Married on 1st trip to Nigeria yes or no?

[Boiler 46,059]

Have you considered God may wish you to be the one that moves?

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Congratulations on your impending marriage BUT (and you will ignore this I'm sure)...

In the nicest way I can say this - you and your relationship aren't any more "special" than any other. You think every person that was ever scammed wasn't 100% sure of their spouse? You think every person didn't "test" their relationship for fear it was fake? They warn you knowing that like most who've suffered being scammed you'll ignore the advice and do what you want anyway. A relationship isn't a relationship without trust so it's good that you trust him, but that doesn't mean you should close your eyes and follow blindly. You claim you can trust him 100% but you haven't met him yet so you can't know that for sure. You *think* you can know that for sure but you just simply can't.

Best of luck to you both though.

[olumides_wife 17]

^Aw, I just troll through this forum looking for good ethnic recipes but I saw this thread. Makes me sad that you're willing to take the substantial risk of getting married on the first visit to presumably "prove" something to...the naysayers on here? Your leap of faith could result in you not being with your loved one for years to indefinitely. I understand that people believe in the power of love and God and/or both but the visa process is not governed by any of that. Anyway, I know you don't plan on responding to this thread anymore but it does make me sad that you're making hasty, probably ill conceived decisions based on a desire to prove your relationship's legitimacy. The stupid fact is that you're marrying into THE highest fraud consulate in the world and you're doing everything in your power to not help build bona fides in regards to your relationship.

/sadface

I am gonna break my own rule n reply to this...lol...prove what 2 who on here? I don't know anyone personally on this thread so what do I have 2 prove 2 them?....and finally the God I serve has EVERYTHING 2 do with this....lol don't frown for me...I'm smiling indeed!

[olumides_wife 17]

Have you considered God may wish you to be the one that moves?

Lol yes, your point?

[olumides_wife 17]

Congratulations on your impending marriage BUT (and you will ignore this I'm sure)...

In the nicest way I can say this - you and your relationship aren't any more "special" than any other. You think every person that was ever scammed wasn't 100% sure of their spouse? You think every person didn't "test" their relationship for fear it was fake? They warn you knowing that like most who've suffered being scammed you'll ignore the advice and do what you want anyway. A relationship isn't a relationship without trust so it's good that you trust him, but that doesn't mean you should close your eyes and follow blindly. You claim you can trust him 100% but you haven't met him yet so you can't know that for sure. You *think* you can know that for sure but you just simply can't.

Best of luck to you both though.

Did I didn't ask for "warnings".... I asked for advice...I have PLENTY of ppl in my life for those....like I said sorry for the folks that got scammed but that is not nor will it ever cause me 2 judge everyone the same n miss out on perhaps a great guy bc of others bad experience....in that case no one should take a chance at love w the rate if divorce n affairs all over the world...im a pretty good looking lady do u think I'm "settling" for a man in Nigeria bc I cant get one in america?....lol....I like and love how we r with one another...is that ok w u? Since it seems like i need permission from ppl on vj 2 love him like I clearly stated I know it's a risk....that i am willing. 2 take....no one is forcing me....and I know the possibility of it being "fake"....can u guarantee me that ur husband will never leave u? Or cheat on u? I mean 100%? If u say yes....u lie....do u think vj is the 1st place I heard about "scams" in Nigeria? Lol....this thread turned absolutely crazy.....as for the congrat...thanks! Lol....here i thought ppl on vj would be more supportive or offer sound advice instead of WARNINGS of Nigerians ( which is very biased) and i thought my family would b less tolerable but my family supprts me n him the most so thank God 4 thatoe I might of gave up on him....as for vj...lesson learned...if he is wrong for me God will show me...for this thread all i wanted ws a simple yes or no good grief....The end

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Congratulations on your impending marriage BUT (and you will ignore this I'm sure)...

