How do you deal with ignorant people in your lives, in regards to your "unconventional" relationship?

[AKSinghSingh79 143]

We've all dealt with overly nosy people in our lives before whether it be friends, acquaintances or people we work with. Not matter how secretive you try to keep your personal life, some things will eventually get out in the open.

In regards to our foreign spouses/fiances, how do you handle the typical shock and awe reaction you get from others who do not understand our relationships?

I'm sure we've all heard the classic, "Are you sure they're not marrying you for a green card?" or just the blank awkward stare which seems to say "Why in the world would anyone purposely deal with this type of relationship?"

I've also got the "There are so many nice American men. Why haven't you tried dating them?"

Most of the time I ignore them but it becomes difficult in my workplace sometimes. We have such a small staff that if I so much as remove an item from my desk someone will notice. I think my co-workers are starting to realize how committed I am to K. The only thing they don't understand is why he can't visit me here. When I try to explain how hard it is for a young Indian guy just starting out on his own with no strong ties to his country to get approved for a tourist visa, well then the blank stares start again Any more I try not to let it get to me, I kind of just accept that anyone who has not personally undergone this process can not empathize.

What are some ways everyone else deals with the nosy, ignorant people in their lives?

[EmmaGrayshon 3]

My goodness I totally understand although I am the beneficiary and will be heading over next year. I got my visa delivered today hurrah! This is not a plug for my blog at all but I have found it has helped with the nosy, ignorant people as well as the genuinely interested. Perhaps it's an easy way to tell everyone who wants to know and keep the blank stares at bay. That's how I've personally coped with the exact issues you have described. Good to know we're not alone!

[Dan & Jenni 457]

simple... i just tell them to f**k off and mind there own business

[Golden Gate 530]

simple... i just tell them to f**k off and mind there own business

Ha ha. I wish I could say that to my Dad's girlfriend, but I'd be an ex-daughter then. As it is, I get to hear her tell everybody she knows how I don't like her very much because she says he won't be able to get a job once he's here and calls him an idiot in her drunken stupor (never having met him, mind you). Truly, people can be babbling freaks with apparently no lives of their own and it would be nice to be able to put some of them in a deep freeze.

[xxxwabbiexxx 70]

Next time someone says something like 'there are so many good American men around though' just go all dreamy eyed and say 'yeah but he's so much better in bed' and just carry on doing what you're doing, look at their reaction to that statement and just go 'eeeerrrrrrr because I love him and he's an amazing guy and its not really any of your business at the end of the day is it'!!!!!

Edited December 9, 2011 by xxxwabbiexxx

[Anh map 2,098]

Most people have no experience with the immigration system. So their misconception is that it's a simple, quick process. It's an opportunity to to peel back the curtain and let them see how it works.

As far as people "judging", just let it roll off your back. It's your decision. They don't need to approve. It does raise people's curiosity. So, sit down and talk with them about it. Chances are you've got a pretty entertaining story to tell. So take the opportunity to tell them all about your spouse and the accompanying adventure. That's what I did.

[Chynna/gapamix 11]

Great question...for me I don't go into it too deep but for those like work staff, I kinda let it outta the bag because my interview was coming up October 31). Of course when I returned devastated by the AP outcome I had to put on my game face because of course they who knew wanted to know one question. "Is he here? When is he coming? I had no answers for them except not yet. Now i simply tell them it's a matter of national security and I will wait no matter how long. They look at me like I am crazy and I look back at them and smile because I am in love.......

People will always have something to say about a long distance relationship. Your strength and how much you believe in your relationship determines how much what people say affect you.

Chynna

[Gagan and Lindsay 2]

My own grandmother told me she was "praying against my relationship" and "hoping I'd get this out of my system and move on"...She actually refused to meet him with the rest of my family and she is the only person in my family that is not 100% supportive...I actually love it when I get the crazy looks and I love telling "our story"...it reminds me of what this process is all about and if I can educate some people along the way about our government and other cultures...I see it as me being the bigger person...

Normally when I am done explaining to them how it works, the have a new found respect because I'm going through something they, themselves, could never be strong enough to do with their partners. Yes it is easier to relate with others that are going through the same process which is why we are on VJ but we can also use these experiences as a way of educating those less fortunate that don't know a love that spreads across oceans and in the end, prove all the doubters wrong!

Marriage is so easy to enter into in the US and a divorce is even easier. The sanctity of marriage means so much more when you go through the journey we all are going through...

Be encouraged and hold your head up high! You know what is right in your heart!

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

When I told my best friend I was going to be marrying a girl from Vietnam he had the classic response - "Are you sure she's not marrying you for a green card?". Funny thing is - he's an immigrant from Croatia, and his wife is an immigrant from Chile!

Anyway, we live in California. There are no "unconventional" relationships here, unless maybe if one spouse isn't human...

[TBoneTX 45,288]

sit down and talk with them about it. Chances are you've got a pretty entertaining story to tell.

Si, man -- or, even better: Refer them to the "US Consulate in Guayaquil, Ecuador" thread, and the Embassy Review by PDXBicycleBoy, both as examples, and they'll never question you again, no man.

unless maybe if one spouse isn't human...

Uh, Jim, "men are from Mars, women are from..."

[Kiv 32]

Anyway, we live in California. There are no "unconventional" relationships here, unless maybe if one spouse isn't human...

Inmigration process can be stresful and complcated for the ones who are involved but in my time my husband's family and mine could not understand why it worried me so much, don't expect all the people get it as you do.

About all the other comments, people talks, because they can, and for fun, normally they do not think very well how much their entertainmet may hurt another person, after time people will learn by looking at you, how an international relationship is, maybe that will help anoter couple to be judged less hard. Maybe not who cares !!

[Harsh_77 718]

Don't let those comments get you.... as most USC have never worked with immigration process and until 9/11 most Senators and Congresman were against idea of better funding and working of then INS.

Their rational was none of the USC has to ever deal with this why INS should be effective, thats how the thought process was.

Most ppl at your work would not realise if your partner is living in major city in world then there is not much that they are missing in their home country and they would just marry for Green Card.

Infact you could more more proud of your husband who is willing to relocate to another country and ready to start his whole life again - I am sure none of your co-workers husband would be willing to do that...

So relax and keep on going.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

Aha...I've always get this sentiment like," why you are not TRYING to find a local guy?" hah?????.<----(sounds they are an expert in my relationship), or "Do you think it's worth to have LDR like yours?" Oh my....I am just saying," I have not live at your life and neither you do to mine." Sometimes I've felt bad when my fiance asked me and I was honest to tell him about what people thinking about us. But, hey...there is always bright side of negative sentiment. It makes us more stronger than EVER!

Edited December 9, 2011 by Girl from Celebes

[PantomimeGoose 59]

The people who know us have been great, mostly sympathizing with how hard it must be and expressing shock as they learn about the process. What isn't great is when I think I'm making a new friend and then realize they interpret my status as basically single and available because they reason that a long distance marriage can't possible last.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

Uh, Jim, "men are from Mars, women are from..."

hmmm.I read about that somewhere. Women are from Venus. It's experts originally say about both sexes.. That's opposite attraction to each other,. But I guess if both are from different planets it means none of them are humans.

Edited December 9, 2011 by Girl from Celebes