8 weeks pregnant, Can I divorce and go back home?

[Jamaica2009 4]

Te sugiero que esperes despues que tu bebe venga al mundo,en el embarazo se atraviesan etapas frustrantes que es algo mas que normal por el cambio de hormonas,date un tiempo para que arregles tus problemas y quizas se mejore tu matrimonio los hijos cambian muchas veces a los padres,te lo digo por experiencia!!! Deseo Dios te de sabiduria y todo te salga bien Dios te Bendiga

Translation:

I suggest you wait for your baby, come to the world, in pregnancy through frustrating stages which is something more than normal by change of hormones, you date a while that you fix your problems and perhaps improve your marriage children change often to parents, I tell you from experience! Desire God you of wisdom and everything comes out well Dios you bless

[GnBnL 50]

If you don't want to be with him fine...but to leave and take his baby won't happen. First its morally wrong that you would want to do that and unless he let's you it won't happen. See if he wants the child...if he does then have the baby then leave. But to take his child you should be ashamed.

a reminder that we're not here to judge one another. She should do what she deems best for her and her child. It can be very hard to go through a pregnancy without the support of friends and family.

Good luck to you OP! I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.

Edited December 2, 2011 by Gabbi

[Little_My 464]

Abortion advice is a bit out of this forum's realm, in my personal opinion..

OP - United States cannot hold a foreign citizen here against his/her will, unless he/she has committed a crime of which they are being prosecuted or sentenced in this country. Until the baby is born, you have the right to stay here, to go back to Spain, or to go anywhere else for that matter, and based on my knowledge on this matter your husband does not have any legal right to stop you from leaving this country.

If the baby is born in Spain the baby will be under Spain's jurisdiction. If the baby is born in the US, you cannot take the child out of this country without his/her US citizen father's permission. I am not versed enough in US custody law to know what the father's chances are in terms of filing for custody if you take the route of leaving, giving birth in Spain and staying there, but I would imagine they wouldn't be that good. Fathers tend to stand on uneven ground compared to mothers when it comes to custody battles.

Then, a personal opinion based on experience as a social worker in child protection and family services: No matter how pissed you are at your husband right now, try to not take it out on a child. I fully think it is your choice to have or not to have this baby, but should you choose to have him/her, it is your job as the mother and as the primary parent (i.e. the parent with whom the child will be living with) to make sure the child has a connection to and relationship with his/her father. This is hard when it comes to any divorce family, but it becomes 1000 times harder when the parents are citizens of different countries and decide to reside in different parts of the world. However, once an adult has a child, the best interest of that child should be guiding all your decisions and actions. The baby cannot choose where he/she is born and to whom, so it is up to you and your husband to discuss this situation and come up with a plan that will allow the child to maintain relationships to family members here in the US, and also to ensure that the baby gets to know his/her other home country and culture too. If I were you, I would try to have these discussions with your husband now and come up with some sort of a solution that somehow satisfies both of you - and that is in the best interest of your baby.

Also, on a personal note - Though I am 150% feminist and fully in support of women's right to choose when, how and with whom to have a baby, I still believe that when a woman does willfully become pregnant, it is her responsibility and duty to understand that though she is the one carrying the child, there are two parents - and the father's role is just as important in a child's life as is the mother's.

Edited December 2, 2011 by Little_My

[Zen Den 18]

to the OP, leave your husband if both of you don't want to work on your marriage anymore. your son is going to be a USC so you won't have a problem getting his visa and chances are you will be able to get a tourist visa to bring him back for whatever reason. but you have to respect the right of the father to his child so let him know about your plan. if he says he doesn't care, let him know still that he can visit his son in the future. it's also your baby's right to know and see his father. in other words, leave your husband but be fair to your baby =)