In the nicest way I can say this - you and your relationship aren't any more "special" than any other. You think every person that was ever scammed wasn't 100% sure of their spouse? You think every person didn't "test" their relationship for fear it was fake? They warn you knowing that like most who've suffered being scammed you'll ignore the advice and do what you want anyway. A relationship isn't a relationship without trust so it's good that you trust him, but that doesn't mean you should close your eyes and follow blindly. You claim you can trust him 100% but you haven't met him yet so you can't know that for sure. You *think* you can know that for sure but you just simply can't.

Best of luck to you both though.

Did I didn't ask for "warnings".... I asked for advice...I have PLENTY of ppl in my life for those....like I said sorry for the folks that got scammed but that is not nor will it ever cause me 2 judge everyone the same n miss out on perhaps a great guy bc of others bad experience....in that case no one should take a chance at love w the rate if divorce n affairs all over the world...im a pretty good looking lady do u think I'm "settling" for a man in Nigeria bc I cant get one in america?....lol....I like and love how we r with one another...is that ok w u? Since it seems like i need permission from ppl on vj 2 love him like I clearly stated I know it's a risk....that i am willing. 2 take....no one is forcing me....and I know the possibility of it being "fake"....can u guarantee me that ur husband will never leave u? Or cheat on u? I mean 100%? If u say yes....u lie....do u think vj is the 1st place I heard about "scams" in Nigeria? Lol....this thread turned absolutely crazy.....as for the congrat...thanks! Lol....here i thought ppl on vj would be more supportive or offer sound advice instead of WARNINGS of Nigerians ( which is very biased) and i thought my family would b less tolerable but my family supprts me n him the most so thank God 4 thatoe I might of gave up on him....as for vj...lesson learned...if he is wrong for me God will show me...for this thread all i wanted ws a simple yes or no good grief....The end

You ARE getting advice. You just don't like that that advice is that your boyfriend might be playing you. You say you wanted a simple "yes or no" but you wouldn't have accepted that and if you say you would have you are lying. Everyone wants explanations. Nigeria is a high fraud consulate - fact. You are convincing yourself (and trying to convince us) that your relationship is above reproach. That you've protected yourself, okay. But that doesn't mean you know everything so people offer suggestions for what to look out for. Stuff you might not have thought of.

It's not JUST Nigerians that are scammers they are just a large proportion. MENA countries have fraud in large numbers as well. RUB countries are relationship fraud rather than immigration fraud (string you along to send them money). Philippines have women marrying just to get out of the Philippines and send money back to their family. These are things we've learnt and you would have been ranting and raving if you got played and we just blew smoke up your a** when you asked for advice. You would have been ticked that no-one thought to "advise" you. Well consider yourself advised.

As for the bolded portion - You aren't ANYTHING "together". You talk to him via a computer. You talk to him for a small amount of time in the grand scheme of life. It is completely different once you are ACTUALLY together.

Be happy together is all any of us wish for you. No-one hopes that he's a scammer, we're just advising you that 80% of the time (possibly more), they are and to protect yourself.

[Boiler 46,059]

Lol yes, your point?

Be prepared as God's wishes may not coincide with yours.

[Zee Bee 61]

You need to read these posts through a different lens. You think that people are trying to use scare tactics but a lot of things that have been brought up are questions that your SO is going to have to answer in the interview. They will question the validity of your relationship. People have been asked about the petitioner's exes, where they live, what they do, if they cannot find a man/woman in the US to marry, why they would want to marry someone from that particular country and after all that have still been denied. Take the "warnings" that people have said here on VJ as a small taste of the possible treatment that you will get in Lagos. Not everyone gets this line of questioning but you need to be prepared. The 419/scammer/he is using you will most likely come up if you attend the interview.

Please do not just take the advice of people who agree with you or who have had a favorable situation similar to yours. To be successful you need to know the good, the bad and the ugly. Its better to be prepared and go through smoothly than to reach a road block that could delay you for months or years. Taking your time and accumulating the evidence is just going to make your case stronger. I think that is what people are getting at when they say that you need to take your time.

