As Cain Drops Out, Pro-adultery Voters Shift to Gingrich

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

As Cain Drops Out, Pro-adultery Voters Shift to Gingrich

Biggest GOP Voting Bloc, Experts Say

CONCORD, NH – Herman Cain withdrew from the Republican presidential race today, a move that resulted in millions of pro-adultery voters shifting their support to former House Speaker Newt Gingrich.

The shift in support is significant because pro-adultery voters represent the single largest voting bloc in the Republican Party, experts say.

Tracy Klugian, a prominent adulterer from Concord, New Hampshire, said he was sorry to see Mr. Cain leave the race “because he was very committed to the one issue I care about: namely, adultery.”

But he added that he had been in touch with many other adulterers in the state and that they were all switching to Mr. Gingrich.

“Even when we were supporting Cain, a lot of us were supporting Gingrich behind his back,” the adulterer said. “I guess that’s how we do.”

[Danno 1,228]

Pro-adultery Voters Shift to Gingrich

Though they regret Bill Clinton is not in the offerings.

[slim 1,525]

Where will the Cain supporters go? Or, are they waiting for him to come back?

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

Where will the Cain supporters go? Or, are they waiting for him to come back?

Waiting for him to come back? Are you?

He's gone. Get used to it.

A Farewell from Herman Cain

My Final Thoughts

Dear Friend,

And when I say “friend,” I mean it in the normal way, not “someone I’ve been sleeping with for 13 years.” Unless, of course, I have been sleeping with you for 13 years. In that case, I do mean it that way.

It is with a heavy heart that I have decided to end my inspirational quest for the White House. After much reassessing and reconsidering, I have decided to spend more time being screamed at by my wife. And by “more time,” I mean 24 hours a day, stopping only for bathroom breaks.

But before I go, let me share with you my final thoughts on my campaign. After months of crisscrossing this great land of ours and participating in over three hundred televised debates, I am being disqualified because of an extramarital affair. And that raises the following question: are you fcuking kidding me?

I mean, let’s get real. I never heard of Libya. I didn’t know whether that CNN dude’s name was Wolf or Blitz. And my only training for running the #1 nation in the world was running its #8 pizza chain. Yet none of that, I repeat, none of that disqualified me. In fact, I was the front-fcuking-runner, as long as I kept my 9-9-9 in my pants. (I have no idea what I meant by that — I just like saying 9-9-9.)

But here’s the part that really kills me. You’re kicking me to the curb because I was messing around, and instead you’re going with… Newt Gingrich? I repeat: are you fcuking kidding me? Oh, I know what you’re saying: you love Newt because he’s an “intellectual.” Well, Newt Gingrich is the intellectual of the Republican field the way Moe was the intellectual of the Stooges.

And that leads me to my final point: you disgust me, America. Right now if I had my way, I’d up and move to another country. I really, truly would. Only I don’t know where any of them are, and my wife won’t let me leave the house.

Goodbye forever,

Herman

Edited December 6, 2011 by Mr. Big Dog

[SMOKE 1,426]

Pro-adultery Voters Shift to Gingrich

Though they regret Bill Clinton is not in the offerings.

i'm just glad the GOP has a counter for the dems pro cocaine use, anti whitey, & domestic terrorist candidate.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

[Darnell 8,478]

borovitz is some funny sh|te, always.