Ex Issues

[slim 1,525]

Slim, you're forgetting something...we old, fat, bald guys have to anti-up more than you young bucks, in order to get a Russian Marilyn Monroe-isque chick. It takes some cashola for them to accept our ugly butts in lowly matrimony.

But I agree, the woman should pony up some dough to get her azz over here. The first time my wife went back to Russia for a visit, I made her pay for her ticket. She's still bitching about that. I'm still smiling.

I guess so. If you don't mind spending the money, go for it.

That money purchased a washing machine which she and her sister needed badly,

Why'd they need a washing machine if they already had two there?

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

I guess so. If you don't mind spending the money, go for it.

Why'd they need a washing machine if they already had two there?

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Long story short and looking for some info from the forums here at visa journey.

During a wonderful week in Italy last week Natali and I met and decided that marriage and visa application are something that is in our future. At this time she confided in me that she is worried about her ex and his local government position in Russia where she lives. Her worry is that he could possible cause issues for her k-1 visa application. In fact only her mother and brother knew of "why" she was going to Italy, this was so the chance of this guy learning of her involvement with an American would be minimal.

My question to the forum is: My thought is the k-1 application is a process heavily majority conducted in American institutions, Only info needed from her native country (where he could possibly have influence on) is limited and back ground info only. What concerns could we / should we have in this situation? Is there really anything one person could do to de-rail an application process from the partners home country? Besides medical and police back ground requests everything on the "Russian" side is at the Moscow embassy?

Any info would be greatly appreciated.

Seth

The Russian government is not involved in this process so NO to that.

If he were to make some sort of "stink" at the consulate they may do a little more checking on her, but it is difficult. What is he going to say? She was a drug addict? She will have a medical exam and if she is clear on that, no problem. She was a prostitute? If there is no arrest it never happened. She is a terrorist, a scammer, a spy? They do background checks on her and if she is clear on those...no problem.

The ONLY problem I could see is if his position allowed him to access her records and alter her official records, such as enter a false criminal record. I doubt it though.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

The Russian government is not involved in this process so NO to that.

If he were to make some sort of "stink" at the consulate they may do a little more checking on her, but it is difficult. What is he going to say? She was a drug addict? She will have a medical exam and if she is clear on that, no problem. She was a prostitute? If there is no arrest it never happened. She is a terrorist, a scammer, a spy? They do background checks on her and if she is clear on those...no problem.

The ONLY problem I could see is if his position allowed him to access her records and alter her official records, such as enter a false criminal record. I doubt it though.

RUB gals are excellent at keeping a secret. If this guy doesn't know anything, then no need to worry about reprisals.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Firstly,he has nothing to do with the process,he can do absolutely no harm.Secondly,why is he supposed to know what goes on in her life now.If she is afraid of him I would keep it in the family-no girlfriends,no classmates,no coworkers,and especially no exes!!!

If he is some kind of freak he can harm her,but not the process!

She will be all right!

Good luck with the process!

You are right of course but even in large cities the local people in neighborhoods are busybodies like I have never seen before and like to gossip. If she is seen arm 'n arm with her new man that WILL get around and if the guy is bad news I can understand.

We were careful not to let on to any of Alla's business aquaitances what we were doing because she was a fraid she would be fired and then would have no income and we had children to support, so it was the better part of valor to stay quiet.

On the one hand being scretive COULD be a red flag but if the secret is told to trusted people, then I would not worry about it. She is being prudent.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Slim, you're forgetting something...we old, fat, bald guys have to anti-up more than you young bucks, in order to get a Russian Marilyn Monroe-isque chick. It takes some cashola for them to accept our ugly butts in lowly matrimony.

But I agree, the woman should pony up some dough to get her azz over here. The first time my wife went back to Russia for a visit, I made her pay for her ticket. She's still bitching about that. I'm still smiling.

I spent a total of $27 on Alla the first two days after we met.

It has increased exponentially since though. If she is a scammer she is a very clever one and deserves every penny.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I'm not even sure how he would find out about the process. There's absolultely nothing an ex-boyfriend needs to know. The only document she'd need locally is a police check, and that's already once the ball is rolling, several months from now. He shouldn't even know about this relationship.

As others have alluded to, this could be a red flag. Prepare yourself for "He won't let me get this document." down the road. If you're paying for exotic vacations (I hope you didn't pay for this one) and sending her money, don't be surprised if there are "complications" to the visa process. Things like, "He won't approve my travel documents" or "he's threatened to get me fired from my job" etc. It'll be like she really, really, really wants to come live with you but just can't. That is, unless you send another $500 so she can bribe the local ticket office, go to the next town over, and take the train from there. Whoops. The train was cancelled? Oh, must've been that pesky ex-boyfriend again!

Don't fall into that trap. I sincerely hope everything is copasetic but be warned. She's already set you up for being fleeced.

Good luck!

Loose lips are how he could find out Slim. The lips in Russia seem to be wagging all the time.

However you are right about the red flags and if the OP sees those, then RUN, you are right.

As far as the trip to Italy goes, look at it like this way...you paid for a foreign trip with a hot foreign woman in Italy and had the most incredible acrobatic sex you ever imagined night and day for the duration of trip. (She is a RUB girl we know what happens in the bedroom) Who is the loser? Paying for a vacation is not bad in any case as long as you get to enjoy it also.

Check with your doctor to make sure your heart is healthy enough for a steady diet of RUB sex, mine was not. Fortunately I survied and recovered and now it is! If you have not had a stress test, now would be a good time.

If you are sending her $3000 for her mother's operation you are a fool.

[visaveteran1 33]

If she is a scammer she is a very clever one and deserves every penny.

