Waiting..... Waiting

[Ban Hammer 13,110]

As for my family, I have learned for work "avoided confrontation is not a proper management tool." You must confront and set expectations, plus provide feedback when expectations are missed. My have avoided issues with my family which now I am correcting.

i don't believe you'll meet with success with that thinking. this isn't work - you can't fire your relatives.

[Darnell 8,478]

Darren -

you got a buddy, someone that can extract you from a locale, after your left arm is removed?

Let him know where you are, nowish, and establish the secret code word - in case you need extraction.

[gretchen_darren 67]

Depends on the movie.... Personally, I like Navy SEALS -- "God" "God here" ..... Merry Christmas everyone....

[gretchen_darren 67]

i don't believe you'll meet with success with that thinking. this isn't work - you can't fire your relatives.

Sometimes I think we all wish we could at one point or another.... What I meant was I learned from work as well as from Gretchen and friends, conflict aversion is sometimes not helpful in a relationship especially with family. You can choose when to stand up and when to lay down.... However, if you lay down at the wrong point, they will walk all over you....

[Ban Hammer 13,110]

Sometimes I think we all wish we could at one point or another.... What I meant was I learned from work as well as from Gretchen and friends, conflict aversion is sometimes not helpful in a relationship especially with family. You can choose when to stand up and when to lay down.... However, if you lay down at the wrong point, they will walk all over you....

that sounds like a competition of some sort and a way to get covered in drama. if they walk over you, then limit your contact with them.

"No one can take advantage of you without your permission." ann landers

an extension of that would be:

"no one can create drama with you without your permission."

by not having anything to do with them, then their ability to take advantage of you is limited too.

[Hank_ 9,174]

can't fire relatives? Since when? I fired a bunch of them....

[gretchen_darren 67]

The other problem is my oldest son knows his two oldest cousins. My sons have yet to meet the other 4 cousins. My oldest son keeps on asking to talk with him on the phone. this is part of the reason I am trying to get through to my sister. there have been serious "dramas" in my family over the years. Many times in fact, both in close and extended family.

I am not sure who is right or wrong, curious thing is I did not hear from my parents, brother or sister on Christmas day (no phone calls). The excuse I will probably hear is we did not know when you were free and the "time difference" or we knew you were visiting the cousins and did not want to interrupt.

Everything went well with my cousins. Didn't seem to be any problems. have to wait and see. My cousins know how old I am, but no one else there knew. Once I told them our ages, no had a problem with it. Also, many commented I did not look my age so they would have never known. Plus these are people who come from the "old traditions" -- pre-1960's so when they saw us accepting the "old traditions", they were happy.

We talked on things and spent time together. Gretchen was her wonderful beautiful self. Those who were there liked her. My cousin said my sister would come around in time, maybe. My cousin said if not, don;t worry about it too much. How often do you see family back there anyway? My ex seems to have sent pictures of the boys to everyone in my family, plus my sister seems to have sent out family photos. I have not seen any sent to me. Maybe they did, but do not know yet. Still teaching Gretchen about US Mail. I did not do greeting cards this year due to the hectic pace we were in.

I also stopped by my friends house on the way home. So gretchen could spend time with them. it helped her. My friend called my sister some interesting names..... none of which I care to repeat. but the jist of what he and his wife (a filipina) said to set the matter straight. Say what you need to, then move on. they told me you have more family now. Plus family which needs you. you have 5 uncles, 3 aunts, 90 plus cousins, and many, many Filipino plus American friends which accept you. Look at how many celebrations you have been to this year compared to the last 4 years. (Gretchen and I have been to a celebration every single weekend in December. Personally, I have never been this socially busy since I was kid with my parents. I must admit I have missed it. I have enjoyed this December with Gretchen. I like it, I love it, I want more of it. Crossin' my fingers, And countin' every kiss, Prayin' that it keeps Goin' on like this.)

[Hank_ 9,174]

....there have been serious "dramas" in my family over the years.

My friend called my sister some interesting names..... none of which I care to repeat. but the jist of what he and his wife (a filipina) said to set the matter straight. Say what you need to, then move on.

[southcalhog 43]

:

Edited December 26, 2011 by southcalhog

[Hank_ 9,174]

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

I sense a long thought-out post coming from rlogan...

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Or not...

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

that sounds like a competition of some sort and a way to get covered in drama. if they walk over you, then limit your contact with them.

"No one can take advantage of you without your permission." ann landers

an extension of that would be:

"no one can create drama with you without your permission."

by not having anything to do with them, then their ability to take advantage of you is limited too.

It takes a certain type of person.. to be comfortable living life... as a passive aggressive.

Darren is expressing...he doesn't want to hide anymore.

Edited December 26, 2011 by Crashed~N2~Me

[thinkerlove0212 158]

Frankly my fiance and I are both worried and sad for Gretchen. I am amazed to be reading this drama and yet watch it all day. Gretchen will never understand this mess you brought her into, your family and religious beliefs as a fundamentalist Baptist that strictly follows the bible word for word. Your religion, Family and church does not accept anyone from outside or other religions. I am afraid you will be strict with her such as clothing, what she wears, does and socializes. I am afraid she will not develop educationally, socially and culturally. And your bring a baby into this mess. What are you trying to prove. I believe you did this for all the wrong reasons. I hope Gretchen reaches out to a confident and friend. How about you let Gretchen talk on this forum without you.

[southcalhog 43]

Frankly my fiance and I are both worried and sad for Gretchen. I am amazed to be reading this drama and yet watch it all day. Gretchen will never understand this mess you brought her into, your family and religious beliefs as a fundamentalist Baptist that strictly follows the bible word for word. Your religion, Family and church does not accept anyone from outside or other religions. I am afraid you will be strict with her such as clothing, what she wears, does and socializes. I am afraid she will not develop educationally, socially and culturally. And your bring a baby into this mess. What are you trying to prove. I believe you did this for all the wrong reasons. I hope Gretchen reaches out to a confident and friend. How about you let Gretchen talk on this forum without you.

I would love to hear from Gretchen also in her own words. How about it Darren?