Divorce Soon After Temporary Green Card

[VanessaTony 3,567]

P.S.

Taping a conversation without informing the parties involved that it may be taped would make this taping inadmissible for evidence purposes.

This is state dependant. Some states only require ONE party of the conversation to consent to the recording. If the OP lives in one of those states then there's no problem.

[jojolicious 38]

It could be that she never saw any urgency in applying for AOS since she was on a student visa in the meantime... However, 3 1/2 years of marriage in addition to the period of time you dated would be an unnecessarily long time for a 'fraudster' to wait if her endgame was indeed the PR card. You also said that she was the one who procrastinated...

I just don't think that she was in it to scam you. Things happen. People change. If she's not willing to end the affair and go to couple's counselling with you then maybe you should move on with your life.

Recording conversations and baiting her with emails just seems so unnecessary to me.

[ceadsearc 516]

It could be that she never saw any urgency in applying for AOS since she was on a student visa in the meantime... However, 3 1/2 years of marriage in addition to the period of time you dated would be an unnecessarily long time for a 'fraudster' to wait if her endgame was indeed the PR card. You also said that she was the one who procrastinated...

I agree it's unlikely, though not impossible. I knew a girl who got married - she was in love - and they were married for a couple of years. Husband was never in any rush to file paperwork, despite being out of status (mostly because he was an alcoholic and kept drinking through any money they had with which to file). Eventually, it came out he had been cheating on her with many people the entire time but had stayed married to her so he could file for a green card whenever he got around to it. Apparently he thought since he'd been out of status so long without trouble, he didn't need to hurry.

That's not the norm, obviously, so chances are it's just a spiteful thing to say.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Could be he paid for everything. Some people will do anything for money. Could also be she knows about the 2/10 year and that's why she was putting it off. Why change the status quo when she doesn't need to?

I'm sorry but "I just used you for a GC" would never be an insult I would use. If she had genuine care for him she never would have put that out there. A simple "I don't love you anymore" would have sufficed.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Okay given the "GC" discussion even went to assets you need to get this stuff in a voice recording. You need to be careful though that in the recording you don't make it seem like you're actually ENCOURAGING the fraud ('cause that's what it is).

So based on the above I would call her again (and if legal) record the discussion. If not legal I would write her an email. in fact I lean towards email because writing makes it easier to prove.

Bad advice. That could result in criminal penalties -- for the OP.

OP. Move on, and let her go. Sound to me like she found a spot to insert the knife, and keep twisting. Best advice is to walk away.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Bad advice. That could result in criminal penalties -- for the OP.

What part was bad? The email? The recording? If the recording I said "if legal". For the email, there's nothing illegal there. If you're claiming entrapment that only applies to law enforcement (not a regular Joe).

[vacrimefighter 10]

Hope you had some sort of prenups or postnups in place

[fang27 1]

Could be he paid for everything. Some people will do anything for money. Could also be she knows about the 2/10 year and that's why she was putting it off. Why change the status quo when she doesn't need to?

I'm sorry but "I just used you for a GC" would never be an insult I would use. If she had genuine care for him she never would have put that out there. A simple "I don't love you anymore" would have sufficed.

I did pay for everything. Just now it isn't cash.

When she first said it, I thought that she was saying it just to hurt me......but after two, three times.....over a number of weeks.....

And until I found out about the affair - and she does not know that I know - my mind was totally on counseling and help the second she returned. Now my head is just spinning, and I am not going to do anything until after the holidays and I have had some time to make a sound decision. So, for now, I gather information.

Some people say "just divorce her and move on", but that is really hard to take. To let someone get away with that, if that is what this cracks up to be. It is an not only an insult to me, but to all of those who are honest about their GC. To all of those who are honest, and to all of those that divorce on honest terms.

