am i overreacting about this porn thing?

[Peter_Pan 661]

Watching porn is normal for most people. Lying and deceiving isn't.

[Aileen and Steve 4]

well, I haven't said that I've been checking the computer. When I first came here he used to have aol and I just clicked on the browser to find yahoomail.com because I thought that was in his history since we used to email each other all the time and all the previously viewed sites were from an asianbabes whatever.com site, that's the only site I could find because he had seen a lot of webcams of women! so of course I wanted to know if there was something else and thats when I checked his temp files and saw the other stuff, it's very easy to judge when you're not in the situation. I had been BSd by him before i came to this country telling me he didn't like those things so I was shocked to stumble into them, and I say "stumble" because I wasn't looking for anything when I first saw the pc's history.

After he had told me he'd never do things like this anymore, I stopped checking the computer, I didn't feel the need to do that and I'm sorry if I "dragged him through the court of VJ opinion" like someone said but all I wanted was to find some opinions and advice because I didn't know what to do and it's so embarrassing for me to talk with anybody I know about this matter. Thank you all for your replies, they have been very helpful and I appreciate you guys talking the time to give me your opinion.

If he lies to you from the beginning, he will lie to you until the end.

[NY_BX 397]

well, I haven't said that I've been checking the computer. When I first came here he used to have aol and I just clicked on the browser to find yahoomail.com because I thought that was in his history since we used to email each other all the time and all the previously viewed sites were from an asianbabes whatever.com site, that's the only site I could find because he had seen a lot of webcams of women! so of course I wanted to know if there was something else and thats when I checked his temp files and saw the other stuff, it's very easy to judge when you're not in the situation. I had been BSd by him before i came to this country telling me he didn't like those things so I was shocked to stumble into them, and I say "stumble" because I wasn't looking for anything when I first saw the pc's history.

After he had told me he'd never do things like this anymore, I stopped checking the computer, I didn't feel the need to do that and I'm sorry if I "dragged him through the court of VJ opinion" like someone said but all I wanted was to find some opinions and advice because I didn't know what to do and it's so embarrassing for me to talk with anybody I know about this matter. Thank you all for your replies, they have been very helpful and I appreciate you guys talking the time to give me your opinion.

Just ignore that comment of VJ court. I absolutely understand why you chose to post this here as opposed to calling a friend; a friend that may be his friend. This is a delicate and embarrassing situation, so anonymity is an a plus. I think most of us here are somewhat concerned and genuinely worried. This man is a sicko... there I said it. You don't seem to be naive, but you're coming across as fragile (in the lack of a better word), or maybe so submissive, that you're willing to tolerate the intolerable. Stand up, muscle up and woman up. You have the strength to save yourself.

[Max1gk 68]

You tend to your wife duties? I think that's key. Can you define what actually are wife duties? What's the difference between wife duties and spouse duties? If you see a difference, then connect the dots. He is claiming he tends to his husband duties and you should be grateful for that. But there's a difference: spousal duties are about respect, honesty and loyalty on both ends. That comes from within and it starts with yourself.

I will ask, and please do not feel obliged to answer (I'm just incredibly disturbed to say the least), what was the incest accusation about? To tell you the truth, if my now fiance would EVER even mention that word in a casual conversation regarding sex, I'd run away. Unless he is talking about a disturbing crime, there is no reason why incest should come up when talking about porn or sexual preferences. Only you know about this. I'm not judging you, but I must admit, to giev you advice I must judge him. You are a trophy wife and it seems like he can't careless about his relationship. He cares about having a submissive woman, hence the age gap, that'll do as he says. He is indifferent because he does NOT care, period. In his mind, he tends to his husband duties and that's all YOU should care about. He challenges you to find the DVD because he's playing it smart. He knows that, should you NOT find it, you'll stay with him. He took care of that; you're like his daughter. He mentally and verbally abused you and you stayed with him. I don't get this, I must say. You may be conservative, but you're still a woman to be respected. Men, spouses, are NOT allowed to treat anyone like that. Right now, you're disrespecting yourself.

To be frank, and this is me being open minded, I have no problems with porn. Porn is the least of your problems. This sounds like you have a big problem; some skeletons are in a trunk locked in the closet and they most be uncovered and then buried for good. If you decide to have kids with him, please protect them.

I really wish you the best of luck and I apologize in advance if I offended you.

Find strength; its in you.

unfucking believable. . .

[Matt1968 13]

It appeared a lot of the responses were saying she has nothing to worry about, and what he is doing is normal. In my view that is supporting the guy's behavior. I guess I was expecting the responses to be much different than they were.

I'm not against anyone watching porn if that is what they choose to do. I've seen it, didn't do anything for me. I prefer having the real thing instead of watching someone else.

I kind of got that impression as well early on. Some people were talking about it being along the lines of fantasy, watching incest porn goes way beyond that. Who in their right mind is going to pull out there ####### and start jacking it saying, "Oh man, he's banging his sister! This gets me hot!" C'mon, that's not fantasy thats an illness.

