Waiting..... Waiting

[Ban Hammer 13,110]

two posts removed for baiting and for being off topic.

i suggest both of you cease trolling immediately.

[thinkerlove0212 158]

darren, will you allow her to go to a Filipino church or find a Catholic church. She may need the support of the community.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

two posts removed for baiting and for being off topic.

i suggest both of you cease trolling immediately.

Charles, I'm being serious.

Darren has expressed he wants to confront his family issues. He has tried the passive aggressive strategy in the past and it seems to have made things worse. Now is the time for him to be (as he said) "assertive".

(I think your advice is to continue the duck and run. True?)

[Ban Hammer 13,110]

Charles, I'm being serious.

Darren has expressed he wants to confront his family issues. He has tried the passive aggressive strategy in the past and it seems to have made things worse. Now is the time for him to be (as he said) "assertive".

(I think your advice is to continue the duck and run. True?)

then i misread who you were addressing in your earlier reply as you quoted me - i'll return that one back to viewing.

the other reply, which was to you, is without a doubt trolling and will remain invisible.

[gretchen_darren 67]

darren, will you allow her to go to a Filipino church or find a Catholic church. She may need the support of the community.

Please understand me. I am no longer a "fundamentalist legalistic baptist" as the rest of my family is. I have bought clothes for Gretchen which would make the baptists cringe. Gretchen gets to wear what she wants. I express to her my wishes at times, but it is her decision. Gretchen, of her own accord, is very modest in dressing when it comes to clothing choices.

Gretchen did call her family back home Sunday night and talk to them.

Gretchen and I do attend Catholic mass together. I sought out a Catholic church to get Catholic approved to be able to marry her in the Catholic church, even though I am not Catholic. this is because I know how much her church means to her. Also, I have gotten Gretchen and myself into two groups in Arizona: Filam ministry at Phoenix First and famaz.org groups here in Arizona. We are members of both. Both groups attended our wedding.

see this link:

http://www.famaz.org/index.php?option=com_acymailing&view=archive&layout=view&Itemid=134

What I do post, I do let Gretchen read and comment if she wants to. I have been trying very much to get her on here to make her own comments.

I feel sad for how my sister is reacting. But my parents, brother, and sister are not as involved in my life as others out here where we live. In truth, my parents, brother, and sister refused to even help me or stand up for me in court during in my divorce. (my brother and sister have never been to Arizona once to visit me. I even offered to fly the whole family out at my expense for Christmas one year.)

But I am more concerned about having a proper support for Gretchen here where we live. We will go back and see how the family is. If they embrace us and are open or not. The family Gretchen and I are linked with here, the man also went through the same problem with his sister as well as some men in the organizations we are in. It is not uncommon for close family who is deeply religious and not been overseas to have issues with foreign brides plus the age difference. Much of these "deeply religious" plus untraveled to foreign countries (not including Mexico, Canada, or the Caribbean since these are heavily influenced by the USA) only know of the "pioneer wild west days" of mail order brides. Until they are shown the process, procedures, and practices, they still think of these days when thinking of foreign brides.

this is also why I am mad:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mail-order_bride

The Philippines prohibits the business of organizing or facilitating marriages between Filipinas and foreign men. The Philippine congress enacted Republic Act 6955 (the Anti-Mail-Order Bride Law) in 1990 as a result of stories in the local media about Filipinas being abused by their foreign husbands.

[Hank_ 9,174]

I am glad to read you are supportive of Gretchen's choices. And it appears that Getchen is like my Amy very conservative in how she dresses, especially in public.

I personally am not a church person, but have found a church here that Amy can attend if she so chooses, hech the pastor is married to a Filipina, and yes I would attend with her.

~ no benefit in getting mad about what someone of no real importance says, same with getting even... there are no score cards. Negative energy and thoughts only drag you down mentally and physically.

[TJ01212011 47]

,

"The poor girl must have had a desperate life in the Philippines for her to feel this was her only option. How much choice did she actually even have??"

Darren,

You know what? I was accused of being a gold digger too, that I only after my husband's money and citizenship, that I only want to get my a$$ to US to have a better life. I was accused not once but many times, not only his family but his friends too...some even accused me that right in front of my husband's face, but u know what he said? he said, who cares, he doesn't care what other people say, important is "us", loving and respecting each other. we know what is true so why bother to go around and try to force ourselves to be accepted by those people who don't like us.....my husband was disowned by his family and his friends cut him off too. when we got married, it just the 2 of us and the judge but we are the happiest couple that day. we don't have family nor friends here but we still happy. everyday is happiest day for us because finally we are together....

