am i overreacting about this porn thing?

[NY_BX 397]

Just because he watches "incest" porn (and I am using "" because everyone knows that actors aren't really related, else the movie would be illegal and I am guessing wouldn't sell that well either), doesn't mean he would rape his own children. Porn is a fantasy after all.

Case in point, world's biggest site on erotic literature. Do you see how incest stories have the greatest number, over 25 k?

I wonder, though, if the people against porn also oppose to masturbation.

I agree. However, the issue is not the fantasy, is being attracted to it in the first place. My sister's ex-hubby loved porn. When they were in the middle of a bitter divorce, she checked all the computers. She found highly disturbing violent sex: rapes, violence, etc. That didn't mean he was violent towards her or his daughter. There were hundresds of hours saved in a laptop. She called her lawyer, who then asked for a psyc evaluation. Being aroused by witnessing rape (even though is acting, true) is just......

[Glyn and Kathy 288]

A friend of mine (no, really, this was a friend) once got an old girlfriend of his a sex toy as a present. He said it was his biggest mistake, because he just couldn't compete with it.

I just laughed so hard I spit out my coffee!!!

[Samantha78 117]

I don't think that watching porn is HORRIBLE, but I would feel a little insecure possibly...it may make me feel as though I weren't doing something for him that he is finding in these movies. I think there's a couple issues here. First, if he told you and you knew from the beginning, I don't know you would be this angry, even being conservative. If he included you in this, to some extent, you may not feel as though he were being so sneaky.

The only thing that sickens me is the incest thing (as someone else mentioned above). That is a whole other genre of porn that is just NASTY! He sounds borderline "addicted" from how you explain it. If he is and willing to makes some changes....I think some counseling would help. They can dig deep and get to the real reason.

[Eddie&A 5]

nope, I didn't say I was okay with him watching porn, I said I knew he'd be watching since we have those channels -unless I had blocked them but of course I wouldn't go that far - what I mean is, we had talked about this 4 yrs ago and had made a commitment, and of course now this makes me wonder if he had been doing any other kind of stuff while I was away. He had been wanting to get a book on politics and I had amazon send it to him while I was back home and he was so thrilled by the surprise, I left him movie tickets too. Uff, If only people would use the time they spend on porn trying to improve themselves their relationships...

Being 4 years ago and you two had talked about this problem and had supposedly resolved it, then it resurfaces again is a BIG problem! In my personal opinion, your spouse has an addiction with porn. The fact that he even mentioned incest would concern me to say the least. I would think long and hard about having another child with him! He needs to go to a very good counselor and get help. Will he do it? I can't answer that question.

You see what happened to the great Tiger Woods. He was sleeping with a different woman almost at every stop of his PGA Tour schedule. I can't say for sure, but I bet Tiger started out watching porn, then it escalated to having extramarital affairs with 14 women! (that we know of).

If both people in any relationship watch porn together to "spice up" their sex life, then that's ok. But if one is having to watch porn on premium channels, going to rent/buy porn dvds by themselves while their significant other is gone, there IS a problem.

I'm sorry you're having to go through this. Pray for your husband, ask him to get help, talk to him without getting upset. Watch his actions. See if he gets mad or if he acts like he doesn't care. Just his body actions will tell you what he will do about this situation.

[Operator 1,927]

Take the pornography out of it for a moment. What if your husband was sniffing glue or gambling? Or secretly attending a church of a different faith?

Is it the porn or the fact that you think he's hiding something from you? You obviously married someone who has different tastes than yourself which is great, that's what makes the world go around. If you truly think he has a problem or addiction help him with it but don't do it based on your conservative moral standards. Do it because he's your husband and you love him.

[kytwell 179]

Get yourself a notebook with a webcam, tell him to sit downstairs on the desktop and put on a show for him. You be his "webcam" girl. Watch the movies with him, see how he reacts to certain things and then take the "move" and use as your own. Take this as an opportunity to improve your love life and relationship as a whole. And by all means get yourself some toys, if he wants to "pay to play" you have every right to get yourself some pleasurable items too. I don't know about all men watching porn, but all men want a freak in the sheets. So release your inner beast on him and tell him to up his game too, no 2 pump chump stuff.

[NY_BX 397]

I agree. However, the issue is not the fantasy, is being attracted to it in the first place. My sister's ex-hubby loved porn. When they were in the middle of a bitter divorce, she checked all the computers. She found highly disturbing violent sex: rapes, violence, etc. That didn't mean he was violent towards her or his daughter. There were hundresds of hours saved in a laptop. She called her lawyer, who then asked for a psyc evaluation. Being aroused by witnessing rape (even though is acting, true) is just......

Oh by the way, I neglected to mention their divorced was because, yes, he cheated on her for 10 years and it resulted in offspring. That's how she found out: he received a RECEIPT in the mail and by mistake, she opened it. It was an OBGYN bill. His addiction was manifested outside the porn.

[Golden Gate 530]

There seems to be a wide gap between the two of you in understanding your sex life. Lexapro is a prophylactic, which means you take it once daily. It usually takes a month for it to even start to have an effect, and then you must continue to take it. So, if he took it for just one month, it isn't going to have any lasting effects. Perhaps you need to see a counselor together who deals specifically with sex issues, so you two can understand each other fully.

