Is being 'hard headed' a RUB chick trait ?

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I told my husband about this and he felt SO sorry for you! He said silicone would work for the purpose she used it for but not just any kind of silicone, dry silicone such as this: http://solutions.3m.com/wps/portal/3M/en_US/Marine/Home/Products/Catalog/?PC_7_RJH9U5230GE3E02LECIE20S4K7000000_nid=657B00GHBDgs4JS4WF0WC6glMQQ1J7G3R9bl mayhaps she didn't know the difference?

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

I told my husband about this and he felt SO sorry for you! He said silicone would work for the purpose she used it for but not just any kind of silicone, dry silicone such as this: http://solutions.3m.com/wps/portal/3M/en_US/Marine/Home/Products/Catalog/?PC_7_RJH9U5230GE3E02LECIE20S4K7000000_nid=657B00GHBDgs4JS4WF0WC6glMQQ1J7G3R9bl mayhaps she didn't know the difference?

Her using the silicone didn't really bother me, it was what came afterwards. When she came bopping in the house with that can of silicone from NAPA, and I asked her what it was for, she replied that she used it for the door gasket because it was sticking. So when I replied back that it had to be wiped off and sprayed down with WD-40 for the fact it was going to freeze in this weather and cause problems...and I even offered to do it right then, she pretty much told me to go fck myself in not so many words. That mama told her to use it and so that was that because we all know mama is one step closer to god than the rest of us near mortals.... It gets even better. She came home for lunch today, and told me exactly what I told her...that I was to wipe off the silicone and put WD-40 on it seeing how the rubber around the door froze up on her today when she was ready to drive home for lunch. I wanted to tell her where to go stick it, but because I'm a dumb bast@rd...I went it did it. I wouldn't be surprised if someone at her work saw her having problems with her car door and when they asked her what the problem was, she probably replied with something like; "My husband did this when he put silicone on it after I told him not to do it."

It is what it is.

[visaveteran1 33]

I believe what we're discussing here, with a lot of humor and some seriousness, is the other side of Russian women...the darker side. I judge that every man married to any woman sees her shadow side at times...whether they care to discuss it or not. It may not be hard-headedness or eating habits. It might be some other idiosyncrasy or oddball behavior. Something annoying to some degree that you wish didn't exist. But it exists and requires either acceptance or rejection. If the woman can't handle the rejection, then the SHTF.

That dark side is usually well-hidden during courtship...or we see it but go into denial or expect her to change later on.

Whether we can tolerate our wife's issues or not depends on several variables...mostly involving us and our ability to adapt and accept her as is. These women do not change and they are different, not just by gender, but by culture and upbringing and location. They may adapt but will never change in a radical way. We have to live with this struggle or get away from it. I chose to get away from it because it was getting too big and I'm getting to old and tired.

Hopefully, most of you won't have to go down my road...but undoubtedly some will. I know of Russian women in my area who've been through two American husbands and looking for a third. It's not uncommon...especially with citizenship which can come as early as three years living here. Once they are no longer immigrants, their world really opens up. How they handle that will effect us.

[Inna & Brian 11]

In my experience, hard headed yes. Yelling no. My girl gets very quiet and withdrawn. She can get very cold and distant. I know all about "the look". Those traits almost lead to a break-up. We talked about it and she returned to her old self. She even apologized for her behavior.

I don't think Russians are louder than Americans. I think their conversation style is more expressive. I hear a lot of emphasis and see a lot of gesturing.

Does anyone experience this:

"why don't you do X?"

"no"

Wait a few minutes

"why don't you do X?"

"ok"

I believe what we're discussing here, with a lot of humor and some seriousness, is the other side of Russian women...the darker side. I judge that every man married to any woman sees her shadow side at times...whether they care to discuss it or not. It may not be hard-headedness or eating habits. It might be some other idiosyncrasy or oddball behavior. Something annoying to some degree that you wish didn't exist. But it exists and requires either acceptance or rejection. If the woman can't handle the rejection, then the SHTF.

That dark side is usually well-hidden during courtship...or we see it but go into denial or expect her to change later on.

Whether we can tolerate our wife's issues or not depends on several variables...mostly involving us and our ability to adapt and accept her as is. These women do not change and they are different, not just by gender, but by culture and upbringing and location. They may adapt but will never change in a radical way. We have to live with this struggle or get away from it. I chose to get away from it because it was getting too big and I'm getting to old and tired.