[VanessaTony 3,567]

to the OP, leave your husband if both of you don't want to work on your marriage anymore. your son is going to be a USC so you won't have a problem getting his visa and chances are you will be able to get a tourist visa to bring him back for whatever reason. but you have to respect the right of the father to his child so let him know about your plan. if he says he doesn't care, let him know still that he can visit his son in the future. it's also your baby's right to know and see his father. in other words, leave your husband but be fair to your baby =)

Here's the thing... if the father isn't involved in the child's life there is no PROOF the child is a USC. The father has to sign the paperwork laying claim to the child and all that fun stuff. I know this because a friend had to speak to her deadbeat ex in order to get their son's CRBA stuff done. Took close to a year from when my friend started it, he kept screwing up the paperwork and even tried to blackmail her. Telling her he would only sign if she would let him give up his parental rights. Luckily he's a moron so it got sorted without that, but still.

Also, if the child DOES get USC then he won't need a visa to the US. It's also not very likely that she'll be entitled to a visitors visa... a bit of an overstay risk IMO.

[TBoneTX 45,273]

Sometimes hormones can make you crazy.

For the FULL first trimester, si man. Avoid making rash decisions without objective local advice.

[isisro 0]

People forgot to say, but you need to pray about it. Pray with an open heart and every day. Pour your feelings out to the Lord, and He for sure will help you get to the best decision. Trust Him and have faith.

[BlueBonnet 84]

Im not going to speak for the relationship here, only the womans choices who is in control of her body, and the babies inpending citizenship.

It is my understaning that wherever the child is born, that is where they belong. If you chose to go home, and birth the baby there, that country now has claim to the child. They are considered a resident there and courts would be more willing to have the child raised where born - unless of course both parents decide otherwise. You will have more control over the up bringing of the child, should you choose to, in the country you live in. Courts also probably wont give daddy any type of custody out of country while the child is very young - nursing issues and what not. So you have many years to figure out what kind of arraigment to make. Then again, once the child is in school, in your country, the child wont be able to leave until summer or Christmas holidays, and usualy its a month a year. Daddy can, of course, come to your country to visit whenever he wishes, but odds are that would be very costly and unless hes very wealthy, probably wont be much of an issue.

You need to make the decision that is best for you now first, baby second. If you feel that you have a better support system back home, then go, and make your choices there.

Good luck to you

[Scott & Annie 19]

So we´ve been married for 5 months but I can´t stand him anymore. I had my doubts but still came, married, and made a baby with him. I know it was a mistake but I don´t want to make more mistakes. I want to go back home ( Europe) where I feel safe and loved. I don´t want to send the wrong message, he´s not hitting me. I´m not interested in a Green Card nor nothing, I just want to go home and have my baby there with my family.

My question is: Can I get a divorce? Can the law make me stay cos I´m pregnant with his baby?

Thank you.

ERRATA: I MEANT -WEEKS- NOT -MONTHS- PREGNANT.

From your profile:

"We met at the laundry room. He felt in love with the way I folded the socks. I´m kidding. We´ve dated for 2 years and can´t wait to do the laundry together again."

It's funny how we forget how and why we fell in love with someone....

...Maybe you two need to go back and do some more laundry ?????

[blackflash 7]

tell him what you are doing and ask him for time to feel how it would be back home. if he is a real man he will let you go and then you can stay spereated and see if you want to gt a divorve then. everyone will give you advice but you know you have already made your decesion. if you have a family that will help you take care of the baby then go. if hes not right for you then he know is it to. he might not even fight to keep the baby and if he does it will be more to do with you leaving him than to actually take care of the baby on his own. me and my wife seperated for 2 weeks and i decided to move to europe to be with her and her family and we worked out great. good luck!!!

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

So we´ve been married for 5 months but I can´t stand him anymore. I had my doubts but still came, married, and made a baby with him. I know it was a mistake but I don´t want to make more mistakes. I want to go back home ( Europe) where I feel safe and loved. I don´t want to send the wrong message, he´s not hitting me. I´m not interested in a Green Card nor nothing, I just want to go home and have my baby there with my family.

