Devastated -Update for my post about my Stepdaughter and HUbby

[stronger 43]

Generally, the court will rarely take a child from their mother. Mother is the number one nurturing source. So don't let that scare you. That's your child, you're the provider.

To all those who replied and took time to reply my post"Desperately Needs Help".I would like to say thank you all so much for your words.

Update: I just talked to my husband again tonight and his final word is he is not kicking his daughter out.SO i said to him ok then i have to move out with my kids.

I was so devastated coz he act like he is choosing his 25 y.o daughter in exchange for our 3 yr. old son and my two minor kids.

I was so hurt and can't help but cry coz it is very clear to me that he cares more about his daughter than his wife and child.

I am so confused now coz if i hav eto move out he said since he is not working.. he will have the custody of our 3 yr old son and i will end up paying him child support since am the one employed>

I can not live without our 3 yr. old son plus my two minor kids. What should I do? Please help.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

I wud suggest for u to read my other post if u have time. I never hada problem with my in laws, all of them are so wonderful to me and my kids.Never had a problem with my husband even whe n he lost his job till his daughter lives with us.

In my case am not giving my husband a choice..i was giving him a chance coz that's what i think i should do.

Since you mentioned the in-laws, what is their take on the situation?

The whole "I'll get custody" is simply a scare tactic from him and it's a bunch of BS that just demonstrates he isn't listening to you but just trying to manipulate you into do what he wants. Unfortunately he's probably become to comfortable sitting at home playing house daddy while you support him and his adult daughter.

If your pay is going into a joint account stop that right now and find yourself another place to live. Cancel any bills at the current address that are in your name ASAP.

Maybe the in-laws will let you crash with them for a while while you figure out the next step but definitely lawyer-up NOW!

[CAdreamer 14]

Question: Why is the daughter not working? Is she caring for your young children while you work? Or if your husband is caring for all of the children, why can she not get a job?

I can completely understand the strain you must be under, being the sole support for people who aren't pulling their own weight, but do you think it could work if the daughter started contributing to the household? Why isn't she giving some of her support money for the water/electric bills, and groceries? Why isn't she preparing meals and cleaning the house and doing laundry? There are lots of ways she could be a contributing member of the household, but it seems none of that is happening and she's getting a free ride. If your husband wants her to stay, then she needs to step up and have some responsibilities, and he needs to enforce that. Extended families CAN work so well together, but everyone has to do their part.

I hope that "her or me" isn't the only option here. If your husband wants you both in his life, he needs to work with you to come up with a situation that works for everyone. It seems like the daughter is the only one "winning", and that's just not the way a family should work.

Good luck to you.

(Note: Please don't feel that you need to answer these questions here - they're just ideas for you to consider.)

[CristiFur 15]

Sis sorry to hear what your going through! I suggest if possible to try to go to a marriage counselling. Also again if possible try to go and stay with family or friend for a while, that way it will give everyone time to reflect on the situation and try to compromise.

Well good luck and Gob bless sis! Hope things will turn out for the best.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Hi There

I'm curious then what happens to that I-864 contract with the government. It doesn't ask anything about the new person to the country to be responsible for the petitioner. Really what is his legal responsibility?

Please could some one inform me on this issue.

Terri

what a sad state of affairs.

The I-864 remains enforceable even after divorce, but it wouldn't be an issue in this case since the immigrant is working and able to support themselves.

Family law is another story. Most states have laws that are reasonably gender neutral, even if the family court judges don't always apply them that way. If the state's family code allows him to request spousal support then she could be ordered to pay him support. The odds of getting such an order decrease rapidly in inverse proportion to the length of the marriage. In California, for example, family courts are far less likely to order spousal support in a marriage of less than five years. On the other hand, the odds increase in direct proportion to the amount of income disparity between the two parties.

Whether the affidavit of support or the state's family code is being applied, nobody is going to be forced to pay anybody anything unless and until a court orders it.

[merkin&regine 18]

To all those who replied and took time to reply my post"Desperately Needs Help".I would like to say thank you all so much for your words.

Update: I just talked to my husband again tonight and his final word is he is not kicking his daughter out.SO i said to him ok then i have to move out with my kids.

I was so devastated coz he act like he is choosing his 25 y.o daughter in exchange for our 3 yr. old son and my two minor kids.

I was so hurt and can't help but cry coz it is very clear to me that he cares more about his daughter than his wife and child.

I am so confused now coz if i hav eto move out he said since he is not working.. he will have the custody of our 3 yr old son and i will end up paying him child support since am the one employed>

I can not live without our 3 yr. old son plus my two minor kids. What should I do? Please help.

I am a guy and just got divorced and for a husband to get a full physical custody on a 3 yr old boy is almost impossible... It always goes to the mother. Unless the mother is Abusive or is using drugs or have a very bad reputation. My lawyer one told me that even if we bring a custody battle again my very young kids, we have no chance of winning it..

I hope this helps

[merkin&regine 18]

To all those who replied and took time to reply my post"Desperately Needs Help".I would like to say thank you all so much for your words.

Update: I just talked to my husband again tonight and his final word is he is not kicking his daughter out.SO i said to him ok then i have to move out with my kids.

I was so devastated coz he act like he is choosing his 25 y.o daughter in exchange for our 3 yr. old son and my two minor kids.

I was so hurt and can't help but cry coz it is very clear to me that he cares more about his daughter than his wife and child.

