Thinking I have been had

[jojolicious 38]

Lastnight after he said all those things to me was very interesting. He now claims those were just angry words, but I dont believe any of that. Sure you can say alot of things when you are angry, but you don't come up with something like he said without actually researching it or having a plan. An immigration attorney helped us with the K1 visit, I think it is time to get ahold of him and let him know what is going on. My mind won't stop, I am hurt, scared, and frustrated.

He's trying to backtrack now that he showed you all his cards. You are right, he must've done some research or heard about VAWA somewhere. You should be very discreet when you make and execute your plan to get rid of him as well. Don't underestimate him.

[BimnKay 5]

Be careful when you deal with him, you may need to also consider getting a restraining order against him and install sound recording equipment to record your conversations. It's deplorable that some people in this world have no conscience and think they can make it through life by scamming people. Karma is going to come back and bite them in the butt. Keep you head up.

[Impossible 30]

Thank you everyone for all of your replies. At this point I am just attempting to figure out how to handle all of this best. I have a feeling that it will not be easy.

[Enlighten one :) 5]

My ex key didn't work one night so he called the cops. Every window was open in the house. He did not call mine or my son's cell phone. I was awaken by banging on my door by the cops. Totally caught off gaurd. I unlocked the door and the cops started questioning me about were we fighting and did I lock him out. His first attempt to document abuse. Our relationship was over, at the time too. Offered for him to move to his brother house in AZ, but he had just started working so I thought we oculd be roomates. 2nd time he tried picking a fight with me. I was in such a good mood, I didn't buy into the fight. I left to pick up my son from Football practice telling him I am not going to argue with him. When I got back he was not in the house. I went out side to look for him, there was a cop in front of the house. I asked if i could help him, he said no. Someone called because they were having a fight and he needed help getting his stuff out of the house. I told the cop right there why he called him. Told him he was offered to leave, and he choose to stay. I was at work all day he could have left then. That was in the police report which prevented him from using it.

[Darnell 8,478]

Vawa playbooks suck, when used by VISA scammers.

[Laure&Colin 558]

I don't know what your husband's real intent is, but from what you said, I don't think it's as black and white as you seem to suggest.

First you said " We ended up marrying close to the 90 mark, which of course he had an issue with since he wanted to marry immediately. I just felt that online is good and visits are wonderful but real life is another story". Well, K1 does grant you 90 days to organize your wedding, it is NOT a testing period during which you try out your foreign spouse before making the big decision. You signed a letter of intent to marry him in order to bring him here, so the big decision was supposed to be made long ago. I would have been really upset in your husband's situation, thinking he left his whole life behind to be with you, and when he gets here, he realizes you might not be so sure you want him!

Second: your husband might contribute to pay the AOS fee, but you knew FOR MONTHS you would have to spend about 1K on his adjustment petition, this should have been planned and arranged way before he arrived. Again, if I were your husband, I would be really, really mad to realize my spouse wouldn't mind letting me live out of status, with no authorization to work or travel, just because the process was not well prepared.

There are really 2 sides to this story.

[Impossible 30]

I don't know what your husband's real intent is, but from what you said, I don't think it's as black and white as you seem to suggest.

First you said " We ended up marrying close to the 90 mark, which of course he had an issue with since he wanted to marry immediately. I just felt that online is good and visits are wonderful but real life is another story". Well, K1 does grant you 90 days to organize your wedding, it is NOT a testing period during which you try out your foreign spouse before making the big decision. You signed a letter of intent to marry him in order to bring him here, so the big decision was supposed to be made long ago. I would have been really upset in your husband's situation, thinking he left his whole life behind to be with you, and when he gets here, he realizes you might not be so sure you want him!

Second: your husband might contribute to pay the AOS fee, but you knew FOR MONTHS you would have to spend about 1K on his adjustment petition, this should have been planned and arranged way before he arrived. Again, if I were your husband, I would be really, really mad to realize my spouse wouldn't mind letting me live out of status, with no authorization to work or travel, just because the process was not well prepared.

There are really 2 sides to this story.

You are correct there are two sides to every story. As far as knowing for months we would need to do AOS, I had the money saved then an unexpected financial obligation made us have to use that money. I certainly can see where he would not have been happy to postpone AOS any longer and I definaltey understood his frustration. The process was well prepared, but we can't control things that we can't control and that was one of them.

I kinow most people want to say Oh I love my husband and couldnt wait to marry him right away. Well I also love my husband, but I am also a reality based person. I know you reall do not know a person until you live with them and if the transition was all peace and harmony when he first got here then maybe we would not have waited until close to the 90 days mark. Transition was hard on both ends. 90 days might be to plan a wedding, but I do think it is a time to get to know each other in a diffrent context. No online, no vacation atmosphere, just cold harsh realities of life.