Well, now that you mentioned it, an argument could be made that we all got scammed...but we're in denial, or some kind of sex trance or hypnosis.

An American woman brings her condo, her BMW car, her great job, her bank account, her PhD, her ENGLISH into the marriage. No plane tickets to buy, visa fees to pay, English lessons to pay for, driving school tuition, new car payments, etc. etc.

What were we thinking?

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Well, now that you mentioned it, an argument could be made that we all got scammed...but we're in denial, or some kind of sex trance or hypnosis.

An American woman brings her condo, her BMW car, her great job, her bank account, her PhD, her ENGLISH into the marriage. No plane tickets to buy, visa fees to pay, English lessons to pay for, driving school tuition, new car payments, etc. etc.

What were we thinking?

sex hypnosis. If she ever snaps her fingers, it is SO over! How did we ever win the cold war? Or...did we win?

[Seth-Natali 0]

Well thanks for everybodys input. Im 99% sure she is not a scam, she has paid for all her half of everything never asked for money and refused any money i wanted to give her after this trip to help with future costs. She has been very up front and very proud of herself that she can do this on her own. Every thing she has done and said has been checked, everything checks out as much as one can find. Thats the good news.

bad news all this help might be in vain. In the down sad time after the frist trip in the depression of leaving someone you love for the first time she belives that i missed my time to ask her to marry me. We have been talking for 6 months on email and skype and spent 8 days together this last week. While i did have plans to go down the route of marriage (was going to paris as planed later in the spring) she feels that i should of asked on this last trip. I personaly wanted more time to get to know one another, and felt that this short of time was not enough and something like this is never something for a first trip (even though it would be romantic it is to much of a serious question to just ask to ask it). Add in all the highs and low emotions of a first contact i did not feel the time was correct for this step.

So thanks for everyones help i wish everyone here the best of luck in there own process.

Seth

[baron555 934]

Well......if she meets all your criteria, what are you waiting for?

Whats your age and her age?

Sometimes in life you have to make decisions.....they do want a man who can make decisions.....and not take forever to do that.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

Before getting serious with my RUB hottie, I went on a few dates with a seemingly nice dental hygienist. On the third (and last) date she said to me "You're a doctor, so why don't you drive a BMW?" After she found out I wasn't a show off status seeking guy she lost interest. Lucky for me.

LOL...you gotta love the stereotyping over here and the persona a person, professional or otherwise is suppose to meet. It's another negative about a large chunk of women here. Don't drive the right car, dress the correct way, eat at the right joints, etc... and it's like your an alien from Mars in their eyes.

Well thanks for everybodys input. Im 99% sure she is not a scam, she has paid for all her half of everything never asked for money and refused any money i wanted to give her after this trip to help with future costs. She has been very up front and very proud of herself that she can do this on her own. Every thing she has done and said has been checked, everything checks out as much as one can find. Thats the good news.

bad news all this help might be in vain. In the down sad time after the frist trip in the depression of leaving someone you love for the first time she belives that i missed my time to ask her to marry me. We have been talking for 6 months on email and skype and spent 8 days together this last week. While i did have plans to go down the route of marriage (was going to paris as planed later in the spring) she feels that i should of asked on this last trip. I personaly wanted more time to get to know one another, and felt that this short of time was not enough and something like this is never something for a first trip (even though it would be romantic it is to much of a serious question to just ask to ask it). Add in all the highs and low emotions of a first contact i did not feel the time was correct for this step.

So thanks for everyones help i wish everyone here the best of luck in there own process.

Seth

Most RUB chicks are of mind; "Sh*t or get off the pot because life's too short and times is a wasting." That may not always be a good thing, but that's how their wired.

Edited January 10, 2012 by Why_Me

[baron555 934]

My wife and I corresponded for three months before we met for 10 days. On day eight I proposed, we both agreed we were being very silly and presumptuous and forward but also agreed we both felt everything just clicked for each other. We also agreed that there would be many more months of vetting out the relationship while we pursued the K-1. We'd also agreed that at any time if anyone said No, then all would end with no questions! We also gave each other the same ending option after they arrived and for the final decision to get married within the 90 days.

Of course we came very close to ending it all due to the unique outside pressures our relationship had to endure but we overcame all and now are happily together.

Unless your emailing snd Skyping was not very intense, I somehow can't fathom how anyone wouldn't be able to determine after six months of that if the other person was the one?

Then again if you truly do not know if she is the one, and you still need more time.....and if she is not willing to give you that time, then you should let her go and find another and ensure early on that you want to meet more than once.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I agree with Phil and Kip on the timing. especially if she was advertising for marriage on a website. She does not want to mess around and waste time. If you are not serious, say so and be gone. That is how they are going to feel about it.

I never got the impression that RUB women were into long dating periods, maye worng but I dated a lot of them and they were either of the "I want to get married" type, preferably NOW or the "wham bam see you later" type. Get on, get off, get out!

I did have ONE woman friend that I had a lot of dates with over two years and she did not seem overly interested in marriage but liked a male companion. Very nice woman, attractive but she was really very religious and I could not deal with that in a wife...good friend, but not a wife, sorry.

Even Alla, who was not looking per se (think they are ALL looking to one degree or another) and was not advertising and I met by chance, was not slow to make her interests known. RUB women are not going to sit around for 2-3 years hoping you will ask her.

[baron555 934]

I agree with Gary on his perceptions.

I can admit that some may think that I was being very quick with my Alla, only two months of correspondence before agreeing to take it exclusive and to plan to meet but I can state that I guess I too was taken up in the hype of the dating sites, from which we met, that they were listed there because they had made the decision to look beyond their borders and were "ready" to make a decision.

So yes if you two met from a dating / marriage site and if the content of your six month correspondence was fairly intense, then why the wait?