Waiting..... Waiting

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

What isn't funny is how you're playing right along with all of the manipulation (and will probably teach Gretchen to also) whilst belittling the rest of your family for meddling and manipulating... I mean your kids have already learned.

If you don't think you're just as much a game player as them then tel me why you would refer to Gretchen as a Friend when you say you knew it would have the same result as calling her your wife? The honest answer is because even if the core data is the same by using a different label you are implying a lot about everyone in your family (adding a hidden payload). The sad truth is that it says more about you than it does about your family.

How will you react if Gretchen decides that she doesn't like that hidden payload and how comfortable you are with delivering it?

[jodee 30]

I wonder if your kids never mentioning Gretchen is really because they have learnt to avoid the family drama, or they have been manipulated into being deceptive, or the kicker...they really are not all that accepting of Gretchen as you think. They might avoid talking about her because they maybe feel ashamed, that they now have a stepmother close in age to themselves, and hoped you would get the hint. Just a thought.

[tmma 467]

My ex caused problems during the divorce. The last time I EVER saw my parents I WAS kicking them out of my house. And as far as I knew, I BELIEVED anything I told my parents went to my ex. My goal was PROTECTING Gretchen. What my parents know now is EXACTLY what I want them to know and nothing more then I would TELL my ex. It is not cahones. It is a matter of trust. the old phrase is "hubba hubba hubba, who do you trust??"

the deal is the family just is not near me. They have their own lives. I live very far away. What is funny, my children talked to my parents and never mentioned her either.

"Protecting Gretchen ' from what, exactly? You live ' very very far away' .

And your ex is STILL the mother of your children, despite whatever has happened , she has the right to at least know who her children's stepmother is.

It IS a matter of cojones......Of course it is! Poor Gretchen is going to need bigger ones on Sunday than you have right now-, to deal with the situation you are creating for her to walk into on Christmas Day.

Can't you see that?

Edited December 21, 2011 by tmma

[B_J 2,752]

How will you react if Gretchen decides that she doesn't like that hidden payload and how comfortable you are with delivering it?

I've tried posting many times, but I keep getting over ruled by my better half. Apparently I'm not being polite enough.

Seriously, what can Gretchen do? She's alone, in a strange country, and pregnant. All she can really do is accept that this is her life. I hope everything works out for the best.

YAY! I got permission to post this one.

[sunandmoon 450]

Dareen, are planning on going to the Christmas dinner and still only refer to Gretchen as your girlfriend?

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Seriously, what can Gretchen do? She's alone, in a strange country, and pregnant. All she can really do is accept that this is her life. I hope everything works out for the best.

Give her time, Filipinos are resourceful. If she decides this isn't the way she wants to live her life then she'll get a lot of options once she starts looking for them and they'll be younger, better looking etc...

[Darnell 8,478]

I guess another acid test might be - 'Post the wedding announcement in the local paper in the cities where yer parents live' and then see what happens.

No, I not mean, do this, really - but - think about it, instead, and what the outcome would be.

[gretchen_darren 67]

LOL, I am really getting a kick out of this. I wish I could help people see the crazy saniness of my family. the kids never talked about Gretchen the my parents (their grandparents) because never asked. Nothing asked, nothing volunteered. It is not game playing, or meant to be game playing. I jsut did not want to break the news to my cousins without first telling my parents. Think of how upset you would be if you found out a son or daughter is married? As for telling my family. Gretchen and I have discussed it. During the divorce my fmaily and I developed a rift. A lot of what I told my folks went to my ex. the only person I could trust was no one. I did not even trust my lawyer. My cousin's are great people. I see them often more often then I see my parents since they live here in the valley. My cousins have been through a divorce like what I have gone though. I went through a very very very bitter divorce. (and yet my ex asked for it.)

I love Gretchen very much. If I even had there would be problems, we would not be going to my cousins house. We are not going near my parents or siblings houses for a while yet.

In my family, you don't bring "friends" for christmas. It does not work that way. Even by saying she was a "friend" I was tipping them off to something greater. In my family, You only bring fiancee or wife to Christmas get together. It was a way of preparing the family for the news without shocking the fmaily.

[tmma 467]

LOL, I am really getting a kick out of this. I wish I could help people see the crazy saniness of my family.............

Happy you are getting a 'kick out of this' and I see the 'crazy saniness'.

[gretchen_darren 67]

the first girl I dated after my divorce, my parents refused to accept. No question on it. they thought she was a home wrecker. This time I have been quiet and biding my time. I am just telling my parents guess what, she is my wife, and accept it or not. I was only calling Gretchen my "friend" because my parents did not yet know. And no I am not calling her my "friend". but Gretchen is my best friend, my lover, my wife, my confidant, my love. my angel. maybe to you calling your wife a "friend" is a bad thing. But for me to call you a friend is placing you in a circle of family. My friends are few, very, very, very few.

[Ban Hammer 13,110]

one personal insult removed. don't make it personal with the op.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

My ex caused problems during the divorce. The last time I EVER saw my parents I WAS kicking them out of my house. And as far as I knew, I BELIEVED anything I told my parents went to my ex. My goal was PROTECTING Gretchen. What my parents know now is EXACTLY what I want them to know and nothing more then I would TELL my ex. It is not cahones. It is a matter of trust. the old phrase is "hubba hubba hubba, who do you trust??"

the deal is the family just is not near me. They have their own lives. I live very far away. What is funny, my children talked to my parents and never mentioned her either.

Yeah, but you've already indicated that they will find out through the family grapevine, so it's no longer a matter of being able to keep it on the down low. If you go to your cousins, he will know, whether you disclose everything (marriage, pregnancy) or not, and then word will eventually get back to your parents. In the meantime, you're putting your wife through unnecessary drama on your first Christmas together. That's really not fair to her. Just stand up to the plate and make a formal announcement - be forthright and to the point. Do it right away before the get together with your cousin, or tell him you aren't going to be able to come. Do it for your wife and her peace of mind.

[gretchen_darren 67]

Already telling family. Broke it to parents last night, and waiting for answer. Word is now getting out. I am hoping to call and tell my sister tonight and maybe my brother. Right now I am tied up with work. Bad day.

[Hank_ 9,174]

the first girl I dated after my divorce, my parents refused to accept. No question on it. they thought she was a home wrecker. This time I have been quiet and biding my time. I am just telling my parents guess what, she is my wife, and accept it or not. I was only calling Gretchen my "friend" because my parents did not yet know. And no I am not calling her my "friend". but Gretchen is my best friend, my lover, my wife, my confidant, my love. my angel. maybe to you calling your wife a "friend" is a bad thing. But for me to call you a friend is placing you in a circle of family. My friends are few, very, very, very few.

Calling your wife your friend is a good thing. Referring to your wife as your friend with others is not.

I have lived disfunctional family BS forever it seems, was on the outs with my parents for decades because of my EX... she was the bane of my life for way too long.

From what I gather you are not on "terms" with your folks still so not sure why you "bide your time" for telling them.

None of really matters except to be highly protective of your Bride, don't even let a little "shot" reach her ears, and be quite willing to fold up your tent and head home if...

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

NM... Wrong profile.

Edited December 21, 2011 by ~happyndinlove~