Thinking I have been had

[Impossible 30]

A little about myself. I have been in a relationship with the husband for 2 years. He finally came here on a K1 visa at the beginning of the year. Things were ok, normal adjustment issues but nothing to major. We ended up marrying close to the 90 mark, which of course he had an issue with since he wanted to marry immediately. I just felt that online is good and visits are wonderful but real life is another story. He had the opportunity to work under the table, and yes I know this is illegal, but it was for a family friend and was truly just trying to help him out. when it was time to adjust his status we had a few issues and didn't have the money to do so right away. Since he was working, I asked for him to help out with the monies for AOS. This turned into a big argument, but in the end he did start saving as well as I did also. Things have not been great between us and one night we had an argument and I asked him to leave the house. Then I said don't leave we need to talk this out. His own choice was to leave and stay with friends. When he wanted to come back I said I needed time to think, but in the end I felt we should work things out or at least try to. What we decided was if things didn't work out we would split in a normal manner and not fight about it.

Well another issue has come up and what came out in this argument is if "This time he left he would make sure he had his divorce papers in hand". He also made a comment about getting a lawyer through his embassy and proving that I have been a horrible women and abused him mentally. He also made a comment about me going to prison and it was all a game to bring him here. He then went on to say that he has recorded all the arguments and has evidence against me. He said it was illegal to ask him for money to help out since it was my responsibility and he came here "under my support".

Now I sit here at a loose. I feel that we didn't adjust his status for financial reasons but he is going to say I would not do it for other reasons. When the truth is we just came up with the money recently to do so. I don't know what to do and I feel like he is going to take so much from me, claiming that I am a horrible person.

Any advice would be appreciated.

[Miss smarty pants 84]

Hmm. Sounds like he may be trying to set you up for a Vawa case. I would never be alone with him again. Move away if you can. Change your number and file a divorce. Sorry for you. Thats tough.

[Impossible 30]

Hmm. Sounds like he may be trying to set you up for a Vawa case. I would never be alone with him again. Move away if you can. Change your number and file a divorce. Sorry for you. Thats tough.

I can't move away, I own my home. I have a life, job, kids. Isnt there anything to protect the US citizen in cases like this.

[LoveNigarmostyle 164]

I am sorry to hear of all your troubles. I would advice you to seek a legal advice of an attorney. Even a restraining order, so he may stay away from you. If he is threatening you with mental or any abuse then you need to careful from here on end. Do not be alone with him and since you can't relocate I would say make sure all your meetings are in a public place and document everything.

Good luck!

[Impossible 30]

I am sorry to hear of all your troubles. I would advice you to seek a legal advice of an attorney. Even a restraining order, so he may stay away from you. If he is threatening you with mental or any abuse then you need to careful from here on end. Do not be alone with him and since you can't relocate I would say make sure all your meetings are in a public place and document everything.

Good luck!

I understand what everyone is saying about trying not to be alone with him, but he is still living in my home saying all of this. This is why I don't know what I can do to help myself.

[baretony 1]

I will call the police and let them know all the treat. You have to protect yourself and your family. Get the police report that will help you. If he goes ahead of u to the police then its his words against you. Protect yourself and ur kid. Howerver, this is the last result if u can not works thigh out. Good luck ju

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Actually even your post here is some documentation of events. If things go down hill you have dated evidence of your knowledge of his prior threats.

[Darnell 8,478]

He's been prepped to collect evidence useful for filing a VAWA case.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

There are only two ways he can adjust status and stay in the US. One is the "normal" K1 visa way - he files an I-485 and you submit an I-864 affidavit of support, along with the normal evidence. The other is VAWA.

He can't file for adjustment of status the "normal" way without your help. He would need your affidavit of support. They won't approve his green card without it.

VAWA is available to anyone who is married to a US citizen or permanent resident, and has been "battered or subjected to extreme cruelty" by their spouse. While many VAWA applicants are genuine, there are also many scammers. The scammers are usually the ones who can't or won't pretend to be in a sincere relationship long enough to adjust status the "normal" way, or who may not otherwise be eligible to adjust status (an EWI, for example).

Your husband has done some homework, but he is apparently not completely educated on the process. His assertion that you are somehow legally required to pay for his adjustment of status is baloney. In addition, his statement about bringing him here "under your support" implies that he believes you are legally obligated to support him. Again, this is baloney. The I-134 affidavit of support you signed for him to get a visa is not legally binding on you. You aren't legally obligated to pay for anything. I have no idea whether his embassy can help him with an attorney, but that's a tactic I've not heard of before.

