Instructions for Giving you Cat a Pill

[Jaylen Brit 0]

I think I may have posted this in the old forum - but I can't remember so Im posting it again cos it makes me HOWL with laughter

Instructions for Giving Your Cat a Pill

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call friend.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get friend to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down remove ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Doulton figures from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get friend to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to friend's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13. Tie cats front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, hold cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet of steak. Hold head vertically and pour pint of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Get friend to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect cat. Ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

My sister and I gave our cat a bath once (when we were younger). The cat had all it's claws too! I never laughed so much in my life even though I was clawed over and over. The cat must have thought I was insane.

[Miranda&James 8]

I still have a scar on my hand from when I cat-sat and had to give the cat pills

My hands are also covered in about 30 scratches from my cat....she's a b&%ch! But I love her

[almaty 19]

i usually just choke sanita's cat until it's mouth flies open and stuff the pill down her throat....

note...i was just joking and i don't want to stir the cat folks up...

[Peter Miami 0]

Pictures please.

[almaty 19]

Pictures please.

no way..the cat mafia is intense here peter..

[Flames9_RN 358]

had two cats from a previous marriage--she kept the cats, i kept the Sheltie! but I used to have to wash the cats every few weeks as she was allergic to them. After awhile the cats did not mind, did not care for the bath tub, but they got better with age.