Regardless of the stuggles with having to use the AOS money, there was never a time where I denied adjust his status. The fact that he used threats as a way to get me to do it is unacceptable. As soon as the money had to be spent I immediately started saving again, and as a responsible man who was working he should have been saving to. Less threats and more help trying to achieve the same goal.

[pddp 240]

I think it's unfortunate that people here are so quick to jump to the conclusion that the immigrant is a conniving, ruthless scammer who only ever wanted legal status in the US and that's it.

I don't pretend to know anything about your husband's motives or intentions, nor am I naive enough to suggest that love is enough to make things work out, but if you have loved this man for two years then maybe you owe it to yourself to find out what's really going on... Please at least consider the following.

The limbo that the USCIS puts K1 fiances in when we first move here is awful to say the least, especially if you are an independent, self-reliant person. You cannot be an independent self-reliant person when you first get here, you totally depend on your new spouse to give you a status, to return your "personhood" to you. Even when you are comfortable enough to not financially depend on your spouse, you still depend on them for your status since you can't buy it from the USCIS no matter how much money you've got. In this sense without the USC spouse, we are nothing.

I truly deplore those USC spouses who fail to understand this or make light of it. The K1 fiance has already made a total commitment to their USC when they arrive by leaving behind everything they had in this life, which may have been a little or it may have been a lot. USCs who treat the 90days to get married as some kind of a "trial period" should not be surprised if their fiances deeply resent them for it. Stalling an AOS application would be like hitting you when you're already down. In the heat of the moment asking your no-status spouse to leave the house? My husband and I are solid, but had he ever so much as hinted at these things, I think something would have broken between us.

There, done ranting. Maybe your husband is a scam artist, and if so I'm sorry that you fell for him and are going through all this heartache. Either way, only you can find out.

[DEDixon 39]

your kids aren't old enough to see/hear and support your position?

you are the kids mom, you are the one providing the stable home for the kids, the one that the courts order to leave is always the one that can't provide for the kids. the primary question for judges is how to keep the kids living as they always have - no disruption for them is the goal so being that this guy is bearly a step father don't ever think about leaving your home for a second.

anything can happen here. you can only protect yourself from false claims so much so do what you can and the rest you just have to leave it to chance.

best thing you can do is no matter how much you are baited into an argument, don't argue. you should do your best to let everything he says roll off your back. if you really want out of this situation, don't argue with him and don't sleep in the same room with him. just go about life almost as if he doesn't exist. don't question him about his day, where he has been, what he has done, let him start conversations, but keep your responses short. the second you feel the heat rising in a conversation, walk away, just walk away, ignore him, tell him he is right, just don't keep it going. it takes two to play and you don't have to play so if you decide to play then the situation is your fought as well.

protect your bank account and credit cards.

except for food, cut him off financially. this will cause an argument, but you only have to reply mimimally. just keep saying the same thing in your reply, like "i'm not going to support you." keep saying that... if your reply is narrow, he can't expand on your responses so the only ammo he has is "i'm not going to support you." when he goes in so many directions in conversation (trying to bait you) and you go with him, he has succeeded in getting you to argue, he baited, you bit. you bite then bait, because you can't resist, well then you own this situation as much as he does.

if you tell him you want him to leave, that the relationship is over then don't confuse him by sleeping with him. i've seen this situation so many times - people argue and are at each others throat and supposely don't care and want out, but somehow they end up in the same bed. sleeping with him doesn't send the right message if you REALLY want him out of your life.

[Moomin 292]

If my husband said "get out of the house" to me, I would. And I would think about the lack of places I could go to since this is all I can relate to. For a split second, that would most likely be my thought. If he then decided to take those words back, I still wouldn't feel as if this was my home. To me, you don't say things in the heat of the moment, then take it back and hope that the other part is okay with it. It's hurtful, and serves no purpose. Now your husband is using a different approach but still the same threat as you did to him, he's taking it to the next level. I don't know him or your however I know the actions of both males and females feeling let down whether it was on purpose or not. Don't underestimate his next moves and take everything into consideration if you want to be on top of things to protect yourself. Some states won't allow you to lock him out of your home, look into all those things before changing locks if it comes down to it.

[DEDixon 39]

was just reading about a DV case tonight in the local newspaper, but this could be any city:

Last year, the district attorney's office charged 771 domestic violence cases, up from 488 the year before. When they receive a referral from the Police Department, prosecutors look at a mix of criteria to determine whether to charge it.

That includes the police report, the suspect's criminal history, the injuries to the victim, whether there's evidence beyond the victim's account, whether there was a 911 call and whether there are witnesses.

this is something for all you regulars here who, no doubt, love the drama in this forum (i've noticed a few that are always here giving their over-the-top advice .... over-the-top in my opinion). BTW, anyone advising a US citizen to leave their own house is pretty darn nutz in my book.