Matt

[Robert&Karen 264]

Russia, China, The Netherlands, Spain, France, Turkey, Israel and the Ivory Coast have no legal prohibitions on consensual incest between adults, and Switzerland has considered decriminalizing it. -DONALDSON JAMES, SUSAN. "Professor Accused of Incest With Daughter". ABC Nightline. Retrieved 29 November 2011.

[felo391971 4]

Ok i completly understand your points however to give some info one the thinking of a Man

1) He is and adult

2) we all have wash porn

3) Is even healthy

4) HE love her because he try to stop

5) BAD Habits are hard to break

6) A Man should never teld his wife what to do however a women cant do this eather .

You are in a marrige situation and you know the Cinemax and showtime have soft porn at nigth .

DO you accept mr xxxxx to be your husband do you accept ms xxx to ne your wife this is with all the Good and Bad no only Porn .

Lets say you want to talk wend he is washing his favorite tv show and he stop and pay attention to you or he want to go and eat in to a place but you dont like it so you dont go .

I belive we must accept our partners for what they are inperfect because we are inperfect.

Know the only part that could be out of line is the insest part if you still find this kind of material on his CPU ect. Tha is a BIG RED FLAG . THE rest live w. it as im sure he live w. somethings that you do that he dosent like .

If you still cant accept that he look at Porn maybe you are not the person for him or he is not the person for you .

It sound that he work ,go home and sometimes look at porn . That is part of the definition of been a MAN . Together w. try to change because he lv you and try to make sure yoy have all you need including travel.

All the best in your decition making.

[Operator 1,927]

Just ignore that comment of VJ court. I absolutely understand why you chose to post this here as opposed to calling a friend; a friend that may be his friend. This is a delicate and embarrassing situation, so anonymity is an a plus. I think most of us here are somewhat concerned and genuinely worried. This man is a sicko... there I said it. You don't seem to be naive, but you're coming across as fragile (in the lack of a better word), or maybe so submissive, that you're willing to tolerate the intolerable. Stand up, muscle up and woman up. You have the strength to save yourself.

This is exactly what I mean. You've heard one side of this story and you have determined that her husband is "a sicko".

[Dan & Jenni 457]

as far as the type of porn goes... one mans perversion is another mans pleasure. plus porn is a thing for fantasies and the taboo can be a big fantasy... or so i hear certain things are only wrong in certain societies and it is up to the OP to decide what she can live with and what she cant.

oh and just in case jenni has a secret VJ account... i have never watched porn in my life

[Dan & Jenni 457]

Incestuous marriages in ancient egypt were limited to the royal family, whose members were not considered regular humans but of godly descent. Plus it was only brother-sister unions, not involving parent-child relationships.

All societies do prohibit incest one way or another, although their definitions of incest vary greatly. Read the work of Claude Lévi-Strauss on this subject. This has nothing to do with "judeo-christian" culture.

thats right... the parent child incest was left to the Romans

[NY_BX 397]

This is exactly what I mean. You've heard one side of this story and you have determined that her husband is "a sicko".

and rightfully so, she asked for an opinion based on her side of this story. We gave it to her. That doesn't mean that, upon hearing his, I wouldn't change my opinion. Afterall, is only an opinion and it doesn't have to mean anything to you, to her and it certainly means nothing to me, because I do not know him. Which is exactly what she's looking for... unbiased opinions. If I told you the "facts" of my situation and I ask for your opinion, I will truly appreciate them, even they hurt. But I also know that your opinion will be based on a bullet point short story; that you would be looking at my world through a straw. So, looking at her world through a straw I came to my subjective conclusion that he is a sicko.

[Dan & Jenni 457]

hence why men think in real life they can spend 3 mintues with a girl and she'll be breaking glass with her vocal performance...

3 minutes... thats when we do it twice right??

[san diego 407]

I have not read the rest of the comments. However, I have to provide my 2 cents as a MALE. I do not see any problem with your husband watching porn or going to strip clubs. All males DO. It has nothing to do with loving you. This is how they are. They may deny watching porn but they do. I love my wife more than anything in this world. I would NEVER cheat on her with any other woman as she is the most beautiful woman in the world. HOWEVER, I do watch porn when I have nothing to do on the net. In fact, I do it with my wife and we laugh about it. Some times we even go together to strip clubs and make fun of people. I never went all the way to actually PAY for it as there is plenty for free. However, I do not see any problem with that. If I was you I would do it together with him. In fact my wife sometimes send me porn pics on my work e-mail, the ones that she feels I will enjoy... This is all.

Edited January 4, 2012 by san diego

[Matt1968 13]

This is exactly what I mean. You've heard one side of this story and you have determined that her husband is "a sicko".

Unless she is lying, then yes, it is more than fair to say her husband is a sicko. He watches incest porn and got busted by her. I've called him sicko myself in earlier post and stand by it.

Matt

[Operator 1,927]

Unless she is lying, then yes, it is more than fair to say her husband is a sicko. He watches incest porn and got busted by her. I've called him sicko myself in earlier post and stand by it.

Matt

Good thing we don't all wear black robes.