Married on 1st trip to Nigeria yes or no?

[olumides_wife 17]

I agree with everyone else that getting married on this first visit, especially seeing you've only been together for 7 months and Nigeria is a high fraud consulate, is risky. You said in another post that you're visiting in May 2012 and want to marry then so you would have been together for 12 months.

What works well in your favour is that you are of similar ages and that he is older.

A few questions to judge your other red flags and whether this is going to be a huge issue:

1. How long have you KNOWN each other? - If you've been friends for a while before getting engaged that's good, works well in your favour

2. How did you meet? - Online? Friends? Family? Some websites are red-flags for fraud

3. Are you of the same religion? -

4. Are you the same race? Culture? - This shouldn't matter but it often does.

5. Has he ever been involved with another USC? - This of course matters for obvious reasons

6. Does he have children already? - This matters because while you're not "old" they may judge him for marrying someone with a child. I don't mean to be offensive but apparently child bearing women are the cultural norm.

The thing is, while talking to someone online I found to be really good for my relationship, lots of talking, it's still not the same as in person. It is easy to pretend to be a particular type of person for a short visit to convince you to marry him. That's what the consulate would be worried about.

Things I've read to watch out for is him being seen out in public with you. You meeting his friends (family is sometimes in on the scam so family being accepting isn't really a good indicator).

I really really hope for you sake that this is real from his end but it more often than not isn't. You need to protect yourself and you need to get to know him and his friends and family in person. I would not get married on this visit and I wouldn't take your daughter or mother on this visit. It is completely up to you though of course.

1. 7 months

2. on facebook

3. yes-Christians

4. race? lol...no I am african american he is african

5. NO

6. NO

I do appreciate your comments but at the same time I think maybe I need to clarify something, he is not pressuring me to marry him and we WANT to meet face to face..he is just as scared as I am...he has never been married nor has any children...as well as he could be posing as something he is not so could I...we are just "discussing" our options since we have not been down this road before. Believe me I am the LAST person to believe in meeting and or dating someone online (here in America let alone another country) so I know God is leading me....I put this man through a VERY HARD time and I am not done with my plight to test his realness. He knows very well my doubts, and concerns about scams and etc...from Nigeria...he has even been the one to tell me about them. I trust this man....and I know we need to meet I just wanted advice as to (if we decide) to get married when I go there should I...not someone telling me this may not be "Real" I know the risk with that already...I know everyone's situation is different and I don't blame you for the "concern" you have for the realness of this relationship...but if I felt that way I wouldn't be here looking for help for us. I know there is "good" and "bad" in Nigeria and I believe my guy is the "good" and well in love you take a risk I did with my exhusband and well...notice I said ex... and if I am wrong then time will surely tell...but me meeting him online is no different then me going to an american website and meeting a total stranger here in America. I believe he is worth the time and the energy involved in this whole thing...all I wanted to know was should we get married on the first visit or not...and I see now that it probably not a good idea for the embassy sake so now I know which way to go! Thank you

[bdawn 66]

Okay so in a former post I made note that I was going to Nigeria for the 1st time and that I was going to meet my fiance for the 1st time and get married then file a CR1 but some people have told me that I should not do this because my fiance filed for a B1 visa 11/28/11 and was denied and this could raise flags with the embassy (yes we had planned to get married on the B1 but he WAS GOING TO RETURN HOME; not stay and file for an AOS) and then I was going to start the CR1 process after he returned to Nigeria....so since he got denied the plan was as follows:

1. Go to Nigeria for 15 days after a week together get married and a registry (my mom and daughter going with me)

2. Come back to America start the CR1 process

so is this not what I should do? I don't want to raise any "red flags" with the embassy but we want to be married we don't mind the time it will take after we are married to be together but we don't want to wait forever to be married...does that make sense?...we really love each other that I know....

so should we follow the plan above or,

B.

Go meet him not get married and return to the US and file a K1? (much longer to be married )

C.

Go meet him and still get married as we plan to,

but file for the CR1 a few months later like in Aug or September 2012?

or..........