Just like what other said, move on, dude! I know how important family is, but u already have ur own family now. take care of them. cherish them. don't try to prove anything to anybody. just prove to urself that u are man enough to stand up for wife and for ur kids. Don't let Gretchen regret her decision of marrying u....help her, support her. instead of learning her language, let her learn ur language. Enroll her to an ESL tutorial. Help her grow up, to be independent......

no offense meant and I don;t want to insult u or anybody here but dang man, reading ur posts makes me appreciate my husband more and more....

TJ.

PS Life is too short for BS, man!!!! Live it up instead, enjoy it w/ ur wife!

[gretchen_darren 67]

Learning her language is important to me for 3 reasons:

1) talking to her family friends back home is easier on them. gretchen talked to her family on Sunday. I barely understood anything.

2) it helps me to help Gretchen find the words she wants to use in English. By knowing her language, I can help her better in English.

3) Visiting the "village house" here. I call it the village house. It is people from her village, family and friends. 95% of the language spoken yesterday was Visayan. My friend and me were the only english speaking people there. I know he had to feel as left out in the day as I did. I had too keep on asking what was being said so I understood what was going on. My wife had a great day, but I was totally and complete ly lost most of the time. I hate being out of the loop. Speaking in Visayan is intentionally done there by the family to keep the other guy from knowing all that is going on. He is happily clueless.

4) once we get her license, and she can drive. we are going to look at classes.

[sunandmoon 450]

3) Visiting the "village house" here. I call it the village house. It is people from her village, family and friends. 95% of the language spoken yesterday was Visayan. My friend and me were the only english speaking people there. I know he had to feel as left out in the day as I did. I had too keep on asking what was being said so I understood what was going on. My wife had a great day, but I was totally and complete ly lost most of the time. I hate being out of the loop. Speaking in Visayan is intentionally done there by the family to keep the other guy from knowing all that is going on. He is happily clueless.

I've never had the feeling speaking in Bisayan was done intentionally so I wouldn't know all that is going on. don't you think , maybe it's because it's their native language...

[Hank_ 9,174]

Darren,

You know what? I was accused of being a gold digger too, that I only after my husband's money and citizenship, that I only want to get my a$$ to US to have a better life. I was accused not once but many times, not only his family but his friends too...some even accused me that right in front of my husband's face, but u know what he said? he said, who cares, he doesn't care what other people say, important is "us", loving and respecting each other. we know what is true so why bother to go around and try to force ourselves to be accepted by those people who don't like us.....my husband was disowned by his family and his friends cut him off too. when we got married, it just the 2 of us and the judge but we are the happiest couple that day. we don't have family nor friends here but we still happy. everyday is happiest day for us because finally we are together....

Just like what other said, move on, dude! I know how important family is, but u already have ur own family now. take care of them. cherish them. don't try to prove anything to anybody. just prove to urself that u are man enough to stand up for wife and for ur kids. Don't let Gretchen regret her decision of marrying u....help her, support her. instead of learning her language, let her learn ur language. Enroll her to an ESL tutorial. Help her grow up, to be independent......

no offense meant and I don;t want to insult u or anybody here but dang man, reading ur posts makes me appreciate my husband more and more....

TJ.

PS Life is too short for BS, man!!!! Live it up instead, enjoy it w/ ur wife!

Very well said!

[gretchen_darren 67]

It just leaves only two of us out of the loop in things. Yes, it is their native language. However, it is done intentionally in some respects as to keep the stepdad form knowing things going on which he may not like or approve of. I have caught it several times Christmas day and the day after Christmas. It may not be intentional, but all have been here at least 5 to 6 years....with nearly all of the food distinctly Filipino.

[gretchen_darren 67]

Very well said!

