Was This A Costly Mistake? Not Even ! Year Yet!

[Dave&Roza 748]

Bill, it sounds like you're the problem.

As a bartender, she will speak with customers, and they will hit on her. This is what life is like for every female bartender. You have to trust your wife to say no. If she didn't tell you about being hit on, perhaps you should be more suspicious. If she was a bartender in Thailand, and she did more than flirt with customers, you knew precisely what you were getting into.

If she were using you, she'd stay quiet until her status was solid, then leave you the day after she didn't need you. Instead, she's complaining loudly about the lifestyle and you. This would indicate that she did come with honorable intentions. She's also paying for you. Why would she do it if she didn't like you? She doesn't want to be here except for you.

Looking at it from her side, she's in a land she dislikes, paying for a jealous, deadbeat husband who's plotting to deport her.

You are the issue. You married a wife. You didn't buy an indentured servant. Educate yourself, get a job, and be worthy of your wife. All you have are jealous suspicions that would drive any woman into the arms of another.

My wife has told me how much better certain things are in Kazakhstan and how the US is screwed up and I must say that I agree with her. She also would say that she did not need me or my money or my things and wanted to go back home. We had very long talks about what the REAL issue was. Most of the time it was something that I was not doing to her liking. It finally boiled down to me telling her that I realized she gave up a lot to come and be with me. I also told her that I liked my life with her in it rather than being alone. That has seemed to help as I have not gotten the "I want to return home threat" for several months.

I would sit down while she is at work and not get on the internet and discuss your marriage to stranger, but rather I would sit there in front of your compter with your favorite word processor open and being making a list of the pros of the marriage and the cons. If the pros out weigh the cons than work on the marriage. If the cons out weigh the pros then follow Darnell's advice ASAP. Marriage is a compromise and a lot of work I am finding out, but if it is what you want than it is worth saving IMHO.

Good luck,

Dave

[quartercloud 5]

Withdraw our application and support notify uscis, go to interview and tell them the story. Sorry to hear this.

Ditto! Cut your losses NOW! Things will never be the same again. And she probably already has her sights on a "hot young buck."

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

She can adjust status on her own if she already got her conditional green card.

If she already has her greencard then she would have already adjusted status... What you're talking about is ROC (Removal of Conditions)...

[46]

Ditto! Cut your losses NOW! Things will never be the same again. And she probably already has her sights on a "hot young buck."

Based on the fact that she has been hit on? Would you deport your own wife if someone better looking than you made a pass at her? You are aware that this is marriage, not sexual slavery.

[Operator 1,927]

I wouldn't be real happy if I was asked to sign a pre-nup and then had to go out and sling drinks to support you.

Edited December 16, 2011 by Operator

[NoneYa 73]

You should share your earnings with her if you are not. Support her fully so she doesn't have to work as a bartender. If she is bored, open a business for her but bartending ??? Did you agree with her to do this or does she just do this on her own and doesn't care what you think ? She could have worked at a restraurant or anywhere else.

I read an article recently on the number one reason stars divorce in Hollywood. It is because they have too many opportunities the article says. Bartending job is way beyond that. Sooner or later when the home is miserable, she will seek affection elsewhere. Get her out of there, support her every whim and turn it around now or be done with it and divorce. Good luck.

[46]

You should share your earnings with her if you are not. Support her fully so she doesn't have to work as a bartender. If she is bored, open a business for her but bartending ??? Did you agree with her to do this or does she just do this on her own and doesn't care what you think ? She could have worked at a restraurant or anywhere else.

I read an article recently on the number one reason stars divorce in Hollywood. It is because they have too many opportunities the article says. Bartending job is way beyond that. Sooner or later when the home is miserable, she will seek affection elsewhere. Get her out of there, support her every whim and turn it around now or be done with it and divorce. Good luck.