This is very exhausting and my journey has just started

Sorry if I sound like a broken record already...I really just need help! We had no idea what was involved for us to be together

I don't mean to sound discouraging but it's not wise to marry someone on your first meeting in person. Even if it isn't about the visa processing, you still have to meet in person for a couple of times to be certain of what you are getting into. Visajourney is here to not only help with the process, but also to sound a little bell of warning and alert people of the many fraudulence (marriage for visa) prevailing here. There are countless of marriages that are dissolved within the first couple of months of the arrival of the spouses which has provoked some considerable thoughts to alert people to not rush into things and regret later. Many people hide behind pc and profess incredible, undying love for others to win their confidence and trust for the advancement of their selfish interest...unfortunately Nigeria has been notorious and on top of the list in in this area in west africa. However, there are many beautiful stories of beautiful lives together forever. The bottomline is, don't rush into things through persuasive, sweets words. Many people on here experienced how their fiancees/fiances/spouses kept blowing smoke up their skirts and made them use every available resources to make things happen, but in the end, they laughed on the wrong side of their mouth. Patience and prayer are the key, because come hell or high water nobody knows anybody's head!

[olumides_wife 17]

As I think I've said before...This love is your love. If you want to marry this man because you love him then mary him. You know more about him than we ever will. If you trust him, want him and desire for him to be your husband then marry him. I got married the first time I went to Lagos. I went again later but I trusted my man and now he is here with me now. The burden of proof is yours and if you can proove this relationship is real..pics, skype, phone records.. then it's all good. Stop worrying about what these people might think. If he applied before you that was before you. Who cares God can hide anything that doesn't need to be seen.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!...because I was beginnig to think man am I on the right forum with people that have been through this? I already know the risk involved "love" with anyone is a risk..I am just trying to take the right steps so we wont "mess up" when it's time to get him here....but I know that God is truly with us! We both are Christians and have strong faith in God I can't wait until I am able to share our whole story because I know we will be married!... Thakn you again.. oh...one thing to clarify he applied for the B1 visa (11/28/11)... to come and see me....but was denied!...so I think we can explain that to the embassy! Thanks have a blessed day!

[olumides_wife 17]

I don't mean to sound discouraging but it's not wise to marry someone on your first meeting in person. Even if it isn't about the visa processing, you still have to meet in person for a couple of times to be certain of what you are getting into. Visajourney is here to not only help with the process, but also to sound a little bell of warning and alert people of the many fraudulence (marriage for visa) prevailing here. There are countless of marriages that are dissolved within the first couple of months of the arrival of the spouses which has provoked some considerable thoughts to alert people to not rush into things and regret later. Many people hide behind pc and profess incredible, undying love for others to win their confidence and trust for the advancement of their selfish interest...unfortunately Nigeria has been notorious and on top of the list in in this area in west africa. However, there are many beautiful stories of beautiful lives together forever. The bottomline is, don't rush into things through persuasive, sweets words. Many people on here experienced how their fiancees/fiances/spouses kept blowing smoke up their skirts and made them use every available resources to make things happen, but in the end, they laughed on the wrong side of their mouth. Patience and prayer are the key, because come hell or high water nobody knows anybody's head!

See that is where I think you are wrong...I know a couple that married on a blind date and are still married over 20 years and I know some couples that new each other for years and ended in divorce...no one can predict love...People marry all kinds of ways first time second time third time, blind dates, internet, best friends, through friends...etc... to each it's own but since I'm with someone in another country I wanted to get advice from people that have been there as to the best way for us to go...not that I should "watch out" people in Nigeria...I already know all of that...I wanted to know for the embassy sake (K1, K3, CR1) was it wise for us to marry the first time..honestly if we could get married today we would...we love each other that much....lol..I would have beeen the 1st to call someone from Nigeria a scammer (I was) but my Pookie changed my mind completely...and if they are just sweet nothings...time will tell and I will be stronger in the process...I honestly didn't think I would have to come here to defend my love I just needed help and guidance...I know the risk....I won't go into details of our relationship here....but I trust this man more tha any American man I have ever talked to...I know it's a risk...I realized that from the beginning....but at the same time I know he is worth it! Thanks again! Blessings!

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

My advice is to visit him without family first. Then go back and marry him and bring all your strong evidence of the visits etc.... Having been to the country you can then determine to bring your mother and daughter or not. It is not easy for an elderly or very young child there.

I think the B2 denial is explainable, he wanted to visit you, you didn't know it was this complicated and learned by trial and error. No big deal in my opinion.