Because you are going through Lagos you need to especially pay attention to NigeriaorBust's posts because she knows what hardship is going through Lagos. Her SO is here, and unlike many who leave VJ after their SOs get here she is around and shares her story and tries to help others so that they do not go through what she did. I would suggest you go through her posts to get yourself ready for the harsh reality that is going through Lagos.

Just to put it in perspective Lagos is considered higher fraud than so called high fraud countries.

[olumides_wife 17]

You ARE getting advice. You just don't like that that advice is that your boyfriend might be playing you. You say you wanted a simple "yes or no" but you wouldn't have accepted that and if you say you would have you are lying. Everyone wants explanations. Nigeria is a high fraud consulate - fact. You are convincing yourself (and trying to convince us) that your relationship is above reproach. That you've protected yourself, okay. But that doesn't mean you know everything so people offer suggestions for what to look out for. Stuff you might not have thought of.

It's not JUST Nigerians that are scammers they are just a large proportion. MENA countries have fraud in large numbers as well. RUB countries are relationship fraud rather than immigration fraud (string you along to send them money). Philippines have women marrying just to get out of the Philippines and send money back to their family. These are things we've learnt and you would have been ranting and raving if you got played and we just blew smoke up your a** when you asked for advice. You would have been ticked that no-one thought to "advise" you. Well consider yourself advised.

As for the bolded portion - You aren't ANYTHING "together". You talk to him via a computer. You talk to him for a small amount of time in the grand scheme of life. It is completely different once you are ACTUALLY together.

Be happy together is all any of us wish for you. No-one hopes that he's a scammer, we're just advising you that 80% of the time (possibly more), they are and to protect yourself.

Don't use cuss words 2 get ur point across 2 me bc I have not cussed at you...lol. if my relationship to this Nigerian "irritates" you sooooooo much....stop replying lol please... u care? Ha U dont know me...(only via a computer wink)...have a good life n stop being so concerned w me as i said I asked should i ( for the visa sake) not could I BIG difference ....the rants and raves seem to be yours alone go wish your negativity on someone else....u seem 2 be a very negative person....

[olumides_wife 17]

Be prepared as God's wishes may not coincide with yours.

Yes God us in control! Whatever he wishes!

[dwheels76 5,469]

Well Dear all I can add is my 2 cents since I am just starting my journey. However you have to stop thinking like the couple in love and put on the Embassy Interviewer hate. That being said DO NOT let anyone talk you out of what you believe in your heart to be true. You know if the time is right now or later.

That being said the thing you need to focus on going forward is evidence its more (my opinion) about time spent together and what ypu did. If at all possible spend as much time in Nigeria as you can. That I feel speaks volumes. At least I am counting on that.

Just to ease your mind and show you how normal and average you and your fiance are look at me and my husband.

1. We meet on Facebook july 7,2009

2. Talked, texted, email. Webcam , IM for 21 months.

3. I went to nigeria afer 21 months on March 17th,2011 to meet face to face and yes get married. I had no doubts!

4. We courted got to know each other better. Lived at mothers house so also got to know family better and friends.

5. After 6 weeks we got married at courthouse on May 3rd, 2011

6. I stayed in nigeria until September 27(:,2011 yep that's 6 months we got together.

7. Oh I am 21 years older than my husband.

8. Me and his mother are the same age.

9. My daughter is 1 year older than my husband.

All that being said we have over 2 years of mounting evidence and truely I am not worried. Even when and if the having babies question comes up at interview (and I am sure it will) answer is yes we will have babies and will also adopt.

So just build your love story and evidence if u feel u need to meet first than come back and than go and get married than do what you need to do.

We all have our own journey we are all here to learn and help. So do gain strength and confidence in all this maddness call "Our Visa Journey"

Please keep us posted will look forward to your filing. And God bless you.