Anyway, if he decides to pursue a VAWA case then you will not be involved at all in the USCIS process, and they will probably not contact you. That makes sense. If you had actually abused him then anything you said to USCIS would be suspect, anyway. His problem as it relates to you is that he needs evidence of abuse to successfully win a VAWA case. His recordings of your arguments, if they actually exist, are probably useless unless you've made threats during those arguments regarding his immigration status. Using someone's immigration status as a method of manipulating them is considered a form of abuse for the purposes of VAWA. If he's being coached then he probably knows that the evidence he's got is insufficient, so he'll try to manufacture more evidence to support his case. This means he may try to start an argument with you and then call the police claiming you either harmed him (self inflicted wounds are not uncommon in these cases), or that you threatened to harm him. He may also request a restraining order against you, which would basically block you from going into your own home. These things create a record with the local police department that he can use to support his VAWA case. The seriously bad news is that you'll have a record for domestic violence, even if it's all bullcrap.

As painful as it might be, you might have to leave your home while the divorce is pending in order to save your reputation and avoid DV charges. If you remain in the home, and if he wants the evidence bad enough, he'll make it happen.

[Kajikit 65]

There is nothing that you have done or said that would send you to prison. He has nothing to hold over your head in that department. He can say what he likes... right now you have two choices - stay married to him, work on your relationship through counselling etc. and adjust his status normally; or hand him divorce papers and tell him not to let the door hit him on the way out. You're not legally obligated to do ANYTHING for him, and if he hasn't adjusted status yet, there isn't anything he can do about it unless he has real evidence of abuse on your part (which he obviously doesn't.) Even if he did cook something up that he thinks would pass USCIS inspection, it's not your problem any more after you're divorced.

Under NO circumstances, leave your own home - he's the one who's got to go. If you left and he filed a restraining order against you, things could get very messy for you.

Edited January 7, 2012 by Kajikit

[Kindly Waiting 2]

I have lived your story. My ex came on a K1 and was in a hurry to be married when I wanted to wait it out a little bit. Long story short, the verbal and emotional abuse began and we were seperated. I owned my home and had to remove my children and pets to live in a shelter until he was ordered out of the house. We are divorced and I did not do AOS with him. I guess he adjusted claiming abuse because I can't figure out how he is still here. None the less, prepare yourself and look out for yourself and your children. These men are heartless and being in the states is all that matters to them. Cut your losses now and start the healing process.

[rainestor 8]

Since you cannot leave your home, can you have someone stay there with you? Even if its just when he's there? File a restraining order and file a complaint with the police. You must start the documentation process!! Its imperative that you do so. Also, in this country, if someone threatens you harm, it is considered a "Terrorist Threat". This law is not black and white but it may help you. Get a tape recorder of some kind and record all conversations you have with him. If you do this in your home, you DO NOT need his permission to be recorded. Also, you DO NOT need permission to record him if its in a public place! Only when its a private dwelling or on the phone. Try not to be alone with him ever again. Send an email to the Embassy informing them of his false pretenses and using you for citizenship. I wish you the best. This has got to be the yuckiest feeling ever and Im sorry youre going through it.

[Rufus2012 175]

Since you cannot leave your home, can you have someone stay there with you? Even if its just when he's there? File a restraining order and file a complaint with the police. You must start the documentation process!! Its imperative that you do so. Also, in this country, if someone threatens you harm, it is considered a "Terrorist Threat". This law is not black and white but it may help you. Get a tape recorder of some kind and record all conversations you have with him. If you do this in your home, you DO NOT need his permission to be recorded. Also, you DO NOT need permission to record him if its in a public place! Only when its a private dwelling or on the phone. Try not to be alone with him ever again. Send an email to the Embassy informing them of his false pretenses and using you for citizenship. I wish you the best. This has got to be the yuckiest feeling ever and Im sorry youre going through it.

OP - check with an attorney familiar with the recording laws of your state before you proceed with recording your husband, the legal advice you get here, especially from the above poster, is worth what you've paid for it.

[bigdog 376]

Like everyone said get a restraining order, file a police report if needed, see an attorney immediately change the locks on the home, get a roommate. Make sure all your neighbors know he is not there.

Be Careful.

[Impossible 30]

Like everyone said get a restraining order, file a police report if needed, see an attorney immediately change the locks on the home, get a roommate. Make sure all your neighbors know he is not there.

Be Careful.

Lastnight after he said all those things to me was very interesting. He now claims those were just angry words, but I dont believe any of that. Sure you can say alot of things when you are angry, but you don't come up with something like he said without actually researching it or having a plan. An immigration attorney helped us with the K1 visit, I think it is time to get ahold of him and let him know what is going on. My mind won't stop, I am hurt, scared, and frustrated.