How do you deal with ignorant people in your lives, in regards to your "unconventional" relationship?

[swordfish2011 0]

people will always respond negative to someone marrying someone from a different country. family,friends and specially coworkers may not understand what one goes through trying to maintain a long distance relationship. the truth is. its really hard, but its the path that one chooses. for me its simple i love my fiance. we chat every day via skype. my family was at first unresponsive to my future wife, but ive explained it to them that she is the one that i fell in love with. for coworkers i stand my ground on my decision. i tell them that would not like it if i talked negative about their spouse.

[Enigma11561 336]

This is a particularly touchy subject for me. Most of my friends really have no issue, although some of my neighbors are not as friendly as they used to be. But what bothers me the most is one of my daughters. First she is still trying to get over my divorce from her mom ( about 4 years now) and secondly still trying to deal with her impression that all Russian women come here for a green card and I will be dumped asap. And then Dad will be seen as a fool. She has not even made an attempt to meet my wife.I know that his will pass as time goes on, but it is difficult from me, as a dad, to be estranged as such.My other daughter is more relaxed about the whole thing.

Although it is not any body's business but our own, many times this unconventional thinking permeates our culture and can be more difficult for some others depending where they live. And it is something we all need to consider when approaching this process.

And until your loved one is actually here and you have been living together for awhile you will not really understand this.

[cdneh 3,112]

The work part for me was easy. Nobody knew, because I told no one. I was living in NZ, but from Canada, and so I had no family there either.

In fact the only person who was aware was my flatmate. And as her daughter had married a man from the UK and gone there to live, she quite got it.

Even after I resigned my position, the day my visa was approved, everyone there simply assumed I was going home. And I was

[Olomi_811 130]

I'll answer simple questions for some and for the rest if you're the happiest you've ever been that's all they need to know. When I speak of him there's always a smile that comes with it (even now). I don't cry to people about missing my husband, because they would never understand it.

[Ashlee and Bjørn 6]

My parents and my sister are all very supportive of my relationship, as are my friends. This didn't happen right away, though. It isn't uncommon for people to be skeptical about relationships like this. Last August though, I bought a plane ticket to Norway and left about ten hours later. I think after that it showed many people just how committed my fiance and I are.

It isn't fun having to be around other couples and feeling left out, or just in general hearing people question your relationship. But as long as you are happy, that is what is important.

[joonphon 7]

Simply smile at them and say "even though he's so far away from me but he's always inside my heart and always will"

[at long last 58]

like many here this process makes or breaks family ties. My sons are happy for me saying they just want me to be happy, daughter said she wished I was dead and hopes my fiance dies too (this is a 30 year old) They(the boys) are sad I'll be moving but I remind them they have a cool place to come and visit us.

Others who have said the cliche statement "why can't you find a nice man closer to you" Well my reply is "yeah like that's worked for me so far" I have been married 3 times.l

first is now a woman

second was found with the neighbors wife having sex in my hot tub and

the third is drinking himself to death.. literally...

And I finally found the male half of the same person to spend the rest of my life with. HE GETS ME and I GET HIM.. simple..

So long Canada

let it go and just be vague with answers it's none of their business......

Terri

have a great weekend

Edited December 9, 2011 by at long last

[BobnCherry 10]

simple... i just tell them to f**k off and mind there own business

I agree with ya Dan I see the reactions Cherry not so much she doesn't scan the crowd like I do

[Sabine&Mike 2]

I know what you are all talking about!

My friends were not really supportive...at the beginning I always got the questions... 'How can you do this? Just leave us?' 'Are you sure about this? You don't know him very well.' 'Do you really think this is working out?' or 'How do you know he is not cheating on you?' ... Really?? Why do I have to explain myself!? After a while I just stopped telling them anything and when they asked, I said, everything is just going fine, we are still in the process and I changed the subject!

It was really hard for my parents when I first told them...but they got used to it and are totally fine with my situation now. They like my fiance

And my co-workers are the best! They are really supportive and help me to get through this whole process time I can tell them everything about it and they think it is great what I'm doing...because I do what I want and what's good for me

[KayMar 4]

I have lived a fabulous life but I have always said that I was different. Different from other women in my ways and different in the wonderful ways things have worked out for me in this life. With that being said, the first way I handled things was simply by being a grown woman that does not care what people think or say about the choices that make me happy. Secondly, I shared some details with select people but in a very simplistic way about the timeframe and K1 process. By letting people know that a US passport gets you many places overseas without a visa and many other countries need visas is eye opening to most because many never had to think about or deal with visas, foreign relocation, etc. Lastly, be happy! My best friend didn't believe and you would think that was kind of hard for me but it wasn't. I kept it kinda quiet since my fiance (at the time) hadn't arrived yet until I was certain of my feelings and we got through some of the process hoops but the 10 months of the K1 process was when I told the world. They didn't believe but they saw how I glowed with happiness. I would tell them how his character and ways matched all the things I had prayed for in a mate since I was a little girl (women really relate to that). I also let them ask their questions because I knew they didn't fully get it. It's not you but it is different for most and seeing me this happy and all of his efforts for me to make this work they couldn't be harsh and they also knew I wouldn't care. Now they see us together, our wedding pics and all of their reservations that they had just faded away. Now I get the following top 3 comments from close insiders and others:

1-I didn't believe but now I see how much he loves u. You guys are a perfect match.