Lagos is one of the very toughest to get approved and to take your time with the first visit and marry during the second is more favourable in my opinion.

It just may save you a year in AP for further scrutiny or the trouble of having to start over.

Wishing you all the best on your journey ~ God bless !

[olumides_wife 17]

Me and my wife got married THREE days into her first visit.

THANK YOU so much for sharing that!

[olumides_wife 17]

My advice is to visit him without family first. Then go back and marry him and bring all your strong evidence of the visits etc.... Having been to the country you can then determine to bring your mother and daughter or not. It is not easy for an elderly or very young child there.

I think the B2 denial is explainable, he wanted to visit you, you didn't know it was this complicated and learned by trial and error. No big deal in my opinion.

Lagos is one of the very toughest to get approved and to take your time with the first visit and marry during the second is more favourable in my opinion.

It just may save you a year in AP for further scrutiny or the trouble of having to start over.

Wishing you all the best on your journey ~ God bless !

God bless you and thank you! Yes I think I will hold off on bringing my mom and daughter this first time around...(my mom just didn't want me to go alone but that would mean having no choice but to bring my daughter)...but we've talked about it so I'm good with going alone! Also thank you for the advice it is very good....as for getting married we are going to continue to pray about it and let God lead us...if we do marry we won't file a K3 or CR1 for several months later and I will go back and visit him again in the process...as for the B1...yes that is exactly right we wanted him to come here to America first but it didn't happen that way! we can surely explain that ! Again Thanks for the advice, blessings!

[favored 31]

God bless you and thank you! Yes I think I will hold off on bringing my mom and daughter this first time around...(my mom just didn't want me to go alone but that would mean having no choice but to bring my daughter)...but we've talked about it so I'm good with going alone! Also thank you for the advice it is very good....as for getting married we are going to continue to pray about it and let God lead us...if we do marry we won't file a K3 or CR1 for several months later and I will go back and visit him again in the process...as for the B1...yes that is exactly right we wanted him to come here to America first but it didn't happen that way! we can surely explain that ! Again Thanks for the advice, blessings!

did he tell them that he wanted to visit you when he went for the B1 interview? Again, my view is from the embassy side. what would you do if you were a CO and protect people who enter your country? In the past those are red flags.. now, have people overcome them, yes and are still are.. but then more people are given denial slips more often for those red flags.. so you just have to be prepared for what the embassy will question. just telling them that he tried B1 is not a response to why marriage occured after that denial. So my overall take is do you want to be happy now or later.. meaning do you want to wait 4 months now or wait the 4 months later if embassy tells you to bring more evidence or puts you under AP? I think pple over here are also just telling you that there are more unsuccessful stories than successful ones that are similar to yours. keep that in mind.

[Queen-O 3]

Girl any relationship can be a fraud, any relationship can fail. You can never know everything about a person. It takes time as we all know. Being of the same culture or race has nothing to do with it and proves nothing. I"m a Nigerian who was born in America. My dad is Nigerian and my mom is Nigerian American. Her mother married a Nigerian, my mom married a Nigerian, and i married a Nigerian! My mom and dad have been together for over 30 years! Although i am very in touch with Nigerian culture me and my husband still have imperfections in our relationship because we are human before anything! Yea I'm tired of people thinking all Nigerians are frauds and scammers dammit i work hard for my money and so does my dad and siblings and husband. I met my husband while on vacation in Nigeria so we didn't met online but some people feel we got married too fast ...we met in may, got engaged in December, and married in august! too each its own like someone else said if you feel its real and you know you love this man and u wanna give it a try then go for it mama!! It's your love! the only thing i use this forum for is questions abt the immigration process not for people to advise you about who you should love. OAN i am not attacking anyone i just had to spit my opinion out to olumide's girl not anyone else!

Oh yea i do suggest meeting him first before marriage.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

THANK YOU so much for sharing that!

You should also look at their timeline. It took 455 days to get approved. That's not normal. If you do it right you should be approved in less than a year. Took us maybe 6 months.