[Maria TH 20]

Bill, it sounds like you're the problem.As a bartender, she will speak with customers, and they will hit on her. This is what life is like for every female bartender. You have to trust your wife to say no. If she didn't tell you about being hit on, perhaps you should be more suspicious. If she was a bartender in Thailand, and she did more than flirt with customers, you knew precisely what you were getting into.If she were using you, she'd stay quiet until her status was solid, then leave you the day after she didn't need you. Instead, she's complaining loudly about the lifestyle and you. This would indicate that she did come with honorable intentions. She's also paying for you. Why would she do it if she didn't like you? She doesn't want to be here except for you.Looking at it from her side, she's in a land she dislikes, paying for a jealous, deadbeat husband who's plotting to deport her.You are the issue. You married a wife. You didn't buy an indentured servant. Educate yourself, get a job, and be worthy of your wife. All you have are jealous suspicions that would drive any woman into the arms of another.

^^ This. Couldn't say it better.

Bill, I think you should try to work thing out with her to bring the happy marriage back. Or if you can't, please divorce her and let her go. Don't use the immigration condition to threaten her to be with you after all she has done for you.

[Dan & Jenni 457]

after everything that you have said i get the feeling that you have self esteem and trust issues and that she was just a "trophy bride" to you anyway so what did you expect really??

[Leatherneck 693]

I

wouldn't be real happy if I was asked to sign a pre-nup and then had to go out and sling drinks to support you.

A pre-nup would indicate one had significant property, present or future, legal or

equitable, vested or contingent, in real or personal property, including

income and earnings to protect.

Therefore, I'm at a loss as to why one's wife would be working in a bar in the first place.

[AmberOctober 25]

I feel sorry for the girl. It's always hard to move to another country. The last thing you want is to have an old illiterate dude (a.k.a. husband) with a lot of personal complexes who doesn't give a dime about your cultural shock and homesickness. Looks like you brought another "exotic" toy to brag about among your friends (and even here on forum) and to your surprise figured out that she is a person with her own feelings and dreams.

I absolutely sympathise Dave&Rosa's approach where the husband actually cares about his wife and is opened to talk about the situation, and support her. But I guess he didn't bring a "hot chick" or "exotic bartender" but his beloved wife instead.

I also do hope that the girl will stay in the US and build a good family with someone who admirers and loves her for who she is.

[AmyWrites 593]

OP, you sound like the stereotypical old American dude who just "buys" a hot young woman and then get angry when she complains. You brought her to a foreign land where she is alone. She has to work a crappy job (bartending is a love it or hate it type of deal... if she's quiet she won't like a bunch of guys hitting on her) to support the man who's thinking of getting her deported.

If you have any feelings for her, try to fix this.

[brian_n_phuong 193]

Is the OP serious?

This whole thread smells of a practical joke. The OP is a little too cute with the humor in his story to be taken seriously IMO.

[jojolicious 38]

Is the OP serious?

This whole thread smells of a practical joke. The OP is a little too cute with the humor in his story to be taken seriously IMO.

I believe he's very serious which is sad for his wife smh

[danandelvie 1]

Hi people, I'm new here. I brought my fiance to USA on a K-1 and we were married almost a year ago. But now....its falling apart day by day. She hates america, hates the unfriendly people, the boring food, the expense, the taxes, the cities, the countryside, and half the time wants to go home. We've had five monster, breaking #### fites, since june. Shes embarrassed about our age difference. Our "pre-nup" has been a constant thorn in her side. (Thank god I did one!) Our once amazing sex life has petered out (pun). A few months ago I payed for her $1000 adjustment of status green card deal and we're still awaiting our interview. Yet I know we'll never see it. She already has her SS card and Employment authorization card, and is working at a club as a bartender and receiving LOTS of attention due to her exotic looks. My question is; When she does leave me for a hot young buck, if we havent had our "what color are the drapes?" "are we really married" status adjustment interview, is she only allowed to stay in USA because we're married? If we divorce before then would she be kicked out? Or not really. If I wanted her to be sent home could I tell INS or whoever about her status/ our divorce? If/when, she does leave I'll probably want to if possible. I'll never do this again. Its too much hassel, no matter how hot she is. Advice?

shoulda went with a filipina. does she love you? ask her to be completely honest with you about her feelings. have you thought of moving to thailand? would she like that if your living with her in her country? i been there its nice. the bar scene, OMG; not good it will lead her astray for sure. just see if you can have a good talk together and see if she is willing to work something out to save the marriage or just call it quits. if she says no go then send her packing to bangkok right away even before you file for divorce. but i don't know any legal matters. call a immigration attorney. good luck..