2-I wasn't sure about this because I wanted to protect your heart but you are a match made in heaven. The way he looks at you is amazing.

3-Can you guys bottle up some of that happiness and sell it to me?

Other than those comments, now nobody ever mentions the way we got together. Things can turn around for you too, just be happy and live for you. Everybody else will fall in line.

[Nicoco 26]

Just the other day I ran into some old friends.

“When’s Ice coming back?”

“Hopefully by Dec 27th because that’s our wedding day.”

“How is he going to stay here?”

“He’ll be coming on a K-1.”

“Didn’t they abolish that?”

“…..no. No, they didn’t.”

Mixture of just not knowing, stupidity, and look of horror when they find out I’m getting married to a foreigner and “so young too!” on their face. Anyone who finds out, anyway. The less they know, the better.

[Ben and Jill 37]

I have lived a fabulous life but I have always said that I was different. Different from other women in my ways and different in the wonderful ways things have worked out for me in this life. With that being said, the first way I handled things was simply by being a grown woman that does not care what people think or say about the choices that make me happy. Secondly, I shared some details with select people but in a very simplistic way about the timeframe and K1 process. By letting people know that a US passport gets you many places overseas without a visa and many other countries need visas is eye opening to most because many never had to think about or deal with visas, foreign relocation, etc. Lastly, be happy! My best friend didn't believe and you would think that was kind of hard for me but it wasn't. I kept it kinda quiet since my fiance (at the time) hadn't arrived yet until I was certain of my feelings and we got through some of the process hoops but the 10 months of the K1 process was when I told the world. They didn't believe but they saw how I glowed with happiness. I would tell them how his character and ways matched all the things I had prayed for in a mate since I was a little girl (women really relate to that). I also let them ask their questions because I knew they didn't fully get it. It's not you but it is different for most and seeing me this happy and all of his efforts for me to make this work they couldn't be harsh and they also knew I wouldn't care. Now they see us together, our wedding pics and all of their reservations that they had just faded away. Now I get the following top 3 comments from close insiders and others:

1-I didn't believe but now I see how much he loves u. You guys are a perfect match.

2-I wasn't sure about this because I wanted to protect your heart but you are a match made in heaven. The way he looks at you is amazing.

3-Can you guys bottle up some of that happiness and sell it to me?

Other than those comments, now nobody ever mentions the way we got together. Things can turn around for you too, just be happy and live for you. Everybody else will fall in line.

[sachinky 465]

We're lucky that we didn't have to go through any of this stuff. We met in junior year of college, all our friends knew when we started dating, when we were engaged, and when we got married, etc. I had already moved away at the age of 18 so it didn't come as a shock to my parents, high school friends, cousins back in Calcutta, India. I had met his parents several times when they came to visit him at college so we were pretty well accepted by all those who mattered to us.

[Ben and Jill 37]

This is a fantastic topic and I've always wondered how other people were dealing with this "exact" issue. I ignore a lot of people and their comments. I've learned SO MUCH from this experience and I wouldn't change a thing. I would get blank stares...I would get "how do you know he's not cheating on you over there?"...I would get "I don't understand long distant relationships"...I even got..."why doesn't he just marry a Kenyan girl?"...plain and simple..."some people are just ignorant @$$holes" flat out - (excuse my language, but there's really no other way to express it). They don't understand, and you know what?? THEY DON'T HAVE TO...we do, and that's what matters most. Not only do we get all of this...we also get looks, stares, etc., because we are a different color and yes, there are still plenty of people with that issue, but I honestly do not care...we are happy, everyone sees it and it's true, once their here, people tend to change their attitude..."wow, you guys really look so happy"; "you are glowing every day"; "I wish I was as happy as you guys are"...etc., etc. Ignore these people and just keep quiet about it with people who don't understand and don't answer their nosy @$$ questions. You have nothing to prove to anyone; you don't have to explain anything to anyone; you don't have to answer to anyone. We are grown adult people capable of making our own decisions and we know what works for us and what doesn't. You don't have to justify your feelings for anybody to anybody...just remember that. Be happy, be blessed, and stay strong for you and your loved one because at the end of the day, that's who you are going to end up next to.

[Ben and Jill 37]

simple... i just tell them to f**k off and mind there own business

AGREED 150%...People are seriously very, very nosy...wow. I never realized how much until I started this process. Unbelievably rude and ignorant. Telling them where to go is a good idea, LOL.

Edited December 9, 2011 by Ben and Jill