[olumides_wife 17]

get it straight ok? all i brought to light was red flags in situation like this from the embassy. the red flags, if any, in or with her man is btw her and God.. so dont add me to wat these pple are saying. why dont u tell her if u came across issues not just that ur man is here wit u.. like smeone else pointed out, there are bad stories than gd stories in similar experience.. and dont even play dumb about scam and such from NIgeria.. God is in control but He doesnt say to be blind on earth

I think I may have overlooked some of these posts so I am back tracking...there is/was no need to be sarcastic we all have an opinion..and she was giving me her advice which I find very helpful and sound...b/c she is right...this is "our" relationship... I just wanted a simple yes or no...or advice as to what we should do instead not "warnings" of a Nigerians I am well aware of scams... and so forth lol..i just laugh b/c I know what I have put him through over these 8 months and a scammer he isn't...now the man I had here in America...was...and I am sure she did have some "issues" but obviously if he is here with her now they overcame them...you are right God is in control...and he alone can bring 2 people together from miles apart through the scams and schemes that exist ALL over the world not just Nigeria!

[olumides_wife 17]

did he tell them that he wanted to visit you when he went for the B1 interview? Again, my view is from the embassy side. what would you do if you were a CO and protect people who enter your country? In the past those are red flags.. now, have people overcome them, yes and are still are.. but then more people are given denial slips more often for those red flags.. so you just have to be prepared for what the embassy will question. just telling them that he tried B1 is not a response to why marriage occured after that denial. So my overall take is do you want to be happy now or later.. meaning do you want to wait 4 months now or wait the 4 months later if embassy tells you to bring more evidence or puts you under AP? I think pple over here are also just telling you that there are more unsuccessful stories than successful ones that are similar to yours. keep that in mind.

Yes he did, is that a problem to tell the truth? If I were a CO I would see it as okay your girl in America said she wasn't coming to you first you had to come to her...and he did all he could to come here...starting at getting a passport..and he was denied (I know why)...so how would that be a problem?...I think we can be overcomers because I in Christ can do all things....life is full of obstacles as I said before we not concerned about the "wait" after marriage we just want to be married...is that a crime? or something I should defend? all I asked was should I simply yes or no and ALL opinions given will be taken in to consideration. I am not going to be "scared" not to, nor think I have too...just asking so I and he can make the best decision for us...as for happiness we are already happy...and we both have "self-control" and I don't mind visiting him several times before he is finally here...I need to...lol...it's his home...4 months now? I don't understands that part...as for the embassy we aren't afraid of that at all.....God has the power even over the embassy! True there may be more unsuccessful stories but does that make me tuck my tale and run...lol...no way....I've faced very difficult situtations in my life....and I have always come out smiling!

You should also look at their timeline. It took 455 days to get approved. That's not normal. If you do it right you should be approved in less than a year. Took us maybe 6 months.

LOL...what is 455 days for me to be with someone I would be married to for life? lol

[olumides_wife 17]

Cross culture marriages are rough. Even if you go into it on a wave of love you have to watch out once it crashes. Look at the list of top posting Nigerians , Half of them came back and admitted their marriages fell apart and a couple threw the fraud word out. These people also started VJ on the wings on love. For every case of fraud , for every underwear bomber Lagos raises the bar. Now the bar usually includes multiple visits. Doing it by a meeting trip then a trip to get married is a more "natural" course of events than running and getting married to someone you are just meeting. Believe they look at everything. My first visit to Nigeria Joseph and I stopped by the marriage resistry and he ran into a tribemate and we actually had a nice talk with him and the woman that was in charge of the books. We were shown the board that the pictures are posted on and the books. We were told that there was someone from the embassy that stopped by every few weeks and took notes. They even checked if the marriage bonds were posted the proper amount of time before the wedding. ( I guess scammers try to tip their way around that requirement frequently ) We had no plans to marry that trip but we wanted to know what the options were Back when we were approved AP didn't usually happen but the week he arrived was the week of the undie bomber so they then raised the bar for background checks. Lagos has set the bar very high and no matter how much you know your relationship is real you need to go the extra mile to convince the embassy especially if you don't want the famous blue slip at your interview.