[Matt1968 13]

you have to keep in mind that it is porn we're talking about...its is entirely based on fantasy, and it is not real...hence why men think in real life they can spend 3 mintues with a girl and she'll be breaking glass with her vocal performance... Incest is wrong and in no way would I enjoy hearing about it, but a lot of porn out there is incest based and is a popular fantasy...step dad and daughter, or step son and step mom, that is all considered the incest category. Doesn't mean a person is sick, as fantasies are most often not to be taken literally. Just a reflection of a psychological desire. I do not know what the particular material is we're talking about, and there is def some more hard core versions out there, but all in all, its porn, its not real.

In her original post, she said she found "stuff about incest." She never mentioned if it was a movie or if it was literature, but whatever. Sorry, i'm not buying it. If you fantasize about watching incest porn, you're sick. I've watched porn before, but never watched nothing about incest. Mom's screwing their son, sisters' screwing their brother, that's flat out wrong.Fantasize all you want about women, positions, places, voyerism, whatever, but incest porn..nah. I have to disagree. Even though it's porn, incest as part of the plot or the main theme is pathetic.

Matt

Edited January 4, 2012 by Matt1968

[Matt1968 13]

Just because he watches "incest" porn (and I am using "" because everyone knows that actors aren't really related, else the movie would be illegal and I am guessing wouldn't sell that well either), doesn't mean he would rape his own children. Porn is a fantasy after all.

Case in point, world's biggest site on erotic literature. Do you see how incest stories have the greatest number, over 25 k?

I wonder, though, if the people against porn also oppose to masturbation.

Of course the actors aren't related, we know that. But still the subject matter of incest is flat out wrong. How can a person get aroused and horny watching two actors portray brother and sister, or mom and son, or dad and daughter have sex and fantasize about it? The point of porn is to visually stimilate the person watching, and if you're watching two people portray family members, that's arousing to some people? Also if there are 25k incest stories then there are 25K sick individuals. This isn't an arguement against porn, it's an argument against the subject matter and I see no defense for it.

Matt

Edited January 4, 2012 by Matt1968

[Adriene H 89]

My ex HATED World of Warcraft. Not because he'd ever played or because he didn't want to. He WANTED to play but he has an addictive personality so I, as a grown adult, was "forbidden" to play it because it would tempt him. He was emotionally abusive. My sister and her husband played so I started playing "in secret" to escape it all... even with him in the room, he only needed me when he wanted something cooked, cleaned or fetched so he never noticed. I'd been playing for months before he caught me (my own stupidity really). The reason I'm telling you this story is because during the months I was playing I was much happier and even nicer to him. Getting what he wanted when he wanted instead of letting it tick me off so he wouldn't suspect anything. I suspect the reason your husband has been behaving so well is he's doing something he enjoys and you just don't know about it. I honestly believe he has been watching stuff behind your back for a while with the philosophy "out of sight, out of mind" being his excuse.

I had a 6 year addiction to Dark Age Of Camelot

[BBCC 16]

I would take the porn thing with a grain of salt.

While that may be vaguely true, almost anything is OK in moderation.

Sounds like this guy has an obsessive compulsive disorder with this stuff.

That's an entirely different matter and it will distract and deaden him emotionally from his marriage.

[NY_BX 397]

Of course the actors aren't related, we know that. But still the subject matter of incest is flat out wrong. How can a person get aroused and horny watching two actors portray brother and sister, or mom and son, or dad and daughter have sex and fantasize about it? The point of porn is to visually stimilate the person watching, and if you're watching two people portray family members, that's arousing to some people? Also if there are 25k incest stories then there are 25K sick individuals. This isn't an arguement against porn, it's an argument against the subject matter and I see no defense for it.

Matt

I could've not said it better. Nicely put. I love a show called "Dexter." That doesn't mean I fantasize about being a serial killer or becoming an unlawful vigilante. However, if a viewer has: literature about sadistic ways of torture, a collection of deadly weapons, newspaper clips of real serial killers... and so on, you have an obsessed, sick individual that may end up turning these fantasies into reality.

The man is addicted to porn; we've all established that. But apparently his problem goes beyond addiction. Incest and violent sex is definetely crossing the line into sadistic behavior.

[yapasdeprobleme 4]

OK, porn aside - whether or not everyone does it, etc... May I ask how you met? In trying to understand this guy, It would help to know if you met, say, at work, or if you met, say, on a website that specializes in helping older American men meet young Asian women ... for example.

No judging, whatever the case, but if that IS (theoretically, of course) in fact how it happened, one can't be terribly surprised at this particular... "interest" of his?

None of it excuses his holding his "position" in the relationship over your head, though. As the sponsor in my marriage, I can admit it is sometimes hard to juggle the "I'm doing this becuase I truly love you" with the "I am giving you everything!!!". It's a huge adjustment at first - going from total independence to basically having a dependent, and it's easy to accidentally say things that come across like you *think* you own the other person. I never once thought that my husband "owed" me anything, but I know I've said things out of frustration (and fear of financial ruin) that would give that impression! You'd think, though, after 5 years, you'd have reached some sort of mutual understanding that it's a marriage, not an "arrangement".

Assuming this "incest" thing is like, "twins gone wild" and not "I'd like to marry my 12 year old neice", I'd say focus less on the porn itself, and more on the manipulation and disrespect.

[Adriene H 89]

Just because he watches "incest" porn (and I am using "" because everyone knows that actors aren't really related, else the movie would be illegal and I am guessing wouldn't sell that well either), doesn't mean he would rape his own children. Porn is a fantasy after all.

Case in point, world's biggest site on erotic literature. Do you see how incest stories have the greatest number, over 25 k?

I wonder, though, if the people against porn also oppose to masturbation.

I think I've been to that site!