My question is: Can I get a divorce? Can the law make me stay cos I´m pregnant with his baby?

Thank you.

ERRATA: I MEANT -WEEKS- NOT -MONTHS- PREGNANT.

Like others on here have said, it would be in your best interest to leave now before you have the baby and divorce him from there. If you wait then your going to have to go through a lot of hoops. No need to let him know your leaving ...call him from Spain and let him know where your at and what your plans are. Once your in Spain "the ball is in your park" as we say here. You hold the home field advantage.

Edited December 2, 2011 by Why_Me

[Penguin_ie 5,993]

***** One inappropriate post and several quoting same removed. Topic title changed to reflect that OP is 8 weeks pregnant, not 8 months *****

[az110965 252]

You have no idea what this woman's relationship is, so please don't judge.

OP:

You are only 8 weeks pregnant so you have time. Have you started working yet here in the US? Coming on a K1 and waiting for AOS is tough on your relationship and your feeling of independence and self worth. Many here know that. Can you wait for AP and take a trip home to visit your family to clear your head? Can you go to counselling with your husband and try to figure something out? What does he think about the situation? Does he want to work things out?

I wish you all the best. Please ignore the nonsense some people have posted. Your baby will not hate you when it is 18 because you left the father. That is just ridiculous and rude. What ever you choose will be for the best.

Divorce and leaving the US is a big decision. Make sure it's the right one for you if that's what you choose.

Take care,

Helen

OP aleady stated that the husband is not absusive, just that she can not stand him. Sad commentary that they can't get along, but how in the world is it fair to the father for the mother to just up and take the unborn child thousands of miles away?

They made a baby together and there are consequences for that. I'm not saying that the OP needs to stay with a man she doesn't love, but she also doesn't have to move across an ocean. The father is entitled to be a part of his child's life if he so chooses.

It's one thing if the father tells the OP he wants nothing to do with the child. Then by all means, go home to Spain and live your life, raise your child (with the father paying child support). BUT if he wants to be an integral part of the child's life then he should have that opportunit.

Really sad that some members would tell the OP to just hop a plane this weekend and not even take the father's considerations into account. Hope that never happens to someone that posted for the OP to leave the USA immediately.

From your profile:

"We met at the laundry room. He felt in love with the way I folded the socks. I´m kidding. We´ve dated for 2 years and can´t wait to do the laundry together again."

It's funny how we forget how and why we fell in love with someone....

...Maybe you two need to go back and do some more laundry ?????

Or clean the bathroom!

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

If you don't want to be with him fine...but to leave and take his baby won't happen. First its morally wrong that you would want to do that and unless he let's you it won't happen. See if he wants the child...if he does then have the baby then leave. But to take his child you should be ashamed.

The OP didn't ask for your views of morality.

The OP can leave at her own discretion.

(Crusaders... )

Edited December 2, 2011 by Crashed~N2~Me

[RICARDO4EVA2 194]

So we´ve been married for 5 months but I can´t stand him anymore. I had my doubts but still came, married, and made a baby with him. I know it was a mistake but I don´t want to make more mistakes. I want to go back home ( Europe) where I feel safe and loved. I don´t want to send the wrong message, he´s not hitting me. I´m not interested in a Green Card nor nothing, I just want to go home and have my baby there with my family.

My question is: Can I get a divorce? Can the law make me stay cos I´m pregnant with his baby?

Thank you.

ERRATA: I MEANT -WEEKS- NOT -MONTHS- PREGNANT.

You can leave. The law does not stop you at all. Since you're a green card holder and the child would be born over seas the man, the husband, father of the child would have to claim the child as his for the child to gain US Citizenship. Yes children born to US Citizens are "auto-citizens" when the mother us one however when the father is and the mother isnt.. it has to be claimed it is not automatic.. I would think life in Europe is better than that of the USA.