Where do I begin to reply to such a negative post (in my view)...I guess the beginning will be a good place.....one.. yes cross culture relationships are hard (this would be my first and his) but so are same culture ones....if they were so much better (especially here in America) then why is the divorce rate so high? Between ppl that are the same culture... perhaps they met and married quickly? or met and married slowly? grew up in church together? or met online? Really can you judge a relationship based on the fact tht we are different cultures I think he and I are well aware of this lol....and do you think we haven't discussed and talked on these things?...this man is my best friend we talk about EVERYTHING...I was married before (same culture same race) and we NEVER I mean NEVER seen eye to eye as much as me and Olumide have...culture has nothing to do with love....quote "I have to watch out once it crashes"....so has your crashed?...I did not come here to ask you "permission" to marry a Nigerian...believe me it was the LAST thing on my mind at the time...but here we are and I love this man...and nobody can tell me he doesn't love me FOR REAL...as for those that relationships failed (i.e "top posting Nigerians)...I feel bad for them I do but hey that is life....some relationships don't make it...and guess what...if in time it was "fraud" or "ends"....I have nothing to lose..I have gained ALOT from this man..so guess what we both win!...as for the registry...lol...he's going by there next week to see what is required to "register" us there (just in case)....we are just weighing all of our options....he is not "rushing" me to marry him...he works hard and Nigeria is his home...he loves it but he loves me too...we are not "afraid" of the embassy nor the wait....after all anything in life worth having is worth waiting for!

[olumides_wife 17]

FINAL POST-Wow somehow I wish I could go back and delete this thread! I was simply trying to determine if me and my fiance should get married on my 1st visit to Nigeria or not and well I got more advice then I asked for (the negative or "scare tactic" replies) I find it quite sad that even people that are here married to or waiting to marry Nigerians can still "put them down" as scammers and such the like? HELLOOO... I realized this from day one in meeting and talking to my now fiance...we have been through this WHOLE scammer thing from day one...."do you just want a green card" thing from day one...and on and on....I have tested his integrity and honesty in ways I don't care to explain (you can find out alot about a person on a computer) and he past he is the most caring, kindess man I have met in my life though he is miles away....and the one thing I do know whether we get married on the first time or tenth time is that my OLUMIDE is not a scammer. And while I know scammers are rampant in Nigera are not good people mixed in with them as well? I believe God fished this one out just for me...and good grief are scammers only in Nigeria? I think there ar scammers ALL OVER THIS WORLD!....I have been taken back by some of the posts simply because many people seem to be representing Nigeria so I was for sure I would get helpful replies...not "BEWARE" replies or "WARNING" replies...I have already gone down that road...don't get me wrong I have had some VERY VERY helpful and wise replies on this thread and for that I thank you so much you helped me more than you will know... but for others I just couldn't help but to shake my head....I don't think the title was "Should I marry this man because he is Nigerian and I think he is a SCAMMER?"....really sad...I know we met online? And? so what... How many people meet online every single day...America is crawling with single sites...eharmony this....mingle single that...what about eharmony with Nigerians or... mingle with a single in Nigeria (lol)....I mean really I think it is humorous to read that people try to "warn" me about cross culture marriages...really? marriage is hard work period cross culture or not...at least we want to get married in a society that is losing the value of marriage and family fast...my grandparents have been married for over 50 years and they ar still a work in progress...I will conclude now... thank you for the sound advice to those that gave it......to those that just ranted and raved (deleted)...I have made note of what I needed to...and based on that me and Olumide will make a decision best for us....timelines don't scare us...God is on our side...I just needed help so when the time came to get the visa we would know what was the best way to go to show "proof" of our real relationship...but I think we got it up to this point and we will have it all the way to the embassy in Lagos! ...so just in case you are wondering...here is what "we" have decided....he is going to go get us registered at the courthouse before I come there in May and our plans are to get married...is it a risk? yup...am I willing to take it? yup...that is what life is about....as for VJ I have learned my lesson....no more "personal" threads for me...I have the people on here I need to help me through this journey...Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight!

[HannahP 119]

^Aw, I just troll through this forum looking for good ethnic recipes but I saw this thread. Makes me sad that you're willing to take the substantial risk of getting married on the first visit to presumably "prove" something to...the naysayers on here? Your leap of faith could result in you not being with your loved one for years to indefinitely. I understand that people believe in the power of love and God and/or both but the visa process is not governed by any of that. Anyway, I know you don't plan on responding to this thread anymore but it does make me sad that you're making hasty, probably ill conceived decisions based on a desire to prove your relationship's legitimacy. The stupid fact is that you're marrying into THE highest fraud consulate in the world and you're doing everything in your power to not help build bona fides in regards to your relationship.

/sadface