How do you deal with ignorant people in your lives, in regards to your "unconventional" relationship?

[Jocelyn N Gene 0]

Wow sorry to hear about your problem.......I would suggest not to include this person or persons in the conversation and if they try and become part of it ignore them.......your way better than them if they have nothing but negative input due to their ignorance about any of it. I deal with one particular person at work who is just that "IGNORANT" and we have to be the better person and rise above it and ignore them and they soon get the point when they open thier mouth and ####### comes out no one especially you is listening ......The person I deal with has said some pretty bad things and yes I could crush this person with one hand but it would do nothing because if they are clueless and ignorant that never works... they are not smart enough to know better. So in all look at what your dealing with a very ignorant close minded "usually" individual that knows no better and obviously wasn't taught any better . You really have to feel bad for them because they are of lesser quality as far as personality and knowledge .....sort of like pond scum yucky and stinky . So rise above and be the better person dont let thier ignorance bother you and effect your happiness. .

[Golden Gate 530]

Dad's girlfriend? F*** 'er!

It's easy for me to explain my relationship, since we met here in the US and were both not looking for a relationship or relocation.

I have given her the glare.

[brian_n_phuong 193]

MODERATORS:

Can you please MOVE this thread to the OPRAH Forum??

Then anyone interested can head over there with a cup of warm cocoa, jammies, box of kleenex, and have a good cry

[J and S 38]

Ha ha. I wish I could say that to my Dad's girlfriend, but I'd be an ex-daughter then. As it is, I get to hear her tell everybody she knows how I don't like her very much because she says he won't be able to get a job once he's here and calls him an idiot in her drunken stupor (never having met him, mind you). Truly, people can be babbling freaks with apparently no lives of their own and it would be nice to be able to put some of them in a deep freeze.

Geez...I hope she doesn't wonder why you don't like her. (She sounds like the idiot)

[J and S 38]

We've all dealt with overly nosy people in our lives before whether it be friends, acquaintances or people we work with. Not matter how secretive you try to keep your personal life, some things will eventually get out in the open.

In regards to our foreign spouses/fiances, how do you handle the typical shock and awe reaction you get from others who do not understand our relationships?

I'm sure we've all heard the classic, "Are you sure they're not marrying you for a green card?" or just the blank awkward stare which seems to say "Why in the world would anyone purposely deal with this type of relationship?"

I've also got the "There are so many nice American men. Why haven't you tried dating them?"

Most of the time I ignore them but it becomes difficult in my workplace sometimes. We have such a small staff that if I so much as remove an item from my desk someone will notice. I think my co-workers are starting to realize how committed I am to K. The only thing they don't understand is why he can't visit me here. When I try to explain how hard it is for a young Indian guy just starting out on his own with no strong ties to his country to get approved for a tourist visa, well then the blank stares start again Any more I try not to let it get to me, I kind of just accept that anyone who has not personally undergone this process can not empathize.

What are some ways everyone else deals with the nosy, ignorant people in their lives?

My family doesn't know we met online. They'd flip. I've been able to evade that question for 2 years now. When they ask how we met, I tell them our mutual interest and practice in martial arts. It works. They don't ask further questions surprisingly.

It's coworkers and friends who are more nosy. I'm pretty lucky though, my coworkers are supportive and constantly ask how the visa process is going.

There are a few people who give those awkward stares...and to be honesty. I have a "I don't give a f***" attitude about it. I really dont have to prove to any of them our relationship.

When people ask rude questions like: "how do you know he's not just marrying you for a GC?"

I ask them: "How do you know your husband or wife didn't marry you for money or because they thought they were getting old and it was time to settle down?

If someone asks me: "But it's long distance, how do you know he's not cheating?"

I give them the "####### is wrong with you" look and simply ask the same exact question back.

Some people can be quite rude about it. And I've got no problem throwing that back in their face. My aunt actually asked the GC question to my mom. And I asked my mom how could she let me go through with it. And my mom told her that it was none of her business and that she (as my mom) lets me make my own choices, so no one else in my family has the right to question it. ... clearly ... I am my mother's daughter. lol

Edited December 10, 2011 by J and S

[Golden Gate 530]

Geez...I hope she doesn't wonder why you don't like her. (She sounds like the idiot)

I think she is truly puzzled.

[brian_n_phuong 193]

[J and S 38]

then stop reading

[Golden Gate 530]

I wonder why they were never worried that I was dating a serial killer with my previous relationships, especially considering that I lived in 'the land of fruits and nuts' (that's what my grandma told me when I moved out there at 21), but figured that this one has got to be a terrorist.

Oh yeah, and I got lots of articles in my email from my Dad about female circumcisions, hijab burnings, etcetera. I also got asked if my fiance taught at a Madrassa. I told him that he taught small children 9 subjects in the countryside. But I guess that is too boring to be reality.

Never mind that my Dad, himself, had previously visited Morocco and had a very pleasant experience there, and was impressed with the English of his guide. I told him that my fiance spoke five languages, but I guess it just didn't have the same impact.