I am so confused now coz if i hav eto move out he said since he is not working.. he will have the custody of our 3 yr old son and i will end up paying him child support since am the one employed>

I can not live without our 3 yr. old son plus my two minor kids. What should I do? Please help.

But again.. the custody battle changes when the kids turns at least 12 yrs old as the Judge would at least put into consideration the choice of the son.. But given the fact that you are always with your son... there's no way your son would choose your x husband over you

You have a win win situation... its either your husband is dumb and doesnt know anything or he's just scaring you..

I tell you know.. dont be scared. You are the winner here

[rin and john 71]

Believed you said in your other thread you are in Georgia. Here is a start:

http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/states/ga/gacustody.htm

It is highly unlikely that either of you would get 100% custody. The split in legal and physical custody would have to either be agreed upon by you and your husband, or else it would be decided for you by a judge.

With regards to child support, most states have a parenting plan and a somewhat standardized formula for calculating child support. Whether or not you have to pay your husband will depend on several things such as your income, physical custody percentages, his income, etc.

Georgia has a website with calculators:

https://cscalc.gaaoc.us/

[TeddyHoney 42]

Wow. Please give yourself credit for having such patience! But it seems its high time to do something about your situation. As others stated, please seek legal advice about your options if only to know what they are even if you're not fully ready to make a move on them yet.

My prayers and hopes go out to you and your children. Here's wishing that things eventually work out for the best with the best interest of all the children the highest priority.

[Ron and Rhea 42]

Nowadays it very common for the courts to issue joint custody...I know many people with younger children and thats what happened, so custody should not be a issue.

A grown daughter living at home is very touchy...even if she is a slob and doesn't work, its very difficult to remove a 'child' from your household, unless they are the ones who want to leave.

You would hope the daughter would want her father to be happy with his wife and children, but some kids are not that bright, or just dont' have anywhere to go and are scared...?

I agree with another poster counseling for your family will work wonders...I never thought it would work for me, and that it was a bunch of BS, but some things happened in my life Aug 09 and it led me to seek help and I went for several months, (I went to a therapist, but sorta the same).....

Good luck

[JesseLovesIrina 0]

He shouldn't get custody, I was divorced several years ago when I was in PT for a really bad work injury. She got main custody and I had rights, and I still have child support. Things worked out, my ex and I get along fine, but your husband can't roll over you like that. Talk to the state, they have free legal for people in your situation. But he should be ashamed to let you come here when he made a legal promise to care for you, then not do it. Maybe I'm being harsh, but its true. Its great that you are willing to care for him, very loving, but he can't sit at home and do nothing, that is the first sign there is a problem. Even when I could barely walk from my injury, I still found work I could do, if he can talk........there are lots of phone jobs out there. You deserve respect for what you are doing. Hope I didn't offend anyone.

[Sapphire Moon 25]

you can live apart, still be married, until his daughter moves out. I couldn't live with her under one roof either if I had to deal with that lazy woman. Hopefully your husband will see that you are serious about it. Don't break up or get a divorce. Hopefully things will work out between the two of you

I agree with the above

The situation in the OP post (both of them) is just sad all the way around and I do hope all things will come out okay in the end. Also to the OP, do you feel comfortable going to the daughter and sharing with her how you feel too? I do feel for you and your children...Life is full of stresses anyway, and then to add more undue stress on top of that is not healthy emotionally, mentally or spiritually. My goodness the stepdaughter is 25 and carrying on like a teenager. I would like to say that she would grow out of it...but I don't know.

[flicker 5]

get a lawyer file for temporary full custody as soon as possible ,,the longer you wait the further you will be ,,he knows what to do and if you dont beat him to it you will lose,,lawyer,lawyer,lawyer,,

[kytwell 179]

First off, I'm sorry to hear of your plight. Second of all there's some obvious father haters posting in here. It's their son. Nowadays in most states they do try to give joint physical and legal custody of the kids to both parent's. And your son is a child, a human being, not some pawn to gain leverage in a separation or a weapon to use against each other. The child would be best served with equal access to both parent's. By all means try and work out some type of custody arrangement between yourselves, without involving the courts, just have it put on record and enforceable through them. By your description of your husband(he sounds lazy) I'd be willing to bet that if you agreed to 50-50 custody and no child support payments (by him or you), he'd quit being a "father" to the child within a year. And then you'd be able to go to court and get granted full custody and be able to collect child support and when this happens at least you can explain to your son when he's old enough that you tried to do the right thing but Daddy abandoned you. Best case scenario with an agreed custody arrangement for your son is that your husband "wakes" up and realizes his son means a lot to him and tries to be the best father he can be to him and although your marriage failed it doesn't mean your child does or has to. Taking your son away from his father or the father trying to take him away from you does nothing to benefit the child and is selfish, self serving, spiteful and cruel.

As for your marriage situation, seek legal counsel, but don't get sold into making the child a weapon in the process. Lawyers want a fight and disagreement with your spouse so that they can get more $$$ litigating your case, which takes away $$$ from your son. If you truly want it to work out go to a family therapist as has been suggested, but this will only work if all parties are open and willing to compromise.

Good luck to you and I hope everything works out to the best possible end for your child.

[Answerseeker 77 2]

you can live apart, still be married, until his daughter moves out. I couldn't live with her under one roof either if I had to deal with that lazy woman. Hopefully your husband will see that you are serious about it. Don't break up or get a divorce. Hopefully things will work out between the two of you

I agree with this one. It could be a good start for the 25 woman too, coz she think about finding a job and surviving and the nature will make her move from dad's lap......