it would add another year, but thats only if i go to school full time in my last year. otherwise it would add 2 more years. I have already been going for one year. I did a co-op pretty much all this year but was not able to save much money due to things that have come up and paying for all the paperwork. I want to go work full time and go to school part time but its hard to find a job thats flexible, and pays enough to reach the 125%. Also I would lose all my financial aid for this year. Maybe I will just have to work full time and not attend school for this year, but thats if we know for sure that she will be able to find a job after at the most one year of being here. I don't want to be stuck so that I cannot finish my degree.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

You need to stay in school and get it over and done with.

IMO Haidee should understand this will make your life better in the long run.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Thanks everyone for the advice. I read all the threads and did not take any offense to them. I am glad people told me exactly what they thought of the situation insread of sugar coating it. I don't live with my family. MY entire family is in CT and I am in AL. I am currently looking for a full time job that hopefully will suffice for the affadavit of support. I want to continue going to school at least part time. DOes anyone have any ideas for jobs that don't require much experience that don't pay minumum wage. I have sales and customer service experience so I am looking at applying as a car salesman, as suggested by my sister in law.

Car salesmen are paid a commission. Some weeks they eat; some weeks they don't.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

if i work full time and go to school part time it would add another year, but thats only if i go to school full time in my last year. otherwise it would add 2 more years. I have already been going for one year. I did a co-op pretty much all this year but was not able to save much money due to things that have come up and paying for all the paperwork. I want to go work full time and go to school part time but its hard to find a job thats flexible, and pays enough to reach the 125%. Also I would lose all my financial aid for this year. Maybe I will just have to work full time and not attend school for this year, but thats if we know for sure that she will be able to find a job after at the most one year of being here. I don't want to be stuck so that I cannot finish my degree.

Who can know that? You can't guarantee this kind of thing.

I think earlier you mentioned CNA for her? A noble career. Pay seems to vary widely from state to state. Check around but I would guess in Alabama it would pay about $10 an hours. The entrance exam is usually not difficult.

[SuperDuper! 230]

Definitely have a choice to make. Her or your future.

Be careful, because women can be "dream killers".

In the meantime, punch a few more tasks.... Good luck. Peace.

[Kajikit 65]

I had to make the choice - make my parents happy and stay with them forever... or make myself happy and grow up and get married and have a life of my own, even if it meant not having them in it any more. They thought I was making a terrible choice in husband and tried to pressure me into changing my mind - and I stood firm. Because they love me and care for me, they accepted my decision and it didn't have to come down to 'him or us'.

At some point we ALL make that decision - you have to do it too. Making your parents happy is not going to make YOU happy, or your wife-to-be. If it came down to the wire, which would you choose? Them (the past) or her (the future)? Be an adult, make your own choices, and tell your family that's just the way it's going to be. If you're not ready to tell your parents 'this is the woman I love and this is the one person for me for the rest of my life, and if you stand in my way then I'm sorry but nothing is going to change my mind because I love her with every bone in my body and we are going to grow old together' and to STICK TO IT, then you're not really ready to be married. If your family disowns you, then so be it. You are more than thirty years old. You are supporting yourself and putting yourself through college and getting a degree that will give you a professional career. You are not a teenager any more and you do NOT need their approval to choose a wife.

(if you are still living under your parents roof, their rules apply whether you're 15 or 50 - hopefully they have enough respect for you as an adult for you to come to a reasonable agreement about lifestyle, but if they have any particular quirks you have to follow them as long as you're there, no matter how unreasonable you think they are... but once you move out on your own your life becomes YOURS, not theirs.)

But choices also bring responsibilities. Once you bring your fiance here and she becomes your wife, you are going to have to support her as well as yourself, and any children that you have... how are you going to do that? We had to wait FOUR YEARS to be married. It wasn't easy on either of us, but we held strong. You have two years of school left. Throwing away your tuition is irresponsible. It's tough to play the waiting game but sometimes we have to do it.

Edited January 14, 2012 by Kajikit