8 weeks pregnant, Can I divorce and go back home?

[RICARDO4EVA2 194]

I say get on a plane this weekend, file for divorce in Spain on Monday.

Good Luck to You !

I'm with you on this..... and about free will.. use it.

If you don't want to be with him fine...but to leave and take his baby won't happen. First its morally wrong that you would want to do that and unless he let's you it won't happen. See if he wants the child...if he does then have the baby then leave. But to take his child you should be ashamed.

Now you are sad... what you mean it wont happen.. are you from one of those counties where you do as "they" say..? you dont make decisions..?

Sometimes hormones can make you crazy. I would give it a little time until after you have the baby to make a decision like that.

I'm not sure of your logic... but if some one says... they are not happy and cannot stand the other person.. you'd rather them stay unhappy..? Senseless.

[hikergirl 277]

I have been raised my entire life without knowing my father.

My mother chose to end her relationship with him for many reasons when she was pregnant. She told me about her reasons when I was old enough to understand.

I don't hate my mother or resent my mother. I don't feel like I have anything missing from my life.

It is possible for a child to grow up with one parent in a loving and caring household and turn out just fine.

I've always felt lucky that I didn't grow up in some of my friends' two parent household where I witnessed affairs, resentment, arguing, etc. Two parents are not always better.

OP - do what you feel is right for you and your child. It is possible to leave the US while pregnant and it is your choice. I wish you all of the best and I hope that you can be happy wherever you choose to be and whatever you decide!

[Penguin_ie 5,993]

***** One more post removed. Mod warning: The OP asked an immigration/ legality question, let's stick to answering that. She did NOT ask for advice on abortions. Next poster to give unsolicited advice will be threadbanned. *****

[brian_n_phuong 193]

***** One more post removed. Mod warning: The OP asked an immigration/ legality question, let's stick to answering that. She did NOT ask for advice on abortions. Next poster to give unsolicited advice will be threadbanned. *****

[JoanLaArc 4]

To me this seems to be a question of simple fairness. Sometimes as women we feel entitled to make decisions as if we made the child by ourselves.

I would simply ask myself this one question if I were you. How would I feel if someone could take my child thousands of miles away and leave me near helpless to do anything about it?

You are well within your legal rights to go home before the baby is born but how could that sit well with you - doing that to someone?? How would that affect your child? How would you feel? what could/would you do?

Do not make the first major decision you make as a mother be to remove a good chance that your baby will know the full love of his/her father without a VERY VERY VERY ligitimate reason..

[cdneh 3,112]

More moralizing. I did not see where the OP asked your opinion on this. She asked if she can leave, and she is free to do so.

[JoanLaArc 4]

Don't be ridiculous. This is a PUBLIC OPNION FORUM as well as a place to gather info! I answered her question. She's free to leave before the baby is born. If you ask a loaded question ofcourse people will respond with their thoughts as well as the facts. Especially on a topic that would touch close to home for so many people.

If all she wanted was a legal remedy she could have asked her question without including details of her relationship that would lead us to believe that she is indeed conflicted. Or she could have just talked to a lawyer in PRIVATE and got a 3 word answer..

I'd just like to add that no one has a right to judge her and I hope she does not take it that way. Her story is HEARTBREAKING... I'm sure many of us feel for her - I certainly do because I personally have felt like just running away and leaving when things went badly during my marriage at the beginning of my pregnancy.. I'm GLAD I got advice from people. I'm glad I opened up. I'm glad I listened to people even when I had my mind made up. If I made a decision in a vacuum I may have missed out on what actually turned out to be an amazing pregancy and an even stronger marriage than I could have ever imagined. I would have never known that things can be so very different when you are pregnant and emotions are sometimes powerful enough to lead you astray..

Pregnancy and love it HARD.. If you've been through a rough time as early as she is in her's, it does no harm to have her hear peoples opinions no matter what she chooses to do in the end.

I wont apologize for empathizing with this poor woman enough to add my two cents. I meant no direspect or judgement but this is not a question about some silly mistake on an immigration form or 'why have I not gotten my biometrics appointment?.....'

[mishab 1]

Does he know you are pregnant?