Hopefully, most of you won't have to go down my road...but undoubtedly some will. I know of Russian women in my area who've been through two American husbands and looking for a third. It's not uncommon...especially with citizenship which can come as early as three years living here. Once they are no longer immigrants, their world really opens up. How they handle that will effect us.

Beautifully said.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

In my experience, hard headed yes. Yelling no. My girl gets very quiet and withdrawn. She can get very cold and distant. I know all about "the look". Those traits almost lead to a break-up. We talked about it and she returned to her old self. She even apologized for her behavior.

I don't think Russians are louder than Americans. I think their conversation style is more expressive. I hear a lot of emphasis and see a lot of gesturing.

Does anyone experience this:

"why don't you do X?"

"no"

Wait a few minutes

"why don't you do X?"

"ok"

Beautifully said.

whoa...you just described my wife to the "T"...minus the apology part.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Maybe I am lucky bt we have not had the money problems.

Alla is very frugal. She has had a job of some sort almost since she arrived. She keeps "her money" so when she spends money it is money she made. So what? But she has also paid for the new sofas, the new TV, etc. It is not all shoes and clothes and cosmetics. The boys have not been a problem.

They both have jobs, both here and Sergey works at the university in Russia as a tutor and is paid for this, not a lot, but not bad. We also send him an allowance we agreed to each month and we send nothing else. He works here in the summer. He arrived n a Monday, found a job on Tuesday and was working Wednesday evening. It is easy to find summer jobs here. The kid has earned a full paid scholarship and room and board to one of the top universities in the world, I do not begrudge him a little money to buy something beside cafeteria food. He does not bother us for other money. Pasha almost never asks for money, has a job, buys his own stuff, bought a car cash (nice car!) paid his insurance in advance until next June, bought snow tires and buys all his own gas. All with money he earned. Both boys have savings and checking accounts, debit cards and Sergey has a credit card with a $500 limit. Never a word about needing money. Pasha also is getting excellent grades...tops! He also does extra study of English that Alla gives him to do. she gives him vocabulary and grammar worksheets every night. He turns it in either to her or to I and we check his work.

I do not take much credit for this, the boys were raised for the most part by Alla and Bahbushka and neither one will tolerate ANY bullsh*t from the children.

As long as they do their job to be good students we will do ours to support them. Oh, and they will both clean the house but have to be told what to do and checked...big surprise, they will goof off if you let them. They never give us any problems. If I say "Pasha, please go rake the leaves outside" for example, he just does it, right away. No trouble. If he does not like it, I would never know.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I believe what we're discussing here, with a lot of humor and some seriousness, is the other side of Russian women...the darker side. I judge that every man married to any woman sees her shadow side at times...whether they care to discuss it or not. It may not be hard-headedness or eating habits. It might be some other idiosyncrasy or oddball behavior. Something annoying to some degree that you wish didn't exist. But it exists and requires either acceptance or rejection. If the woman can't handle the rejection, then the SHTF.

That dark side is usually well-hidden during courtship...or we see it but go into denial or expect her to change later on.

Whether we can tolerate our wife's issues or not depends on several variables...mostly involving us and our ability to adapt and accept her as is. These women do not change and they are different, not just by gender, but by culture and upbringing and location. They may adapt but will never change in a radical way. We have to live with this struggle or get away from it. I chose to get away from it because it was getting too big and I'm getting to old and tired.

Hopefully, most of you won't have to go down my road...but undoubtedly some will. I know of Russian women in my area who've been through two American husbands and looking for a third. It's not uncommon...especially with citizenship which can come as early as three years living here. Once they are no longer immigrants, their world really opens up. How they handle that will effect us.

Well then I must be the prize of a lifetime or just lucky. As far as worlds opening up when they are citizens...which worlds? What can they do as citizens they cannot do as permanent residents? Vote? Alla speaks four languages and has 3 masters degrees, what worlds will be opened by citizenship for her? She already has established very impressive credit, owns her own new car even has a fairly successful business, actually VERY successful but only fairly good paying. If she were in a bigger city with more Russian speaking people I am sure she would do even better. She could dump me today and do fine even if she never became a citizen.

Her main motivation for citizenship is so we can go places together and travel without her having to get visas for every country. But for that, I doubt she would bother with citizenship.

Do people break up because they devote themselves to each other? I do not think so. But I can honestly say my wife is exactly what I married, she has not changed a bit in her behavior, nothing was hidden that I can tell.