Edited December 24, 2011 by fang27

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

What part was bad? The email? The recording? If the recording I said "if legal". For the email, there's nothing illegal there. If you're claiming entrapment that only applies to law enforcement (not a regular Joe).

http://www.citmedialaw.org/legal-guide/recording-phone-calls-and-conversations

[VanessaTony 3,567]

http://www.citmedialaw.org/legal-guide/recording-phone-calls-and-conversations

Lol. So my caveat of "if legal" is STILL correct. That article explains the laws so I'm sure the OP will thank you for helping find out what's legal, as I said "if legal".

[fang27 1]

http://www.citmedialaw.org/legal-guide/recording-phone-calls-and-conversations

And some states, such as mine, there are conflicting laws. The newest of which states that you can record as long as you do not have criminal intent (I guess, meaning, that you do not intend to blackmail or extort the person).

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I did pay for everything. Just now it isn't cash.

When she first said it, I thought that she was saying it just to hurt me......but after two, three times.....over a number of weeks.....

And until I found out about the affair - and she does not know that I know - my mind was totally on counseling and help the second she returned. Now my head is just spinning, and I am not going to do anything until after the holidays and I have had some time to make a sound decision. So, for now, I gather information.

Some people say "just divorce her and move on", but that is really hard to take. To let someone get away with that, if that is what this cracks up to be. It is an not only an insult to me, but to all of those who are honest about their GC. To all of those who are honest, and to all of those that divorce on honest terms.

I'm sorry, I know this must be hard.

For now you must also start protecting yourself, your house, and your money. I know you don't want to do anything until after the holidays but you don't want it to be too late. At least find out where you stand legally regarding the house. Lock away ANY official documents. Put these things somewhere safe. Unfortunately you can't trust her anymore. If it's true she's been biding her time for 3 1/2 years she is capable of convincing you it was a mistake until she's able to get more of what she wants.

[ceadsearc 516]

I'm sorry but "I just used you for a GC" would never be an insult I would use. If she had genuine care for him she never would have put that out there. A simple "I don't love you anymore" would have sufficed.

I agree, but some people can be quite vindictive.

To the OP - a consultation with a good lawyer would be a good bet right now. They can advise you on laws in your state regarding taping conversations as well as where to go from here.

[jojolicious 38]

I agree it's unlikely, though not impossible. I knew a girl who got married - she was in love - and they were married for a couple of years. Husband was never in any rush to file paperwork, despite being out of status (mostly because he was an alcoholic and kept drinking through any money they had with which to file). Eventually, it came out he had been cheating on her with many people the entire time but had stayed married to her so he could file for a green card whenever he got around to it. Apparently he thought since he'd been out of status so long without trouble, he didn't need to hurry.

That's not the norm, obviously, so chances are it's just a spiteful thing to say.

I think both the OP and his wife are being spiteful. She's saying she only used him and he has decided she should suffer some consequence for that statement whether or not it's true.

The thing about trying to hurt someone's feelings is that if you push a particular button and get the reaction you're looking for then you're gonna keep pushing that very button. This could explain why she kept on emphasizing that she used him for the GC.

I'm not defending her or excusing her behaviour. She's wrong as far as cheating on the OP and saying hurtful things to him but I just think that sometimes petitioners go overboard when beneficiaries leave them. It always comes back to 'I wanna take back whatever I've given to him/ her'. Relationships fail everyday. We've all been through it at some point.

He should protect himself and his assets by all means but as for becoming a private detective, that's just unnecessary to me.

I believe in karma. I believe you will reap what you sow. If she truly married or stayed with him solely for immigration benefits then that's her burden to bear. Why exert any more energy over a woman who has proved herself unworthy? I wish you all the best OP.

[Brit Abroad 166]

Three and a half years is a long, long time to fake a marriage just for a resident's card, presuming you were living together as a couple in that period.

Is it possible that she's simply happier back at home in the new relationship and thinks it will be easier to make you angry by claiming she married for the green card, rather than making you miserable by saying she doesn't love you any more? Making someone angry usually has the effect of hastening the break up, rather than clinging on to any hope and believing that counseling or giving it another try may make a difference.

Other than that, I agree with Jojolicious. Divorce her and get on with your life. "Paying her back" won't make you any happier in the long term. Find someone who does believe you're a keeper, and will spend her life making you happy.