Cat's New Years Resolutions

[Miranda&James 8]

Cat's New Year's Resolutions

My human will never let me eat her pet hamster, and I am at peace with that.

I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has finished watching a

horror movie.

I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium.

I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and puke them up so the humans can see that

I'm getting plenty of roughage.

I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat

litter. (It took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur.)

I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.

I will not drag dirty socks up from the basement in the middle of the night, deposit them on the bed and

yell at the top of my lungs (Burmese LOUD yowling) so that my human can admire my "kill."

I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up.

We will not play Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti over any

humans' bed while they're trying to sleep.

Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.

I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on the

window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.

I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.

I will not complain that my bottom is wet and that I am thirsty after sitting in my water bowl.

I will not intrude on my human's candle-lit bubble bath and singe my bottom.

I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and

scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.

If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

It is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered creamer before it dissolves in boiling coffee.

When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not necessary to check every door.

Birds do not come from the bird feeder. I will not knock it down and try to open it up to get the birds

out.

I will not stuff my rather large self into the rather small bird feeder (with my tail hanging out one side)

and expect the birds to just fly in.

I will not teach the parrot to meow in a loud and raucous manner.

Yes, there are still two very large dogs in the backyard. There have been for several years. I don't

have to act as if I've just discovered the Demon Horror of the Universe each time one of them appears

in my window.

When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them.

I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when she's on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.

When my human is typing at the computer, her forearms are *not* a hammock.

I am a walking static generator. My human doesn't need my help installing a new board in her computer.

I will not bring the city police to the front door by stepping on the speaker phone button and then the

automatic 911 dial button.

I will not walk on the keyboard when my human is writing important emiognaioerp ga3qi4 taija3tgv aa35

a.

I will not put a live mole in my food bowl and expect it to stay there until I get hungry.

I will not drag the magnets (and the papers they are holding up) off of the refrigerator and then bat them

underneath it so that they adhere to the underside.

I will learn to relax at the vet's office so they will start writing things in my records like "Good Kitty"

and "Sweet Kitty" instead of the stuff that's there now like "MEAN!!" "BITER!!!" and "GET HELP!!!!!"

I will not be miffed at my human all day and then kiss her on the nose at 2:00 a.m. to tell her that she is

forgiven and can now pet me.

I will not scratch the children of lawyers, no matter how much they chase me or how hard they pull my tail.

If I MUST claw my human, I will not do it in such a fashion that the scars resemble a botched suicide

attempt.

If I must give a present to my human's overnight guests, my toy mouse is much more socially acceptable

than a big live cockroach, even if it isn't as tasty.

A warm pepperoni pizza is not a good place for a nap.

Edited February 23, 2006 by James_and_Miranda

[Jaylen Brit 0]

[SanDan 0]

We will not play Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti over any

humans' bed while they're trying to sleep.

Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.

When my human is typing at the computer, her forearms are *not* a hammock.

I will not walk on the keyboard when my human is writing important emiognaioerp ga3qi4 taija3tgv aa35

a.

I will not drag the magnets (and the papers they are holding up) off of the refrigerator and then bat them

underneath it so that they adhere to the underside.

I will learn to relax at the vet's office so they will start writing things in my records like "Good Kitty"

and "Sweet Kitty" instead of the stuff that's there now like "MEAN!!" "BITER!!!" and "GET HELP!!!!!"

I will not be miffed at my human all day and then kiss her on the nose at 2:00 a.m. to tell her that she is

forgiven and can now pet me.

If I MUST claw my human, I will not do it in such a fashion that the scars resemble a botched suicide

attempt.

These were my favs as that's exactly what my kitty does...

[Peter Miami 0]

[Miranda&James 8]

If I MUST claw my human, I will not do it in such a fashion that the scars resemble a botched suicide

attempt.

These were my favs as that's exactly what my kitty does...

Yeah I love that one, I currently look like I tried to slit my wrists! I didn't, I swear, I've come to far in this immigration process to give it all up now!

[moondancer627 0]

The scratches on the wrist is a good one, I am looking at a scratch on my wrist too..

Another one... I will not sit on my owner's face when she is trying to read.

I will remember I am not the center of attention.

Moondancer and Skeeter

[SanDan 0]

If I MUST claw my human, I will not do it in such a fashion that the scars resemble a botched suicide

attempt.

These were my favs as that's exactly what my kitty does...

Yeah I love that one, I currently look like I tried to slit my wrists! I didn't, I swear, I've come to far in this immigration process to give it all up now!

My kitty wears soft claws nowadays so I don't have to worry about the scratching anymore

The scratches on the wrist is a good one, I am looking at a scratch on my wrist too..

Another one... I will not sit on my owner's face when she is trying to read.

I will remember I am not the center of attention.

Ya lol. My kitty likes to use me as her personal pillow/mattress and for some reason the closer to my face she gets the happier she looks

[MrMrsKnight 0]

Having 2 of the funniest kitties I've ever seen makes this reading a lot more fun! I loved it!

Gabriel and Skank do almost all of those things

[Satisfaction 1]

Funny! I must write making a list for my parrot:

rule # 1: dont scream "Shut Up!!!" everytime the neighbour's dog barks (especially if it's not him)

rule # 2 : don't imitate the sounds of a microwave or a police car, it makes me nervous (you got my attention)

rule # 3: don't call me "stupi'd" (the kids love that word) although I know that I am

rule # 4: kiss me gently, no need to bite me lips or chew my ears

Oh well....

I love cats too.

[Miranda&James 8]

Ya lol. My kitty likes to use me as her personal pillow/mattress and for some reason the closer to my face she gets the happier she looks

Same here, she tries to put her nose in my mouth when I'm in bed! She did it more as a baby and I can't say a cold wet nose on my mouth in the middle of the night is nice! I think she thinks shes nuzzling.

[Dixie_Peach 1]

HAHA... a good chuckle today! thanks guys! I needed that!

[ktun 0]

That's made my day . I have 3 Burmese (unfortunately all still in England) and my GOD can they YELL. Sometimes one of them Iona sounds like a baby with colic. They are the most energetic cats I've ever seen, literally they run around like lightening!! So fast, but so precise, never fall or miss their landing point.

I miss them

Another one to add to the list:

I will not be a bully boy and jump on my little sister when she's in the litter box and scare her so much that she starts going to the toilet in the kitchen sink!!!

[Miranda&James 8]

I will not be a bully boy and jump on my little sister when she's in the litter box and scare her so much that she starts going to the toilet in the kitchen sink!!!

Sad for the kitty but funny for us At least she chose the sink! I accidentally shut the door to Lily's litter area awhile ago and she was kind enough to poop in the bathtub I got mad until I realize the door was shut, then I felt so bad for punishing her when she was trying to be nice!