[Liz Alvarado 3]

Thanks for translate Jamaica2009

Translation:

I suggest you wait for your baby, come to the world, in pregnancy through frustrating stages which is something more than normal by change of hormones, you date a while that you fix your problems and perhaps improve your marriage children change often to parents, I tell you from experience! Desire God you of wisdom and everything comes out well Dios you bless

[Book Em Dano 2]

Good day,

I'm guessing it was simply your choice of words, but you mention "...and have MY baby..." then "...I'm pregnant with HIS baby". Several other respondents say it's YOUR baby, HER baby etc. That's always bother me (personally) since the baby is something that both of you created therefore the baby would more accurately be referred to as OUR baby. Please don't leave the father out of the equation if possible.

Yes you can get a divorce. I don't have any legal training so you might be able to leave but it sounds problematic.

I do wish you the best and that you'll make the wisest decision for all parties...youself, your husband, and the child both of you created.

So we´ve been married for 5 months but I can´t stand him anymore. I had my doubts but still came, married, and made a baby with him. I know it was a mistake but I don´t want to make more mistakes. I want to go back home ( Europe) where I feel safe and loved. I don´t want to send the wrong message, he´s not hitting me. I´m not interested in a Green Card nor nothing, I just want to go home and have my baby there with my family.

My question is: Can I get a divorce? Can the law make me stay cos I´m pregnant with his baby?

Thank you.

ERRATA: I MEANT -WEEKS- NOT -MONTHS- PREGNANT.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

Without knowing all the details all everyone on here is doing ...including myself is p*ssing in the wind. The husband could be a real pr*ck, or a nice guy...we don't know. But for all the people saying "try and make it work", it's pretty d@mn obvious the OP has made up her mind, and seeing how she has it would be in her best interest to go home ASAP and handle things from there and not in the states.

Edited December 2, 2011 by Why_Me

[Book Em Dano 2]

AMEN!

Abortion advice is a bit out of this forum's realm, in my personal opinion..

OP - United States cannot hold a foreign citizen here against his/her will, unless he/she has committed a crime of which they are being prosecuted or sentenced in this country. Until the baby is born, you have the right to stay here, to go back to Spain, or to go anywhere else for that matter, and based on my knowledge on this matter your husband does not have any legal right to stop you from leaving this country.

If the baby is born in Spain the baby will be under Spain's jurisdiction. If the baby is born in the US, you cannot take the child out of this country without his/her US citizen father's permission. I am not versed enough in US custody law to know what the father's chances are in terms of filing for custody if you take the route of leaving, giving birth in Spain and staying there, but I would imagine they wouldn't be that good. Fathers tend to stand on uneven ground compared to mothers when it comes to custody battles.

Then, a personal opinion based on experience as a social worker in child protection and family services: No matter how pissed you are at your husband right now, try to not take it out on a child. I fully think it is your choice to have or not to have this baby, but should you choose to have him/her, it is your job as the mother and as the primary parent (i.e. the parent with whom the child will be living with) to make sure the child has a connection to and relationship with his/her father. This is hard when it comes to any divorce family, but it becomes 1000 times harder when the parents are citizens of different countries and decide to reside in different parts of the world. However, once an adult has a child, the best interest of that child should be guiding all your decisions and actions. The baby cannot choose where he/she is born and to whom, so it is up to you and your husband to discuss this situation and come up with a plan that will allow the child to maintain relationships to family members here in the US, and also to ensure that the baby gets to know his/her other home country and culture too. If I were you, I would try to have these discussions with your husband now and come up with some sort of a solution that somehow satisfies both of you - and that is in the best interest of your baby.

Also, on a personal note - Though I am 150% feminist and fully in support of women's right to choose when, how and with whom to have a baby, I still believe that when a woman does willfully become pregnant, it is her responsibility and duty to understand that though she is the one carrying the child, there are two parents - and the father's role is just as important in a child's life as is the mother's.

[Blondie-CO 8]

Firstly, yes you can divorce, and no, no one can make you stay because no crime has been comitted.