Does she ever get angry? Yes. She got PO'd today because I cleaned her clock in the standing position in shooting.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Yes, the uncontrolled money spending issue is another "trait" I've seen. My wife was bad but her son knew no bounds with money. He'd go to a store with no intention of buying anything and come home with $75 sneakers. He'd happily pay full price for anything despite my suggestions to "wait for a sale." Waiting for a sale does not compute with Russians. And they'll spend $20 a day in junk food #######. Used to drive me crazy. I had to cut up my wife's credit card and close the account from wasteful purchases of junk food and fast food restaurant bills.

The Russians make "drunken sailors" look like pikers.

Perhaps a difference between Ukrainians and Russians?

Alla never buys junk food or fast food, does not allow it in the house, has her own credit cards (a bunch of them!) she pays with money she earns and none have a balance at the end of the month. She uses them mostly to get discounts (many stores give 10% discounts if you purchase with their store card) and then she just pays it off immediately. She literally comes home, writes a check and mails it. She does not even wait for the statement.

We still celebrate New Year's, not Christmas so we can buy our gifts on sale! Alla will buy NOTHING if it is not on sale and she wants 40% off or better. I am telling you, she can pinch a penny until Lincoln screams! She was looking at hats on the way home from the shooting range tonight. 25% off. She showed me the hat she wants but said "Do not buy it until next week, it will be 50% off then"

The boys never ask us for money, not to say they can't spend money, they certainly know how, but they earn their own and do not ask us for it. Pasha has a debit card and orders stuff off the internet sometimes, including shoes, they just show up on the porch. Both the boys have healthy savings accounts from money they earned and saved.

Seems more like individual traits or I got even luckier than I thought.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

And if any of our relationships don't work out we always have a fall back plan. That being the hot 18 year old RUB gymnast waiting for us over in RUB land.

Edited December 23, 2011 by Why_Me

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I haven't experienced that. Kira is a total jew when it comes to money...that and she hates fast food. Anything she gets is usually on sale, and when she's saving up for something like her trip back home it's even more so. She's about as frugal as they get. She has two credit cards in her name only and she pays them off online before they send her a bill. She's pretty good about stuff like that.

Alla is the same but has about 8 credit cards. One VISA card and several store cards, PLUS two debit cards. The stores give her 10% additional discount. She goes there when they are having a 40% off sale, buys something and gets another 10% off. Then comes home and pays it off.

It took her a year to collect all the stuff to remodel our bathroom but I did the whole thing for under $500...ceramic tile, vanity, mirror, lighting, new plumbing fxtures..everything on clearance at Lowes and it had to MATCH and look good together. She does not care, she will wait until she gets what she wants and gets it cheap

[BobnCherry 10]

Hard-headed? Absolutely.

But let's not forget intolerant and temperamental!

Oh yeah... and jealous... I could probably think of a few more...

You just described my Filipino wife:) seriously though I don't know about RUBs but Cherry can be that way to and with her it's more understanding what I'm saying.. I don't know how well your wife is with english but just an oberservation on my end good luck!! hang in there.

B&C

[sea-monkey 13]

What she needed was dielectric grease. It is silicone. All of the car part stores carry them. I have a bottle in my trunk I bought a few weeks back to put on all of my seals but I've been too lazy to do so

[Inna & Brian 11]

Another vote for the frugal Russian. Last winter Inna lost her good gloves. We spent several days shopping and we went into every store that could possible sell gloves and not a single purchase. Either the gloves were "not nice" or "too expensive". She never did buy a pair of gloves last year and made due with an old pair. She finally bought a pair of gloves this winter "not nice but warm".

We have only argued about money once. The argument was over the fact she would not spend enough. Last Christmas I took her shopping for a pair of boots as her present. Again we visited many shops and nothing was right. Finally she tried on a pair of boots. I knew they were exactly what she wanted when I said "do you like them?" and she replied "they're ok". Wow! I knew we had a winner. Every other boot was greeted with an eyeroll or a "bah!" These boots were very nice and reasonably priced. I knew she wanted them but she wouldn't let me buy them. "They are too much". We argued a little and finally next day I took her back to the shop and bought them for her.

She is very frugal about money in all areas -- food, clothes, eating out, vacations, she doesn't believe in credit, etc.

[eekee 182]

I think some of this stuff, especially what VV is talking about, aren't RUB traits but individual ones. Choose someone who prioritizes family, the future, etc... you won't run into these problems. Choose someone who prioritizes themselves and instant gratification... well, that's what you get.

[Inna & Brian 11]

I was raised in the Northeast. We put mink oil on our boots and car seals. I don't know if it was good or not but the doors never stuck