It's true that you just can't explain to them the truth, because it isn't believable enough!

[Golden Gate 530]

I guess you haven't experienced the inanity that some people have.

[sachinky 465]

Frankly, I wouldn't be offended if a close family member asked whether the petitioner is sure if the beneficiary is in for the long haul and not just a temporary stepping stone to the US. Puh-leeze, in this day and age of scammers looking for green-cards, you'd have to be utterly naive to think everyone has noble intentions. And I am speaking here as the beneficiary. It just shows that they care (I am not talking about obnoxious, nosy relatives). I know that my in-laws at least inquired subtly about this issue even if they did not come outright and say it. It doesn't bug me in the least bit. Mr. Sachinky is their only son and they are concerned about him. I get that. Any parent or well wisher would be concerned.

I did have one of Mr. Sachinky's coworkers in Michigan ask me "Oh, you guys are married? So, was it for love or a greencard?" when we were introduced at some random coffee house. I was so shocked at her intrusive, downright rude comment and sheer lack of good manners -- I mean, really, now that's an appropriate question to ask someone you've just met in polite society -- that I could only manage the death-glare. It was even more of a shock to me because it was such a change from the environment in Ithaca where everyone knew us and the fact that we were together.

[AKSinghSingh79 143]

Frankly, I wouldn't be offended if a close family member asked whether the petitioner is sure if the beneficiary is in for the long haul and not just a temporary stepping stone to the US. Puh-leeze, in this day and age of scammers looking for green-cards, you'd have to be utterly naive to think everyone has noble intentions. And I am speaking here as the beneficiary. It just shows that they care (I am not talking about obnoxious, nosy relatives). I know that my in-laws at least inquired subtly about this issue even if they did not come outright and say it. It doesn't bug me in the least bit. Mr. Sachinky is their only son and they are concerned about him. I get that. Any parent or well wisher would be concerned.

I did have one of Mr. Sachinky's coworkers in Michigan ask me "Oh, you guys are married? So, was it for love or a greencard?" when we were introduced at some random coffee house. I was so shocked at her intrusive, downright rude comment and sheer lack of good manners -- I mean, really, now that's an appropriate question to ask someone you've just met in polite society -- that I could only manage the death-glare. It was even more of a shock to me because it was such a change from the environment in Ithaca where everyone knew us and the fact that we were together.

I was also lucky in a way that Mr. SinghSingh and I met while he was in the U.S. He spent a significant time with my family members and as a result they never questioned me or suspected an underlying motive. The thing my mom repeatedly reminds me about is finances and it drives me insane!!! She often says "Well two people should be well established in their careers with good jobs before getting married!" And I remind her that that is not possible with the current immigration system. Even after plenty of talks, discussions and step by step instructions she still does not seem to get the hint. She's in no way against the relationship and she absolutely adores K but please mother, please understand!

The co-worker comment, Wow, really uncalled for. I can't believe some people forget to "screen" what comes out of their mouth. I've had similar situations in which people I've just met ask me if Kirpal is already married with another wife in India because apparently, according to him, "that's what they do in India". OH! the best one, multiple people have asked me if I pre-marriage I have to allow K's father to "have his way with me" because they've heard that unmarried daughters in India are forced to endure this by their father before they are allowed to leave the home and get married. Oh boy....

[joonphon 7]

Just the other day I ran into some old friends.

“When’s Ice coming back?”

“Hopefully by Dec 27th because that’s our wedding day.”

“How is he going to stay here?”

“He’ll be coming on a K-1.”

“Didn’t they abolish that?”

“…..no. No, they didn’t.”

Mixture of just not knowing, stupidity, and look of horror when they find out I’m getting married to a foreigner and “so young too!” on their face. Anyone who finds out, anyway. The less they know, the better.

lol.. I didn't know you used to have stupid friends

[EminTX 131]

When people ask me, I like to respond with something along the lines of:

"I ask myself if I am crazy all the time, too. I mean, he is willing to give up his home, family, career, and country to come to a place he has never seen except on TV shows like Cops. And he's doing all this for me!

With all the thinking that we are so superior, everyone says that they never thought of it that way before.

One aunt did give me the whole met-on-the-internet-must-mean-he's-a-murderer routine so I just reminded her that the only guy that ever beat me up was someone that I met in college who was in my study group and who was from a prominent family back home. Apparently, the internet is way safer than chemistry class.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

I did have one of Mr. Sachinky's coworkers in Michigan ask me "Oh, you guys are married? So, was it for love or a greencard?" when we were introduced at some random coffee house. I was so shocked at her intrusive, downright rude comment and sheer lack of good manners -- I mean, really, now that's an appropriate question to ask someone you've just met in polite society -- that I could only manage the death-glare. It was even more of a shock to me because it was such a change from the environment in Ithaca where everyone knew us and the fact that we were together.

You should have just said... "Love or green card? Neither. I'm just using him for sex.", and then walk away.