However, 5 months is NOT a long time (relatively speaking). From what you say, there is no abuse happening. Have you talked with him to let him know how you're feeling? Perhaps he doesn't realize he's driving you crazy. I know that after being away from my fiance for so long and only picturing him perfectly, sometimes when we're finally together again little things he does drive me nuts. Luckily these are easy to resolve. Have you tried to make friends in your town? I'm sure being pregnant puts added pressure onto the situation. In my opinion (and this is ONLY my opinion), I would stay and try to work it out with your husband -join local Spanish clubs, meet people, make friends, try and build a support network where you live. Finish out the K1 process since you are so close to getting a green card etc -you can always decide to leave afterwards, but at least you will have the option to return to the US if you've gone to Spain to clear your head. As of now, you are married and pregnant -your life is not just about you.

You said you felt unsure about the marriage before you moved to the US. Was your fiance aware of your ambivilance? Because I'm trying to put my place in his position: He petitioned (a lot of time, money and heartache -just like you) to bring you to the US, his wife is now pregnant and considering leaving with the baby to another country. I would assume he would be devastated especially if he didn't know about your ambivilance and thought you were 100% in the relationship from the beginning. Moving back to Spain will NOT make this go away. If you leave without resolving the situation, this will be with you for the next 18 years.

Good luck, I hope you make the right decision

[RICARDO4EVA2 194]

Firstly, yes you can divorce, and no, no one can make you stay because no crime has been comitted.

However, 5 months is NOT a long time (relatively speaking). From what you say, there is no abuse happening. Have you talked with him to let him know how you're feeling? Perhaps he doesn't realize he's driving you crazy. I know that after being away from my fiance for so long and only picturing him perfectly, sometimes when we're finally together again little things he does drive me nuts. Luckily these are easy to resolve. Have you tried to make friends in your town? I'm sure being pregnant puts added pressure onto the situation. In my opinion (and this is ONLY my opinion), I would stay and try to work it out with your husband -join local Spanish clubs, meet people, make friends, try and build a support network where you live. Finish out the K1 process since you are so close to getting a green card etc -you can always decide to leave afterwards, but at least you will have the option to return to the US if you've gone to Spain to clear your head. As of now, you are married and pregnant -your life is not just about you.

You said you felt unsure about the marriage before you moved to the US. Was your fiance aware of your ambivilance? Because I'm trying to put my place in his position: He petitioned (a lot of time, money and heartache -just like you) to bring you to the US, his wife is now pregnant and considering leaving with the baby to another country. I would assume he would be devastated especially if he didn't know about your ambivilance and thought you were 100% in the relationship from the beginning. Moving back to Spain will NOT make this go away. If you leave without resolving the situation, this will be with you for the next 18 years.

Good luck, I hope you make the right decision

why not answer the questions the poster asked instead of speaking on what will or will not haunt the person for 18 years etc.

[az110965 252]

Don't be ridiculous. This is a PUBLIC OPNION FORUM as well as a place to gather info! I answered her question. She's free to leave before the baby is born. If you ask a loaded question ofcourse people will respond with their thoughts as well as the facts. Especially on a topic that would touch close to home for so many people.

If all she wanted was a legal remedy she could have asked her question without including details of her relationship that would lead us to believe that she is indeed conflicted. Or she could have just talked to a lawyer in PRIVATE and got a 3 word answer..

I'd just like to add that no one has a right to judge her and I hope she does not take it that way. Her story is HEARTBREAKING... I'm sure many of us feel for her - I certainly do because I personally have felt like just running away and leaving when things went badly during my marriage at the beginning of my pregnancy.. I'm GLAD I got advice from people. I'm glad I opened up. I'm glad I listened to people even when I had my mind made up. If I made a decision in a vacuum I may have missed out on what actually turned out to be an amazing pregancy and an even stronger marriage than I could have ever imagined. I would have never known that things can be so very different when you are pregnant and emotions are sometimes powerful enough to lead you astray..

Pregnancy and love it HARD.. If you've been through a rough time as early as she is in her's, it does no harm to have her hear peoples opinions no matter what she chooses to do in the end.

I wont apologize for empathizing with this poor woman enough to add my two cents. I meant no direspect or judgement but this is not a question about some silly mistake on an immigration form or 'why have I not gotten my biometrics appointment?.....'

I SO agree with your response to the OP, and appreciate your response even more because you are a WOMAN! Thanks for at least considering the father's feelings in all of this...