If it was friends, I would just not bother. It would be a waste of breath. But being my sister is "back home". My parents are staying at my sister's while finishing up hte house they bought to move into, plus my brother is 2 hours away as well. I don't want my sister making a judgmental uneducated uninformed delusional decision for the family about me and my family. My sister has been having the PLM's - poor little me - since getting married to her husband in 1989. She moved out of the house and lived at her boyfriends parents house while he lived in an apartment. Parents and Grandparents were upset over the situation, and tried to have me on their side while I was trying to help out my sister. The PLM's continued until she had kids, then she says the parents turned around.

somehow Because of my living decisions AFTER my sister got married (at one time I had two female roommates), the family distanced themselves from me, and my brother in law influenced my brother on things. My brother has lately found out how much I did for him when he was a baby and a kid. I think my brother was very surprised to learn I was the one changing his diapers or getting up at night while in high school (somehow he ended up in my room). during my brother's senior year, I would let him use my truck while I was on business trips. My brother got to use my truck for about the last 3 months of high school. (and I knew some of his driving was in the Indiana corn fields)

I am just tired of the pot calling the kettle "black". My sister is "thumping" me with her lack of knowledge by using inflammatory prejudicial language. (I dealt with this in my divorce in court so nothing new to me.) i am using fact after fact after fact to get rid of the arguments. My sister may never come around. But if the family is disowning me, it is because they truly are not acting in a Christian manner or they are believing I am a hindrance to their "Christian" lifestyle. I will not allow or permit family actions to be taken because of Gretchen. Gretchen has done nothing wrong.

the difference between an educated individual and a "country boy" -- the educated individual cleans your wallet while the "country boy" cleans your "clock".

[tmma 467]

If it was friends, I would just not bother. It would be a waste of breath. But being my sister is "back home". My parents are staying at my sister's while finishing up hte house they bought to move into, plus my brother is 2 hours away as well. I don't want my sister making a judgmental uneducated uninformed delusional decision for the family about me and my family. My sister has been having the PLM's - poor little me - since getting married to her husband in 1989. She moved out of the house and lived at her boyfriends parents house while he lived in an apartment. Parents and Grandparents were upset over the situation, and tried to have me on their side while I was trying to help out my sister. The PLM's continued until she had kids, then she says the parents turned around.

somehow Because of my living decisions AFTER my sister got married (at one time I had two female roommates), the family distanced themselves from me, and my brother in law influenced my brother on things. My brother has lately found out how much I did for him when he was a baby and a kid. I think my brother was very surprised to learn I was the one changing his diapers or getting up at night while in high school (somehow he ended up in my room). during my brother's senior year, I would let him use my truck while I was on business trips. My brother got to use my truck for about the last 3 months of high school. (and I knew some of his driving was in the Indiana corn fields)

I am just tired of the pot calling the kettle "black". My sister is "thumping" me with her lack of knowledge by using inflammatory prejudicial language. (I dealt with this in my divorce in court so nothing new to me.) i am using fact after fact after fact to get rid of the arguments. My sister may never come around. But if the family is disowning me, it is because they truly are not acting in a Christian manner or they are believing I am a hindrance to their "Christian" lifestyle. I will not allow or permit family actions to be taken because of Gretchen. Gretchen has done nothing wrong.

the difference between an educated individual and a "country boy" -- the educated individual cleans your wallet while the "country boy" cleans your "clock".

It seems that they have had a problem first with you ( over DECADES ) then with you and Gretchen ( now) and it seems you have a catalog of resentment against them that goes back DECADES.

I sincerly hope you and your blood family consider family counselling and you concentrate on your wife and child as no amount of pushing by you is going to change what they think right now.

Oh and seek a way to get past your divorce.

Seriously. Your wife and child are first priority now.

edit- she looked beautiful in the pictures.

Edited December 27, 2011 by tmma

[tmma 467]

Learning her language is important to me for 3 reasons:

1) talking to her family friends back home is easier on them. gretchen talked to her family on Sunday. I barely understood anything.

2) it helps me to help Gretchen find the words she wants to use in English. By knowing her language, I can help her better in English.

3) Visiting the "village house" here. I call it the village house. It is people from her village, family and friends. 95% of the language spoken yesterday was Visayan. My friend and me were the only english speaking people there. I know he had to feel as left out in the day as I did. I had too keep on asking what was being said so I understood what was going on. My wife had a great day, but I was totally and complete ly lost most of the time. I hate being out of the loop. Speaking in Visayan is intentionally done there by the family to keep the other guy from knowing all that is going on. He is happily clueless.

4) once we get her license, and she can drive. we are going to look at classes.

You've been talking to her for a year or so? You didn't attempt to learn her language over that time?

[gretchen_darren 67]

Yes, I have been attempting to learn her language. I even tried to find tutors. But tutors for Visayan is not easy to find. (there are 4 dialects and I didn't know which one.)

Honestly, I don't have a catalog going back decades. I just looked at my sister saying "don't even pretend anymore, to wonder what the heck she WAS saying...Her and her husband keep on bringing it up many times....

"by God, Jim, I think I can cure just about anything."