Does he want to have children?

[baron555 934]

Adoption could be a possibility.

[Udella&Wiz 325]

Off topic, but I don't recall the OP asking for any advice on whether to have children, why is everyone so determined to convince her?

I simply wish you good luck on having some open dialogue

[zzzlpr 7]

How do you know- never done it?? Hardly any logic there ~

Never jumped off the Empire State building but I know I don't want to.

Most people have a pretty good handle on what they are like inwardly. Having kids "because you've never done it" is a dramatic way to learn ... your gut was correct... now you're stuck.

You took my answer out of context.

I was not talking about "having kids", I was talking about "being 50 and still having kids".

Please read my first line. "First let me say that having kids is not for everyone, one must think long and hard and discuss this seriously with one's partner"

I just wonder if you have kids.

[nickbits 43]

He might have been testing you to see how you reacted. i.e. see if you have changed your thoughts on having children.

I think I've done that myself a few times.

[palmsgirl 5]

Wow, nothing like the subject of kids to get everyone in a tizzy!

I think it's hard sometimes when you've been with someone else for a long time not to occasionally forget that Mr. New is not like Mr. Old. It's just simple laziness of the mind. And this one is a keeper, no doubt. I'm so glad he isn't like my ex in any way!

We're both happy, independent people who -- as I said before -- are very honest and open in our relationship. That I haven't yet discussed it with him is out of character for me, and frankly makes me feel like I'm 16 and worried about "scaring off" some boy. I blame worrying about being needy, when this isn't neediness, beyond a need for clarification. And as I said before, I will speak to him about it, and soon. (I'd do it this week, but he's off work with a terrible cold, and I'm staying faaaaaaar away from him at the moment out of a sense of self-preservation!)

Some of y'all crack me up with your judgments. I don't think I need therapy for this, but thank you to the person who thinks I do! Also, I hardly think wondering if I'm misinterpreting signals is indicative of insecurity, but if you like to think so, go for it! And it's super that some of you talked about baby names before having sex, but perhaps I'm a little newfangled for something like that. Or maybe a little easier than you, meh. We all have different moral compasses, particularly when it comes to sex.

I think my situation -- where I met my boyfriend here in America, and we have had what is pretty much a standard "domestic" dating situation with no long-distance aspect to it -- means that we don't have a lot of the pressures many of you do. Our work situation means that we don't have to worry much about hurrying things up, and because of that we haven't had a lot of the dealbreaker conversations as quickly as many of you have had to.

I agree that the kids/no kids debate IS a dealbreaker. As I have said before, I thought this was a settled issue for ME, but now I'm not 100% sure I do not want children. He told me early on having kids (in the abstract) would be great, but it was more important to have a partner he loved. I am totally cool with whatever he says, since my relationship with him in the here and now is more important than hanging everything on putative children.

Glad to be providing a little sideshow here!

[issha2lynden 77]

How do you know- never done it?? Hardly any logic there ~

Never jumped off the Empire State building but I know I don't want to.

Most people have a pretty good handle on what they are like inwardly. Having kids "because you've never done it" is a dramatic way to learn ... your gut was correct... now you're stuck.

There are two kinds of teacher. One is experience, another is the school of thought (logic u hear from Bible, school teacher, pastor,parents,friend,media,etc.)

Statement: Learning through experience is always the hard way = How'd u know? U never tried it.

[Austramerican 83]

There are two kinds of teacher. One is experience, another is the school of thought (logic u hear from Bible, school teacher, pastor,parents,friend,media,etc.)

Statement: Learning through experience is always the hard way = How'd u know? U never tried it.

Learning if you would like to be a parent by recklessly becoming one is a bad way to learn however, because 1) if you decide you don't want to be a parent--too late, the kid is there, you can't put it back in the womb and 2) Then you are not only making decisions for your life, but also your childs, it wouldn't be right to toy with the life of a child just because you 'learned through experience' that you don't want to be a parent. Something like this, its a better idea to know for sure if you want to be a parent or not before the child is conceived, best for child and parent