[olumides_wife 17]

You need to read these posts through a different lens. You think that people are trying to use scare tactics but a lot of things that have been brought up are questions that your SO is going to have to answer in the interview. They will question the validity of your relationship. People have been asked about the petitioner's exes, where they live, what they do, if they cannot find a man/woman in the US to marry, why they would want to marry someone from that particular country and after all that have still been denied. Take the "warnings" that people have said here on VJ as a small taste of the possible treatment that you will get in Lagos. Not everyone gets this line of questioning but you need to be prepared. The 419/scammer/he is using you will most likely come up if you attend the interview.

Please do not just take the advice of people who agree with you or who have had a favorable situation similar to yours. To be successful you need to know the good, the bad and the ugly. Its better to be prepared and go through smoothly than to reach a road block that could delay you for months or years. Taking your time and accumulating the evidence is just going to make your case stronger. I think that is what people are getting at when they say that you need to take your time.

Because you are going through Lagos you need to especially pay attention to NigeriaorBust's posts because she knows what hardship is going through Lagos. Her SO is here, and unlike many who leave VJ after their SOs get here she is around and shares her story and tries to help others so that they do not go through what she did. I would suggest you go through her posts to get yourself ready for the harsh reality that is going through Lagos.

Just to put it in perspective Lagos is considered higher fraud than so called high fraud countries.

Now what you have said to me I can take with respect for anyone else coming across rudely I don't have time for that. As i have clearly stated again and again I am well aware of scams in Nigeria....that does not make me change my mind about the road I am on with this man. Ok so now that that is clear...can i get the help from vj that it is here for? to help with the visa process not "can I talk to this man"...many people are too busy trying 2 warn me he may be a scammer but I've already concluded that he isn't ( if I'm wrong time will tell)...I'm not asking if he is a scammer I asked SHOULD WE GET MARRIED not COULD we get married on the first time I go 2 nigeria...I'm not seeking permission 2 b w him just help on our journey. We know the hardship at lagos or Abuja that is ahead....that is why we r trying 2 get prepared....I'm sure nigeriabust may have advice 2 share but I still can't compare my story w hers. And the advice from people that "agree" with me doesn't mean they didnt go through hard times either. When i made the post i didnt know if we should or shouldnt get married but after all opinions where made I have decided whos advice I wanted (whether they agrree w me or not) to take and its a mixture of several people (including yours) ....im just sick of people trying to warn me of him....I've already been down that road....instead tell me what i asked why is a bad idea to marry the 1st time bc of the embassy and how they will see it or why we should because all you have 2 do is show this or that for a bonfide marriage...not dont marry him bc hes nigerian...that is what I'm sick of...I've tested this man myself and I didn't come here to defend our relationship to ppl on vj we will go through enough of that with the embassy...also you said they will question him of the 419 scam he IS using....he's not using a scam so we can prove this to the embassy...again I respect what you have said notes have been taken

[olumides_wife 17]

Well Dear all I can add is my 2 cents since I am just starting my journey. However you have to stop thinking like the couple in love and put on the Embassy Interviewer hate. That being said DO NOT let anyone talk you out of what you believe in your heart to be true. You know if the time is right now or later.

That being said the thing you need to focus on going forward is evidence its more (my opinion) about time spent together and what ypu did. If at all possible spend as much time in Nigeria as you can. That I feel speaks volumes. At least I am counting on that.

Just to ease your mind and show you how normal and average you and your fiance are look at me and my husband.

1. We meet on Facebook july 7,2009

2. Talked, texted, email. Webcam , IM for 21 months.

3. I went to nigeria afer 21 months on March 17th,2011 to meet face to face and yes get married. I had no doubts!

4. We courted got to know each other better. Lived at mothers house so also got to know family better and friends.

5. After 6 weeks we got married at courthouse on May 3rd, 2011

6. I stayed in nigeria until September 27(:,2011 yep that's 6 months we got together.

7. Oh I am 21 years older than my husband.

8. Me and his mother are the same age.

9. My daughter is 1 year older than my husband.

All that being said we have over 2 years of mounting evidence and truely I am not worried. Even when and if the having babies question comes up at interview (and I am sure it will) answer is yes we will have babies and will also adopt.

So just build your love story and evidence if u feel u need to meet first than come back and than go and get married than do what you need to do.

We all have our own journey we are all here to learn and help. So do gain strength and confidence in all this maddness call "Our Visa Journey"

Please keep us posted will look forward to your filing. And God bless you.

Thank you for sharing your story with me and thank you for actually answering my question. I know w/o a doubt I love this man....me and him are both learning on this journey. I plan on staying there for 3 weeks (that is the most I can stay) but i will go back again several times before he comes here for good. We talked today and he wants to have an african dress made for our wedding (going to the courthouse) and then a reception afterwards....so I'm excited as plans unfold for us...you are right! The interview hat does have to be on! and that is what I was trying to do with this thread (didn't know where to start) But what I have gained is that evidence is the key (which im glad I had common sense to keep chats, emails, call records, letters, even video recordings of our chat sessions ) and I will keep at it! He is also armed with evidence....he knows alot about me and vise versa and we learn more and more everyday! Lol I question him to see what he knows about me all the time...and I did it not knowing about the embassy but bc two ppl that love each other should know those things I'd be gone if he didnt..lol...again I really appreciate your "two cents" it has added up to ALOT in my book. Congrats to you and your hubby! I will keep you both in my prayers!

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Don't use cuss words 2 get ur point across 2 me bc I have not cussed at you...lol. if my relationship to this Nigerian "irritates" you sooooooo much....stop replying lol please... u care? Ha U dont know me...(only via a computer wink)...have a good life n stop being so concerned w me as i said I asked should i ( for the visa sake) not could I BIG difference ....the rants and raves seem to be yours alone go wish your negativity on someone else....u seem 2 be a very negative person....

You obviously have some issues about your relationship still. I don't personally blame you. You've probably copped a lot of judgement and you will continue to be judged. Nothing here is even remotely close to the scrutiny your relationship will suffer, or the questions your boyfriend will be asked.

Your relationship doesn't "irritate" me nor did or imply such. As " are quote marks you are obviously trying to imply an animosity to my posts that simply isn't there, that is a very sneaky move. Not one part of my post is negative, it's fact. You are right however that I should stop posting. You are clearly naive despite your years and unwilling to listen to reason or accept anything unless posted in a manner that cow-tows to your naivety and delicate nature. You do however need to toughen up. It will be a long and heart-breaking road. Look into moving to his country as that may well be the eventual outcome.

[Bisola 2011 16]

Where do I begin to reply to such a negative post (in my view)...I guess the beginning will be a good place.....one.. yes cross culture relationships are hard (this would be my first and his) but so are same culture ones....if they were so much better (especially here in America) then why is the divorce rate so high? Between ppl that are the same culture... perhaps they met and married quickly? or met and married slowly? grew up in church together? or met online? Really can you judge a relationship based on the fact tht we are different cultures I think he and I are well aware of this lol....and do you think we haven't discussed and talked on these things?...this man is my best friend we talk about EVERYTHING...I was married before (same culture same race) and we NEVER I mean NEVER seen eye to eye as much as me and Olumide have...culture has nothing to do with love....quote "I have to watch out once it crashes"....so has your crashed?...I did not come here to ask you "permission" to marry a Nigerian...believe me it was the LAST thing on my mind at the time...but here we are and I love this man...and nobody can tell me he doesn't love me FOR REAL...as for those that relationships failed (i.e "top posting Nigerians)...I feel bad for them I do but hey that is life....some relationships don't make it...and guess what...if in time it was "fraud" or "ends"....I have nothing to lose..I have gained ALOT from this man..so guess what we both win!...as for the registry...lol...he's going by there next week to see what is required to "register" us there (just in case)....we are just weighing all of our options....he is not "rushing" me to marry him...he works hard and Nigeria is his home...he loves it but he loves me too...we are not "afraid" of the embassy nor the wait....after all anything in life worth having is worth waiting for!

Thumbs up!!! (including my thumb toes) lol...

Edited December 26, 2011 by Bisola 2011